The Poems of John Byrom :: :: University of Virginia Library

Quoth he, “Master-Tool, it comes into my Head,
Of an Order of Knighthood I somewhere have read,
Which Hottentots—upon gladly embrace;
And so will I too, for—that's my very Case.
Derry down, &c.

III

“Then let the Nonjurors and Jacobites all,
The true British Hottentots, come and instal;
And when they have liquor'd me duly and greast,
I hope they will call me Sir Lowbred, at least.
Derry down, &c.

IV

“This done, Sir, I'll answer your Verses and Tricks
In Pages one Hundred and Fifty and Six;

365

Nor will I stand much upon Reason and Sense,
For without, it shall cost you—a good Eighteen Pence.
Derry down, &c.

V

“And, Sir, I must tell you that Lowbred is worse
Than impudent Puppy for me to impurse,
That Son of a ---, and that Son of a ---,
Would never have struck me—so quite to the Core.
Derry down, &c.

VI

“In your six Rebel Lines if that Word had been mute,
The rest I should never have gone to confute;
For I found that I could not, tho', since they came out,
Never Hottentot twisted his Guts so about.
Derry down, &c.

VII

“Pray why, Master-Tool, when you knew not my Person,
Would you venture my Works to entail such a Verse on?
And all, I beseech you, for what mighty Crimes?
—Because that I would not speak Truth at all Times!
Derry down, &c.

366

VIII

“Tho' I rail'd at your Townsmen without Fear or Wit,
And first abus'd you, Sir, for what you ne'er writ,
Yet ranting or raging, whoe'er I belied,
I must tell you, Sir, 'twas—on the Government Side.
Derry down, &c.

IX

“So since you provoke me, Sir, into the Field,
I dare let you know, that I never shall yield;

367

To your fugitive Hero I am not akin,
For I shall not endanger—one Inch of a Skin.
Derry down, &c.

X

“I dare let you know, too, my humble Opinion
Of a Person that went to Bologne, or Avígnon,
Or I cannot tell whither; but what he did there,
I took an Account of—from th' Old Chevalier.
Derry down, &c.

XI

“I dare let you know too, that Birds of a Feather,
Nonjurors and Jacobites, should flock together;
When in the same Centre I make them conjoint,
You cannot deny but—I speak to the Point.
Derry down, &c.

368

XII

“And now I have told you, Sir, what I dare do,
I'll attack your Friend D---c---n by writing to you;
So then, if you please, you may stand by and look,
And mark how I empty my Commonplace-Book.
Derry down, &c.

XIII

“I'll mention my Authors both Latin and Greek,
And all to what Purpose, I'll leave you to seek:
Paracelsus, Weigelius, and eke your Friend Behmen
You'll hear of, and wonder—for what I brought them in.
Derry down, &c.

XIV

“Both Oculist Taylor and Mountebank Green
Shall lend me a Query to humour the Spleen;

369

I'll quote from old Essays, Hicks, Boulter and Baddam,
And beyond all Exception will prove—that I had 'em.
Derry down, &c.

XV

“As my Book, Sir, your Principles freely examines,
I'll talk about Mussulmans, Hindoos, and Bramines;
At Pegu and Goa your Pranks I'll display,
And quite rout the Jacobites—of Paraguay.
Derry down, &c.

XVI

“I'll eke out my Pages with Stories and Tales,
To amuse the kind Reader when Argument fails,
And upon the Nonjurors so rarely will Joke,
I'll teach them to laugh—at a Man of my Cloak.
Derry down, &c.

370

XVII

“When I battle old Churches, and Fathers and Saints,
Who furnish your Friend with his primitive Rants;
I'll shew from their Doctrines, their Manners and Rites,
They were all Knaves and Fools, and in short—Jacobites.
Derry down, &c.

XVIII

“I'll prove, that old Christians could never say true;
That he who believes 'em, his Gospel is new;
I'll silence whatever Tradition he vaunts
With Legends, and Fables,—and Travellers Traunts.
Derry down, &c.

XIX

“On Sacraments, Mysteries, Miracles all
You'll see with what decent Expression I fall;
The High-flying Churchman altho' it should shock,
What signifies that—if it please my own Flock?
Derry down, &c.

371

XX

“Pray, what were these Fathers that make such a Fuss,
But the merest old Mothers and Children to us,
Who without a Succession have learnt to succeed,
And to save our new Converts without an old Creed?
Derry down, &c.

XXI

“An honest good Protestant freely will ask,
What Bus'ness the Church has to set him a Task,

372

Since he can be sav'd without so much ado,
Tho' a Stranger to her—and an Infidel too.
Derry down, &c.

XXII

“I'll prove that your Friend is the Pope's younger Brother,
Because they both militate one against t'other;
That, for the same Reason, your Church's best Friends
Are they that will fight for Non-Con. Reverénds.
Derry down, &c.

XXIII

“As I am of the Gospel a Minister made,
Of Smut and Profaneness he'll think I'm afraid;
But thro' my whole Book the blind Bigot shall see,
That under King George we are totally free.
Derry down, &c.

373

XXIV

“I'll print in great Letters his Majesty's Name,
And who then but Rebels can think me to blame?
He must be a Felton or French Ravaillac,
That falls upon such a prime Minister's Back.
Derry down, &c.

XXV

“To give to a Church or a Priest any Gift,
I'll prove is not saving or Protestant Thrift;

374

To give not at all is a Sign of good Sense;
True Sterling Devotion—ne'er parts with the Pence.
Derry down, &c.

XXVI

“Queen Anne for poor Clergy establish'd a Pension,
And the Consequence future I—dread, Sir, to mention;
For should it last always unto the World's End,
It will all come to you and your Catholic Friend.
Derry down, &c.

XXVII

“'Tis enough that amongst a huge fabulous Host.
I have brought in St. Grat to provide you a Post;
The Rats all around he exórcis'd away,
And furnish'd my Letter with—something to say.
Derry down, &c.

XXVIII

“I have made you preferr'd for your eminent Slyness
To be Ratcatcher Gen'ral to young Royal Highness:

375

You may teach your Old England this Trick of St. Grat's;
Oh! How she would clear us of Hanover Rats!
Derry down, &c.

XXIX

“Then Britain would bargain with France's old Dupe,
And we all should be ruin'd as round as a Hoop;
Our Wives, Money, Conscience, Estates they would rifle;
Were it but the Wives only—that is but a Trifle!
Derry down, &c.

XXX

“And now, Master-Tool, I'll begin to conclude
With a Touch on your Rimes, now your Friend is subdu'd;
To Prynne in the Dunciad I'll match you at once,
And give in my Notes all the Proofs—of a Dunce.
Derry down, &c.

376

XXXI

“Many different Cities disputed full hard
Which of them gave Birth to the Grecian blind Bard;
But this Poetaster one cannot disrank,
Whose plaguy Prose-Verses have made me look blank.
Derry down, &c.

XXXII

“O thrice happy Manchester, thou hast thy Homer,
Thy own Ballad-maker, without a Misnomer:
With Mince-pies and Jellies his Glory shall gee,
And mine—if he'll make but a Ballad on me.
Derry down, &c.

XXXIII

“I'll lend him an Engine to further his Fame,
That an old Friend of mine has just put in a Frame:
He may by this new and ingenious Machine,
Grind Verses by Dozens—two Millstones between.
Derry down, &c.

377

XXXIV

“Of all your poor Writers 'tis worth the Regard,
From the Chester Courant to your Twelvepenny Bard;
If he honours me then, as I hope that he will,
I'm resolv'd to write on—and bring Grist to the Mill.”
Derry down, &c.

XXXV

Now who could refuse such a Challenge as this?
The Mill it has ground, and the Verse here it is;
And the Zealot of Rochdale, whene'er he thinks proper,
May write on, and throw himself—into the Hopper.
Derry down, &c.

XXXVI

In spite of all Mischief that he can contrive,
Let Peace and good Neighbourhood flourish and thrive,
So—blest be the Hearts of all Manchester Men,
And adieu! the Knight Scribbler, Sir LOWBRED O**N.
Derry down, down, hey derry down!