University of Virginia Library

Scene Second.

—Point—Lace Chamber, Boudoir of the Princess Desiderata, in the Tower of Tapers.
Princess Desiderata is discovered asleep on a couch or ottoman.
Enter Floretta.
Air—“Io te voglio.”

Flor.
Where is the Princess? Still asleep, I vow,
Fast as a church! (approaching her)
No, as a top just now;
For turning round and round she seems to keep,
The only way in which tops ever sleep.

Desi.
(in her sleep)
Help! help!

Flor.
She's talking in her sleep, she's got
The night-mare.

Desi.
(starting up and running to Floretta)
Save me!

Flor.
Save you, ma'am, from what?

Desi.
Where am I?

Flor.
Don't you know, ma'am? look around,
In your own tower, five stories under ground,
Where you've been twenty years, all but a week.

Desi.
I tremble so, I scarce can stand or speak.

Flor.
You have been dreaming something very frightful.

Desi.
Yes—no—part of my dream was quite delightful.

Flor.
Oh, tell me all about it, madam, pray.

Desi.
Oppressed with slumber as I yonder lay, I dreamt—

Flor.
Well?

Desi.
That I dwelt—

Flor.
“In marble halls”?

Desi.
Exactly, but with windows in the walls,
Through which I, for the first time since my birth,
Saw the bright sun, blue sky and flower gemm'd earth.
Entranced I gazed upon the lovely scene,
When suddenly, a youth of noble mien,
In rich attire knelt at my feet—oh, dear!
How I did jump—

Flor.
For joy!

Desi.
No, no, for fear.
My hand he seized, which both his own he prest in.

Flor.
Go on, the story's vastly interesting.

Desi.
And covered it with kisses—you will say,
Perhaps I should have drawn my hand away;
But he so took me by surprise I couldn't
Move hand or foot.

Flor.
I couldn't! wouldn't! shouldn't!
Well then, what then?

Desi.
Why then, in accents sweet,
He said—

Flor.
What?

Desi.
What I ought not to repeat.

Flor.
Then of all things, that's what I long to learn.

Desi.
He loved me, and if I did not return
His passion, die at once he'd only got to.

Flor.
Poor dear young man, of course you told him not to,
Or words to that effect?

Desi.
I hardly know—
For really ere I'd time to tell him so,
A change came o'er the spirit of my dream,
The sun's bright face did like a nigger's seem.
My love was gone, and where he knelt I saw
A monstrous crab, that held me with one claw;
And raised the other to, what I suppose,
The horrid creature might have called its nose;
But more I know not, for with terror frantic,
I shrieked and woke.

Flor.
How awfully romantic!
One question in my mind becomes the upper,
You're sure you didn't eat some crab for supper?

Desi.
Certain.

Flor.
Then there's no doubt of what it means—
In one week you will be out of your teens,
And of the Fairy Carabossa's power,
To foil whose malice, you have in this tower
Lived twenty years by candlelight—you know
That dreams by their contraries always go!
So yours reversing, I at once discover,
The monster crab will give place to the lover,
And on the day that ends her wicked charms,
You will slip through her claws, into his arms.

Desi.
For this good fortune, so acutely told—

Flor.
You'll cross my hand with silver?

Desi.
No, with gold.
Accept this ring, the gift in earlier days
Of one of my eleven friendly fays;
There is a certain virtue in't, but what,
I am ashamed to say I've quite forgot.
You'll find it out, no doubt, as you're so clever.

Flor.
At least, I'll keep it for your sake for ever.

Air—Princess—“Thou art gone from my gaze.”

Enter Page.
Page.
The Grand Duke and Grand Duchess.

Enter Grand Duke and Grand Duchess.
Desi.
Father! Mother!

Duch.
Our only joy!

Duke.
For we have got no other.

Duch.
We've come ourselves to tell you the great news.

Duke.
Out of ten sovereigns, daughter, you may choose
A crown.

Desi.
Ten!

Duch.
Ten ambassadors are here,
Each with proposals for your hand, my dear.

Duke.
Your choice, you know, on one alone must fall—
You are aware you cannot marry all.

Desi.
Perfectly, sir, nor am I bound to choose
One of the ten, I hope.

Duch.
You'd not refuse
Ten sovereigns in succession?

Desi.
Yes, indeed,
If they're bad sovereigns, madam.

Duch.
Bad ones! Read,
Grand Duke, the list of their illustrious names,
Sent in with all their portraits.

Duke.
In such frames!—
It is impossible to find ten finer!
(producing list)
First here's the Emperor of Chelsea China.

Desi.
A china husband!

Flor.
Off with him I'd break.

Duke.
The King of Chess!

Desi.
A king one cannot take.

Duke.
The Doge of Tennis!

Flor.
A sly doge, no doubt.

Desi.
And much too prone to racket, sir, about.

Duke.
The Dey of All-Jeers!

Desi.
Hey-day, that's all joke.

Duke.
The Sultan Meer-schaum!

Flor.
Meer-shams end in smoke.

Duke.
The Rajah Ram Jam Juggle Jib-a-hoy!

Desi.
The name's enough—

Flor.
I wish his lady joy!

Duke.
Ali Kampain, the Shah of—

Desi.
Pshaw! pooh! pooh!

Duke.
The Khan of Cream o' Tartar!

Flor.
Can not do.

Duke.
The Prince of Orange Marmalade!

Desi.
Too sweet.

Duke.
The Duke of Mangel Wurzel!

Flor.
Must be Beet.

Desi.
No more, I pray.

Duke.
There are no more, and so
I grant your prayer.

Desi.
Then tell 'em all to go.

Duch.
Good gracious! they'll be dreadfully enraged.

Desi.
Say that I'm flattered, but that I'm engaged.

Duke.
Engaged!

Duch.
To whom?

Desi.
What can that signify?
'Tis a state secret—they'll know by-and-bye!
In the meanwhile, a husband may be found.

Duke.
To think that girl's been brought up under ground!
As much diplomacy the child displays,
As if she'd been in office all her days!

Duch.
Where could she get her wit from?

Duke.
Not from me,
I'm too much occupied with her to be.

Duch.
The gift of some good fairies, I'll be sworn,
Who have protected her since she was born.

Duke.
It must be so, to use the words of Cato,
When he agreed upon some point with Plato.

Enter Staffhold.
Staff.
Another embassy is at the gate,
The envoy in a most excited state,
Craves an immediate audience in the name
Of Felix, Prince of Happy Land, whose fame
Has wafted been from Indus to the Pole.

Desi.
Felix!

Staff.
His life's in danger!

Duke.
Bless my soul!

Staff.
A dream of the Princess Desiderata
Has moved him so he don't know what he's a'ter;
His state the Court physician's skill defies,
If the Princess refuses him, he dies!

Desi.
A dream! and dying too for love of me!

(aside to each other)
Flor.
A strange coincidence there seems to be.

(aside to each other)
Desi.
And Felix! I could almost vow I heard
That name too in my dream!

(aside to each other)
Flor.
Upon your word?

(aside to each other)
Duch.
What answer can we make in this sad case?

Duke.
That we would not die were we in his place.

Flor.
Pray is the Prince's portrait here on view?

Staff.
As large as life, and quite as natural too.

Duke.
A speaking likeness, eh?

Staff.
You'll think me weak, sir,
But sure as I'm alive I heard it speak, sir.

Duke.
What! with a voice?

Staff.
Sir, just as plain—in short,
Plainer than you hear people speak at Court.

Duke.
What did it say?

Staff.
Why, as they turn'd the stair,
It called out, “This side upwards, glass, with care.”
The porters staggered, turned as pale as ashes,
And nearly dropp'd and broke it all to smashes.

Duke.
At such a picture we must have a peep.

Flor.
(to Princess)
If he's the young man you saw in your sleep,
You'd know the face again?

Desi.
Amongst a million!

Duke.
(to Staffhold)
Usher the envoy into the pavilion,
And bring the picture hither, that we may
Hear from its own lips what it has to say.

(Exit Staffhold)

Air—Ensemble—“Jetty Treffz Quadrille.”
In Trafalgar Square
How we all should stare,
If the portraits there
Spoke like that we've sent for.

Flor.
Many there are in the richest frames
Should have the power to tell their names;
For so completely they're in-cog,
You can't believe the catalogue;
Could they silence break,
For politeness sake,
We their words must take.
As to who they're meant for.

The picture is brought on and placed in the centre of the stage—The Attendants draw the curtains and discover the portrait of Prince Felix, full length and size of life.
Desi.
(starting, and aside to Floretta)
'Tis he, Floretta—like as it can be!

Flor.
A prettier fellow I ne'er wish to see.

Duch.
Towards our daughter it turns both its eyes.

Duke.
It opes its mouth!

Portrait.
(to Princess)
Love Felix, or he dies!

Duke.
It spoke—I heard it speak with my own ears!

Desi.
The same sweet voice!

Flor.
Its eyes seem full of tears!
Say something kind to it, for pity's sake;
It sighs as if its very frame would break!

Desi.
(to Portrait)
New life to Felix if her love can give,
Desiderata bids her Felix live.

Flor.
Look, look, what rapture now in every feature!
It understands you like a living creature.

Portrait.
(to Princess)
Sweet Princess, Felix lives for you alone!

Flor.
Shew me a painting equals that for tone.

Desi.
There's not an artist in the whole profession
Could shew one to surpass it in expression.

Duke.
I do remember a wax doll I saw,
That mov'd its eyes, and said, “Pa-pa, Ma-ma.”

Duch.
But this chef d'œuvre hears as well as talks!

Flor.
It beats all heads in crayons, ma'am, by chalks.

Duch.
(to Princess)
But do you really mean, child, what you've said?

Duke.
Aye, have you made your mind up on this head?

Desi.
Sir, in this portrait I the features trace
Of him I love.

Duke.
She says it to his face!

Desi.
And whom I'll marry, if you've no objection.

Duke.
Marry, not I—we sanction your selection.

Flor.
(to Princess)
If the Prince only with the painter vies,
In Love's Heart Union you've drawn the great prize.

Trio—Princess, Prince, and Floretta—Air, “Sally Snow.”
Desi.
My poor heart's in such a pother,
I feel—I can't tell how—

Portrait.
I ne'er shall love another!

Flor.
Oh, of course he'll say so now!

All.
Then farewell—farewell,
Farewell, till off we go:
Pray take care of yourself, my dear,
For the sake of self & Co!

Duch.
Where is the envoy?—There's no time to lose;
The Prince may die before he hears the news.

Desi.
Oh, see him then, dear sir, without delay.

Duke.
Beg the Ambassador to walk this way.

(Exit Staffhold)

Ensemble—Air—“March of all Nations.”
The Sovereign grand
Of Happy Land
His royal hand
Hath sent to proffer;
'Twouldn't do
For me or you
To say pooh-pooh
To such an offer!
Hark to the sound of trumpets and of drums!
With us to treat a noble envoy comes;
With every honour let him welcomed be.
Who comes to treat we're always glad to see!
The Sovereign grand, &c.

Enter Ambassador and Staffhold, followed by Guards.
Duke.
Your Excellency's welcome to our Court!

Amb.
Sir, the illustrious line of—

Duke.
Cut it short.

Amb.
Cut short the line of—

Duke.
No, but the address,
And come to business in two words or less.

Amb.
In two words, then, the Prince—

Duke.
To cut it shorter,
Has popped out of his picture for our daughter,
And been accepted.—You've our leave to go
Back to your master, and inform him so.

Amb.
Such prompt proceedings take my breath away!

Duke.
What matters if you've nothing more to say?

Flor.
(aside)
If all who for dispatch of business meet
Would do more and talk less, 'twould be a treat.

Amb.
Sir, I rejoice, for the affair cries speed,
And you have made short work of it indeed.
Unparallel'd in contracts of this sort!

Duke.
What is contracting, pray, but making short?

Amb.
It glads me, sir, to hear this definition,
Because the other portion of my mission,
Might otherwise precipitate appear.

Duke.
Out with it.

Amb.
Briefly, sir, by proxy here,
Her Highness without loss of time to marry,
And home to her impatient husband carry.

Duke.
By all means, this day week she shall depart.

Amb.
Alas! ere this day week, I fear his heart
Would cease to beat, so desperate his state—
A day, an hour, may seal my master's fate!
For the Princess incessantly he raves,
And neither eats, nor drinks, nor sleeps, nor shaves.

Duch.
How touching!

Duke.
How unpleasant.

Flor.
And how lazy.

Desi.
A poor young man for me gone downright crazy!

Amb.
Not many days to live the doctor gave him.

Flor.
What can be done to shave—I mean to save him!

Duke.
I'm positively puzzled how to act:—
You're not aware of an important fact;
A spell upon my daughter has been cast,
By an old crabbed fairy, which will last
Till she is twenty. Seven more suns must rise
E'er without danger one may meet her eyes;
If e'er that day the light of day she see,
That very instant there's an end of she!

Amb.
Permit me to inquire what sort of end?

Duke.
Oh, something horrible, you may depend.
But as exactly what I never knew,
You will perhaps excuse my telling you.

Amb.
Air—Ambassador—“The Low Back'd Car.”

Duke.
Astonishing!

Duch.
A most ingenious plan!

Flor.
(to Ambassador)
Sir, you are not an ordinary man!

Amb.
Madam, I can but say, no more are you.

Duke.
The difficulty this quite pulls us through.

Flor.
Removes it and the Princess both together!

Desi.
My heart you've made as light, sir, as a feather!

Duke.
(to Princess)
By proxy you shall instantly be married,
And after sunset off in safety carried,
To the grand terminus of all your pain
Speed in his Excellency's special train.

Amb.
A telegraphic message I'll dispatch,
To say you have consented to the match.

Duke.
Do so; perhaps a shock of electricity,
May very much conduce to his felicity!

Flor.
At all events I'll hazard this remark.
Would for me too it might produce a spark.

Ensemble.
(Exeunt Grand Duke and Duchess, Princess, followed by Floretta, Ambassador, Ladies, and Guards.)