University of Virginia Library

ACT I.

Scene First.

—Grotto and Fountain (Moonlight).
Enter Nigretta (Princess of Ethiopia), in a Chariot drawn by four Ostriches.
Nig.
(descending from chariot and advancing to fountain)
Great Carabossa! mightiest of fairies,
If as the story goes, your lodging there is,
And by good fortune you should be at home,
Rise at my call, for I have hither come
Fast as four spanking ostriches can lay
Their legs to ground, full gallop all the way,
To crave, dear godmother, your prompt assistance.
Oh, let me not in vain drive such a distance!
Listen to thy unhappy godchild's voice,
If in fresh water you would still rejoice,
For the salt tears from these sad eyes now flowing
Will turn to brine the sweetest fountain going.

Music—A large Crab rises out of the water, it opens and discovers Fairy Carabossa.
Cara.
Behold me in obedience to your wishes.
What, in the name of all the little fishes,
Can be the matter, child? Good lack, good lack!
Since you were born you never looked so black!

Nig.
I have no doubt—and you will say no wonder,
When you have heard—that I look black as thunder.
If you can't help me, poison or a cloister!
I'm crossed in love worse than was ever oyster!
You know young Felix, Prince of Happy Land,
Sent an ambassador to crave my hand;
All but concluded the negotiation—

Cara.
Of course the match had my full approbation.

Nig.
'Tis broken off.

Cara.
And what the cause assigned?

Nig.
Merely the gentleman has changed his mind.

Cara.
And nothing more?

Nig.
Not one word good or bad;
Oh! isn't it enough to drive one mad?

Cara.
Odd's fish! I'll soon the reason ferret out,
There is a rival in the case no doubt.

Nig.
A rival! Deadly nightshade!

Cara.
Patience, daughter!
In the pure crystal of this magic water
We shall see what we shall see.

Music—The form of the Princess Desiderata becomes visible in the fountain.
Nig.
Ha! behold her!
I'll be revenged before I'm a week older.

Cara.
You shall, for she's the child of one I hate;
Her mother slighted me, the base ingrate!
I had almost forgotten the vile thing,
But this new injury revives the sting.
For twenty years my spell has o'er her been,
Another week the end of it had seen;
But since she has to you brought shame and sorrow,
I'll pay off my old score with yours to-morrow.

Nig.
By death, with tortures?

Cara.
No, by life with greater
Than you can dream of.

Nig.
And that faithless traitor,
Prince Felix, shall not he be punished too?

Cara.
He shall, my child—I'll make him marry you.

Nig.
I ask no more—just let me be his wife,
And he shall suffer for it all his life.

Music—The fountain disappears with the Fairy Carabossa —Nigretta enters her chariot, and the scene gradually changes to

Scene Second.

—Point—Lace Chamber, Boudoir of the Princess Desiderata, in the Tower of Tapers.
Princess Desiderata is discovered asleep on a couch or ottoman.
Enter Floretta.
Air—“Io te voglio.”

Flor.
Where is the Princess? Still asleep, I vow,
Fast as a church! (approaching her)
No, as a top just now;
For turning round and round she seems to keep,
The only way in which tops ever sleep.

Desi.
(in her sleep)
Help! help!

Flor.
She's talking in her sleep, she's got
The night-mare.

Desi.
(starting up and running to Floretta)
Save me!

Flor.
Save you, ma'am, from what?

Desi.
Where am I?

Flor.
Don't you know, ma'am? look around,
In your own tower, five stories under ground,
Where you've been twenty years, all but a week.

Desi.
I tremble so, I scarce can stand or speak.

Flor.
You have been dreaming something very frightful.

Desi.
Yes—no—part of my dream was quite delightful.

Flor.
Oh, tell me all about it, madam, pray.

Desi.
Oppressed with slumber as I yonder lay, I dreamt—

Flor.
Well?

Desi.
That I dwelt—

Flor.
“In marble halls”?

Desi.
Exactly, but with windows in the walls,
Through which I, for the first time since my birth,
Saw the bright sun, blue sky and flower gemm'd earth.
Entranced I gazed upon the lovely scene,
When suddenly, a youth of noble mien,
In rich attire knelt at my feet—oh, dear!
How I did jump—

Flor.
For joy!

Desi.
No, no, for fear.
My hand he seized, which both his own he prest in.

Flor.
Go on, the story's vastly interesting.

Desi.
And covered it with kisses—you will say,
Perhaps I should have drawn my hand away;
But he so took me by surprise I couldn't
Move hand or foot.

Flor.
I couldn't! wouldn't! shouldn't!
Well then, what then?

Desi.
Why then, in accents sweet,
He said—

Flor.
What?

Desi.
What I ought not to repeat.

Flor.
Then of all things, that's what I long to learn.

Desi.
He loved me, and if I did not return
His passion, die at once he'd only got to.

Flor.
Poor dear young man, of course you told him not to,
Or words to that effect?

Desi.
I hardly know—
For really ere I'd time to tell him so,
A change came o'er the spirit of my dream,
The sun's bright face did like a nigger's seem.
My love was gone, and where he knelt I saw
A monstrous crab, that held me with one claw;
And raised the other to, what I suppose,
The horrid creature might have called its nose;
But more I know not, for with terror frantic,
I shrieked and woke.

Flor.
How awfully romantic!
One question in my mind becomes the upper,
You're sure you didn't eat some crab for supper?

Desi.
Certain.

Flor.
Then there's no doubt of what it means—
In one week you will be out of your teens,
And of the Fairy Carabossa's power,
To foil whose malice, you have in this tower
Lived twenty years by candlelight—you know
That dreams by their contraries always go!
So yours reversing, I at once discover,
The monster crab will give place to the lover,
And on the day that ends her wicked charms,
You will slip through her claws, into his arms.

Desi.
For this good fortune, so acutely told—

Flor.
You'll cross my hand with silver?

Desi.
No, with gold.
Accept this ring, the gift in earlier days
Of one of my eleven friendly fays;
There is a certain virtue in't, but what,
I am ashamed to say I've quite forgot.
You'll find it out, no doubt, as you're so clever.

Flor.
At least, I'll keep it for your sake for ever.

Air—Princess—“Thou art gone from my gaze.”

Enter Page.
Page.
The Grand Duke and Grand Duchess.

Enter Grand Duke and Grand Duchess.
Desi.
Father! Mother!

Duch.
Our only joy!

Duke.
For we have got no other.

Duch.
We've come ourselves to tell you the great news.

Duke.
Out of ten sovereigns, daughter, you may choose
A crown.

Desi.
Ten!

Duch.
Ten ambassadors are here,
Each with proposals for your hand, my dear.

Duke.
Your choice, you know, on one alone must fall—
You are aware you cannot marry all.

Desi.
Perfectly, sir, nor am I bound to choose
One of the ten, I hope.

Duch.
You'd not refuse
Ten sovereigns in succession?

Desi.
Yes, indeed,
If they're bad sovereigns, madam.

Duch.
Bad ones! Read,
Grand Duke, the list of their illustrious names,
Sent in with all their portraits.

Duke.
In such frames!—
It is impossible to find ten finer!
(producing list)
First here's the Emperor of Chelsea China.

Desi.
A china husband!

Flor.
Off with him I'd break.

Duke.
The King of Chess!

Desi.
A king one cannot take.

Duke.
The Doge of Tennis!

Flor.
A sly doge, no doubt.

Desi.
And much too prone to racket, sir, about.

Duke.
The Dey of All-Jeers!

Desi.
Hey-day, that's all joke.

Duke.
The Sultan Meer-schaum!

Flor.
Meer-shams end in smoke.

Duke.
The Rajah Ram Jam Juggle Jib-a-hoy!

Desi.
The name's enough—

Flor.
I wish his lady joy!

Duke.
Ali Kampain, the Shah of—

Desi.
Pshaw! pooh! pooh!

Duke.
The Khan of Cream o' Tartar!

Flor.
Can not do.

Duke.
The Prince of Orange Marmalade!

Desi.
Too sweet.

Duke.
The Duke of Mangel Wurzel!

Flor.
Must be Beet.

Desi.
No more, I pray.

Duke.
There are no more, and so
I grant your prayer.

Desi.
Then tell 'em all to go.

Duch.
Good gracious! they'll be dreadfully enraged.

Desi.
Say that I'm flattered, but that I'm engaged.

Duke.
Engaged!

Duch.
To whom?

Desi.
What can that signify?
'Tis a state secret—they'll know by-and-bye!
In the meanwhile, a husband may be found.

Duke.
To think that girl's been brought up under ground!
As much diplomacy the child displays,
As if she'd been in office all her days!

Duch.
Where could she get her wit from?

Duke.
Not from me,
I'm too much occupied with her to be.

Duch.
The gift of some good fairies, I'll be sworn,
Who have protected her since she was born.

Duke.
It must be so, to use the words of Cato,
When he agreed upon some point with Plato.

Enter Staffhold.
Staff.
Another embassy is at the gate,
The envoy in a most excited state,
Craves an immediate audience in the name
Of Felix, Prince of Happy Land, whose fame
Has wafted been from Indus to the Pole.

Desi.
Felix!

Staff.
His life's in danger!

Duke.
Bless my soul!

Staff.
A dream of the Princess Desiderata
Has moved him so he don't know what he's a'ter;
His state the Court physician's skill defies,
If the Princess refuses him, he dies!

Desi.
A dream! and dying too for love of me!

(aside to each other)
Flor.
A strange coincidence there seems to be.

(aside to each other)
Desi.
And Felix! I could almost vow I heard
That name too in my dream!

(aside to each other)
Flor.
Upon your word?

(aside to each other)
Duch.
What answer can we make in this sad case?

Duke.
That we would not die were we in his place.

Flor.
Pray is the Prince's portrait here on view?

Staff.
As large as life, and quite as natural too.

Duke.
A speaking likeness, eh?

Staff.
You'll think me weak, sir,
But sure as I'm alive I heard it speak, sir.

Duke.
What! with a voice?

Staff.
Sir, just as plain—in short,
Plainer than you hear people speak at Court.

Duke.
What did it say?

Staff.
Why, as they turn'd the stair,
It called out, “This side upwards, glass, with care.”
The porters staggered, turned as pale as ashes,
And nearly dropp'd and broke it all to smashes.

Duke.
At such a picture we must have a peep.

Flor.
(to Princess)
If he's the young man you saw in your sleep,
You'd know the face again?

Desi.
Amongst a million!

Duke.
(to Staffhold)
Usher the envoy into the pavilion,
And bring the picture hither, that we may
Hear from its own lips what it has to say.

(Exit Staffhold)

Air—Ensemble—“Jetty Treffz Quadrille.”
In Trafalgar Square
How we all should stare,
If the portraits there
Spoke like that we've sent for.

Flor.
Many there are in the richest frames
Should have the power to tell their names;
For so completely they're in-cog,
You can't believe the catalogue;
Could they silence break,
For politeness sake,
We their words must take.
As to who they're meant for.

The picture is brought on and placed in the centre of the stage—The Attendants draw the curtains and discover the portrait of Prince Felix, full length and size of life.
Desi.
(starting, and aside to Floretta)
'Tis he, Floretta—like as it can be!

Flor.
A prettier fellow I ne'er wish to see.

Duch.
Towards our daughter it turns both its eyes.

Duke.
It opes its mouth!

Portrait.
(to Princess)
Love Felix, or he dies!

Duke.
It spoke—I heard it speak with my own ears!

Desi.
The same sweet voice!

Flor.
Its eyes seem full of tears!
Say something kind to it, for pity's sake;
It sighs as if its very frame would break!

Desi.
(to Portrait)
New life to Felix if her love can give,
Desiderata bids her Felix live.

Flor.
Look, look, what rapture now in every feature!
It understands you like a living creature.

Portrait.
(to Princess)
Sweet Princess, Felix lives for you alone!

Flor.
Shew me a painting equals that for tone.

Desi.
There's not an artist in the whole profession
Could shew one to surpass it in expression.

Duke.
I do remember a wax doll I saw,
That mov'd its eyes, and said, “Pa-pa, Ma-ma.”

Duch.
But this chef d'œuvre hears as well as talks!

Flor.
It beats all heads in crayons, ma'am, by chalks.

Duch.
(to Princess)
But do you really mean, child, what you've said?

Duke.
Aye, have you made your mind up on this head?

Desi.
Sir, in this portrait I the features trace
Of him I love.

Duke.
She says it to his face!

Desi.
And whom I'll marry, if you've no objection.

Duke.
Marry, not I—we sanction your selection.

Flor.
(to Princess)
If the Prince only with the painter vies,
In Love's Heart Union you've drawn the great prize.

Trio—Princess, Prince, and Floretta—Air, “Sally Snow.”
Desi.
My poor heart's in such a pother,
I feel—I can't tell how—

Portrait.
I ne'er shall love another!

Flor.
Oh, of course he'll say so now!

All.
Then farewell—farewell,
Farewell, till off we go:
Pray take care of yourself, my dear,
For the sake of self & Co!

Duch.
Where is the envoy?—There's no time to lose;
The Prince may die before he hears the news.

Desi.
Oh, see him then, dear sir, without delay.

Duke.
Beg the Ambassador to walk this way.

(Exit Staffhold)

Ensemble—Air—“March of all Nations.”
The Sovereign grand
Of Happy Land
His royal hand
Hath sent to proffer;
'Twouldn't do
For me or you
To say pooh-pooh
To such an offer!
Hark to the sound of trumpets and of drums!
With us to treat a noble envoy comes;
With every honour let him welcomed be.
Who comes to treat we're always glad to see!
The Sovereign grand, &c.

Enter Ambassador and Staffhold, followed by Guards.
Duke.
Your Excellency's welcome to our Court!

Amb.
Sir, the illustrious line of—

Duke.
Cut it short.

Amb.
Cut short the line of—

Duke.
No, but the address,
And come to business in two words or less.

Amb.
In two words, then, the Prince—

Duke.
To cut it shorter,
Has popped out of his picture for our daughter,
And been accepted.—You've our leave to go
Back to your master, and inform him so.

Amb.
Such prompt proceedings take my breath away!

Duke.
What matters if you've nothing more to say?

Flor.
(aside)
If all who for dispatch of business meet
Would do more and talk less, 'twould be a treat.

Amb.
Sir, I rejoice, for the affair cries speed,
And you have made short work of it indeed.
Unparallel'd in contracts of this sort!

Duke.
What is contracting, pray, but making short?

Amb.
It glads me, sir, to hear this definition,
Because the other portion of my mission,
Might otherwise precipitate appear.

Duke.
Out with it.

Amb.
Briefly, sir, by proxy here,
Her Highness without loss of time to marry,
And home to her impatient husband carry.

Duke.
By all means, this day week she shall depart.

Amb.
Alas! ere this day week, I fear his heart
Would cease to beat, so desperate his state—
A day, an hour, may seal my master's fate!
For the Princess incessantly he raves,
And neither eats, nor drinks, nor sleeps, nor shaves.

Duch.
How touching!

Duke.
How unpleasant.

Flor.
And how lazy.

Desi.
A poor young man for me gone downright crazy!

Amb.
Not many days to live the doctor gave him.

Flor.
What can be done to shave—I mean to save him!

Duke.
I'm positively puzzled how to act:—
You're not aware of an important fact;
A spell upon my daughter has been cast,
By an old crabbed fairy, which will last
Till she is twenty. Seven more suns must rise
E'er without danger one may meet her eyes;
If e'er that day the light of day she see,
That very instant there's an end of she!

Amb.
Permit me to inquire what sort of end?

Duke.
Oh, something horrible, you may depend.
But as exactly what I never knew,
You will perhaps excuse my telling you.

Amb.
Air—Ambassador—“The Low Back'd Car.”

Duke.
Astonishing!

Duch.
A most ingenious plan!

Flor.
(to Ambassador)
Sir, you are not an ordinary man!

Amb.
Madam, I can but say, no more are you.

Duke.
The difficulty this quite pulls us through.

Flor.
Removes it and the Princess both together!

Desi.
My heart you've made as light, sir, as a feather!

Duke.
(to Princess)
By proxy you shall instantly be married,
And after sunset off in safety carried,
To the grand terminus of all your pain
Speed in his Excellency's special train.

Amb.
A telegraphic message I'll dispatch,
To say you have consented to the match.

Duke.
Do so; perhaps a shock of electricity,
May very much conduce to his felicity!

Flor.
At all events I'll hazard this remark.
Would for me too it might produce a spark.

Ensemble.
(Exeunt Grand Duke and Duchess, Princess, followed by Floretta, Ambassador, Ladies, and Guards.)

Scene Third.

—A Glimpse of Happy Land, from the Palace of Sans-Souci.
Enter Couleur de Rose and Prospero.
Pros.
The Prince recovered!

C. de Rose.
Quite as well as you, Or I.

Pros.
Ecstatic tidings, if they're true.

C. de Rose.
Of that there cannot be the slightest doubt,
Here's the official bulletin just out;
(reading)
“Prince Felix woke after a good night's rest,
Rang for hot water, rose, and shaved, and drest;
And to his page with feeling said, ‘Your hand, boy,
I am all right and jolly as a sand boy.’
No further bulletin will issued be,—
Signed, Esculapius Homeopath, M. D.”

Pros.
What can have worked so wonderful a cure?

C. de Rose.
Not the physician, that you may be sure.
A message came last night by telegraph,
Which made him better, by a better half;
And thus the only and uncommon sadness
In Happy Land is changed to common gladness.

Pros.
Common, indeed. We're all, 'tis but too true,
So happy that we don't know what to do!
Some crisis must be near.

(trumpet without)
C. de Rose.
The Prince behold,
Looking once more fresh as a four-year-old.

Enter Prince Felix, followed by four Pages.
Pros.
Long live Prince Felix!

C. de Rose.
Best of princes living!

Prince.
Friends, give me joy.

C. de Rose.
'Tis hardly worth the giving;
Every one has it, sir, in your dominions,
Where all your subjects hold the same opinions;
A land of corn and wine, oil, milk and honey,
Where all is done for love and naught for money.
We hardly know whether your restoration,
Is to yourself cause of congratulation;
For surfeited with bliss, the taste of grief
We fancied must be almost a relief.

Prince.
You're right; at first I quite enjoyed each throe,
And revelled in the luxury of woe!
But after all, I can't say it's unpleasant,
To feel as jolly as I do at present;
With the sweet prospect of a lovely wife
To share my careless throne and cloudless life,
Amidst a happy people who adore me,
And ministers who never cross or bore me.

C. de Rose.
Sir, we regret to draw your grave attention
To the effect of what you're pleased to mention.
The people are with joy almost delirious,
Their gaiety is really getting serious;
And it becomes our duty to point out
The evil lurking so much good about.
The Treasury is over stock'd with treasure,
The Bank is crammed with bullion beyond measure;
Funds have gone up so desperately high,
None can sell out, because none in can buy!
Shares of all sorts are paying Cents per cent.,
There's scarce a landlord will receive his rent;
Our tradesmen smiling give their goods away,
And think no sacrifice too great to-day.
Our manufacturers are in such feather!
They talk of leaving business altogether!
Fortunes are made too rapidly by farming!
We are so prosperous, it's quite alarming!

Pros.
And while at home, our bliss is so abounding,
Foreign affairs are equally astounding!
Throughout the Fairy World, from ev'ry power,
Friendly assurances arrive each hour.
Our navy but for pleasure rides the seas,
Our standing army only stands at ease!
And I can't help the same opinion nourishing,
We shall be ruined if we keep so flourishing!

Prince.
I feel the truth of what you've represented,
If folks can't grumble, they'll get discontented;
Can any patriot devise some measure
To check this perfect plethora of pleasure?

C. de Rose.
One talked of calling, sir, a public meeting,
And earnestly the Government entreating,
To put some sort of burthen on their backs,
If it were nothing but—an Income Tax.
And as beneath no debt our own state labours,
We might propose to pay off all our neighbour's.

Prince.
(Exeunt Couleur de Rose and Prospero)
Air—Prince—“Happy Land.”

(Exit Prince, followed by Pages)

Scene Fourth.

—Black Gang Chine.
Enter Nigretta and Black Slaves.
Nig.
Within a mile of Happy Land's gay borders,
I come by mighty Carabossa's orders,
To cross my hated rival's path to bliss,
And make that mile to her good as a miss!
I may not with this knife cut her to bits,
But in the carriage curtains make some slits,
Through which the light of day may on her shine,
What then will happen is Fate's work, not mine.
But this at least I know—there is no doubt of her
Having the shine completely taken out of her!
Approach, you slaves!
(Blacks advance)
Now mind what you've to do.
The caravan will soon appear in view;
Salute the envoy as you've heard me mention,
And by your melody attract the attention
Of all the suite—whilst I prepare the bitter,
By letting light into the lady's litter;
Rattle your bones, and on your banjos thrum
Bravely!—
(march heard without faintly)
A drum! a drum! the bride doth come!

March louder—Nigretta and Blacks retire as the caravan enters, with the Ambassador, Floretta, and the Princess—The latter in a covered litter, closely curtained.
Amb.
Command they make a halt upon this spot.

Officers,
Halt! halt! halt!

Amb.
Halt! zounds! will you halt or not?

Flor.
How far is't called to Happy Land?

Amb.
If clear,
Its rosy mountains you might see from here.

(Black Slaves advance with their instruments)
Flor.
Mercy upon me!—what on earth are these
In toggery like those black bands one sees
In town, called Ethiopian Serenaders?
And yet, perhaps, they're only masqueraders!
Sing you?—or are you taught to play the bones
And banjos?—Are you blacks from Torrid Zones?
Or only lamp black'd blacks? you should be niggers,
And yet I've known fools make themselves such figures,
That were not so—

Amb.
Speak if you can, you ninny!

Black.
Ees, massa, we come here from Old Virginny.
We sing you lilly song, or play you tune—
Dan Tucker, Lucy Neal, or Old Zib Coon!

Flor.
(to Ambassador)
Whilst here we rest and take a little snack,
Suppose we hear these gentlemen in black.
It may amuse her Highness. (going to carriage)
Madam!

Desi.
(in the carriage)
Well?

Flor.
Are you asleep?

Desi.
It's so dark I can't tell.

Flor.
Are you disposed to listen to a song?

Desi.
Yes, if it's very good and not too long.

Nigger Melody.
During which Floretta the Ambassador, and all the Attendants and Escort gather round the singers.
(Nigretta advances to carriage)
Nig.
Now is the time!

(cuts with her knife a large piece out of the side of the curtain, and the Princess Desiderata is seen seated within)
Desi.
What do I see—the sun!

Flor.
Oh criminy, we're ruined and undone!

Music—Storm—The Fairy Carabossa appears.
Nig.
Victory!

Cara.
Vengeance! Change thy form—begone!
(to Princess)
And live for ever hunted as a Fawn!

Music—The Princess vanishes, and a White Fawn bounds out of the carriage, and disappears amongst the rocks— Carabossa departs with Nigretta—Storm increases to a hurricane—Ambassador and Escort are swept off by the tempest—Floretta sinks swooning with terror on a bank— On a sudden the storm subsides, the music changes its

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character, the rocks open in all directions, and discover glittering Arcades and Alleys, planted with fruit trees and flowering shrubs of the most beautiful description, down which advance troops of Fairies, and lastly the Fairy Pine-Apple.
Pine.
Music—The bank on which Floretta has fallen changes to a couch of flowers, on which she is borne off by the Fairies.
Song—Fairy Pine-Apple—Air, “Come with me to Fairy Land.”

BALLET.