University of Virginia Library

ANNIHILATES AN OBERLINITE.

I wuz onto my way to Columbus to attend the annooal gatherin uv
the fatheful at that city, a dooty I hev religusly performd fer over 30
yeres. Ther wuz but wun seet vakent in the car, and onto that I sot
down. Presently a gentleman carryin uv a karpit bag, sot down beside
me, and we to-wunst commenst conversashen. After discussin
the crops, the wether, et settry, I askt wher he resided.

“In Oberlin,” sez he.

“Oberlin!” shreekt I. “Oberlin! wher Ablishnism runs rampant
—wher a nigger is 100 per cent better ner a white man—wher a mulatto
is a obgik uv pitty on account uv hevin white blood. Oberlin!
that stonest the Dimekratik prophets, and woodent be gathered under
Vallandygum's wings as a hen hawk gathereth chickens, at no price
—Oberlin, that gives all the profits uv her college to the support uv
the underground ralerode—”

“But,” sez he.

“Oberlin,” continyood I, “that reskoos niggers, and sets at defians
the benifisent laws fer takin on em back to their kind and hevenly-minded
masters—Oberlin”—

“My jentle frend,” sez he, “Oberlin don't do nuthin uv the kind.
Yoo've bin misinformd. Oberlin respex the laws, and hez now a body
uv her galyent sons in the feeld a fightin to manetane the Constooshn.”

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“A fightin to maintane the Constooshn,” retortid I. “My frend,”
(and I spoke impressivly) “no Oberlin man is a doin any sich thing.
Oberlin never fit for no Constooshn. Oberlin commenst this war,
Oberlin wuz the prime cause uv all the trubble. Wat wuz the beginnin
uv it. Our Suthrin brethrin wantid the territories—Oberlin objectid
They wantid Kansas fer ther blessid instooshn—Oberlin agin
objecks. They sent colonies with muskits and sich, to hold the terrytory—Oberlin
sent 2 thowsand armed with Bibles and Sharp's rifles
—two instooshns Dimocrisy cood never stand afore—and druv em
out. They wantid Breckinridge fer President—Oberlin refused and
elektid Linkin. Then they seceded, and why is it that they still
hold out?”

He made no anser.

“Becoz,” continyood I, transfixin him with my penetratin gaze,
“Oberlin won't submit. We mite 2-day hev peese, ef Oberlin wood
say to Linkin, “Resine!” and to Geff Davis, “Come up higher!”
Wen I say Oberlin, understand it ez figgerative fer the entire Ablishn
party, uv wich Oberlin is the fountin hed. There's wher the trubble
is. Our Suthern brethren wuz reasonable. So long ez the dimocrisy
controld things, and they got all they wanted, they wuz peeceable.
Oberlin ariz—the dimocrisy wuz beet down, and they riz up agin it.”

Jest eggsactly 80-six yeres ago, akordin to Jayneses almanac, a
work wich I perooz annually with grate delite, the Amerykin Eagle,
(whose portrate any wun who possessis a 5 cent peece kin behold,)
wuz born, the Goddis uv Liberty bein its muther, the Spirit uv Freedom
its sire, Tomas Gefferson actin ez physician on the occasion.
The proud bird growd ez tho it slept on guano—its left wing dipt into
the Pasific, its rite into the Atlantic, its beek thretened Kanady
while his magestik tale cast a shadder ore the Gulf. Sich wuz the
Eagle up to March, '61. Wat is his condishn now? His hed hangs,
his tale droops, ther 's no strength in his talons. Wat 's the trubble?
Oberlin. He hed bin fed on nigger fer yeres, and hed thrived on the
diet. Oberlin got the keepin uv him—she withholds his nateral food
—and onless Oberlin is whaled this fall, down goes the Eagle.