The Nasby papers Letters and sermons containing the views on the topics of the day of Petroleum V. Nasby |
ORGANIZES A DEMOCRATIC CHURCH. |
 | ORGANIZES A DEMOCRATIC CHURCH. The Nasby papers |  |
ORGANIZES A DEMOCRATIC CHURCH.
Nuthin hez dun so much agin the Dimocrisy ez churches, skoolhouses,
Sundy-skools, preachers and sich. Here, our people hev
about viggerously to suppress 'em. Ez this work is what my hart
delites in, I organized the pious portion uv the Dimocrisy, that we
mite do our work well and thorough. When my jigantic intellek hez
a chanse, the work is shoor to be well done, and I hev the satisfaction
uv announsin the complete destruction uv two churches, the drivin
off 5 preachers, and the frightnin uv many wimin.
But my mission is not alone to tear down—I bild up. The ijee segestid
itself to my fertile mind that a strikly Dimekratic Church and
Sundy Skool wood not only help the cause, but afford me an easy livin.
It wuz dun, and I am reglarly installed ez the paster uv the first
Dimekratic Church uv Ohio.
The follerin is the order uv exercises:
1. People assemble at the second tootin uv the horn.
2. Readin uv one uv the follerin passages uv Skripter:—9th chapter
uv Jennysis, wich relates the cussin uv Canaan, provin that niggers
is Skriptoorally slaves, and the chapters about Hayger and Onesimus,
wich proves the Fugitive Slave Law to be skriptooral. (The
rest uv the Bible we consider figgerative, and pay no attenshun to,
watever.)
3. Singin—“O we'll hang Abe Linkin on a sour apple tree,” or
some other improvin ode, hevin a good moral.
4. Readin extrax from the Noo York Argus.
5. Singin—“O John Brown's body hangs a danglin in the air.”
6. Readin from the Day Book.
7. Lecture on whatever phase uv the nigger question may seem
approprit.
We hev also organised a Sundy Skool on a pure basis. I spent
much time in gittin up a katekizm, uv wich the follerin is a sample:
Q. Wat is the cheef end uv man?
A. To whale niggers and vote the Dimekratic tikkit forever.
Q. Wat do the Skripters teach?
A. That a angel sent Hayger back to her mistress, that Paul sent
Onesimus back, and “Servance obey yoor masters.”
Q. Who wuz Onesimus and Hayger?
A. Onesimus wuz a mulatter, and Hayger a octoroon.
Q. Wat is sin?
A. Skratchin a ticket.
Q. Who compose the Dimocratic trinity?
A. Vallandygum, Brite and Fernandywood.
Q. Wat is the first duty uv man?
A. To beware uv Ablishn lies, to rally to the poles, to vote early,
and to bring in the agid, the infirm and the ideotik.
To stimoolate the infant mind I hev institootid a system uv rewards
ez follows.
For committin 2 verses uv Vallandygum's address, 1 beer check,
good at the Corners; 5 verses, 2 checks; 12 verses, 4 checks, and to
the child hevin the most verses, a copper-mounted butternut pin.
We had a festival yesterday. The tables wuz bounteously spred
with bolony, liver-worst and crackers, wile a barl uv native whisky
furnisht the flooids nessary. It wuz a tetchin site to see the mothers
with maternal solissitood, a mixin Nacher's Great Restorer with water
and sorgum surup, to adapt it to the infantile stumick. Fer my
part I alluz take mine strait.
I bleeve good will be accomplisht. Last week in makin a pastorel
visit jest about noon to the house uv wun uv my flock, who hez fine
poultry, I wuz amoosed at hearin a meer infant only three years uv
old, swinging his little hat, and cry, “Hooraw fer Jeff Davis.” It
wuz tetchin. Pattin the little patriot on the head, I instantly borrowed
five cents uv his father to present to him.
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