University of Virginia Library

CONVERSES WITH A SOUTHERN SOLDIER.

I hed a conversashen tother day with a fellow-defender uv the rites
uv the South, wich ruther startled me. I wuz a holding 4th with
my yoosual ability on the blessidnis uv slavery, and wus, uv coarse,
quotin hevy frum skripter to defend my position. A member uv our
company interruptid me by remarkin that Nacher hed spiled a great
rascal in me, by not contribbitin a suffishent amount uv brains. He
continued his remarks:

“Nasby,” sez he, “I know slavry is a cuss—a onmittygatid cuss.
I hed 18 niggers and they kept me as poor as a skim milk cheese.
The hogs eat the corn, the niggers eat the hogs, and I lived on what
they left. To defend my property in these niggers we seceshed and
startid a new Guvment. The new Guvment took the corn, the hogs,
the niggers, and finally took me. My oldest dawter run off with wun
defender uv the flag, my wife with another, and my youngest children
is livin with sum niggers 2 old fer the Guverment to take. I've had
my share uv rites, I hev. Ef there's any more comin to me, give
em to some poor person as needs em. I'm jest more 'n rollin in a
perfooshn uv that kind uv wealth.”

“But,” sez I—

“Ther aint no buts,” sez he. “Yoo 're a Northern man, and don't
hev niggers. Don't defend nigger. Ef I hev the itch I may sware
that itch is a good thing, but wat sence is ther in yoor swarin it, onasked
and fer nothin. Sech stratejy borders closely on lunacy. Let
us squeeze our own biles—don't yoo do it gratooitous. Appolygize
fer yer own sins—don't shoulder ourn. I may be mean for my own

profit, but to act dirty fer another man's use, and hev him kick ye fer
doin it, is a lick ahead uv my comprehenshun. Durn all sech men.”

And he stawkt indignently away.

I hev reseevd more letters from frends in my wunst happy but now
distractid home than I kin anser separately. I shel do it all to-wunst,
thus:

John M.—Shoemakin wood be a splendid biznis here, only the,
aint no leather. Practice haff-solin with straw before yoo start.

W. G.—The pay uv a member uv the Mississippi Legislater is $6
per diem, evry day, paid in Confedrit 30 per cent bonds, redeemable
at the pleasure uv the Guvment any time within two centuries. Come
along. Almost anybody kin git offis in this state.

P. N.—Ther is a good openin fer a Watchmaker here. I am the
only mechanic in this section uv Mississippy. I fixt the Kernel's
watch, yisterday—forged a mane-spring out uv a baynet, and fer a
chane used a fiddle-string. It don't jest keep time, but ez it ticks it
ansers to bet on poker. Fetch sum lard ile—tar won't work on
watches even in this warm climate.

Amos.—The success uv our Guvment is shoor. Finances hez trubbled
us, but our Sekretary uv the Treasury hez bought 2 fast printin
presses, and a lot up a paper on tick, and we now git all we want.