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Nuptial Dialogues and Debates

Or, An Useful Prospect of the felicities and discomforts of a marry'd life, Incident to all Degrees, from the Throne to the Cottage. Containing, Many great Examples of Love, Piety, Prudence, Justice, and all the excellent Vertues, that largely contribute to the true Happiness of Wedlock. Drawn from the Lives of our own Princes, Nobility, and other Quality, in Prosperity and Adversity. Also the fantastical Humours of all Fops, Coquets, Bullies, Jilts, fond Fools, and Wantons; old Fumblers, barren Ladies, Misers, parsimonious Wives, Ninnies, Sluts and Termagants; drunken Husbands, toaping Gossips, schismatical Precisians, and devout Hypocrites of all sorts. Digested into serious, merry, and satyrical Poems, wherein both Sexes, in all Stations, are reminded of their Duty, and taught how to be happy in a Matrimonial State. In Two Volumes. By the Author of the London Spy [i.e. Edward Ward]
Ward, Edward (1667-1731)
  
[epigraph]

collapse sectionI. 
[The First Volume]
  
[dedication]
 I. 
DIALOGUE I. Between a surly Husband, and condescending Wife.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 II. 
Dialogue II. Between an extravagant Husband, and a prudent Wife.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 III. 
Dialogue III. Between a dying Wife, and a profligate Husband.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 IV. 
Dialogue IV. Between a pert Lady, and an old fumbling Libertine.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 V. 
Dialogue V. Between a wealthy Niggard, and his generous Termagant.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 VI. 
Dialogue VI. Between a pert Lady and her Spouse, concerning Superiority in Wedlock.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 VII. 
Dialogue VII. Between an Officer at his Departure, and his affectionate Wife.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 VIII. 
Dialogue VIII. Between a kind and wealthy Wife, and her facetious Husband of inferior Fortune.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 IX. 
Dialogue IX. Between an old drolling Gentleman with a Carbuncle-Nose, and his merry Tallow-fac'd Lady.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 X. 
Dialogue X. Between a generous Husband, and his parsimonious Wife.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XI. 
Dialogue XI. Between a Termagant Court-Lady, and her Spouse, about settling in the Country.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XII. 
Dialogue XII. Between a depending Courtier, who would have sacrific'd the Chastity of his Wife to a certain Great Man, in hopes of Preferment, and his vertuous Lady, who was avers'd to a Compliance.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XIII. 
Dialogue XIII. Between a squeamish cotting Mechanick, and his sluttish Wife, in the Kitchen.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XIV. 
Dialogue XIV. Between a pious Clergy-man, and his vertuous Lady.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XV. 
Dialogue XV. Between a tender and religious Husband, and his barren melancholy Lady.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XVI. 
Dialogue XVI. Between a fond Gentleman, and his coaxing Lady.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XVII. 
Dialogue XVII. Between a prudent Gentleman, and his obliging Lady, about her keeping Company with a certain Gentlewoman of a slender Reputation.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XVIII. 
Dialogue XVIII. Between a teazing Husband, and his vexatious tipling Wife.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XIX. 
Dialogue XIX. Between an honest-blunt Gentleman, and his fantastical Lady, who, between forty and fifty, had made her a colour'd Furbelo'd-Scarf.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XX. 
Dialogue XX. Between a City-Termagant, and her Mechanick Spouse.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXI. 
Dialogue XXI. Between a thriving Chandler and his Wife, about the Education of their Daughter.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXII. 
Dialogue XXII. A Pastoral Dialogue between Coridon a Shepherd, and his Wife Phillis, concerning the innocent Pleasures of a Rural Life.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXIII. 
Dialogue XXIII. Between a rattle-headed News-monger, and his prudent Wife.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXIV. 
Dialogue XXIV. Between the happy Pair, concerning the Comforts of mutual Fidelity, and the innocent Pleasures of a retir'd Life.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXV. 
Dialogue XXV. Between a generous Mechanick and his old stingy Wife, about her locking up the Cupboard to keep the Victuals from his Apprentices.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXVI. 
Dialogue XXVI. Between a nice affected Gentleman, and his careless, slatternly Lady.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXVII. 
Dialogue XXVII. Between a High-Church Gentleman and his Low-Church Lady, about the difference of of their Opinions.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXVIII. 
Dialogue XXVIII. Between a young Libertine, and an old canting rich Widow, whom he had marry'd for her Money.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXIX. 
Dialogue XXIX. Between an old, prodigal, new-sworn Constable and his young noisy Wife, concerning his Power and Authority.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXX. 
Dialogue XXX. Between the forgiving Husband, and the penitent Adulteress.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXXI. 
Dialogue XXXI. Between a rich Sea Captain and his young beautiful buxom Lady after six Months Marriage.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXXII. 
Dialogue XXXII. Between an old Country Couple, in the Winter of their Age, concerning the Disobedience of their Children, &c.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
collapse sectionII. 
The Second Volume.
 I. 
DIALOGUE I. Between a Great Man Sentenc'd to the Scaffold, and his Vertuous Lady at their last parting.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 II. 
DIALOGUE II. Between a Pious Couple, concerning the Peaceful Comforts of a Religious Life, as on a fine Day they were taking their Recreation in the pleasant Meadows.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 III. 
DIALOGUE III. Between an unfortunate Nobleman and his beautiful Lady, who had surrender'd her Charms to the Caresses of her Sovereign.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 IV. 
DIALOGUE IV. Between a Dethron'd Prince and his Disconsolate Princess.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 V. 
DIALOGUE V. Between a melancholy fanciful Gentleman and his merry bantering Wife.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 VI. 
DIALOGUE VI. Between a Salacious Monarch, and his Barren Consort.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 VII. 
DIALOGUE VII. Between the surly Drunkard and the inflexible Termagant.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 VIII. 
DIALOGUE VIII. Between King Avery, the Pirate, and his Indian Prineess at Madagascar.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 IX. 
DIALOGUE IX. Between an old amorous Knight, and a young Strumpet he was drawn in to marry, just come out of Yorkshire, to take a view of the Town.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 X. 
DIALOGUE X. Between a non-jurant Clergy man, and his contentious Lady, about taking the Oaths to the late Government.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XI. 
DIALOGUE XI. Between a handsome Money-getting Shrew, and a Husband that depends upon his Wife's Pocket.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XII. 
DIALOGUE XII. Between a Town-bred Gentleman, and his Country-Bride, concerning London, which he had abandon'd for the Pleasures of a rural Life.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XIII. 
DIALOGUE XIII. Between a Great Commander and his Lady upon his Arrival from the Wars.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XIV. 
DIALOGUE XIV. Between a spend-thrift Gentleman, who had run out his Estate, and his prudent Lady, about disposing of her Jointure, to supply his farther Extravagance.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XV. 
DIALOGUE XV. Between a Dissenting Alderman, and his High-Church Lady.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XVI. 
DIALOGUE XVI. Between a melancholy unfortunate old Merchant, and his parsimonious saving Lady.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XVII. 
DIALOGUE XVII. Between the grave Philosopher, and his young scolding Wife.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XVIII. 
DIALOGUE XVIII. Between Aminadab, a Quaker, and his Wife Rachel, concerning primitive Purity, and the sinful Abominations of the present Age.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XIX. 
DIALOGUE XIX. Between a Low-Church Husband, and his High-Church Wife, concerning the Times.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XX. 
DIALOGUE XX. Between a very talkative Madam, and her merry drunken Husband, who always us'd to sing when his Wife scolded.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXI. 
DIALOGUE XXI. Between an over-fond Husband, very desirous of Children, and his cunning Wife, who pretends often to miscarry yet is never with Child.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.
 XXII. 
DIALOGUE XXII. Familiar Chat between a loving Couple, Concerning their own Happiness.
  
Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

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255

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

[What Youth of either Sex, whilst warm]

What Youth of either Sex, whilst warm
With Love and active Vigour,
Tho' brib'd, is able to conform
To Age, and all its Rigour?
Wealth cannot ballance the Delights
Of Bacchus, and of Venus;
When Beauty Charms, or Wine invites,
Our Vertue shrinks within us.
Old Mothers, with their bug-bear Tales,
May make their Daughters tremble;
Yet Nature, when they're ripe, prevails,
And then the Sluts dissemble.
All their external modest Shews
Of Piety and Vertue,
Are but the cunning Ways they use
(My am'rous Friend) to court you.
Nor can the Letcher, old and dry,
That weds a youthful Beauty,
By Money, Padlock, Bolt, or Spy,
Oblige her to her Duty.
256

What crazy Hag can then expect
A young Man such a Bubble,
That he should Beauty's Charms neglect,
To gratify old Stubble?
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