Nuptial Dialogues and Debates Or, An Useful Prospect of the felicities and discomforts of a marry'd life, Incident to all Degrees, from the Throne to the Cottage. Containing, Many great Examples of Love, Piety, Prudence, Justice, and all the excellent Vertues, that largely contribute to the true Happiness of Wedlock. Drawn from the Lives of our own Princes, Nobility, and other Quality, in Prosperity and Adversity. Also the fantastical Humours of all Fops, Coquets, Bullies, Jilts, fond Fools, and Wantons; old Fumblers, barren Ladies, Misers, parsimonious Wives, Ninnies, Sluts and Termagants; drunken Husbands, toaping Gossips, schismatical Precisians, and devout Hypocrites of all sorts. Digested into serious, merry, and satyrical Poems, wherein both Sexes, in all Stations, are reminded of their Duty, and taught how to be happy in a Matrimonial State. In Two Volumes. By the Author of the London Spy [i.e. Edward Ward] |
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| IV. | Dialogue IV. Between a pert Lady, and an old fumbling Libertine.
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 | Nuptial Dialogues and Debates |  |
26
Dialogue IV. Between a pert Lady, and an old fumbling Libertine.
Wife.'Tis to your Credit much, my Dear, to praise
The manly Actions of your younger Days;
You think you please me highly, to declare
Your youthful Frolicks with the wanton Fair:
Sure you expect I should commend the Feats
You've done long since between adult'rous Sheets,
And, that I ought to love you, for the Strokes
You've given, by the Bye, to other Folks.
For Shame, you fumbling Brute, now Age prevails
Above your Strength, forbear your Bawdy Tales,
And tell not me of Sluts you have enjoy'd,
What Children you have got, what Fools decoy'd.
Have you no Actions of your Life to boast,
But the past Revels of your former Lust?
No innocent Adventures you have had,
Not one good Deed to ballance all the bad?
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Prithee, my Honey, where can be the Harm,
If we with youthful Pranks our Fancies warm?
It's always held a Pleasure, when we're old,
To have our past unbearded Follies told.
I'll swear, my Ears delight to hear my Tongue
Revive the Frolicks that I had, when young.
In my Opinion, to repeat the Fact,
Is always far more pleasant than the Act.
Like an old batter'd Soldier, I am glad
To talk of the past Skirmishes I've had,
And tell the Hardships, shew my Wounds and Scars.
And boast of Rapes committed in the Wars.
Who'd value Honours, which such Hazards cost,
Should the Remembrance of our Deeds be lost?
What signifies all Hist'ry, but to show
What Fools our Fathers were long long ago?
Why therefore may not I delight my Ears
With my own Faults, as well as talk of theirs?
Wife.
Fie, you old fumbling Fool, d'ye take a Pride
To publish those Intrigues your Age should hide?
Are the past Pleasures of your vicious Life
Fit Entertainments for a youthful Wife?
Must I be teas'd with your lascivious Tales
Of am'rous Favours now your Vigour fails;
Hear all your luscious Freaks, when in your Prime,
And how you came thus grey before your Time?
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To slight your Age, and try some other Man,
That your declining Years might honour'd be
With some adult'rous Bastard-Progeny;
Else would you find some more obliging Way,
'Less your vain Talk should tempt my Youth astray;
Teach me to wean my Heart from Vertue's Rules,
And to despise grey Heirs and Spectacles.
Husband.
If a Wife's Vertue cannot stand the Test
Of a loose Tale, or Husband's merry Jest,
But lustful Thoughts must presently inflame
Her Breast, and make her wish to act the same,
She nothing wants but an obscene Attack
From one she likes, to fling her on her Back.
The Dame that's truly vertuous, will be free,
And, when amidst her Gossips, merry be;
Ne'er turn her Back upon a smutty Flirt,
Or, with her squeamish Fie Fies, spoil their Sport;
Ne'er struggle hard against a harmless Kiss,
Or redden, when a Word is dropp'd amiss.
Starch'd Modesty looks foolish in a Maid,
But ten times worse in Woman that is wed;
Makes her appear but like a cunning Jilt,
Whose Blushes shew her conscious of her Guilt.
By a wise Proverb, we have long been taught,
The Sow that's silent, drinks up all the Draught;
And that the Harlot, tho' in private free,
Can at a Christ'ning, mute and modest be.
29
But still this will not in the least excuse
A Man in talking loosely to his Spouse,
And digging up the Rubbish of those Sins,
Whose ill Effects so oft excite your Grins.
Methinks, now old, you should be glad to hide
Your youthful Crimes, and make them not your Pride,
But let unstir'd the nauseous Muck hill rot,
'Till first repented of, and next forgot.
Man's the domestick Lord, and ought to be
The Great Example of his Family;
At Home should nothing say or do, but what
Is fit for a good Wife to imitate,
And by his decent Talk, and pious Life,
Ought to encourage Vertue in his Wife.
That her chast Prudence may despise what's vain,
And mind her Duty both to God and Man:
But I, alas! instead of this must hear
What Bastards you begot in such a Year;
How many Wives and Virgins you defil'd,
How well you manag'd when they prov'd with Child;
Who made you smart for your deluding Tongue,
Who was most beautiful, and who most young;
As if your pass'd Performance would attone
For your Home fumbling now your Dancing's done;
And that I now should value you the more
For all your boasted Favours heretofore,
So lavishly bestow'd e'er I was born,
On Jilts and Trulls a vertuous Man would scorn.
A Man in talking loosely to his Spouse,
And digging up the Rubbish of those Sins,
Whose ill Effects so oft excite your Grins.
Methinks, now old, you should be glad to hide
Your youthful Crimes, and make them not your Pride,
But let unstir'd the nauseous Muck hill rot,
'Till first repented of, and next forgot.
Man's the domestick Lord, and ought to be
The Great Example of his Family;
At Home should nothing say or do, but what
Is fit for a good Wife to imitate,
And by his decent Talk, and pious Life,
Ought to encourage Vertue in his Wife.
That her chast Prudence may despise what's vain,
And mind her Duty both to God and Man:
But I, alas! instead of this must hear
What Bastards you begot in such a Year;
How many Wives and Virgins you defil'd,
How well you manag'd when they prov'd with Child;
Who made you smart for your deluding Tongue,
Who was most beautiful, and who most young;
As if your pass'd Performance would attone
For your Home fumbling now your Dancing's done;
And that I now should value you the more
For all your boasted Favours heretofore,
So lavishly bestow'd e'er I was born,
On Jilts and Trulls a vertuous Man would scorn.
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Shame on your Age, so proud to let me see
How far your Lust survives Capacity,
As if you thought the Lewdness of your Youth,
Now past your Strength, became your rev'rend Mouth,
And that I ought to honour your Decay,
Because you're still lascivious, tho' you're grey,
And too infirm, instead of good or wise,
To act that Lewdness which your Age denies.
How far your Lust survives Capacity,
As if you thought the Lewdness of your Youth,
Now past your Strength, became your rev'rend Mouth,
And that I ought to honour your Decay,
Because you're still lascivious, tho' you're grey,
And too infirm, instead of good or wise,
To act that Lewdness which your Age denies.
Husband.
How now, you youthful, giddy, prating Fool,
Am I turn'd Child, and come again to School?
It's a fine Age, when Girls begin to preach,
And younger Wives their older Husbands teach.
You're wond'rous modest of a sudden grown,
That not a Word of Smut will now go down,
As if you fancy'd you were still a Maid,
And ought to blush at merry Tales 'till wed,
'Less you should show, by an attentive Ear,
How well you love what now you cannot hear.
Wife.
I was a Maid, when to your Bed I came,
And may, for ought I know, be still the same;
You had need boast of all your mighty Feats
Perform'd long since between unlawful Sheets,
When you so long in vain have try'd to get
A lawful Heir t'enjoy your large Estate,
But have not shew'd sufficient Manhood yet!
31
You're lovely Girls, and your parochial Boys,
Begot so briskly, could the Truth be known,
Not here, but on some Empress of the Moon.
Go, you old fumbling Letcher, blush for Shame
To be so lewd, when gouty, old, and lame;
Tell not your Wise of your debauch'd Extreams,
My Vertue scorns to hear such bawdy Dreams,
Invented to delight some beastly Crew,
And told so oft 'till you believe 'em true.
Timely consider, Penitence and Pray'rs
Will better far become your grisly Hairs;
Learn to extinguish all your vain Desires,
Those useless Ashes of your lustful Fires,
Which now are burnt so low, that they're become
No more than a mere Caput Mortuum.
Husband.
I find the Fool is finely brought to Bed,
That in his Age a youthful Wife has wed:
His Talk is nauseous, his Embraces cold,
And his kind Deeds thought fumbling, 'cause he's old;
When weak Efforts, from a Gallant less strong,
Would be much more esteem'd, because he's young.
That in his Age a youthful Wife has wed:
His Talk is nauseous, his Embraces cold,
And his kind Deeds thought fumbling, 'cause he's old;
When weak Efforts, from a Gallant less strong,
Would be much more esteem'd, because he's young.
Well, Wife, since my own House must be my School,
Where Woman, Pedant lke, must bear the Rule,
I shall play Truant 'till the Hour of Nine,
And con my fine new Lesson o'er my Wine,
Whilst in my Absence some devouter Rake
May act, perhaps, what I must fear to speak.
Where Woman, Pedant lke, must bear the Rule,
I shall play Truant 'till the Hour of Nine,
And con my fine new Lesson o'er my Wine,
Whilst in my Absence some devouter Rake
May act, perhaps, what I must fear to speak.
32
Go, jealous Impotence, it's Time to walk,
And since your Mouth, grown foul with bawdy Talk;
For the brisk Bottle is a fitter Match,
Than a young Wife for such a fumbling Wretch,
Who, now he's old, is proud to be bely'd,
And brags of Favours which he ne'er enjoy'd.
So Bullies, that they may'nt be Cowards thought,
Boast of those Duels which they never sought,
As Fools report strange Conquests o'er the Fair,
Purely to seem more wicked than they are.
| Nuptial Dialogues and Debates | |