University of Virginia Library

THE STEAMBOAT CAPTAIN WHO WAS
AVERSE TO RACING.

Early in the spring of the present year, a magnificent
new steamer was launched upon the Ohio river,
and shortly afterward made her appearance at the Levee,
opposite the flourishing city of Cincinnati. Gilt-edged
covers, enveloping the captain's "respects," accompanied
with invitations to "see her through," upon her
first trip down the river, were forwarded to the editorial
corps in that vicinity; the chalked hats were "numerous"
on the occasion. It was a grand affair, this debut
of a floating palace, which has since maintained her
repute untarnished as the "crack boat," par excellence,
upon the Western waters. Your humble servant was
among the "invited guests"—and a nice time he had
of it!

I found myself on board this beautiful craft in "close
communion" with a score of unquestionable "beauties."
The company proved to be a heterogeneous conglomeration
of character—made up of editors, lawyers, auctioneers,

indescribables, and "fancies"—with a sprinkling
of "none-such's." There was a stray parson, toe,
in the crowd—but as his leisure time "between meals"
was spent in trading horses, we dispensed with his
"grace before meals."

We left our moorings an hour before sunset, upon a
clear cold afternoon, and passed rapidly down stream
for a considerable distance, without experiencing any
out-of-the-way occurrence. The "sons of temperance,"
and the parson aforesaid, amused themselves over a
smoking whisky toddy—the "boys" were relieving
each other of their superfluous dimes and quarters at
euchre, when a tall gentleman, who was "some," (when
he was sober,) stepped suddenly into the cabin, and
imparted the information that a well-known "fast boat"
had just hove in sight, at the mouth of the Kentucky
river. The cards were "dropt" instanter—the punches
disappeared—and the "mourners" were soon distributed
in knots upon the promenade deck, to watch the
progress of events.

Our "bully" boat sped away like a bird, however,
and the craft behind gave us early evidence that she
should offer no child's play. The "fat was in the
fire" at once—a huge column of black smoke curled
up in the clear atmosphere—an extra turn or two was
visible upon our own boat, and away we went! A
good deal of excitement existed among the party, as
the rival steamer was clearly gaining upon us. A craft
like ours, with such a company, and such a captain,
musn't be beaten.

As the boat behind us fell in under our stern, and we
could "count her passengers," a sort of impression

came over us, that, by some mistake, we had got upon
the wrong boat! At least, such was the expressed
opinion of the parson, as he threatened to "go down
stairs" and take another drink. Our captain was a
noble fellow—he paced the deck quietly, with a constant
eye to wind'ard; but he said nothing. A bevy
of the mourners stepped up to him, with—

"What speed, cap'n?"

"Fair, gentlemen; I may say very fair."

"Smart craft, that, behind," ventured one.

"Very," responded the captain, calmly, as he placed
his hand upon a small brass knob at the back of the
pilot house. This movement was responded to by the
faint jingling of a bell below, followed immediately by
a rush of cinders from the smoke-pipes, and an improved
action of the paddles.

"Now we move again."

"Some," was the response, and a momentary tremor
pervaded the boat as she "slid along" right smartly.

But the craft in our rear moved like our shadow on
the calm waters, and as we shot down the river, it
seemed as if we had her "in tow," so calmly and uniformly
did she follow in our wake. The excitement of
the congregation upon deck had by this time become
intense, and it was pretty plain that the boats must
shortly part company, or "split something!" The rascal
behind us took advantage of a turn in the channel,
and "helm a-starboard!" was clearly heard from the
look-out of our rival, as she "hove off," and suddenly
fell alongside us! The parson went below at once, to
put his threat into execution, as we came up into the
current again, "neck and neck;" and when he returned

we were running a twenty-five-knot lick, the steam
smack on to 49°!

"She's going—goin' go—," muttered an auctioneer
to himself.

"A perfect nonsuit," remarked a lawyer.

"Beaten, but not vanquished," added a politician;
and away we scudded side by side for half a mile.

"Wouldn't she bear a leetle more?" meekly asked
the parson.

"She's doing very well," replied the captain.
"Don't get excited, gentlemen; my boat is a new
one—her reputation and mine is at stake. We musn't
rush her—racing always injures a boat, and I am averse
to it;" saying which he applied his thumb and finger
to the brass knob again—the bell tinkled in the distance—and
our rival pilot shortly had an opportunity to
examine the architecture of our rudder-post!

I was acquainted with the engineer. I stepped
below, (believing we should be beaten at our present
speed,) and entering the engine-room—

"Tim," said I, "we'll be licked—give her another
turn, eh?"

"I rayther think she moves some as it is," said Tim.

"Yes: but the C—is hard on us—give her a little,
my boy—just for—"

"Step in here a moment," remarked Tim; "it's all
`mum,' you know—nothin to be said, eh? Quiet—
there!—don't she tremble some?"

I noticed, for the first time, that our boat did labour
prodigiously!

"But come round here," continued Tim: "look
there!—mum's the word you know."

I stepped out of that engine-room (Tim said afterwards,
that I "sprang out at one bound;" but he lied!)
in a hurry. The solder upon the connection-pipe had
melled and run down over the seams in a dozen places,
from the excessive heat—a crow-bar was braced athwart
the safety-valve, with a "fifty-six" upon one end—and
we were shooting down the Ohio, under a head of steam
"chock up" to 54 40!!

My "sleeping apartment" was well aft. I entered
the state-room—got over upon the back side of my
berth—and, stuffing the corners of the pillow into my
ears, endeavoured to compose myself in sleep. It was
out of the question. In attempting to "right myself,"
I discovered that my hair stuck out so straight, it was
impossible for me to get my head within six inches of the
pillow!

I tossed about till daylight, in momentary expectation
of being landed in Kentucky, (or somewhere else!) but
we got on finely. We led our rival half an hour into
Louisville; and I immediately swore upon my nightcap
that I would never accept another invitation, for a pleasure
trip, from a steamboat captain who was averse to
racing!