University of Virginia Library

"RUNNING A SAW" ON A FRENCH
GENTLEMAN.

A Frenchman who had been residing some years in
London, and appeared to be very vain of his knowledge
of mankind, was detailing to some of his compatriots in
this country a little adventure which happened to him
in The Great Metropolis. I give you the story in his
own words as much as possible, his manner you must
conceive.

"When I was in Londres, I go vun day into wat ze
Anglais call ze café, an I give ze order to ros me von
docke; ze Anglais ros ze docke ver well; ven de
docke was place before me I find him von ver fine
docke, and ver well ros; he was ver brown, ver full of
ze stuff aux ognons, an ze flaveur was ver fine. I put
ze fork into ze docke and I commence to cut ze docke,
mais when I have begin to cut ze docke I hear some
person make loud strong noise comme ça—Oh—! as
if ze heart was break. I put down ze knife on ze plate,

an I look roun to see who make ze noise comme ça—
Oh—! Ven I look roun I see right opposite to me
von gentlman, who was ver well dress; he ave ver
good cote, ver good pantalon, and ver good boot, but
he have dam leetle hat wiz a hole in ze top; I no like
dat, mais he was a gentlman; ze noise could not be
made by him, an I proceed to cut ze docke, mais, ven
I ave proceed to cut ze docke ze second time, I hear
une autre fois ze same noïse, comme ça—Oh—! plus
forte, grate deal loudaire zan ze first time. I look roun,
mais I see nobody but ze gentlman; I look at ze
gentlman, an ze gentlman look at me. He vas gentlman,
for he ave ver good cote, ver good pantalon,
and ver good boot, mais he ave dam leetle hat on ze
head wiz a hole in ze top, an ze hair come out; I no
like dat, mais he vas gentlman. Eh bien! I ave say
to ze gentlman—`Monsieur, pour quoi you make
comme ça—Oh—!?' and ze gentlman ave make
me answer an say, `Sare, I ave eat nosing for tree day,
an I am ver hungry.' Mon dieu, I say to myself, ze
gentlman ave reason, he ave eat nosing for tree day.
Sacre-bleu he must ave ver grate hungaire, an ven I
ave say dis to myself I look at ze docke, he was ver
fine docke, an ver well ros. Zen I say to myself ze
seconde time, I shall give ze half of ze docke to ze
gentlman, an zen I give ze invitation to ze gentlman,
to partage ze docke wiz me. Ven ze gentlman ave
receive ze invitation he rite way place himself vis a vis
to me, an ma fois! ausi quick as ze lightnin he ave eat
ze hole of my docke, Bigod, quel faim! Ze gentlman
ave speak ze truf, he was ver hungry! En verité, I
should like to eat piece of my docke, mais ven I zink
ze gentlman ave eat nosing for tree day, an as for me
I ave dejuner tres forte, I ring ze bell an I give ze order
for a noser docke; in ze mean time, however, ze
gentlman ave drink ze hole of my wine. Eh bien, I
I deman ze oder bouteille, an zen ze oder docke come;
ver fine docke, mais not so good as ze last,—n'importe,
ze docke was ver good, mais dis time I ave cut ze
docke for me, an ze gentlman ave got ze oser piece,
he was so hungry, quel dammage, so mooch a gentlman,
so well he dress. He ave ver good cote, ver
good pantalon, an ver good boot, mais ze dam leetle
hat wiz ze hole in ze top; I no like dat, but he WAS
gentlman. Eh bien, apres ça ze gentlman was satisfy
he ave eat nearly ze two docke, an I was satisfy, an
ven I ave settle ze conte ze lanlor was satisfy aussi; an
zen I ave say to ze gentlman, `Monsieur, I sall ave
ze plaisir to see you some oser time, demain chez vous,
at your house,' and ze gentlman he make grate noise,
un autre fois for ze zurd time, comme ça—Oh—! an
he say to me, `Sare, I ave no house.' Eh bien! I
reply to him, vare do you slip? an he say to me,
`Sare, I slip in ze street.' Bigod, I say to myself,
wat grate pitie such hansome gentlman slip in ze
street; an zen I look at him again, an I know he is
gentlman, he ave such ver good cote, such ver good
pantalon, an such ver good boot, but zen I see ze dam
leetle hat wiz ze hole in ze top, I no like dat! but he
was gentlman. Nevare min, I shall take ze gentlman
chez moi to my house! bigod he shall not slip in ze
street! So I give him ze invitation to go to my house,
which he ave accept with great plaisir. Ven I ave take
him chez moi I make in ze corner what ze Anglais call
ze shake-down,—shake-up! an ze gentlman commence
already to take off ze close. Pour la premiere he ave
put ze dam leetle hat wiz ze hole in ze top on ze chair,
I no like so when he ave turn his back, I give it
von leetle kick under ze bed and nevare say nosing;
ze gentlman zen take off ze cote, ver good cote—ver
good cote indeed! an he take off ze pantalon, ver fine
pantalon er good pantalon—oui, ver good! an zen he
take off ze boot, ah ma fois, zey were good boot, ver
fine boot indeed, an ze gentlman he go to slip. Eh
bien, c'est fine, I ave nosing else to do, I go to slip
aussi, an I nevaire hear nosing at all tout la nuit, I mus
have slip ver well. In ze morning, ver early, à la
bonne heur, I rub my eyes an fine myself wake up; I
put ze head out of ze bed an I look for my compagnon,
mais ze gentlman I no see him, no doute he slip ver
mooch hard, he have grand fatigue he slip all ze time
in ze street, I ave grate compassion for him; so I turn
on ze oser side an I make ze second time wat ze
Anglais call ze leetle nappe, not ze `nappe Francaise,'
mais ze `nappe Anglaise;' chose tres difference je
vous assuré. Eh bien, ven I ave rub ze eye ze second
time, I fin it was ten o'clock of ze watch, an I say to
ze gentleman who have slip in ze corner all ze nite,
`Monsieur, levez vous! it is time to get up,' an ze
gentlman ave make no response, an zin I get up myself an
I look in ze corner, mais I fin nosing, ze gentlman was
gone. Ah ha! I say to myself, ze gentlman was tres
reconnaisant, he ave ver mooch gratitude, he mus ave
wake up an he fin me slip ver good, he no like to make
ze noise to disturb me; I ave no dout he will come
back ven he zink I ave wake up, an he will make me
grate zank for my kindness to him zat he did not slip in
ze street. Oh he is such gentlman, he ave such ver good
cote, such fine pantalon, and such ver good boot. Ven
I say zis to myself I zink make my toillette, an I put on my
boot, ver good boot,—mais, wat it is—zey are not my
boot! ver good boot indeed—ver good boot! mais zey
are not my boot. Ah nevaire min, it is mistake, ze
gentlman ave made mistake, he get up so early in ze
morning an ave make ze mistake in ze dark. Eh bien,
he will soon return and make ze grand apologie, for he
is so mooch gentlman—oh oui, he is gentlman, he ave
ver good cote, ver good pantalon, an ze boot are ver
good aussi—not so good as mine, mais ze are ver good.
In ze mean time I zink comme ça to myself, an I look
roun for my pantalon; oh zey are zere. I put on ze
pantalon, mais—que diable! I feel in ze poches, oui,
bigar zey are not my pantalon—ver fine! oui, ver fine
pantalon, mais zey are not my pantalon. Ah tis ver plain,
ze gentlman ave make anoser mistake, an ave take my
pantalon, an zink zey are his pantalon; nevaire min!
nevaire min! he will fine out ze mistake bomby when
he fine ze monnaie in ze poche, he will be ver sorry, for
he is gentlman, he ave such ver good cote, ver good pantalon,
an ver good boot; oh oui, he is gentlman, j'en
suis sure. Vile I zink so to myself I look at ze watch,
an I fine him leven o'clock of ze mornin; I tink it is
time to break ze faste, I am ver hungry, so I put on
my—ze debil! what I have here?—ver fine coat, mais,
ouis, it is not my cote—no it is not my cote! Bigod ze
gentlman ave make un autre fois, a noser gran mistake,
he ave take my cote an lef me his cote, it was ver good
cote—ver good cote indeed! mais it was not my cote.

[ILLUSTRATION]

"Wat ze debbil I got here! Ze dam leetle hat, wiz ze hole in ze top; bigar! I no like dat."

J'en suis faché ven ze gentlman ave fine it out he will
be mooch mortify zat he ave take my cote. Ah mon
Dieu! I ave grate pitie for him, he was such gentlman,
I am sure he was gentlman, he ave such ver good cote,
such fine pantalon, and such ver good boot! Oh certainement
he was gentlmen, I nevaire make ze mistake,
I know ze gentlman an he was gentlman, I know he will
come back; an zen I wait for him von hour by ze clock,
an I zink to myself, bigar I ave ze gran rumble in ze
stomac, an I feel ver hungere as if I ave eat nosing for
tree day like ze gentlman, who I ave no doubt ave wait
all zis time at ze café for me. Ah quel shepide! I nevaire
zink of zat before, an I look for my hat. It is not
on ze table,—no! it is not on ze—restez! q'avons
nous ici? Who put my hat under ze bed? my new hat!
I ave jus buy him, an ave jus pay von guinea for him;
Venez! I go on ze knee. Ah ha! I ave got him by ze
ear. Venez ici donc, rodeur!—Bigod! wat ze debil I
got here! Hein? Sacre-bleu! mille tonnerres! ze dam
leetle hat wiz ze hole in ze top, bigar! I no like dat, ze
gentlman ave make von dam gran mistake dis time, an
I no like dat. Mais he was gentlman, he ave such ver
good cote, such ver fine pantalon, and such good boot,
mais I no like ze dam leetle hat wiz ze hole in ze top.—
No! Bigod!! Mais he was gentlman."