 | The Twin Brothers |  |
49
SCENE II.
Enter MENÆCHMUS of Epidamnum.Men. Epi.
How troublesome it is, thus to indulge
Ourselves in foolish customs! yet the great,
Those petty gods, too much come into it.
All wish to have a number of dependents,
But little care whether they're good or bad.
Their riches, not their qualities, they mind.
Honest and poor is bad.—Wicked and rich,
An honest man.—Clients, that have regard
To neither law, nor common honesty,
Weary their patrons—Leave them a deposit,
They will deny the trust—Litigious,
Covetous, fraudulent, who've got their wealth
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Still in their suits—A summons for defence
Once issu'd, 'tis their patron's summons too;
Who 'fore the people, prætor, commissary,
Must speak in their behalf, however wrong.
Thus was I plagu'd to-day by a dependant,
One of this sort, who would not let me do
Aught which I wanted in my own affairs;
Holding me close to his, he so detain'd me—
When I had battled for him 'fore the Ædiles,
With craft had pleaded his bad cause, had brought
To hard conditions his opponent, nay
Had more or less perplex'd the controversy,
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What does he do?—Why gives in bail—I never
Saw in all my life a villain more barefac'd
In all respects.—Three witnesses swore plumb,
And prov'd against him every accusation.
The gods confound him! for thus making me
Lose all my time: ay, and confound myself,
For having seen the Forum with these eyes!
The noblest day is lost: a dinner's order'd;
My mistress waits.—I know it, and as soon
As e'er I could, I've hast'ned from the Forum.
Doubtless she's angry with me; but the robe
Filch'd from my wife to-day, and sent to her,
Shall make all up.
Pen.
What say you now?
Wife.
Unhappy!
In having such a husband.—
Pen.
Did you hear
Distinctly what he said?
Wife.
Very distinctly.
Men. Epi.
I shall do right, if I go in directly
And here refresh myself.
Wife.
Wait but a little,
And I'll refresh you better. [to him.]
You shall pay;
Yes, that you shall, by Castor! and with interest,
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What, did you fancy you could play such tricks
In secret?
Men. Epi.
What's the business, wife?
Wife.
Ask that
Of me?
Men. Epi.
Why, would you that I ask of him?
Pen.
No soothing now. Go on.
Men. Epi.
Say, why so pensive?
Wife.
You can't but know the reason—
Pen.
Yes, he knows,
But cunningly dissembles.
Men. Epi.
What's the matter?
Wife.
The robe.—
Men. Epi.
The robe? what—
Wife.
Ay, the robe.—
Pen.
Why pale?
Men. Epi.
I pale! unless the paleness of the robe
Has made me so.
Pen.
I too am pale, because
You eat the supper, and ne'er thought of me.
To him again. [to the Wife.]
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Won't you be silent?
Pen.
No.
He nods to me to hold my tongue.
[to the wife.]
Men. Epi.
Not I,
By Hercules! I neither wink'd nor nodded.
Wife.
I'm an unhappy woman!
Men. Epi.
Why unhappy?
Explain.—
Pen.
A rare assurance, that denies
What yourself sees.—
Men. Epi.
By Jove, and all the gods!
I nodded not—Are you now satisfied?
Pen.
And to be sure, she now will give you credit.
Go back again—
Men. Epi.
And whither?
Pen.
Whither else
But to th'embroiderer—Beyond all doubt
I think you ought—Go, and bring back the robe—
Men. Epi.
What robe do you speak of?
Wife.
Since he don't remember
What he has done, I have no more to say.
Men. Epi.
Has any of the servants been in fault?
Has any of the men or women slaves
Given you a saucy answer?—Say, speak out,
He shall not go unpunish'd.
Wife.
Sure, you trifle.
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You're out of humour: that I'm not quite pleas'd with.
Wife.
You trifle still.
Men. Epi.
Has any of the family
Done ought to make you angry?
Wife.
Trifling still.
Men. Epi.
Angry with me then—.
Wife.
Now you trifle not.
Men. Epi.
'Troth I've done nothing to deserve it of you.
Wife.
Trifling again.
Men. Epi.
What is it gives you pain?
Tell me, my dear.
Pen.
He sooths you: civil creature!
Men. Epi.
Can't you be quiet? I don't speak to you. [to Peniculus.]
Wife.
Off with your hand.
Pen.
Ay, thus you're rightly serv'd— [aside.]
Dine then again in hast when I am absent!
And rally me before the house when drunk!
A wreath too, on your head!
Men. Epi.
By Pollux' temple!
I have not din'd to-day, nor have I once
Set foot within the house.
Pen.
You dare deny it?
Men. Epi.
I do, by Hercules!
Pen.
Consummate impudence?
Did I not see you with a wreath of flowers,
Standing before the house here; when you said
My head was turn'd: when you denied you knew me,
And when you'd pass upon me for a stranger?
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I do assure you, since I slip'd away
This morning from you, I've not been till now
At home.
Pen.
I know you, Sir: but you knew not
I'd wherewithal to take revenge upon you.
I've told your wife the whole, by Hercules!
Men. Epi.
What have you told?
Pen.
I know not. Ask of her.
Men. Epi.
What's this, my dear? What is it he has told you?
You answer not—Why don't you say what 'tis?
Wife.
As if you know not. Why, a robe has been
Stol'n from me in my house.
Men. Epi.
A robe stol'n from you?
Wife.
Do you ask me?
Men. Epi.
In troth, I scarce should ask it,
Was I assur'd it was so.—
Pen.
Wicked man!
How he dissembles! but you can't conceal it,
I know the whole affair; and I have told it
All to your wife.
Men. Epi.
What is all this about?
Wife.
Since you have lost all shame, and won't confess
The thing yourself, hearken to me, and hear it;
I'll tell you what has made me out of humour,
And every thing he has discover'd to me.
They have done well for me, they've stol'n my robe.
Men. Epi.
Done well for you by stealing of your robe!
Pen.
Observe his subterfuge: 'twas stol'n for her, [meaning Erotium.]
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It had been safe.
Men. Epi.
I've nought to do with you.
But what say you? [to his wife.]
Wife.
I say, I've lost from home
A robe.
Men. Epi.
Who took it?
Wife.
He who stole it, knows.
Men. Epi.
And who is he?
Wife.
One who is call'd Menæchmus.
Men. Epi.
Spitefully done! And who is this Menæchmus?
Wife.
Yourself, I say.
Men. Epi.
What! I?
Wife.
Yes, you.
Men. Epi.
Who said so?
Wife.
My self.
Pen.
And I; and that you had carried it
Off to your mistress, to Erotium.
Men. Epi.
I?
I give it her?
Pen.
You, you, I say. Shall I
Go fetch an owl, to hoot in at your ears,
You, you? for we are both quite tir'd.
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By Jove, and all the gods, I swear, my dear,
I never gave it her: Will that content you?
Pen.
And I, I swear by Hercules! that we
Say nought but truth.
Men. Epi.
I did not give it her,
I only lent it.
Wife.
'Troth, I never lend
Your coat, nor cloak abroad. 'Tis right for women
To lend out women's garments; men, their own.
Won't you return my robe?
Men. Epi.
The robe, I'll see
Shall be return'd—
Wife.
'Tis the best way.—For you
Shall never set a foot within your doors,
Unless you bring my robe.
Men. Epi.
Not set a foot
Within my doors?
Pen.
[to the Wife.]
What recompence for me,
Who have assisted you?
Wife.
When you have had
A loss like mine, I'll do the same for you.
Pen.
By Pollux' temple that will never be;
For I have nought at home to lose. The gods
Confound you both, both of you, wife and husband!
I'll hie me to the Forum: for I find
'Tis now quite over with me in this family.
[Exeunt Peniculus and the Wife, severally.
Men. Epi.
My Wife then thought she'd done a mighty matter,
In threatning thus, to shut me out of doors;
As if I had not a far better place,
Where I shall be admitted. Well, if I
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But I shall please Erotium; and she ne'er
Will shut me out, but rather shut me in.
Well, I'll go in, and pray her to return
The robe I just now gave her, and instead
Of that, I'll purchase her a better. Ho!
Who's porter here? Open the door, and call
Erotium hither.
| The Twin Brothers | |