 | Hollands Leagver |  |
Scene 3.
Agurtes like a Constable. Antolicus, Snarle like watchmen.Agur.
Are your disguises ready?
I haue mine.
Snarle.
Mine's in my pocket.
Agur.
Put it on your face.
Now they are housd, Ile watch their comming forth,
And fright them in the forme of a Constable,
If that succeeds well, then Ile change the person,
To a Iustice of peace, and you shall act
My clarke Autolicus. They say an officer
Dares not appeare about the Gates: Ile try it.
For I haue made one drunke, and got his staffe.
Which I will vse with more authority,
Then Mercury his all-commanding rod,
To charme their steps, that none shall passe this way;
Without examination. There stalkes one,
Ardelio passes by.
Ile first know what he is; now they drop away,
As if they leapt out from the Troian horse;
This is the Autumne of the night: who goes there?
Ardel.
A friend.
Antol.
Friend, or foe, come before the Constable,
Agur.
Whence come you, friend?
Ardel.
And't please you Sir, I haue
Been wayting on my neece, home to her lodging.
Agur.
Why, is your Neece a Leagerer, asuttler,
Or Laundresse to this Fort?
Ardel.
No, and it like you,
Shee lyes without the campe.
Agur.
You lye like a Pimpe.
You are an Apple-squire, a Rat, and a Ferret.
I saw you bolt out from that Conney-berry.
Ardel.
Mr. Constable.
Agur.
Out of the wind of me: what do you thinke,
You can put out the eyes of a gorcrow?
Fob mee off so, the Constable, that haue
The parish stock of witt in my hands? I am glad,
That I haue got you from your couert. You shall
Bee learcht, you shall along with me sir.
Ardel,
Whither?
Agur.
No farther then to prison, where you shall pay,
Ardel.
I am vndone then. There are forty old scores,
I owe in Towne, will follow after mee.
Agur.
What are you? whats your name?
Ard.
Ardelio,
A Lords seruant.
Agur.
Do Lords seruants doe this?
Ardel.
Alas, a veniall sinne, wee vse to learne it,
When wee come first to be pages.
Agur.
Stand by, ther's one has got a clap too.
Miscellanio passes by.
Miscel.
The shirt of Hercules was not so hot.
Snarle.
Ther's one sure has beene hurt with a Gronicado.
Agurt.
How now, who's there?
Miscel.
Here's no body.
Agur.
No body. My senses fayle mee then, who ist?
What man are you?
Miscel.
No man, you are deceiu'd,
I can not find I am a man, that part
Is dead, wherein I once was an Achilles:
Auto.
Come neerer.
Miscel.
I can not go, I haue lost my nerues.
Autol.
You shall be carryed to the Iayle then,
Miscel.
Fitter
For an Hospitall. I am condemned already
To fluxes, and dyet drinkes.
Trimalchio. Capritio.
Trim.
Murder, Murder, Mr Constable, Murder.
Agur.
Who's that? Ieronimoes sonnes ghost in the Garden?
Trim.
O Mr. Constable, wee haue beene so vsde,
As neuer two aduentrous Gentlemen
In the hands of their enemies.
Agur.
Whats the matter?
Trim.
Let mee take breath: I am at the last gaspe.
We haue eskapt from the denne of the Cyclops,
There was one ranne a spit against my eyes.
Caprit.
Amongst the rest, there was a blinke-eyed woman
Set a great dog vpon mee.
Trim.
They haue spoyld vs
Of our cloakes, our hats, our swords, and our money.
Your wits, and credit were both lost before.
Caprit.
No, wee had not our wits about vs then.
Trim.
Good sir, let's thinke on some reuenge, call vp
The Gentlemen prentises, and make a Shrouetuesday.
Agur.
By no meanes, I must suppresse all violence.
Caprit.
My brother talkt of building of a sconce,
And straight they seazd our cloakes for the reckoning.
Trim.
There I lost my hat and sword in the reskew.
Agur.
Twas wel done.
Trim.
And whilst some stroue to hold my hands,
The other diu'd in my pockets. I am sure,
There was a fellow with a tand face, whose breath
Was growne sulphurous with oathes and tobacco,
Puft terror in my face, I shal neuer bee
Mine owne man againe.
Bawd and whores from aboue.
Bawd.
Stop their throates, some body.
1 Who.
Twere a good deed to haue made them swim the mote.
2 Who.
I, to haue stript them, and sent there out naked.
1 Who.
Let's sally out, and fetch them in againe.
Then call a court on them for false alarums.
Trim.
Flye from their rage, sir; they are worse then Harpyes,
They'll teare vs, as the Thracians did Orpheus,
Whose Musicke, though it charmd the powers of Hell,
Could not bee heard amongst these. Mr. Ardelio
And Miscellanio, I ioy to see you,
Though ill met here.
Miscel.
Signiour Trimalchio,
Sir you must pardon me. I can not stoope,
I haue the Grincums in my backe, I feare
Will spoyle my courtship.
Trim.
Mr. Ardelio,
Who would expected to haue met you here?
Ard.
Nay, who would not expect it? tis my haunt.
I loue it, as a pigeon, loues a salt-pit.
Miscel.
O mee! my scholler too: how came he hither?
I did not meane t'impart this mystery.
How could hee find it out?
Trim.
His owne Minerua,
Agur.
Well, you must all together.
Trim.
Whither must wee go?
Agur.
Marry, before a Iustice,
To answere for your ryot.
Ardel.
M. Constable.
Agur.
I can not dispence with it.
Miscel.
Let vs redeeme our peace.
Agur.
Not before next sessions. Bring them away.
Snarle.
Come, there's no remedy.
| Hollands Leagver | |