 | Hollands Leagver |  |
Actus 4.
Scene 1.
Trimalchio, Capritio.Trim.
Brother Capritio, are you well prouided
With ammunition? arm'd Capa pea,
To scale the Fort of our Semiramis?
Capr.
I am appoynted, Brother.
Trim.
Then let vs on,
And beate a parly at the gates. So, ho.
Enter Pander.
Pand.
How now what bold aduenturers be here?
What desperat rudenesse temps you to your ruine?
Here are no Geese to keepe our Capitoll.
But men of armes, you slaues, stout impes of Mars:
Gyants, sonnes of the Earth, that shall rise vp,
Like Cadmus progeny, to fight it out,
Till you are all consumed. Haue you any gold?
Tis that must breake our gates ope: there are lockt
A score of Danaes wenches of delight,
Within this Castle, if I list to shew you
If shee but lay her rod vpon your necks,
Transforme you into Apes, & Swine, you sheepsface.
If thou shal't once but drinke of her inchantments,
Shee'll make a Lyon of thee.
Caprit.
Alasse sir,
I had rather looke like an Asse, as I am still.
Trim.
Bee not too boistrous, my sonne of thunder.
Wee are wel-wishers to thy campe, and thee,
Here is a freshman, I would haue acquainted
With the mystery of your iniquity.
Pand.
I do imbrace thy league, and returne the hand
Of friendship. To thy better vnderstanding,
I will discouer the situation of the place.
Tis of it selfe an Iland, a meere Swans nest:
Which had Vlisses seene, he would prefer
Before his Ithaca, and he whom Fate
Shall blesse to vanquish it; Hee may deserue
The name of a new conquerour. It has
The credit, to bee styl'd the Terra florida,
Of the best beautyes in the Towne, my friend,
That repaire hither vpon the least summons,
Besides some that are constant to their trenches.
Uenus in his house is predominant.
Tis barren, I confesse. Yet wholy giuen
To the deeds of fructication. But those
Are barrd from comming to perfection,
With Rhewmes, and diseases. You Dormise,
What must I reade a lecture to you gratis?
Trim.
No sir, here's money for you.
Pander.
You may enter,
And returne safe, vpon your good behauiour.
Sene 2.
Bawd 2. Whores.Bawd.
Well, they may talke of Dunkerke, or of Callis;
Enricht with forraine booties, but if euer
Were so fild vp with spoyles, let me be carted.
1. Whore.
And carry it so cunningly away,
Beyond the reach of Iustice, and of all
The iurisdiction in our owne hand,
Like a free state.
Bawd.
Did not I purchase it?
And am not I the Lady of the Mannor?
And who shall dare to question mee? I hope,
I shall be able to defend my Fort,
From the inuasion of the painted staffe,
Or the tempestuous paper Engine, safe,
As a Moale in a Trench and worke at hie midnight.
When their wise heads are layd, wee'l rayse the spirits
Of our dead pleasures, vse the benefit
Of youth, and dance our Orgyes by the Moonelight.
1. Whore.
I hope they need not to condemne vs, wee driue
As open trades as they, and vent as ill
Commodities, as any: all that we vtter,
Is in darke shoppes, or else by candlelight.
2. Whore.
We are become the enuy of Citizens.
1. Whore.
It is reported that we study physicke.
Bawd.
Why so?
1. Whore.
The reason is, because we know
The seuerall constitutions of mens bodies.
2. Whore.
And some tearme vs the Leager.
Bawd.
We defye
The force of any man, who's that knocks so?
Go bid the watch looke out, and if their number
Be not too plurall, then let them come in.
But if they chance to bee those rustian Souldiers,
Let fall the purculiis. All they can do,
Is to discharge a volley of oathes at me,
Ile take no tickets, nor no future stipends,
Tis not false titles, or denominations
Of offices can do it. I must haue money.
Tell them so, draw the bridge. Ile make them know,
This is no widdowes house, but Marcus Manitius,
Is Lord of the Iland. Who wast?
The Constable.
Bawd.
What would he haue?
2. Whore.
You know his businesse.
Bawd.
Pox on the Marshall, and the Constable.
There cannot be a Mystery in a Trade,
But they must peepe into it. Mercilesse varlets,
That know how many fall by our occupation,
And yet would haue their Venery for nothing.
A chambermayd can't haue a Ruffe to set,
But they must bee poking in it;
Now they haue brought vs vnder contribution,
They vex vs more then the Venetians doe
The whole Corporation of Curtezans:
But we must giue good words, shew them a roome.
Enter Ardelio.
Ard.
There's hot seruice within, I heare the Muskets
Play from the Rampiers. I am valiant,
And will venter vpon the very mouthes of them.
Bawd.
Mr. Ardelio, you haue beene a stranger.
You are growne rich of late.
Ard.
Who, I growne rich?
Bawd.
Yes somewhat pursy for want of exercise.
Ard.
Well, I was wont to put in for a gamester.
But now I am quite thrust out of all play.
Bawd.
We were wont to be your subiects to worke on
And since you scorne vs, yet you cannot say,
But you haue found good dealing at our hands.
2. Whore.
We haue bin alwaies bent to your worships will
And forward to helpe you on at all times.
Ard.
Come, you are good wenches.
Bawd.
Truely sir you know,
I keepe as good creatures at liuery,
And as cheape too, as any poore sinner
Of my profession.
Ard.
Hast thou ere a morsell,
That is not tainted, or flye blowne?
Bawd.
Indeede I haue
So much adoe to keepe my family sound
You would wonder at it: and such as are so,
They are taken vp presently. But I haue one,
Ard.
Come, let me haue her then.
Bawd.
Please you walke in, sir.
Exit Ardelio.
Enter Miscellanio.
Miscel.
Its strange there is no more attendance giuen,
To vsher in a man of my quality.
Are you the Gouernesse of this Cinqueport, Lady?
Bawd.
The fortresse, sir, is mine, and none come here,
But pay me custome.
Miscel.
Hast thou nere a Pilot,
Or man of warre to conduct a man safe
Into thy Harbour? there be roagues abroade,
Piraticall varlets that would pillage mee.
Bawd.
Very well, sir.
Miscel.
I thought at first, you would haue bard my entrance.
Bawd.
I doe not vse the fashions of those Countries,
That keepe a stranger out foure weekes at sea,
To know if hee bee sound. I make no scruple,
But giue free trastique to all Nations.
If you haue payd your due, you may put in,
There is the way, Ile follow presently.
Exit Miscellanio.
I thinke our souldiers are all come, lets in
And set the watch.
Enter Trimalchio, Capritio.
Trim.
Stay punke, make roome for vs,
That haue aduanc'd our banners to thy walls,
Past all the pikes, the perdues, and the Centries.
Tis a good Omen, whers Bellona there,
And the daughters of Mars, those braue Girles?
We are come to pay our homage to their smockes.
Bawd.
Nay, if you are vnruly, we shall tame you.
Trim.
Feare not, wee are tributaries, punke.
Bawd.
Sir, doe you speake with no more reuerence
To me? it seemes you know me not
Trim.
I shall
Endeauour to preserue thy dignity,
Art thou that braue Hyppolite, that gouernes
This troupe of Scythians? Speake, Orithya,
My Menalippe, my Antiope
Bawd.
Did you attempt but the least iniury,
There be in readines, would vindicate
The wrongs, and credit of my house.
Trim.
I know
Thy power, punke, and do submit me, punke,
Tam Marti, quam Ueneri. Tis thy Motto, punke.
Caprit.
Would I could tell how to get out againe.
Bawd.
How came you in I haue you performd all duties?
Trim.
I threw thy Cerbetus a sleepy Morsell,
And pay thy Charon for my waftage ouer.
And I haue a golden sprig for my Proserpine.
Bawd.
Then you are wel-come, sir.
Trim.
Nay I do honour
Thee, and thy house, and all thy vermine in't.
And thou dost well to stand vpon thy guard,
Spight of the statutes. Tis a Castle this,
A Fort, a Metrapolitan bawdy house.
A Cynosarges, such as Hercules
Built in the honour of his pedegree,
For entertainment of the bastard issue
Of the bold Spartan.
Bawd.
You haue sayd enough, sir.
And for requitall, I will shew you in,
Where you shall read the titles, and the prices.
Trim.
But here's a brother of mine is somewhat bashfull:
I'd faine deliuer him to thy discipline.
Bawd.
What, is he bashfull? that's a fault indeed.
Come hither, chops, you must not be so shamefac'd?
Trim.
Loe you there, sir, you shall come forth in print
March on, my Calypso, come sir, follow your colours.
You shall haue the leading of the first title.
Scene 3.
Agurtes like a Constable. Antolicus, Snarle like watchmen.Agur.
Are your disguises ready?
I haue mine.
Snarle.
Mine's in my pocket.
Agur.
Put it on your face.
Now they are housd, Ile watch their comming forth,
And fright them in the forme of a Constable,
If that succeeds well, then Ile change the person,
To a Iustice of peace, and you shall act
My clarke Autolicus. They say an officer
Dares not appeare about the Gates: Ile try it.
For I haue made one drunke, and got his staffe.
Which I will vse with more authority,
Then Mercury his all-commanding rod,
To charme their steps, that none shall passe this way;
Without examination. There stalkes one,
Ardelio passes by.
Ile first know what he is; now they drop away,
As if they leapt out from the Troian horse;
This is the Autumne of the night: who goes there?
Ardel.
A friend.
Antol.
Friend, or foe, come before the Constable,
Agur.
Whence come you, friend?
Ardel.
And't please you Sir, I haue
Been wayting on my neece, home to her lodging.
Agur.
Why, is your Neece a Leagerer, asuttler,
Or Laundresse to this Fort?
Ardel.
No, and it like you,
Shee lyes without the campe.
Agur.
You lye like a Pimpe.
You are an Apple-squire, a Rat, and a Ferret.
I saw you bolt out from that Conney-berry.
Ardel.
Mr. Constable.
Agur.
Out of the wind of me: what do you thinke,
You can put out the eyes of a gorcrow?
Fob mee off so, the Constable, that haue
The parish stock of witt in my hands? I am glad,
That I haue got you from your couert. You shall
Bee learcht, you shall along with me sir.
Ardel,
Whither?
Agur.
No farther then to prison, where you shall pay,
Ardel.
I am vndone then. There are forty old scores,
I owe in Towne, will follow after mee.
Agur.
What are you? whats your name?
Ard.
Ardelio,
A Lords seruant.
Agur.
Do Lords seruants doe this?
Ardel.
Alas, a veniall sinne, wee vse to learne it,
When wee come first to be pages.
Agur.
Stand by, ther's one has got a clap too.
Miscellanio passes by.
Miscel.
The shirt of Hercules was not so hot.
Snarle.
Ther's one sure has beene hurt with a Gronicado.
Agurt.
How now, who's there?
Miscel.
Here's no body.
Agur.
No body. My senses fayle mee then, who ist?
What man are you?
Miscel.
No man, you are deceiu'd,
I can not find I am a man, that part
Is dead, wherein I once was an Achilles:
Auto.
Come neerer.
Miscel.
I can not go, I haue lost my nerues.
Autol.
You shall be carryed to the Iayle then,
Miscel.
Fitter
For an Hospitall. I am condemned already
To fluxes, and dyet drinkes.
Trimalchio. Capritio.
Trim.
Murder, Murder, Mr Constable, Murder.
Agur.
Who's that? Ieronimoes sonnes ghost in the Garden?
Trim.
O Mr. Constable, wee haue beene so vsde,
As neuer two aduentrous Gentlemen
In the hands of their enemies.
Agur.
Whats the matter?
Trim.
Let mee take breath: I am at the last gaspe.
We haue eskapt from the denne of the Cyclops,
There was one ranne a spit against my eyes.
Caprit.
Amongst the rest, there was a blinke-eyed woman
Set a great dog vpon mee.
Trim.
They haue spoyld vs
Of our cloakes, our hats, our swords, and our money.
Your wits, and credit were both lost before.
Caprit.
No, wee had not our wits about vs then.
Trim.
Good sir, let's thinke on some reuenge, call vp
The Gentlemen prentises, and make a Shrouetuesday.
Agur.
By no meanes, I must suppresse all violence.
Caprit.
My brother talkt of building of a sconce,
And straight they seazd our cloakes for the reckoning.
Trim.
There I lost my hat and sword in the reskew.
Agur.
Twas wel done.
Trim.
And whilst some stroue to hold my hands,
The other diu'd in my pockets. I am sure,
There was a fellow with a tand face, whose breath
Was growne sulphurous with oathes and tobacco,
Puft terror in my face, I shal neuer bee
Mine owne man againe.
Bawd and whores from aboue.
Bawd.
Stop their throates, some body.
1 Who.
Twere a good deed to haue made them swim the mote.
2 Who.
I, to haue stript them, and sent there out naked.
1 Who.
Let's sally out, and fetch them in againe.
Then call a court on them for false alarums.
Trim.
Flye from their rage, sir; they are worse then Harpyes,
They'll teare vs, as the Thracians did Orpheus,
Whose Musicke, though it charmd the powers of Hell,
Could not bee heard amongst these. Mr. Ardelio
And Miscellanio, I ioy to see you,
Though ill met here.
Miscel.
Signiour Trimalchio,
Sir you must pardon me. I can not stoope,
I haue the Grincums in my backe, I feare
Will spoyle my courtship.
Trim.
Mr. Ardelio,
Who would expected to haue met you here?
Ard.
Nay, who would not expect it? tis my haunt.
I loue it, as a pigeon, loues a salt-pit.
Miscel.
O mee! my scholler too: how came he hither?
I did not meane t'impart this mystery.
How could hee find it out?
Trim.
His owne Minerua,
Agur.
Well, you must all together.
Trim.
Whither must wee go?
Agur.
Marry, before a Iustice,
To answere for your ryot.
Ardel.
M. Constable.
Agur.
I can not dispence with it.
Miscel.
Let vs redeeme our peace.
Agur.
Not before next sessions. Bring them away.
Snarle.
Come, there's no remedy.
Scene 4.
Bawd, Whores, Pander.Bawd.
Was euer such a treacherous plot intended,
Against our State, and dignity?
Pand.
Had this
Past with impunity, they might haue sworne,
Vengeance had runne the country.
1. Whore.
But I hope,
They haue no cause to boast their victory,
Pand.
Now by this aire, as I am a true souldier,
Bred vnder, and deuoted to your Banne,
But that your pitty did preuent my rage,
They should haue knowne no quarter, for this brow
Brookes no affronts.
2. Whore.
Captaine, you fought it brauely.
Bawd.
Wee'l haue a stone grauen with characters,
To intimate your prowesse.
Pand.
No, my deare Gorgons,
I will not haue my fame wander without
The precincts of your Castell: tis enough
It can be sheltred heere, within these walls.
And to recount with your acknowledgements,
What this Fort owes to my protection.
Bawd.
Captaine, wee must confesse you are our Guardian,
Pand.
Then let mee sacrifice vnto my humour.
All you this night, shall be at my disposing,
To drinke and drab, tis the fault of your fortune
That do professe this trade, t'haue somebody,
What others ryot, you should waste on me.
Scene 4.
Agurtes like a Iustice of peace.Antolicus his Clarke.
Agur.
What, are they come?
Antol.
Yes, sir.
Agur.
Then let mee see
How I can act it: do I looke like a Iustice?
Antol.
As fearefull as an Asse in a Lyons skinne, sir.
Agur.
Here I begin my state. Suppose mee now
Come downe the staires, out of the dining roome,
Into the hall, and thus I begin. Brisco.
Call Brisco my Clarke.
Antol.
At your elbow, sir.
Agur.
Reach mee my ensigne of authority,
My staffe I meane. Fy, fy, how dull you are,
And incomposed? Now set me in my chaire,
That I may looke like a Cathedrall Iustice,
That knew, what belongs to an Assignanimus,
And Dedimus potestatis. Nay, though we are
Of the peace, wee can giue Priscian a knocke.
Let mee alone now to determine causes,
As free from error as the Pope. Old Minos,
And Rhadmanth, are not so skilld ith vrne,
As I am in the statutes. I haue them ad vngues
Now if they enter, at their perill bee it.
How dost thou like my action?
Autol.
Very well, sir.
Agur.
Let them come in.
Enter Snarle like a Constable. Trimalchio, Capritio, Miscellanio, Ardelio.
Now Mr Constable,
I must commend your diligence. Come hither.
Snarl.
Sir I haue brough foure men before your Worship,
I found last night, at midnight, in the streets,
Agur.
Brisco, bee ready to take
Their examination. Good: you found foure men,
At midnight. Whose men are they?
Trim.
Our owne men, sir.
Agur.
So it seemes by your Liueries.
Write that downe; first they say, they are their owne men.
Ardel.
Sir, by your fauour, I am not my owne man.
Agnr.
I thought they would not all bee in one tale,
I knew I should find them tripping, and I
Once come to sift them. You are not your owne man.
It argues you are drunke. Write his confession,
Ex os tuum te iudico: perge Mr. Constable.
Snarle.
I hold it fit, your Worship should examine
What they did there so late.
Agur.
What did you there
So late?
Miscel.
Good Iustice Eccho, wee had busines.
Agur.
Record, they say they had busines. They shall know,
That I am Iudge of Record, and what I do
Record, shal stand, and they shal haue no power
To plead not guilty in a Scire facias,
By a Recognisance. I haue my termes.
Ardel.
Good your Worship, giue vs not such hard words.
Trim.
Tis almost as hard vsage as the Leager.
Agur.
Then you came from the Leager?
Trim.
You may reade
Some aduentures in our habit, wee haue seene,
And tasted the experience of the warres.
Miscel.
They haue made me of another religion,
I must turne Iew, I thinke, and bee circumcised.
I may be any thing, now I shall lose a Limme.
I may goe seeke my pension with the souldiers
But tis no matter, I'll turne valiant,
And fight with the stumpe.
Agur.
You are a fighter then.
This doth appeare to mee, to bee a ryot.
What thinke you, Mr. Constable?
Snarle.
I thinke no lesse.
Twas ad terrorem populum.
Snarle.
I know not
What you meane, but I meane as your Worship meanes
I did perceiue they had beene quarelling.
Agur.
Why then 'twas an affray, a sudden affray,
Directly against the State of Northampton.
The Decimo tertio of Harry the fourth cleares the doubt.
How doe you trauerse this? what doe you answere?
Ard.
We make a question, by your Worships fauour,
Vnder correction, whether that which was
Done vnder forraine powers, in forraine Lands,
Be punishable heere or no.
Agur.
How proue you that?
Ard.
Tis a prouince by it selfe, a priuiledg'd place,
A strong corporation, and has factions
In Court and Citty.
Trim.
Is inhabited
With furies, that do multiply like Hydra:
An army of diseases can't suppresse them,
Besides their many fallings t'other way.
Agur.
I should be loth t'infringe their liberties,
Ile send you to betryed, from whence you came then.
Caprit.
O good your Worship, hang vs vp at home first,
Let vs indure the racke or the strappado,
We do submit vs to your Worships censure.
Agur.
Haue you prouided sureties for the peace then?
Ard.
More neede to prouide somethings for my belly.
I thinke they meane to keepe me for a race.
I am falne away quite, I was like a hogshead.
Now I am able to runne thorow my hoopes.
Agur.
Whats he that halts before and doe you mocke me?
Tis ill halting before a cripple, sirre.
Miscel.
This sore against my will, I can not helpe it.
Would I could runne away with halfe my teeth.
Agur.
Can't a man haue the venerable gowt,
Or the bone-ache, but you must imitate him?
Miscel.
Good Mr. Iustice.
Agur.
Mocke your fellow rogues.
I am none of those, that raysd my fortunes with
Snarle.
And't please you sir, here's one has brought a Letter.
Agur.
From whom?
Snarle.
He sayes, from one Mistrisse Millescent,
The contents will informe you.
The Letter.The contents will informe you.
Noble
sir, I am sorry to interest my vnstayd
honour in the patronage of offendors, orto
abuse the credit I haue with you, in stopping
the course of Iustice against them, whose youthfull
licenciousnesse, would pollute the pen of a Lady
to excuse it. On the other part, I hold it the betraying
of a virgins sweete disposition, to withdraw
her fauours, where she has once plac'd them,
although there be some want of desert. I must confesse
tis an Antipathy to my nature, to see any Gentleman
suffer, when I may preuent it. Howsoeuer
I haue found a disrespect from him, yet I forget
it, For anger abides in the bosomes of women, as
snow on the ground: where it is smooth and leuell,
it fals quickly off, but remaynes where it is rough
and vneuen. That this may appeare to bee true, I
would intreate you to dismisse those two Gentlemen
and their associates, Mr. Trimalchio, and Capritio,
whose ryotous loosenesse has made them obnoxious
to your censure, and my suspicion. Thus
fauour as you may presume on mine, and your true
friend,
Millescent.
Agur.
This Lady, that has writ in your behalfe,
Is one I honour.
Trim.
How should she heare of it?
Agur.
It seemes, your fault is quickly blowne abroad.
Trim.
I had rather seale a Nouerint vniuersi,
For a thousand pound stale commodities,
Then thee should know of it.
Agur.
As for you two,
You may pay your fees and depart, you haue
Your manumission, for this Ladies sake.
Master Constable, you are discharg'd, and you may
Goe along with them and receiue their fees.
Mis.
Though I say nothing, yet I smell something:
A Lady send a letter? Shee is in loue
With me, Ile pawne my life, and I nere knew it.
I'le get my backe well, and goe visit her.
Ard.
Now I haue got my teeth at liberty,
And they ere tye me to the racke againe,
Let me be choakt.
Exeunt Miscellanio, Snarle, Ardelio.
Agur.
Well, I perceiue you are
A fauourite to this Lady. Whats your name?
Trim.
Trimalchio.
Agur.
And yours?
Capr.
Capritio.
Agur.
Two ancient names in Camden, Of what country?
Capr.
Of Norfolke.
Agur.
The Capritious of Norfolke.
I thinke we shall bee kin anon. My mother
Was a Capritio, and of that house;
Are you alyed vnto this Lady?
Trim.
No sir.
But I haue formerly beene entertain'd
Agur.
I finde by that, you are a man of fashion:
And would you then?
Trim.
Nay good sir, doe not chide.
Agur.
Yes, I must tell you, that you were to blame,
Hauing so faire a fortune before you, to wrong
A Lady of her spirit; so rich, and faire,
Of vnreprooued chastity, and one
So high in birth, nay 'tis not possible
To speake her vertues, and present your selfe
So lumpishly, nay perhaps fill her bed
Full of diseases.
Trim.
Good sir, say no more.
I am a traytor, I haue kild a man,
Committed sacriledge. Let her seeke reuenge
For these, or if lesse punishment will serue:
To haue me beaten, Ile runne naked to her.
Agur.
Twill not presse good nature so farre:
You two shall slay and dine with me. Ile send
My coach for your Mistris, it shall goe hard:
But I will make you friends, before we part.
| Hollands Leagver | |