 | Hollands Leagver |  |
Actus 5.
Scene 1.
Philautus, Fidelio, Faustina.Faust.
Now let mee bid you welcome from the warres,
Laden with conquest, and the golden fleece
Of honour, which like Iason, you haue brought
T'inrich your Country, now indebted to you.
Had it not beene a pitty such a talent
Of vertue should be lost or ill imployd?
Phil.
Lady, you are a good Physicion,
It was your counsel wrought this miracle,
Beyond the power of Æsculapius:
For when my mind was stupified, and lost
In the pursuit of pleasures: all my body
Torne, and dissected with close vanityes,
You haue collected me anew to life:
As they were first adulterous, and yeeld
A due submission for the wrong I did
Both to your selfe, and sex.
Faust.
Sir, for my part,
You haue your pardon.
Phil.
You were borne to quit mee.
Fude.
But when you know the Authour of your freedome,
You'll thanke her more.
Phil.
Why, who is it?
Fudel.
Your sister.
Phil.
Who? not Faustina? shee told me so indeed,
Her name was Faustina. Let mee looke vpon her,
As on the picture of all goodnesse, engrauen
By a celestiall finger, shall weare out:
A marble character. I knew her not,
I am glad there is a scien of our stock.
Can beare such fruit as this, so ripe in verme.
Where haue you liu'd recluse? you were betrothd
To one Fidelio; but crost by your father.
I haue heard good reports of the Gentleman.
Faust.
I neuer knew you flatter any man
Vnto his face before.
Phil.
Vnto his face?
Where is hee?
Fidel.
My name's Fidelio.
Phil.
I am transported, rauisht: giue mee leaue
Good gods, to entertaine with reuerence,
So great a comfort. Let mee first embrace you.
Great ioyes, like greifes, are silent. Loose mee now,
And let me make you fast. Here ioyne your hands,
Which no age shall vnty. Let happinesse
Distill from you, as the Arabian gummes,
To blesse your issue.
Fidel.
Now I hope, sweet Lady,
The time has put a period to your vow.
Faust.
Tis ended now, and you may take a comfort,
That I could tye my selfe to such a law.
For you may hope thereby, I shall obserue you
Fide.
I beleeue you.
Phil.
And for her dowry, I will treble it,
Enter Snarle.
Heere Sanrle is come to be a witnesse to it.
Snarle.
My Lord Philautus, if I may presume
To congratulate your Honours safe returne,
I must confesse, I doe it with my heart,
And all your friends long to participate
Your happy presence.
Phil.
Thankes both to them and thee.
Snarle.
Master Fidelio, no lesse to you.
I see you happy in your Mistris fauour:
And thats as much, as I can wish to you.
Fidel.
You haue bin alwaies priuy to my counsell
Aske me no questions now, I shall resolue you
When we come in.
Phil.
How fares our Campe at home,
Trimalchio, and the rest?
Snarle.
I haue beene busie,
In proiecting for them, they must all bee married.
I haue seene the interlude of the Leager:
And we haue playd the Iustice, and the Constable:
I will not prepossesse you with the sport,
But I will shew you such a scene of laughter.
Phil.
Where is Ardelio
Snarle.
Your seruant Ardelio.
Tis the notorioust mixture of a villaine,
That euer yet was bred vnder the dunghill
Of seruitude. Hee has more whores at command,
Then you haue horses. He has stables for them,
His priuate vawting houses.
Phil.
Discharge him the house.
Take his accounts and office, and dispose them.
Snarle.
Euer your Lordships true and faythfull seruant.
Scene 2.
Millescent, Margery.Milles.
When was my Father, and the Captaine heere?
Marg.
They are plotting abroad, I hope to see you shortly
Honestly marryed, and then turne vertuous.
Milles.
Tis the course of the world now, Margery.
But yet I feare, I haue got such a tricke,
When I was young, that I shall neuer leaue it.
Marg.
What helpe then? the poore Gentleman must suffer,
Good Trimalchio: tis his fate.
Milles.
I am thinking,
What I shall do with him, when I am marryed.
Marg.
What do other women do with their husbands?
Bring him vp in obedience, make him besides
An implement to saue your reputation.
Let him not presse into your company
Without permission, you must pretend,
You are asham'd of him. Let him not eate,
Nor lye with you, vnlesse he pay the hire
Of a new gowne, or petticote: liue with him,
As if you were his neighbour, onely neere him,
In that you hate his friends: and when you please.
To shew the power you carry ouer him,
Send him before on foot, and you come after
With your coach and foure horses.
Milles.
Tis fitting so,
Enter Miscellanio.
Host now what peece of motion haue wee heere
Would you speake with any body?
Miscel.
My businesse,
Is to the Lady Millescent.
Milles.
Whats your will?
Miscel.
Are you that Lady?
Milles.
Yes, my name is so.
Miscel.
To you then I derect m'apologie,
Has glanc'd vpon my person. I protest
I neuer was so dull in the construction
Of any Ladyes fauour in my life:
I am asham'd of my error.
Milles.
In what, sir?
I cannot call to mind that ere I saw you.
Miscel.
You haue beene still too modest to conceale it.
That was not my fault: you did ill to striue
To hide the flames of loue, they must haue vent:
Tis not the walls of flesh can hold them in.
Milles.
What riddles haue we heere? that I should loue you?
I would not haue you thinke so wel of your selfe.
Marg.
Perhaps hee has some petition to deliuer,
Or would desire your letter to some Lord.
Misce.
I know not how, sure I was stupifyed,
I haue ere now ghest at a Ladyes mind,
Only by the warbling of her Lutest ring,
Kissing her hand, or wagging of her feather.
And suffer you to pine for my imbraces,
And not conceiue it?
Milles.
Pray bee pacified.
This fellow will perswade me, I am in loue.
Miscel.
Lady, you haue tooke notice of my worth
Let it not repent you. Bee not stubborne
Towards your happinesse. You haue endur'd
Too much already for my sake, you shall see,
Pitty can melt my heart. I take no delight,
To haue a Lady languish for my lioe.
I am not made of flint as you suspect mee.
Milles.
I would thou wert conuerted to a pillar,
For a memoriall of this impudence.
Miscel.
You shall know what tis to tempt me heerafter,
When I shall let you perish for your folly.
I came to remunerate the curtesie,
I receiu'd from your Ladiship.
Milles.
I know of none.
Miscel.
I must acknowledge my selfe bound to you
Milles.
For what?
Miscel.
Your Letter to the Iustice, Lady,
When I was vnder the gripe of the Law.
I know, the onely motiue was your loue.
Milles.
I cry you mercy, were you one of them
That drew Trimalchio to those idle courses?
I am ashamed of the benefit, leaue mee
That I may not see the cause of my sorrow:
But 'tis no matter, we shall leaue you first.
Exeunt Millescent, Margery.
Miscel.
They shall find, I am no man to be slighted,
And that shee has misplac'd her affection.
When I haue wrackt the wrongs on my corriuall,
Trimalchio, looke to thy selfe, were hee remou'd,
There might be hopes, my valour shall make known
There is a difference. Ile straight to the rauerne:
And when I once am hot with good Canary,
I pronounce him dead that affronts my fury.
Scene 3.
Ardelio.Turn'd out of seruice the next turne will be
Vnder the Gallows, and haue a Ballad made of me,
The corruption of a casheer'd Seruing-man,
Is the generation of a thiefe. I feare,
My fate poynts me not out to so good fortune.
My bulke will not serue me to take a purse.
The best thing I am fit for, is a tapster,
Or else get a wench of mine owne, and sell
Bottell Ale and Tobacco, that's my refuge
They tearmd me parasite, 'tis a mystery
Is like a familiar, that leaues a man
When he is neere his execution.
I haue no power to flatter my selfe now,
I might haue gone a wooing to some widdow,
And had his countenance, but now the tenants
Looke like their Bacon, rustily, vpon me.
What, Ieffery! thou art the comfort of my woes:
Welcome, good Ieffry.
Ieff.
Thankes to your good Worship;
Ard.
Where are my hangings, Ieffry?
Ieff.
Very wel, sir.
Lockt in a Cypresse chest, for feare of Moths.
Aed.
And all the other furniture good Ieffry.
Ieff.
They are kept safe, and well ary'd for your Worship.
Ardel.
Thanks, good Ieffry. I were in a sweet case,
If I had not conuayd somethings away,
To maintaine mee hereafter.
Ieffry.
Why so, sir?
Ard.
I may go set vp bils now for my liuing,
Cry Vineger vp and downe the streets; or fish
At blacke Fryers stayres; or sit against
A wall, with a library of ballads before mee.
Ieff.
You are not out of seruice.
Ard.
Turnd a grazing,
In the wide Common of the world, Ieffry.
Ieff.
Then are my hopes at best, I haue no reason
To care for him any longer; a word with you.
What furniture do you meane?
Ard.
Those that I sent,
The beds, and hangings.
Ieff.
Did you send any such?
Ardel.
I hope you will not vse mee so.
Ieff.
Your owne words.
I must make the best benefit of my place:
You know, tis not an age to bee honest in.
Tis the only high-way vnto pouerty.
I know not how, I do not fancy you
Of late.
Arde.
I chose thee for thy knauish looke,
And now thou hast requited mee: of all
My euils, thou art the worst.
Ieff.
No fayth, sir.
You haue a worse commodity at my house.
But you may saue the charges of a writ.
I doe you that fauour.
Ard.
No, you may keepe her still.
Ieff.
My thinkes you are much deiected with your fall,
I finde an alteration in your face.
You looke like an Almanacke of last yeeres date.
Or like your liuery cloake, of two yeeres wearing.
Worse then the smoaky wall of a bawdy house.
Ard.
Villaine, dost thou insult on me?
Ieff.
No sayth sir,
Alasse, tis not within the reach of man,
To countermine your plots.
Ard.
Well, slaue, because
Ile rid my hands of thee, Ile giue thee a share.
Ieff.
You must haue none, without lawfull proceeding.
And that I know, you dare not.
Enter Snarle, and Officers.
Snarle.
But I dare.
Haue you beene partners all this while in mischiefe,
And now fall out, who shall bee the most knaue?
Ieff.
What doe you meane?
Snarle.
I meane to search your house
For ammunition, no otherwise,
Which I suspect you send vnto the Leager.
Ieff.
Sir I haue nothing there, but one crackt piece
Belongs to this Gentleman, can doe no seruice.
She is spoyld in the bore.
Snarle.
Wee'l haue her new cast.
Come, bring them away.
Ard.
Nay good sir, you know,
That I was lately quit before a Iustice.
And if I fall in a relapse.
Snarle.
Al's one
To me, but you must satisfie the Law.
Ard.
Well then, I know the worst of it.
Scene 4.
Agurtes, Antolicus. Trimalchio, Capritio.Agur.
Master, Trimalchio, 'tis an age since I saw you.
Trim.
I was nere out of towne.
Agur.
Not out of towne?
We sought you about all the Ordinaries,
Tauernes and Bawdyhouses, we could imagine
You euer haunted.
Trim.
You might haue found vs then.
Antol.
Nay more, we inquir'd at the Play-houses.
Agur.
'Twas once in my minde, to haue had you cryed.
Antol.
We gaue you lost.
Trim.
Well, shall I tell you, Captaine?
Antol.
I; doe, what ist?
Trim.
This Gentleman and I
Haue past through purgatory, since I saw you.
If I should tell you all the passages
At the Leager.
Antol.
Thither we came to meete you,
And you were gone.
Capr.
And then at the Iustices.
Agur.
Were you before the Iustice?
Trim.
'Tis such a story
Would fill a Chronicle.
Capr.
We met with a party of the enemies,
Tooke all we had from vs, and then it cost vs
Forty shillings in fees at the Iustices.
Agur.
That was hard dealing.
Capr.
The old boy and I
Grew to be kin at last.
Trim.
He made me sure
To my mistris, before we parted.
Agur.
How?
Trim.
Honest Ardelio,
And Misellanio, wee were all together
In rebellion, and quit by a Letter,
That came from my mistresse.
Agur.
Ist possible?
And Miscellanio turne traytor?
Trim.
What.
Agur.
Would haue your mistresse from you, thinkes the Letter
Was sent for his sake.
Trim.
That I am sure hee does not.
Agur.
Threatens, and sweares that he wil fight for her.
Trim.
If hee bee weary of his life, hee may.
Why what can hee pretend to her?
Agur.
I know not,
What has past betweene them, but I am sure,
He has beene practising at the Fencing schoole,
To get a trick to kill you.
Trim.
Hee kill mee!
I'll kill him first, I fight by Geometry.
Agur.
How? By Geometry?
Trim.
Yes sir, heere I hold
My Rapier, marke mee, in a diameter
To my body; thats the center, conceiue mee.
Antol.
Your body is the center, very good.
Trim.
And my hilt, part of the circumference.
Antol.
Well sir.
Trim.
Which hilt is bigger then my body.
Anto.
Then your whole body?
Trim.
Yes at such a distance.
And hee shall neuer hit mee, whilst hee liues.
Antol.
Where did you learne this? At the leager?
Trim.
No.
No by this light: it is my owne inuention.
I learnt it in my trauels.
Anto.
Very strange:
You are a scholler.
Tri.
No: I would not bee
Suspected of such a crime for a Million.
And by that, I can tel wee shal nere fight.
Antol.
Nor fight at all?
Trim.
I'l shew you in Geometry,
Two paralels can neuer meet now wee two
Being paralels, for so wee are, that is
Equal in wit and valour, can neuer meet.
And if wee neuer meet, wee shal nere fight.
Enter Miscellanio.
Antol.
To proue your axiome false, see where hee comes.
Trim.
I do defy him.
Miscel.
Hang thee blustring sonne
Of Æolus, defy me! I'll tye vp thy breath
In bags, and sell it for a penny an ounce.
Antol.
Draw sir.
Miscel.
Draw if hee dares.
Capri.
Sure, this is the second part of the Leager.
'Twere best for me, to hide mee in my cabin.
Exit Capritio.
Miscel.
Wil you resigne your mistresse?
Trim.
No, I scorne it.
Miscel.
Vnlesse you'l haue her tane away by force.
Antol.
I see, this cannot be ended without bloud.
Trim.
Captaine, a word with you.
Anto.
What say you sir?
Trim.
I am afrayd he comes with the blacke art.
Antol.
How you afrayd? do not say so for shame.
Trim.
Hee has layne with an old witch at Sweden
And is growne stickefree.
Antol.
Fy that you shall say so.
Trim.
I'll be resolu'd of that before I fight.
Antol.
Why, do you thinke that witches haue such power?
Trim.
I marry do I, I haue knowne one of them,
Do more then that, when her husband has followed
Strange women, shee has turnd him into a Bezer,
And made him bite out his owne stones.
Antol.
Tis strange!
Trim.
I'll tell you another as strange as that, of one
Shee has conuerted him into a Frog.
And then coniur'd him into one of his butts,
Where hee has liued twelue moneths vpon the lees,
And when his old ghests chance to come to see him,
Hee has croackt to them, out at the bunghole.
Antol.
This is miraculous.
Trim.
There was a Lawyer
That spoke against one of them at the barre.
Autol.
What did shee then?
Trim.
Turnd him into a Ram,
And still that Ram retaynes his profession,
Has many Clients, and pleads causes as well
As some Lawyers in Westminster.
Anto.
Do you thinke,
That hee has had recourse to any such?
Trim.
I know not, but tis good to bee mistrustfull.
Hee may haue aduantage in the encounter.
Enter Millescent. Margery.
Miscel.
There she comes, winne her, and weare her.
Milles.
Hold your hands.
I'll haue no bloud a prologue to my wedding.
Trim.
Nay then haue at you. Hold mee not, I say:
I am as fierce as hee.
Milles.
Bee pacified.
I thought you had beene both bound to the peace.
Antol.
Lady, it seemes, that these two Gentlemen
Do stand in competition for your loue.
Milles.
Mr Trimalchio, I confesse, has beene
A former suitor, but with his ill carriage,
He has thus long preuented his good fortune.
Antol.
Then let mee make a motion.
Milles.
What is it?
Antol.
Will they both stand to it?
Trim.
I agree.
Miscel.
And I.
Autol.
Then let the Lady dispose of her selfe.
Trim.
Shee is mine already. I am sure to her,
Miscel.
I will haue no woman,
Against her will.
Milles.
No sir, nor you shall not,
Since you are so peremptory, on your words then
That hee shall sing a Palinodium,
And recant his ill courses, I assume
My Loue Trimalchio.
Capritio peeps out.
Capri.
Do wee take, or are we taken?
Trim.
Nay, wee do take.
Agur.
Who's that, Capritio? where haue you beene?
Come your wayes forth, and lay hands on the spoyle.
Goe lead away that Lady by the hand.
Now you may take occasion by the foretop,
Aduance your owne predominant the better,
And march away,
Trim.
Come, let vs to the Church.
Exeunt.
Trimalchio, Millescent. Capritio, Margery.
Miscel.
And what must I do now? bee laught at?
Agur.
Would you
Hazard your selfe, for one that cares not for you?
You may be glad you scap't. Recall your selfe.
Were not you formerly engagd?
Miscel.
No, neuer.
Agur.
Not to mistris Quartilla?
Miscel.
Fayth we haue toy'd
In iest sometime.
Agur.
Let it bee now in earnest.
Make her amends. I know shee loues you.
Miscel.
Well.
I will haue her, and stand vp for my portion,
With the rest of my tribe.
Scena vltima.
Snarle, Philautus.Snarle.
Stay heere a little, they are gone to Church,
And will returne in couples. First, Trimalchio,
That Gyant in conceit, thinkes he is matcht
To some great heire, but shall imbrace a cloud
In stead of Iuno. Then her waiting woman,
Her Iris, reflects vpon Capritio,
And for my piece of fragmentary Courtship,
My Miscellany Gentleman, 'tis his lot
To bee cast vpon Quartilla with Agurtes
In his old Iusticeship. All these march together,
Like the seuen deadly sinnes, and behind them,
Comes Antolicus, the clarke of the company.
Enter Agurtes like a Iustice. Trimalchio, Millescent. Miscellanio, Quartilla, Capritio, Margery, Antolicus like a Clarke.
Antol.
Looke you sir, here they come.
Trim.
Make roome, me thinkes
You should not stop the course of Iustice so.
My Lord Philautus, you are welcome from
The Warres, and I from the Church. I wonder
Who makes the better returne, you haue got
Honour, and so haue I. But wher's your wealth?
I can imbrace fiue thousand pounds, a yeere.
That's nothing with you, I haue no more wit,
Then to be pi'd by pimpes, and marry whoores,
Yet I meane shortly to ranke with your honour.
Here is my warrant, I haue promisd her,
To make her a Countesse, but thats nothing with you,
Nay, more then this, I can goe on, and leaue
Some aduancement: behind me. Ecce signum,
Tis well, I am glad of your happinesse;
And much ioy to my brother Capritio,
And his faire spouse.
Capri.
She is according to
My hearts desire, sir.
Snarle.
Well, a word with you,
Master Trimalchio, and the rest.
Trim.
What say you?
Snarle.
You were as good know it at first, as at last.
You are not the first, that haue beene deceiued.
Trim.
In what? my wife? I married her for a mayd.
And whether she be one, or no, I care not.
Snarle.
Nay, should I heare a man that should abuse her
In that, I would defend her with my sword.
But she and you must call this man your father.
Trim.
I so she must, hee gaue her at the Church.
Snarl
Nay, her owne naturall father, flesh and bone,
I hope shee'l not deny it.
Milles.
No indeede, sir.
I would not liue to be so vngracious.
Agur.
I must acknowledge thee my child, or I
Should doe thy mother wrong.
Trim.
I doe not thinke so,
You'l not make me beleeue that I tooke her
For a Lords daughter, and a great heire. Where are
Agurtes and the Captaine to iustifie it?
Is hee your father?
Milles.
He has euer bred mee:
And I haue alwayes cal'd him so. I hope
It is no shame: my parentage is honest.
Trim.
Well, if hee bee, tis no disparagement,
To marry a Iustices daughter.
Snarle.
Come, you haue
Beene carryed hood winkt through this businesse.
Nor is the day yet cleere before you. Marke mee;
I'll open but one lease in all the booke,
And you shall see the whole discouery.
Agurtes and Antolicus pull off there disguises.
Trim.
Who haue we heere? Agurtes
And the Captaine? Was't you that playd the Iustice?
And you his clarke?
Snarle.
And I the Constable.
Trim.
Then you are a knot of knaues for your labour.
Now I perceiue that I am playnly guld.
Capr.
I am glad ther's no man cheated but himselfe,
Snarle.
Your arrow is one of the same quiuer too.
Trim.
Ile none of her by this light.
Agur.
Why, you may chuse.
And yet I doe not well see, how you can chuse.
She is your wife, and you haue married her,
And must allow her meanes to maintayne her.
You may declare your selfe vnto the world,
And bee laught at: but keepe your owne counsell,
And who needs know of it?
Phil.
Beleeue me sir,
The Gentlewoman is not to be despisde,
Her wit and vertues are dowry sufficient.
Trim.
Nay, if you say so, then must I needs loue her:
But by this hand, I thought you would haue jeer'd me.
Phil.
Hold on your course, march on as you came in,
And rest content, since fate has thought it fit,
To make your fortunes equall with your wit.
FINIS.
| Hollands Leagver | |