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The three tours of Doctor Syntax

In search of 1. The picturesque, 2. Of consolation, 3. Of a wife. The text complete. [By William Combe] With four illustrations

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Syntax who sat serenely by, Kept on his glass a wary eye,
While the physician and his host Grew rivals as to drinking most;
When the good-humour of the day Seem'd to be melting fast away.
“Let me,” said Julep, “recommend,
Good Capias, as your real friend,
From this wild drinking to refrain, Nor let me counsel you in vain.
From that vast paunch what ills betide you,
As big as any cask beside you!
For, if you thus go drinking on, I e'en must tap that Human Ton.”
—“Tap me? I then shall ne'er recover:
No,” Capias said, “'twill soon be over:
Life's stream will quickly run to waste,
For what's tapp'd here can never last:
From long experience I must own, Belly or cask, 'twill soon be gone.
But hark, you ignoramus elf,
Feel your own paunch and—tap yourself!

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And now I'll ask the grave Divine
Which is the biggest, yours or mine!”
—“You, like your brethren of the law,”
Cried Julep, “always find a flaw,
And, as you strive to patch it o'er, Contrive to make as many more.
This history I have the power To lengthen out at least an hour,
But 'twould be painful to rehearse, So I will sing it in a verse.