The three tours of Doctor Syntax In search of 1. The picturesque, 2. Of consolation, 3. Of a wife. The text complete. [By William Combe] With four illustrations |
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 | The three tours of Doctor Syntax |  |
Syntax as he his garters tied, Thus with half-open'd eyes, replied,
“You have, all know, a generous heart,
That spurns the unmanly tricks of art;
Nor are you wanting to pursue
What common-sense holds forth to view,
And these short precepts you will find The best directors of your mind;
Nay, be assur'd, they will succeed, To set you right in word and deed.
A sportsman knows 'tis to his cost
Who takes the wrong side of the post:
As on the course, so in life's stake, You must agree to give and take:
To bear and forbear is a rule, A lesson prime, in reason's school.
Try, as you can, your best to please, And, when she that endeavour sees,
I'm sure she will no longer tease.”
“This is good preaching,” Bumpkin said,
“For you well understand your trade.
That it is true must be confest, And, faith I'll try to do my best.”
—He kept his word, and so did she; At breakfast all was pleasantry;
And thus, the gloomy season past,
'Twas hop'd the Halcyon time might last.
When Syntax rose to take his leave,
He said, “this counsel kind receive:
I do prefer it nothing loth; And mind—I give it to you both.
—For trifles ne'er contest the field, But rather struggle who shall yield.
Let but affection bear the sway, And you will struggle to obey:
That feeling ever checks the strife Which tends to poison wedded life.
Call but affection to your aid, And the tongue never will upbraid;
The heart is then a kind of Heaven, Where ev'ry failing is forgiven.
Without it, sad is Hymen's reign, And fortune's smiles are shed in vain:
O let but that the union bless, And the sure boon is happiness.”
The Doctor now his way pursued
Through verdant dale and shady wood,
While he reflected on the scene Of Hymen's joys, where he had been,
And rather doubted if again He should receive the marriage chain.
“Patrick,” he said, “How did you find
The place which we have left behind?
Had you kind hospitable fare, In the domestic regions there?
And were you free and joyous all, In butler's room and servants' hall?”
“Oh, as for those things,” Pat replied,
“Plenty and joy do there reside:
But though I've travell'd kingdoms o'er,
I never heard such things before.
The lady doth a form display But seldom seen in summer's day:
Nor, than 'Squire Bumpkin, doth the sun A finer figure shine upon;
And, in some way, I understood
From morn to night they're doing good.
The poor are never seen to wait In vain attendance at their gate;
Nor pain nor sickness ever feel The want of means to soothe and heal;
While children, ere they run along,
Are taught to know the right from wrong.
—But here, and please you, Sir's the bother,
They're kind to all but one another;
And scarce there passes on a day, But they're engag'd in angry fray,
When, by her woman, I was told, He's heard to growl, and she to scold,
Though, as she said, things might be worse,
For the grey mare's the better horse.
You may explain, Sir, if you please,
Such uncouth odds and ends as these;
But faith, to me it doth belong, To shut my eyes and hold my tongue,
Unless you do the fancy take, By way of joke, to hear Pat speak.”
“You have, all know, a generous heart,
That spurns the unmanly tricks of art;
Nor are you wanting to pursue
What common-sense holds forth to view,
And these short precepts you will find The best directors of your mind;
Nay, be assur'd, they will succeed, To set you right in word and deed.
A sportsman knows 'tis to his cost
Who takes the wrong side of the post:
As on the course, so in life's stake, You must agree to give and take:
To bear and forbear is a rule, A lesson prime, in reason's school.
Try, as you can, your best to please, And, when she that endeavour sees,
I'm sure she will no longer tease.”
“This is good preaching,” Bumpkin said,
“For you well understand your trade.
That it is true must be confest, And, faith I'll try to do my best.”
—He kept his word, and so did she; At breakfast all was pleasantry;
And thus, the gloomy season past,
'Twas hop'd the Halcyon time might last.
When Syntax rose to take his leave,
He said, “this counsel kind receive:
I do prefer it nothing loth; And mind—I give it to you both.
—For trifles ne'er contest the field, But rather struggle who shall yield.
Let but affection bear the sway, And you will struggle to obey:
That feeling ever checks the strife Which tends to poison wedded life.
Call but affection to your aid, And the tongue never will upbraid;
The heart is then a kind of Heaven, Where ev'ry failing is forgiven.
Without it, sad is Hymen's reign, And fortune's smiles are shed in vain:
O let but that the union bless, And the sure boon is happiness.”
264
Through verdant dale and shady wood,
While he reflected on the scene Of Hymen's joys, where he had been,
And rather doubted if again He should receive the marriage chain.
“Patrick,” he said, “How did you find
The place which we have left behind?
Had you kind hospitable fare, In the domestic regions there?
And were you free and joyous all, In butler's room and servants' hall?”
“Oh, as for those things,” Pat replied,
“Plenty and joy do there reside:
But though I've travell'd kingdoms o'er,
I never heard such things before.
The lady doth a form display But seldom seen in summer's day:
Nor, than 'Squire Bumpkin, doth the sun A finer figure shine upon;
And, in some way, I understood
From morn to night they're doing good.
The poor are never seen to wait In vain attendance at their gate;
Nor pain nor sickness ever feel The want of means to soothe and heal;
While children, ere they run along,
Are taught to know the right from wrong.
—But here, and please you, Sir's the bother,
They're kind to all but one another;
And scarce there passes on a day, But they're engag'd in angry fray,
When, by her woman, I was told, He's heard to growl, and she to scold,
Though, as she said, things might be worse,
For the grey mare's the better horse.
You may explain, Sir, if you please,
Such uncouth odds and ends as these;
But faith, to me it doth belong, To shut my eyes and hold my tongue,
Unless you do the fancy take, By way of joke, to hear Pat speak.”
| The three tours of Doctor Syntax | |