 | The Sophister |  |
Scena prima.
Enter Distinction with papers in his hand.Dist.
I would the number of things in the world had been
lesse, or the names more, I might not have beene
thus troubled. There is nothing spoken or written but is subject
to so many interpretations, that without Distinction, giveth
occasion of an hundred evasions. An Obligation cannot
be made for tenne Groats, but the Attourney will have
halfe a Crowne for Parchment: no lesse will hold the Addition
of the parties names, of younger and elder, Butcher and
Tanner of Witam and Wolvercoate; that if the unskilfull
Painter was faine to write under his well resembled Pictures,
this is a Dogge, this is an Hare, I had need to come
after and tell what Dogge, what Hare he meaneth. But yesterday
an Herauld was with me, who as I lov'd to save
blood-shed, intreated me to helpe him to pacifie two incensed
Citizens, who since the yeare 1610, when all Artificers
and Tradesmen became Gentlemen, fortuned to light both
upon the same Coate-armour, and now were ready to fight,
who should have it most proper, if I lent him not some difference
to put betwixt them: I asking what the Coate was,
he told me a Bulls head, whereupon I advised him to call
his, that was the yonger, an Oxe-head, and make the hornes
a little longer; and I hope by this they are contented. And
indeed I cannot wonder that so often many things have but
one name, when sometimes one thing engrosseth many
names, like the Spanish Nobility, which require whole
sheets for a Superscription. You may enquire for a Broker,
meete with a Bawd, and fall into the hands of an Vsurer,
yet all but one Citizen. You may there see a Scholler troubled
with the Rheume, a Gentleman ill at ease, a Servingman
starke drunke, all sicke of one disease; I would some
nullity of some by the plurality of others; or some
good Cyrus would adventure a jerking, by taking
away from short things those Titles which are too long
for them, and giving to those who are too short,
and so fit them both. If Division would come once,
I would speake to him my selfe, to make a more equall
distribution; and I wonder hee staies so long;
but now heere hee comes with the rest.
Enter Definition, Division, Opposition, Description.
Defi.
Come, come, my Lord, it is time we were about
this businesse.
Divis.
Good my Lord Difinition, you must pardon me,
you know I am troubled with two shrewd impediments, Age
and weakenesse; and besides Dichotomy hath let mee
bloud, and charged me I should neither use Horse
nor Coach, but trust to mine owne two legges; nay hee
will scarce permit me a staffe to leane upon.
Descr.
My Lord Division, it were best that you sate downe
if you are weary.
Defi.
Distinction have you brought the rolles? they bee
the Records which preserve things done from swallowing
up in oblivion.
Dist.
If you meane the rolles you bid me, I have; if any
other, I have not.
Defi.
Description give mee my Spectacles, not without
good cause hath our Soveraigne sent unto us to draw out
for him the pedigree, which is a true lineall discent
of all the chiefest inhabitants within these provinces,
and view their ancient possessions, which are
the Dominions and Lands, conveighed them by
is happened in all other Countries, that the dignity and
jurisdiction depart from the noblest houses, which are
families retaining in many generations, the impression
of some heroicall vertue, and passe to upstarts, who
are such as Fortune, not Desert hath made gratious.
Opp.
Nay feare not that; while Opposition lives, there shall
be alwaies some to resist that confusion.
Divis.
With which Province will you beginne, with
Substance, or with Quantity?
Defi.
Best I thinke with Substance, right, and here is
the rolle: The first Duke that reigned here, and gave his
name to the Country was Substance; I cannot well say what
he was, his antiquity was so great.
Divis.
Hee was the eldest sonne of Ens, was he not
Opposition?
Opp.
No, he was his eldest child, the rest were
Daughters.
Descr.
It should seeme so, for accidents are of a feminine
nature, they cannot exist alone by themselves.
Divis.
Well, howsoever this Realme was equally divided
amongst them; I have heard, Phythagoras was employed in
assigneing them their portions.
Opp.
It is not so, it was his Scholler Archetas Tarentinus,
he measured out the Provinces by his Geometry.
Defi.
Hence we may gather of what antiquity this Kingdome
was, it is sure as ancient as the Romane Empire,
for Architas and Numa were Schoole-fellowes.
Opp.
Fye no, Pythagoras liv'd long before him.
Defi.
This Country was then called Decaphylia, till afterward
subdued by Mercury, was by him called Hermenia.
Divis.
Well, howsoever let us proceed: Substance matching
with the Lady Corporea, had by her a sonne called
Corpus.
My Lord, there were two Dukes of that name, one
in the Province of Substance, another in the Province of
Quantity.
Defi.
But we meane him of Substance.
Descr.
Good Lord, what odds there is betwixt the men
that were in those dayes, and the men that are now in this
latter declining Age of the World. This Duke Substance was
a monstrous, tall, huge, bigge man; hee had a head greater
than any Horse, a necke like a Bull, larger sides than the
Westerne Hogge; Leggs like Winde-mill posts, and feete
proportionable: His sonne Corpus was very like unto him;
the Aldermen of the Corporation, that are scarse able to come
in at our College-gates, might have shewne tricks like
Tumblers in a hoope, through his Thumb-ring; King Arthurs
tallest Knight would have scarse trust his points. The
Bull-hide, that cut out in Thongs, compast as much ground
as the walls of Carthage, could not make him a Girdle.
Dist.
I wonder how any man had so much leasure as to
looke about him, and draw his description.
Descr.
O sir ex pede Herculem.
Defi.
Him succeeded Corpus, surnamed Animatum; him
Animal, who was named Rationale, and begat Homo.
Divis.
He had two wives, the other was Irrationale.
Dist.
Sure that Irrationale had many Husbands, I have
knowne her married to above Twenty my selfe.
Opp.
Why? had not all the rest so? Substance, Corpus,
and Corpus animatum, my sonne Privation, if he were here,
could tell their names.
Defi.
Where is he?
Opp.
He hath laine a long time bed-ridden, deafe, blind,
and dumbe.
Defi.
I am sorry for him.
Divis.
Who are next Definition?
Defi.
Homo begat Socrates, Plato, and the rest.
Divi.
Now thou seest Description, Nature gives with two
qualities of the minde; so to these men she hath now given
more understanding than unto Substance, Corpus, and those
in former time.
Desc.
But may it not be doubted, whether Socrates and
Plato were of this Countrey; I could never heare that they
had much to doe with Substance.
Dist.
'Tis true, if you meane Substance as the Vulgar doe,
for wealth: But if you understand it as we doe, the Province,
questionlesse they had.
Opp.
I say they had not, and can prove it: They were Philosophers,
were they not?
Dist.
Yes.
Oppo.
And Philosophers have no place here.
Dist.
And why not Sir?
Oppo.
Because ignorant fellows have not, it holds from
contraries.
Dist.
So it pleaseth you to conclude Sir; but how prove
you that Sir?
Oppo.
They are Transcendents over all the Provinces, and
therefore cannot rightly be said to be in any.
Descr.
Indeede they say, Homer had seven Cities strove
for his Birth, but none ever gave him place of abiding: but
I thought Philosophers had more certaine abode than a wandring
Poet.
Oppo.
They are in Substance, for they love to stand by
themselves, and depend on none: They are in Quantity, for
ignorant men are in number many, in magnitude monstrous.
Des.
I think least of all in Quantity, for they are rather
in number infinite; and I cannot tell whether they have
Longitude and Latitude, I am sure they have no profoundnesse.
Dist.
Profoundnesse either may be taken for deepnesse of
judgement and understanding, and that they are farre from,
or for thick grosnesse, and that in them is most palpable.
They are in Quality: for who so fat, faire, strong,
and lusty as they? out of Relation they cannot bee: You
have ignorant Rulers, ignorant Subjects, ignorant Tutors,
and ignorant Schollers: who more in Action? who more
passionate in all places, at all times? who use more gestures?
Who better apparrelled?
Defi.
For the particulars, you Description, take this our Licence,
by which we doe authorize you to goe through the
Countrey, and take notice of the names and Differences
of them all: For us it is sufficient to set downe these things
in generall.
Desc.
Belike Sir, you meane I shall not dye in idlenesse?
Div.
Shall we proceede to some other Province?
Exit.
Defi.
I must first have the assistance of Lord Demonstration;
I can doe nothing without him.
Oppo.
Why send you not Distinction for him?
Goe tell him we expect his comming; intreate him to make
haste.
Enter Proposition.
Prop.
Now my Lords, as you love your selves, or respect
the State, imploy your carefull providence with all expedition.
Defi.
Why? what is the matter? good Proposition
speake.
Prop.
Oh, I shall speake too soone: Our Lord Discourse
is falne starke madde.
Divi.
Falne mad? Oh fatall calamity!
Defi.
What shall we doe?
Prop.
Nay, worse than this.
Oppo.
Worse cannot bee.
Prop.
Demonstration, Topicus, and Fallacy, are not in contention
who must governe.
How comes Fallacy neare him, lately he could no
endure him?
Propo.
I know not how: but now he seemes exceedingly
to affect him.
Defi.
Have they no more care of their Father? this is too
bad; 'twere good for to take some order with them presently.
Div.
Let us goe visite him, hereafter we will goe finish these
businesses.
Exeunt.
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