 | The Sophister |  |
Actus tertius
Scena prima.
Enter Description.
If I goe any farther let me be frozen to death, like Sir
Hugh Willowby, or be made Cuckold with the tedious
Traveller Ulysses: It were impossible to see all, yet I
should see more than I should be able to relate, and like
Munster, or Sir Iohn Mandevill, relate more than any
would beleeve. I care not how these women take it. The
Tailor in Plutarch would as soone make a habit for the
Moone, as any man a Description of them, and so long
would it fit them. I thinke they consist of Materia prima,
they are capable of all formes and impressions, but
constant to none: And it is no great matter to describe
them you see them curiously painted every where. And
who would e're thought these Schollers should have so
much troubled me: I supposing they had beene so like in
their humours, as they are agreeable in their formalities,
though first to have drawne the Characters of some of
Criticks, Phantasticke Humorists, and malicious Satyrists,
I found it no lesse impossible than perilous to deale with
that kinde, and indeed am quite dismaid from going any
farther in this enterprize. Well, I will deliver backe
to the Lords their Commission, and rather sue for
a Protection. But who comes here, Distinction?
Enter Ambiguity in Distinctions Cloake.
Amb.
How now Description, didst thou see our Soveraigne
Sophime?
Desc.
Hath Distinction gotten Ambiguities Linsie woolsie
Coate? or Ambiguity Distinctions party-colour'd Cloak? My
cunning is quite stagger'd; I know not whether I should
beleeve mine eyes or mine eares.
Ambig.
Doth your feeling serve you any better?
He strikes him.
Desc.
Oh, is it you? No wonder I mistooke Ambiguity.
They say a man may know the Divell by his cloven
Foote; I am sure one may know thee by thy double
hand.
Ambigu.
Why double hand? I hope I have not foure
hands.
Desc.
Nay, thou hast but one hand rather; thou art
Ambo-dexter.
Ambig.
Is not that best? So Plato would have his
Citizens.
Desc.
But he would not have them double tongu'd, as
you are.
Ambig.
Then bee like Scaliger and Mithridates, who
had foure and twenty tongues, should have had no place in
his Common-wealth.
Desc.
There is great difference. They many waies could
Amb.
That's a signe my words are most significant, which
is no small commendation.
Des.
Right, if the signification be single and true.
Amb.
Why not double and true?
Des.
That's impossible.
Amb.
O grosse! what truer than the Oracles, which deliver'd
their mindes even with my voice? and who more
trusted, whose words cost more, than our common Lawyers,
who for their facility in double dealing, and speaking on both
sides, are called the Oracles of the City? But tell me, sawest
thou my new disguised Master Sophime?
Des.
I prethee, how cam'st thou by this Cloake?
Amb.
Thou answer'st not what I aske thee.
Des.
Nor doest thou aske what I intend to answer thee.
Amb.
But see here comes mad Discourse, he will make us
admirable sport.
Des.
Well, I will not come neare him if he be mad.
Amb.
Nor I, if he were in his wits.
SCENA SECVNDA.
Enter Discourse.Disc.
Certaine 'tis so; nay I will maintaine it, as long as
I have any breath; for I am neither in Delos, nor
in the floating Islands of Scotland.
Amb.
'Twere fitter you were in the Island of Anticyra.
Disc.
Nor am I in a ship, that I should thinke the Earth
moves.
Amb.
If you be not, you deserve to be in the ship of fooles.
Disc.
No, no, 'tis even so; the Earth is turn'd about, his
sphæricall forme is apt for such a motion.
You are monstrously deceiv'd, 'tis nothing but the
house goes round with you.
Disc.
Againe, the Heavens are of a duller mettall, nothing
but blew Marble.
Amb.
I'le goe talke with him. My Lord Discourse, what
Paradox is this, are the Heavens made of Marble?
Disc.
Doest thou doubt of that? why, in a cleare day thou
may'st see it plaine; and when it raines, those drops are nothing
else, but such as fall from the sweating stone.
Amb.
Somewhat it was, that in the time of Anaxagoras,
and as Livy reports, in the 200. yeare of Rome, it rained stones.
Disc.
Thou say'st true, very true.
Amb.
But what thinke you of the Sunne?
Dis.
Indeede hee is beholding to Nature for a better
matter: he is made of bright burnish'd gold.
Amb.
If the Sunne be gold, I will the sooner beleeve Solinus,
that there are a people which see him not in halfe an
yeare; I know some who see not Gold once in twelve
Moneths. But what is the Moone Sir?
Dis.
Why shee is but silver.
Amb.
I thinke scarce that Sir. Sure that mettall is not of
her Nature; it is often at the waine, but never at the full in
my purse.
Dis.
The Starres begotten betwixt these two, are some
bright Angels; others Soveraignes, some round shillings,
some but silver groats.
Amb.
They are happy, whose Nativity these stars favour.
Dis.
Iupiter, when he came to Danae, descended in a Cloak
bespangled with these falling Starres.
Amb.
But how came you to learne all this?
Dis.
Who I? I have often walked through all the Regions
of Heaven.
Amb.
I beleeve you have beene with Menippus, as farre
as the Moone: your talke savours of Lunacy.
Disc.
I tell thee, I have beene farther then ever the wit of
man could reach.
mobile, from whence, many thousand miles below me, I beheld
great Iupiter, and all the minor gods.
Amb.
A most strange Traveller; J feare you will come anon
to the greatest depth in Hell: 'tis time for me to leave
you.
Exeunt.
Dis.
I have beene there already many a time,
Where never Hercules, nor Theseus durst approach:
Over Avernus, that most loathsome Lake,
Which never Bird as yet presum'd to passe,
I with my Goose-quill wings have made a flight.
The darke, light, burning, black fiery flames of cold Phlegeton
With undazel'd eyes I have oft gaz'd upon.
Enter Reduction.
Reduc.
Come good my Lord, you must needs returne with me.
Disc.
Bid Charon stay my leasure, Ile see first whether it be
the same with the Elementall fire, then I'le come.
Red.
I came not sir from Charon, neither am I going to him.
Disc.
Who, Reduction? I would thou were; what wouldst
thou with me?
Red.
Fie my Lord, you will be alwaies in these mad moods,
pray will you goe with me?
Disc.
O Heraclytus, well didst thou say, the dry Ayre was
the best soule: for had we not need to melt away into teares,
to see the misery of wretched men.
Red.
Nay weepe not good my Lord, you shal have what you will.
Disc.
Shall I? so then I will pull out both mine eyes like
Democritus, that I may looke thoroughly upon the follies of
these times, and laugh my full at them.
Red.
So you were best Sir; but now pray come with me.
Disc.
I come, I come, I come sir.
Exit singing.
Enter Fallacy holding a letter, with Ignoratio Elener.
Fall.
I know not how my presence may disgrace me,
That Lady hath a quicke and peircing eye,
Able to search beyond the countenance;
I'le keepe my selfe aloofe, and stand farre off,
Till she hath swallowed downe this guilded bait.
Then can I draw her wheresoe're I list,
And if the common and derided humour
Of some selfe pleasing Poet be not in me,
I cannot chuse but move affection;
This straine will win her.
(he reads to himselfe.
Enough, I must be bold and confident:
Sirrha, goe you, commend my dearest love
With these my letters, to Scientia;
Tell her I plead not my nobility,
Great births, or hopefull fortunes, powerfull friends;
Downe at her honours thrice most sacred feet,
I humbly lay these poore and meane respects,
But me in nought else knowne ambitious,
Though now high soaring purest thoughts of love,
Like Venus silver feathered Dove have drawne
Up towards this high Heaven.
Ignor Elen.
Sir I feare,
Like some imperfect temper'd Meteor,
Neare approaching that high region,
You soone will vanish, and your blazing love
Be quite burnt out.
Fall.
Say first, the glorious light,
That with kind heate doth cherish all the world,
Shall suffer in perpetuall Eclipse.
Ign.
Sir feare not, if faire protestations
May doe you favour, I'le turne prodigall.
Fall.
Well, take the chiefest opportunity;
If I doe injoy her, thou know'st not what's thy share.
Ing.
I goe my Lord.
Exit.
Fall.
Mistake you not your errand;
This is a stupid and forgetfull knave,
But yet my letters may direct 'em:
And compasse easily their dearest loves,
Some with new fashioned and fantastick suites,
I taught to cloake their foule deformities:
The stale and stiffe leg'd Courtier, I have fram'd
To make yong congees, and unthaw'd his joynts;
An old worme-eaten wainscot countenance,
With a fresh varnish I have made to smile,
To win the favour of some yonger wench;
Poore sirs, with broakers suites, and borrowed Liveries.
I have commended to their dimme-ey'd Dames;
The greatest hate, and inequality
To love and reconcilement I have wrought,
And should my selfe dispaire? dispaire dull fooles,
Fallacy cannot be but fortunate.
Enter Opposition.
But here comes
One of my sworne supporters, 'twere full time
I were deliver'd of their tedious service;
I thinke I am able now to stand alone.
Opp.
All happinesse befall my mighty Soveraigne.
Fall.
Thankes trusty faithfull Opposition.
Opp.
We have proclaim'd your Royall Majesty
Rightfull successor to the empty Crowne
Of great Hermenia.
Fall.
But with what successe?
How stands the Commons to our Reigne affected?
Opp.
As if their fortunes were advanc't with yours,
In vollyes of faire acclamations
Through the spacious regions of the ayre,
They send that joy which in their narrow breasts
Seem'd but imprison'd.
Fall.
And it shall be my care
To recompence their loves with our deceite,
For I doe hate ingratitude as death:
How much I am oblieg'd to any; and for you,
Deare Lord, I would I were the Monarch of the world.
Oppos.
Would that procure thy noble hearts content.
No force should barre thee: but we long to heare
How stand your hopes for faire Verona?
Fall.
Why my hopes are cleare,
But yet my thoughts are somewhat over-cast,
To thinke that I should hazard, with my selfe,
The yet unthanked loves of all my friends.
Wer't to be tride out by our wit, or words,
Hee speakes this aside to himselfe.
I could be confident; but boisterous force is.
Yet though I doubt, I feare not, and my friends
With patience will attend the maine event.
Oppos.
What's this my Soveraigne speaketh to himselfe?
My Lord I understand not what you would,
But gathering from your unaccustom'd phrase,
That somewhat much concernes you, I request
Better to be acquainted with your meaning.
Fall.
Lord Opposition, there's not any man
Hath greater interest in me than you;
And therefore looke into my deepest thoughts:
Scientia but even now hath sent me word,
That notwithstanding all her promises
To Demonstration, she could be content,
To place her best affections upon me:
But first entreats me to remove one let.
Oppos.
One let? now were there twenty thousand lets,
We would remove them.
She writes.
Fall.
None but Iudicium's witnesse to her vowes,
Were he dispatch'd, she were resolv'd for me.
Oppo.
Iudicium? now Ile send him downe to hell;
He may prove witnesse before Rhadamant,
But never shall disturbe our peace on earth.
Fal.
Nay, but the matter must be well conceiv'd,
To bid me combate: which I have accepted;
And though I cannot well fore-see the event,
I rest in this, my friends will rest content.
Oppo.
Now I have cause enough of discontent:
Was not I worthy to have kild the slave?
Sir, you shall never undergoe this action:
Or if you needes will fight, then fight with mee;
For I doe vow, unlesse you yeeld in this,
You kindle that proud heate which cannot dye,
But wrapt up in your ashes, or mine owne.
Fall.
Why, good my Lord, what would you have me doe?
I prize your friendship at my kingdomes rate,
Yet somewhat must esteeme my reputation:
At least be pleas'd to meete in some disguise:
'Twas his request to 'escape from conscious eyes,
If he surviv'd, me conquer'd, he might take
Some maske upon him, which small liberty,
Presuming if I pleas'd on the like,
I granted him.
Oppo.
This 'tis, when men of judgement
Doe venture on such weighty actions:
They make all sure, they will prevent the Fates:
I care not how I kill the villaine,
Or who have credit for it; but Ile kill him.
Fall.
Then be perswaded to annoint thy blade
With this enchanted oyle, 'tis strong in vertue.
Opp.
When is the time? where is the place?
Fal.
'Tis here,
Within this houre.
Oppos.
I will but try my sword,
And surely meete him.
Fall.
Nay, but heare a word:
Let me entreat your faithfull secresie,
And above all things, see you keepe it close
From Contradiction, lest he second you.
Opp.
Feare not, we men of action use few words.
Exit.
Well, I perceive that you have vow'd to make
Hermenia's Lord your vassall. Is he gone?
Now I could breake with laughter. What his hare-brain'd sonne?
Ile send to meet him oh twill doe me good,
To see the villains tap each others bloud.
Exit.
Scæ 3.
Enter Ambiguity, and Ignoratio Elenchi.Amb.
Now will I blow up this fellow like a soap bubble. It is
necessary for great men to keep some fools as well as many knavs,
They wil never dispute their businesse. And must
I frame inditements.
Ign.
Yes, tis that I should have told thee sooner.
Amb.
Tis well I must play the Scrich-owle and proclaime
misfortunes, whilst you become the Mercury of more pleasing
messages, imploy'd in tuning the strings of love.
Ign.
Sir you must doe it, like it as you thinke fit.
Amb.
Ile thinke upon it if it be but to sharpen my wits. And
prethee noble Ignoratio Sirnam'd Elenchi; wilt thou prove Pander
and procurer to any man, thy person promiseth more grace,
stayne not thy worthinesse with so base imployments.
Ign.
I never meant it.
Amb.
So I thinke verily, and therefore thou didst undertake it,
Thy brave spirits scorne such service.
Ign.
Yes I doe scorne it.
Amb.
Thou dost know thy selfe.
Ign.
I thinke I doe, and admire my selfe as much as another.
Amb.
Methinks thine owne Idæa should be thy only Mistris.
Ign.
I must confesse I know not that shape that I could ever affect
so well.
Amb.
Why then should not these parts raise thee, Nature and
Fortune have conspir'd about thee. Take but this opportunity,
and triumph over the world.
I doubt not that but I have a farther reach, tis heere, tis
heere will doe it.
Amb.
I warrant tis some admirable plot.
Ign.
Ile to the cunning man for some inchantments.
Amb.
Out upon it, worke by witchcraft, 'twill never prosper.
Ign.
Then I will use some other meanes.
Amb.
Whats that.
Ign.
Why any thou wilt councell me.
Amb.
Then be ruled by me. Thou know'st our master now is
call'd the great Sophisme.
Jgn.
Yes.
Amb.
And thou art Jgnoratio Elenchi.
Ign.
I am so.
Amb.
Now thou art employd upon an honourable message.
Ign.
Well.
Amb.
Proclaim thy self Ambassadour.
Ign.
You say true; turne Ambassadour, but I am no good
speaker.
Amb.
We will help that too; Thou hast his letters, open them,
learn to pronounce them, take his person, frame his posture, speak
as if thou wert the man thou seemest, she will not chuse but answere
expectation. Besure thou act this before good company, a
contract is nothing worth without witnesse.
Ign.
Wouldst thou be there I should speed much the better.
Amb.
I will not faile thee, goe and make thy selfe most richly
fine.
Ign.
I warrant you, you seldome see a man of my wits want
good cloaths. Ile about it straight.
Exit.
Amb.
I care not if I crosse my master in this project, we Creatures
of the lower region, never doe worse then when the higher
bodies grow in conjuction. If the master once fry in a husbandish
affection, the man may freeze and starve in expectation.
Exeunt.
Scæ 3.
Enter Fallacy and Contradiction.Fall.
Deare Contradiction, use all secrecy,
And for my credit get thee some disguise,
Nor speake to him by any meanes, thy voyce
May shame us.
Cont.
If he understand my blows so tis,
He gets no word of me.
Fal.
Here, take with thee this powder, rub therewith
The instruments of thy revengefull wrath;
And, as most vertuous, be victorious.
Exeunt.
| The Sophister | |