 | Hollands Leagver |  |
Scen. 1.
Agurtes, Trimalchio.Agur.
Tis neere about the time he promised.
Trim.
Boy,
Goe and dispatch those Letters presently.
Returne my service to the Lady Lautus.
And carry backe her Watch, and Diamond.
Aske if the Dutchesse has beene there to day.
And if you chance to see the Lord her brother,
Tell him I'll meet him at the Embassadours.
Boy.
I shall Sir.
Agur.
What M. Trimachio.
Yo'are punctuall to your houre.
Trim.
Sir, for your sake,
I can dispense with my occasions.
I had to come to day.
Agur.
Why what's the matter?
Trim.
No lesse then seven Coaches to attend mee,
To fetch me Volens, Nolsus.
Agur.
Pray from whom?
Trim.
The Lord Philantus, and some minor Nobles,
Whose names, I am loath should clog my memorie.
They strove for me, as the seven Græcian Cities
Were said to wrangle about the blinde Poet.
Agur.
How got you rid of them?
Trim.
I had the grace
To goe with none of them, made an excuse.
T'avoyd their troublesome visitations.
Agur.
How doe they rellish your neglect of them?
Trim.
I know not, yet I still abuse them all.
Agur.
How? not abuse them.
Trim.
I meane laugh at them.
Some passages, some sprinkling of my wit,
No otherwise, for which you little thinke
How I am fear'd amongst them, how the Ladies
Are tooke with my conceits, how they admire
My wit, and iudgement, trust me with their secrets,
Beyond their Painter, or Apothecary.
I'll tell you in a word, but 'twill perplexe you,
I am their Lasangphorus.
Agur.
Their Pisse-pot carrier.
Trim.
Their winged Mercury, to be employd
On messages, and for my company,
They sweare it is the Element they move in.
Agur.
You are happy, Signior Trimalchio.
Trim.
I thanke my Fates, they haue not altogether
Envyed me the fruition of such gifts
Are worth the taking notice of, besides
Some speciall helpes of our owne industry.
I lately studied the Economicks.
Agur.
What's that?
Trim.
The ordering of my Familie.
Agur.
As how?
Trim.
I'll tell you, since, my fathers death,
First thing I did, I casheir'd his old seruants;
And to avoid confusion, and expence,
I left the Countrie, to reuell it here.
I'th view of th'world, and in the sight of beauties,
And haue confin'd my selfe unto some certaine
Appendices, some necessary implements.
My single Page, my Coach, my Groome, my Foot-boy,
And my two pentionarie Whores.
Agur.
And these
Are all your inventorie.
Trim.
Stay, who comes there?
Enter Autolicus.
Agur.
O 'tis Autolicus.
My Noble friend and brother of the Sword;
His stomacke, and his Blade are of one temper,
Of equall edge, and will eat flesh alike.
He walkes there melancholy; to shew that worth
Can passe unregarded, be proud to know him,
He is the shrewdest pated fellow breathing,
The onely Engineere in Christendome,
Will blow you up a Caracke like a squib,
And row under water, th'Emperour,
And Spinola, by secret intelligence,
Haue laid out for him any time this ten yeares,
And twice he has escap'd them by a tricke.
He is beyond Dœdalus, or Archimedes,
But liues conceal'd like a Seminary,
For feare the State should take notice of him.
Machavill for policie, was a Dunce to him,
And had he liv'd in Mahomets daies, h'had beene
His onely Counsellor for the Alcaron:
He is newly come from Holland.
Trim.
My bodie
Is all of an itch, to be acquainted with him,
Pray speake to him for me.
Agur.
Nay more, he is able
Able to be imployed beyond the Line.
Trim.
You will for euer thrall me to your service.
Agur.
Harke you, Autolicus, here's a Gentleman,
Who though he be the Phœbus of the Court,
So absolute in himselfe, that the desires
Of all men tend towards him, and has power
Enough, to wander in the Zodiacke
Of his owne worth, yet craves your acquaintance.
Autol.
I take, Signiour Trimalchio.
Trim.
Doe you know me then?
Agur.
By an instinct, Sir, men of quality
Cannot lye hid.
Trim.
Indeed, my fathers name
Was Malchio, for my three additions,
Of Valour, Wit, and Honour, 'tis enlarg'd
To Mr. Trimalchio; this is wonderfull.
Agur.
Alas, 'tis nothing, Sir, if you knew all.
No Ambuscado of the enemy,
No treachery, or plot, but he foresees it.
He was the first brought o're the mysterie
Of building Sconces here in England, a Trade
That many live upon.
Trim.
A good Common-wealths man.
Agur.
But this is certaine, once in a strait Leaguer,
When they were close besieg'd, their Amunition
And victuals, most part spent, he found a meanes,
To yeeld the Towne on composition.
Trim.
Stand by a while, I must reward his vertues.
Sir, will you please t'inlarge your disposition,
T'accept a Curtesie, to binde me to you.
Autol.
I doe not use to sell my liberty,
But that I see your face promise true bounty.
Trim.
Haue you skill in the face, Sir?
Autol.
I were not fit else, to be stil'd traveller.
Trim.
How doe you find my looks inclin'd to State?
Aut.
Sir, you haue won me to powre out my thoughts,
And I must tell you plaine, they are too loose,
Too much displaid, and smooth, you must haue quirks,
And strange Meanders in your face t'expresse
A State subtility, I'll make it plaine.
Hereafter, by demonstration in the Opticks.
Trim.
Who would haue lost the opportunitie
Of getting such a friend? Came you from Holland?
Autol.
Yes, very lately.
Trim.
Pray what newes from Holland?
Autol.
Holland's beleaguer'd.
Trim.
What all Holland beleaguer'd?
Autol.
And wil hold out as long as Busse or Bulloign.
They haue their Mote and Draw-bridge, I haue giuen them
Besides, a draft of a fortification,
Will hold them play this twelve month, for they keepe
Their passage open, and want no supplies,
For whosoeuer comes, they pay them soundly:
The French have made many onflats upon them,
And still beene foyld.
Trim.
Is there such hot service there?
Autol.
Crossing the Line's a Bath to it, I had like
Beene scorcht to death with the intemperature
Of the Climate, 'tis the onely Zona torrida,
In the whole microcosme of man or woman,
If you shall once come neere the height of it,
'Twill melt you like Lightning.
Trim.
Shal's build a Sconce there?
Autol.
If you please.
Trim.
Agreed, who is the Leader of
These factious troupes?
Autol.
A woman.
Trim.
How, a woman?
Now by this hand, an Amazonian,
A Tomaris, a right Penthisile.
I'll view this Leaguer by this light, and swim
Like a Leander o're the Hellespont,
That shall divide me from these Heroines.
Agur.
'Tis well resolu'd, you are not married Sir?
No pox, I know them all too well for that:
I can vse them for recreation, or so.
Agur.
What thinke you of a rich Widow?
Trim.
I'll none of them,
They are like old cloathes that haue beene worne.
Agur.
I like you, that you care not for such relicks;
But yet I thinke I have a match will fit you,
An Orphan, a young heire, that has some thousands,
Besides her possibilities, if you
Can win her, she is at her owne disposing,
There's one that knowes her.
Trim.
By instinct, it may be.
Autol.
But for the patterne of true modesty,
'Tis seldome knowne, riches and vertue meet
In such a mixture.
Trim.
Will you bring me to her?
Agur.
I, and perhaps perswade her to't, you know not
Let us secure this businesse first of all,
And then wee'll meet at the Leaguer.
Autol.
'Tis good counsell.
Trim.
And I'll confirme all with a joynture.
Agur.
Well,
'Tis done,
I'll tell you more of her, shee is one
Whose tender yeares have not as yet aspir'd
The height of wickednesse, but may be brought
To commit venery in her owne language,
And be content with one man, has not rob'd
Young boves of their voices, knowes not her slights,
And doubles, nor her Labyrinths, through which,
The Minotaure her husband shall nere tracke her,
Cannot indite with ar, tnor giue a censure,
Vpon the lines are sent her, has no agents,
No factors, pentioners, or Champions,
Nor has her teares fixt in their Station,
To flow at her command, and so confirme
Her perjury: no large in her expence, nor one
That when she is drest, will call a conventicle
As if her life were gag'd upon the matter,
Nor carries an Ephemerides about with her,
To which sh' ascribes your forked destinie,
Nor is her body crazie, neither takes shee
Physicke for state, nor will rise up at Midnight
To eat her Oisters, and drinke Wine, till lust
Dance in her veines, and till the house turnes round,
And shee discerne not 'twixt her head and taile.
Nor holdeth strange intelligence abroad,
To furnish her discourse with, neither takes shee
Her journie once a yeare to'th Bath, nor is
So learned, as to iudge betwixt your Poets,
Which of them writes best, and fluenst, nor yet
Is growne an Antiquary, to decide
Matters in Heraldry: she has no fucus,
To catch your lips like Birdlime, nor yet uses
Restoratives, more then the helpe of nature;
I'll speake the noblest words I can, of you:
So many women on a meere report,
Doe fall in love with men, before they see them.
Trim.
Nay, when I see her, I am sure of her.
I haue a little hast, I am to meet
A Countesse at th'Exchange within this houre.
Besides, I haue a Catalogue of businesse,
If I could thinke on't: so I take my leaue,
Farewell Gentlemen.
Autol.
Farewell Sir.
Agur.
Farewell sweet M. Coxcombe.
This Wench I so commended, is my daughter.
And if my skill not failes me, her I'll make
A Stale, to take this Courtier in a brake.
| Hollands Leagver | |