University of Virginia Library

Scene II.

A room in Orlando's palace.
Claudio and Orlando meeting.
Orl.
Thanks for thy speed, good Claudio; is all done
As I have ordered?

Clau.
Could I be unwilling
In the performance of what you command,
I'd say with what regret I led Lord Ernest
Into the prison. My dear lord,
He was your father's friend—

Orl.
And he is mine.
You must not think Orlando so forgetful
As to abuse the reverence of age,
An age, like his, of piety and virtue;
'Tis but a fraud of kindness, sportive force.

Clau.
You joy me much, for now I dare to own
I almost thought it was a cruel deed.

Orl.
Nay, you shall hear. The sums he owed my father,
Of which his whole estate is scarce a fourth,
Are never to be claimed, if Hesperus,
His son, be wedded to Olivia. Now
This Hesperus, you tell me, is a votary,
A too much favoured votary of my goddess,
The Dian of our forests, Floribel;
Therefore I use this show of cruelty,
To scare a rival and to gain a brother.

Clau.
Now by the patches on the cheek of the moon,
(Is't not a pretty oath?) a good romance;
We'll have't in ballad metre, with a burthen
Of sighs, how one bright glance of a brown damsel
Lit up the tinder of Orlando's heart
In a hot blaze.

Orl.
Enough to kindle up
An altar in my breast! 'Twas but a moment,
And yet I would not sell that grain of time
For thy eternity of heartlessness.

Clau.
Well, well. I can bear nonsense from a lover;
Oh, I've been mad threescore and eighteen times
And three quarters; written twenty yards, two nails,
An inch and a quarter, cloth measure, of sonnets;
Wasted as much salt water as would pickle
Leviathan, and sighed enough to set up
Another wind;—

Orl.
Claudio, I pray thee, leave me;
I relish not this mockery.

Clau.
Good sir, attend
To my experience. You've no stock as yet
To set up lover: get yourself a pistol
Without a touch-hole, or at least remember,
If it be whole, to load it with wet powder;
I've known a popgun, well applied, or even
The flying of a cork, give reputation
To courage and despair. A gross of garters,
Warranted rotten, will be found convenient.

Orl.
Now you are troublesome.

Clau.
One precept more;
Purge and drink watergruel, lanthorn jaws
Are interesting; fat men can't write sonnets,
And indigestion turns true love to bile.

Orl.
'Tis best to part. If you desire to serve me,
Persuade the boy to sacrifice his passion;
I'll lead him to Olivia, they were wont
In childhood to be playmates, and some love
May lie beneath the ashes of that friendship,
That needs her breath alone to burst and blaze.

[Exeunt.