University of Virginia Library

Scæna prima.

Enter Aurelia and Engin, met by Erotia and Cunicula.
Er.
Cupid defend me, what tempting Ensign's that?

She spies the Breeches hanging on the pole and wonders at them.
En.
Pox on my Ensign, how does Valerio?

Er.
View those exalted hams, Cunicula.

Au.
Hell on these Breeches, how does Valerio?

En.
She must be humour'd. Ile tell the mystery.
My Master to terrefie this his young wife
She still wonders.
Commands me still to bear this shield before her.

Er.
O wicked provocation! Out upon it!

En.
Now wilt thou tell us how Valerio does?

Er.
Valerio, never better in his life;
'Twas onely loss of bloud, his wounds were slight;
He sups with me to night, and now sent word
To Pinnario and Procus to be his Guests.

Au.
Engin give her one of Philarchus bags.
I may believe thee?

Er.
By the reward I hope for.

Au.
So, give it her.

En.
But on condition,
To aid and help us with your pretty Servant.

Er.
Though we lie by it a fortnight.

En.
My Mistris will instruct you. Ile to th' Frier.

Exeunt.
Enter Valerio and Babilas.
Val.
My Babilas, no more, for thy fruition
Has brought a Balsom to restore my health.

Ba.
O my Valerio, were my sister thine
I could with willingness contemn the world
And this Disguize tane off, publish my self
To the rigorous Laws, but when Valerio
Wants Babilas to associate his Designs,
I am not my self, till I have prosecuted
The least of his intents.

Val.
Thou art my bosom,
No thought lies there but what thy fancy breeds:
Then prithee advise me if thou canst, my friend,
VVhich way I might wipe off this foul disgrace
This base Groom gave me?

Ba.
You must not be too rash,
VVhat we resolve must silently be done,
Nor think Valerio to share alone in this.

Val.
Not for my Reputation Babilas.
That were unequal odds against one man.

Ba.
VVere his birth equal to us I confess it,
It were a Cowards act, but to a Peasant
What punishment too great can be inflicted?

Val.
Thou hast clear'd my doubts, then let's consult a while.

Enter Servant.
Ser.
Pinnario Sir and Procus are without.

Ba.
Let me withdraw.

Enter Pin. and Pro.
Val.
By no means Babilas.

Pin.
Pox on your constancy, and why here to night?
Procus has worn his Boots out to the welts
With seeking you.

Pro.
And my heels too I think.
Hah, what Switzers beard is that?

points at Babilas.
Pin.
Who is't Valerio?

Val.
A worthy friend of mine, prithee salute him.

Pin.
Thy friend and we not know him. Noble Sir,
I shall be proud to be esteem'd your servant.

Pro.
And I to kiss your hands.

Ba.
You honour me too much, and did my—

Val.
Nay, prithee no complements,
'Twill hinder our discourse and spoil our mirth:
Come honest Rogues sit down. Boy, some Tobacco.
And now Pinnario tell me, how dost like her?

Aside to Pinnario.
Pin.
Like, who?

Val.
I must devise some way to know
Aside.
Where they have been, you think I know nothing.
Why, what staid Engin here but to relate
What you were ventring for. What, to thy friend?
Slight, were I guilty of my fathers death
I would not hide it from my familiar friend.

Pin.
Why, thou shalt know, Valerio is my friend,
Val. & Pin. whisper whilest Babilas & Pro. take Tobacco.
'Tis but a womans credit lost at most,
If thou should'st blab, walk by, Ile tell thee all.

Ba.
Sir, will you taste of this Tobacco?
Right Spanish I assure you.

Pro.
I love the weed
For the bold Nations sake, I have heard um say,
You may believe a Spaniard on his word
Before an Englishman on forty oaths.

Ba.
Amongst my many Travails, 'twas my fortune
To touch upon that preaching Island.

Pro.
England?

Ba.
'Twas call'd so Sir, till another eat it up.

Pro.
What Country, Sir?

Ba.
They call it Scotland Sir.

Pro.
Miraculous. A hungry Countrey sure.

Ba.
Troth Sir, good store of stones and long thorn'd bushes.

Pro.
The people too devour'd?

Ba.
Most on um Sir,
Some few who clapt hands with the Enemy
Are sav'd, who for a badg of their conformity
Unto the Victors will, sharpened their ears,
And stead of hair, glew'd on their heads the bristles
Of nasty Swine.

Pro.
Why there's my Logick prov'd now,
I remember in my last school disputation,
They laught at me for saying, Homo est asinus rationalis.

Pin.
Incredible by Engin, he durst not do't.

Val.
He dares not cheat as soon, or be a Pander,
But I am glad you scapt so well, if he does so—

Pin.
Nay come thou must not cherish anger Val,
I dare proclame (what ever mov'd him to't)
Him true and faithfull.

Val.
The event will shew it.
Enter Er. & Cun.
What my fat Hostess where hast thou been puffing.

Pro.
Erotia and her Servant.

Er.
Pray pardon.
Sir, I have business with you, lend your ear.

to Pin.
Pin.
Procus a word.

Erot. whispers with Pin. and Proc.
Ba.
What means this whispering?

Val.
A bargain for Cunicula, my life on't.

Pro.
Excellent Engin.

Pin.
At the Friers Cell.
And the pretence Octavian's funeral.

Er.
The better cloak to hide your Enterprize:
For should you be suspected, pretending that—

Val.
Pish, prithee defer this jugling sport a while,
And let's to supper, drink hard, and then
Pox o'the world: we are fit for any Exploit.

Cun.
Sir, supper waits you.

Val.
We come Cunicula.

Exeunt Pro. Val. Erot.
Manet Valerio and Pinnario.
Val.
Hang me, thou shalt profess thy self my foe,
But I will know it.

Pin.
Prithee I must not tell thee.

Val.
Ile tell thee thou art a Coward by this light then,
Forswear thy company—why, hast drank Lethe?
That th'ast forgotten what th'ast promist me?

Pin.
Wilt thou be silent?

Val.
As Octavian's murther'd Ghost.

Pin.
Why then thy hand, thou shalt along with us.
Aurelia's but for a night, thou art mine for ever.

Val.
Nobly resolv'd.

Pin.
And so weel prosecute.

Exeunt.
Enter Rogat and Senio.
Ro.
Sir, what I utter: grant us but your presence,
Ile pawn my honour shall be manifest.

Sen.
Shall I believe Philarchus, whose account
Hath stretcht above the reach of common men,
Whose Character is known about the City,
To be full of faith and awfull gravity.
Shall I believe I say, that this this man
Would dim the lustre of his dear Repute
By such an act as this 'twere sin to credit it.

Ro.
Sir, if my zeal to you hath rais'd your temper,
You must not look now for a rough reply
From him whose grief is rais'd above his anger,
Yet this ith' midst of my extrem'st distraction,
Which for Aurelia's sake I intimate.
Be pleas'd to night to grace Octavian's Hearse
At the Friers Cell, where if I prove not this
Let me be held a Traitour. Think on't. Farewell.
Exit Rog.

Sen.
To all this worlds content if this prove true.
Exit Sen.

Enter Philarchus as in the Closet.
Phi.
Fire, fire, where is't? O that my Gold would turn
To kindled fuel, or my rotten Bonds
Engender flame to burn themselves to ashes,
And thaw my frozen joynts. I quake for cold
Horn'd and sterv'd too, this 'tis for age to dote

Enter Engin.
En.
Heaven bless my Master, your Ague still upon you.

Phi.
O Engin, art thou come, lend me thy hand.
Have I it? tell me, for I have lost my feeling.

En.
Why, you have forgot the Lecture that I read you!
Nay then I see all labours lost on you.
What tremble at a sudden interruption?
VVhy, who'd have thought your wife had been so near?
'Twas a meer chance, for my pains despair not
That way has fail'd, but I have now invented
So sure a plot, so certain a foundation—
VVhy do you start at that should make you glad?
VVhy, this me thinks should raise and rally up
Your blasted spirits, and like an angry Ram
Make you retreat to run with greater force.

Phi.
Fa la la, la la fa, la la la, fa la.

Dances.
En.
Stampt like Bucephalus, agen, agen Sir.
O lechery in age what Monster art thou?

Phi.
Come lovely Phillis, since that thy will is—

En.
So does the shadow hurt the tender Grass
Or mornings dew suppress the opening flowers,
He dances whilest Engin talks.
As does the nimble feet of young Philarchus
Imprint their weight upon the fruitfull earth.

Phi.
I could now caper ore the Moon me thinks.

En.
Over an earthly Moon, (be rul'd by me)
And you shall presently.

Phi.
How? where? which way?

En.
How he inchants himself within the nooz?
Aside.
Such is my care and diligence to serve you,
Forgetfull of my self and all the world,
So I may purchase your high prized favour.

Phi.
My favour Engin.

En.
'Tis that I onely aim at:
And to give fire and level at my ends,
Hear Sir the cunningst plot wit ere found out:
This night, this night, this happy pleasant night
You are to meet at the holy Friers Cell,
The rarest Pidgeon, comfortablest Dove—

Phi.
But what affairs shall I pretend my Engin?

En.
Why, your wife with Senio your father in law,
Are both invited to Octavian's funeral:
Set out with them, 'twill be a good excuse;
And once being there, by me you shall be led
Where you shall finde—

Phi.
Such pastime, such delight.

En.
Wolf, how the meer conceit makes his Chaps mumble?
Why are you idle Sir? by this they are going.

Phi.
But for thy reward, nay, in faith thou shalt.

Gives him money,
En.
I have batter'd yet the Rock, if I do split.

Exeunt.
Enter Rogat and Frier.
Fr.
Yet I think it not unfit since all's prepar'd,
If you do make a second invitation.

Ro.
Doubtless he'l come.

Fr.
We must be certain, Rogat.
If Senio fail our enterprize is lost:
A minutes complement and they are ours.

Ro.
Since you will have it so I am content.
Exit Rog.

Fr.
Thus the wounds which bleeding were
Are now stopping by my care.
'Tis the glory of the Frier
To be Chorus in this Quire,
Where our sorrows are divorcing,
And no envy reinforcing.
Thus innocence at last shall wear the Crown,
When vice its self with her own hands plucks down.