Scripscrapologia or, Collins's Doggerel Dish Of All Sorts. Consisting of Songs Adapted to familiar Tunes, And which may be sung without the Chaunterpipe of an Italian Warbler, or the ravishing Accompaniments of Tweedle-Dum or Tweedle-Dee. Particularly those which have been most applauded in the author's once popular performance, call'd, The Brush. The Gallimaufry garnished with a variety of comic tales, quaint epigrams, whimsical epitaphs, &c. &c. [by John Collins] |
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WAR ON EARTH DERIVED FROM HEAVEN.
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 | Scripscrapologia |  |
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WAR ON EARTH DERIVED FROM HEAVEN.
A Tale.
Where smiling Peace and Plenty dwell,
And health and jocund glee,
Few hearts conceive, or tongues can tell,
Why Wars should ever be.
And health and jocund glee,
Few hearts conceive, or tongues can tell,
Why Wars should ever be.
Yet some there are, so prone to strife,
And prompt to pugnant coil,
That all the business of their life
Seems tumult and turmoil.
And prompt to pugnant coil,
That all the business of their life
Seems tumult and turmoil.
And rather than sit down in peace,
And crouch to Reason's laws,
They'd fight for feathers dropt from geese,
Or go to cuffs for straws.
And crouch to Reason's laws,
They'd fight for feathers dropt from geese,
Or go to cuffs for straws.
And this to prove,—two surly clowns,
Were reeling home one night,
From alehouse, where their sappy crowns
They'd soak'd in sodd'ning plight:
Were reeling home one night,
From alehouse, where their sappy crowns
They'd soak'd in sodd'ning plight:
And while the azure-tinted sky,
Spread out its clear expanse,
And all the glittering train on high,
Seem'd o'er their heads to dance:
Spread out its clear expanse,
And all the glittering train on high,
Seem'd o'er their heads to dance:
Quoth Clump to Clod, “I'll tell thee what,
I only wish that I
As much good Pasture Land had got
As I can zee blue sky.”
I only wish that I
As much good Pasture Land had got
As I can zee blue sky.”
“And I (quoth Clod to Clump) should like
Thy wish to beat by far,
And have, to prove a wealthier tyke,
An Ox for every star.”
Thy wish to beat by far,
And have, to prove a wealthier tyke,
An Ox for every star.”
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“Ay, but (says Clump) to veed them all
What Pasture could be vound?”
“Enough, (says Clod) for, great and small,
I'd veed 'em in thy Ground.”
What Pasture could be vound?”
“Enough, (says Clod) for, great and small,
I'd veed 'em in thy Ground.”
“No, not without my leave;” (says Clump)
“Ay, that I would,” (says Cloddy)
Quoth Clump, “then thee my hide shalt thump,
Or I'll well bump thy body.”
“Ay, that I would,” (says Cloddy)
Quoth Clump, “then thee my hide shalt thump,
Or I'll well bump thy body.”
So to't they went, both Clump and Clod,
As fast as fist could fag;
Till both lay sprawling on the sod,
And scarce a fist could wag.
As fast as fist could fag;
Till both lay sprawling on the sod,
And scarce a fist could wag.
“Now where's your Oxen, Clod?” (says Clump)
“And where (says Clod) your Ground?”
Both sigh'd—and carcase rais'd on rump,
In vain for both look'd round.
“And where (says Clod) your Ground?”
Both sigh'd—and carcase rais'd on rump,
In vain for both look'd round.
Then, shaking hands, they curs'd all jars,
And all deceiving eyes,
That look'd for Oxen from the stars,
And Pasture from the skies.
And all deceiving eyes,
That look'd for Oxen from the stars,
And Pasture from the skies.
MORAL.
Thus those who make of war a jest,And bloodshed treat with laughter;
Under no stars can here be blest,
Nor in the skies hereafter.
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