University of Virginia Library

SCENE V.

Enter TRANIO.
Tra.
[apart.]
Great Jove with all his might, and all his power,
Is seeking mine, and my young master's ruin.—
All hope is gone—No ground remains for courage,
Nor could salvation's self, had she a mind,
Now save us. What a mountain of distress
Have I just seen at port! My master's landed,
And Tranio ruin'd—Is there any here
[to the spectators.
Would earn a little gain, and take my place
At the whipping-post?—Where are your hardned rogues
Will bear a flogging?—Or, for a trifling sum,
Would with their lances, dare attack a tower—
Where you may have five hundred spears at once
Fix'd in your body—I will give a talent
To the first man shall run and seize my gibbet.
But 'tis on this condition, that his legs
And arms be doubly bound; and when that's done,
Let him demand his money: he shall have it.
But what a dog am I not to scour home—?

Philol.
Our supper's come—See, Tranio, from the port.

Tra.
Philolaches—

Philol.
The matter?—

Tra.
I and you—

Philol.
What do you mean by I and you?—

Tra.
Are ruin'd.

Philol.
How so?—

Tra.
Your father's here.—

Philol.
What's that you tell me?

Tra.
Undone! undone!—I say, your father's coming—

Philol.
Where is he, prithee!—

Tra.
Just upon my heels—

Philol.
Who says so? Who has seen him?—

Tra.
That have I.
I say, I saw him—

Philol.
What am I about?

Tra.
A mischief on you! ask what you're about?
About your supper—

Philol.
You yourself have seen him!

Tra.
I have, I say—

Philol.
Indeed!—

Tra.
I say, indeed—

Philol.
Undone indeed, if what you say is true.

Tra.
What shall I get by telling you a lie?

Philol.
What's to be done?—

Tra.
Order these things away—
Who's that asleep?—

Philol.
Why, Callidamates—

Tra.
Awake him, Delphium—

Del.
Callidamates!
Why, Callidamates! awake—

Cal.
Well—well, [drunk]

I wake—Give me a cup of wine.—

Del.
Wake, wake—
Philolaches's father's just arriv'd—

Cal.
I hope—his father's well—

Philol.
He's well—and I
Undone—

Cal.
Undone! How can that be?—Undone!

Philol.
Up—Here's my father coming—

Cal.
Father coming—
Bid him—begone again—What comes he here for?

Philol.
What shall I do? Wretch! Shall my father find me
Immers'd in riot; his house full of guests,
And wenches?—A sad job, to dig a well,
When your throat's parch'd with thirst—And that's my case;
Who, now my father's come, am quite bewildered.

Tra.
See how he nods! He's fast again—Wake, rouse him.

Philol.
What not wake yet! My father will be here
Immediately, I tell you—

Cal.
Father, say you?
My pumps! I'd arm—I'll kill your father for you.

Philol.
Peace! you'll spoil all—I beg you, lead him in
Immediately—

[to Delph.
Cal.
A jourdan! or by Hercules!
I'll make one of you all—

[he is led off.
Philol.
Undone—

Tra.
No—Courage!
My wit shall ease you of that fear—Have courage—

Philol.
Quite ruin'd—

Tra.
Peace! I shall contrive for you,
To lay this storm—Shall you be satisfied,
If I not only bar your father's entrance
Within these doors, but make him fly the house?
Go all into the house; and with you take
These things—Make hast—

Philol.
And where then I, the while?

Tra.
Where you like best—With this girl, or with that—

Del.
Why, what's the matter now? Are we to move?

Tra.
No farther off than this; [pointing with his finger.]
nor need you drink
One cup the less on that account.—

Philol.
Fine words!
But where they'll end—I'm in a sweat for fear.

Tra.
Can you be quiet, and obey command?

Del.
Yes, yes, I can—

Tra.
First, Philematium then
Walk in; and Delphium, you—

Del.
We're all obedience.

[Exeunt Phil. and Delph.
Tra.
Jove grant you may! Now mark what I'd have done.
First, when the doors are lock'd, take heed within
That not a whisper's heard—

Philol.
I'll warrant you—

Tra.
As if no living soul were in the house—

Philol.
Well—

Tra.
And be sure let no man answer, when
The old man knocks—

Philol.
Any thing farther?—

Tra.
Bid them
Bring out to me the master key of the house,
That I may lock the door on the outside.

Philol.
To thy protection, Tranio, I commend
Myself and all my hopes—

[they go in.
Tra.
It matters not
A feather, be a man supported, or
By patron, or by client, if himself
Wants steadiness and courage. Every one
Or best or worst, can act with craft enough,
Tho' ne'er so suddenly—Give me the key,
Go in and shut the door— [to the Boy, who goes in.]
but the great care
And mastery of the art, is, where the roguery
Is plann'd and executed, so to manage
That nothing rise to shame the great projector:
That all run smooth, and happy be the issue:
As you shall see me do, and all this bustle
Glide glibly on, without a check to hurt us—
Re-enter BOY.
But what d'you mean by coming out? Undone!
How well my orders are obey'd!—

Boy.
My master
Has order'd me most earnestly to beg you
Some how to scare his father from the door.
See, here he comes—

Tra.
Go back, and tell him this;
That I shall take such measures, he shan't dare
To look upon the house; but veil his head,
And run away for fear—Give me the key—
In—Shut the door—I'll lock it without side.
[Exit Boy.
Now let him come—And he shall see alive
Such games perform'd to his honour, as I trust,
Will ne'er be paid him dead—But I'll retire,
And reconnoitre, where I best may load
His shoulders with this burthen, when he enters—

[Exit.