University of Virginia Library

SCENE III.

Enter PHILEMATIUM and SCAPHA.
Philem.
By Castor's temple! now I swear, my Scapha,
I've not this long while bath'd with greater pleasure;
Nor ris'n more pure from the cold wave, than now.

Sca.
Th'event of every thing with you succeeds,
Like the rich harvest to the year—

Philem.
What's harvest
To my cold bath?—

Sca.
Just what your bath's to harvest.

Re-enter PHILOLACHES.
Philol.
[apart.]
Love's lovely Goddess! This, this is my storm
That strip'd the modesty once cover'd me.
Cupid and love have rain'd into my breast,
Nor can I roof it in. My heart's strong walls
Soak'd thro', my fabrick fails—

Philem.
I prithee, Scapha,
Look if this dress becomes me; for I'd fain
Please my Philolaches, my lov'd protector—

Sca.
That pretty person, is it not adorn'd
Enough with pretty manners? No: our garments
The men admire not, but what stuffs them out.

Philol.
[apart.]
Now as the Gods shall love me, Scapha's waggish.
How knowing the jade is! and how prettily
She has learn'd the art of love, and lover's maxims!

Philem.
What say you now?

Sca.
What should I say?

Philem.
Look at me;
And see if this becomes me?—

Sca.
In yourself
You are so handsome, every thing becomes you.

Philol.
[apart.]
This day, my Scapha, shalt thou find me grateful;
Nor ever shall thy praise of her I love
Pass unrewarded—

Philem.
I'd not have you flatter me.

Sca.
A simple woman! Had you rather then
Be discommended, when there is no room for't,
Than prais'd with truth? By Pollux! I'd much rather
Be spoken well of, tho' there were no truth in't,
Than be found fault with; and to have my beauty
A laughing-stock for others—

Philem.
I love truth:
And wish to have it always spoken to me,
I hate a liar.—

Sca.
May you so love me,
So may your own Philolaches love you
As you are truly charming!—

Philol.
[apart.]
Ah! the jade?
What adjuration!—By my love to her!
Why was not added, by her love to me!
You've lost again your promis'd recompence.
Then I revoke my gifts; 'tis over with you.

Sca.
By Pollux! 'tis amazing! you that are
So clever, so accomplish'd, so brought up,
And not a fool, should act so foolishly—

Philem.
Tell me, if I'm in fault—

Sca.
By Castor! yes.
It is a fault, when your whole wish is center'd
In him alone, and still to humour him
Your chief regard; all other men despis'd.
'Tis a wife's duty, not a courtezan's,
To be devoted to a single lover.

Philol.
[apart.]
Jove! what a plague is this come to my house?
May all the Gods in the worst way confound me,
If I be not the death of that old jade,
By hunger, thirst and cold—

Philem.
I would not Scapha
Should counsel me bad measures—

Sca.
Fool indeed!
If you can think to keep this man for ever
Your friend and benefactor. Take my warning,
When age and when satiety come on,
He will desert you—

Philem.
Nay, I hope not so.

Sca.
Things we not hope for, oftner come to pass,
Than things we wish—If you'll not take my word,
Let fact convince you. See an instance here,
In what I now am, and in what I have been.
I once had my admirers, as you now;
And was to one devoted—And that one
Left me, as soon as age began to change
The colour of my hair—Deserted me—
And this will be your case—

Philol.
[apart.]
I scarce refrain
From plucking out the eyes of this incendiary.

Philem.
'Tis right I keep myself alone for him,
Who of himself alone, with his own money
Gave me my freedom.

Philol.
[apart.]
By the immortal Gods!
She's a sweet girl—and of chast disposition!
By Hercules! I've done well; and I rejoice,
That I'm not worth a drachma for her sake.

Sca.
Silly indeed!—

Philem.
Why so?—

Scap.
To be uneasy,
Whether or no he loves you.—

Philem.
And why, prithee!
Should I not be uneasy?

Sca.
You're now free:
You have what you desire—Of his free choice
If now he did not love you, he'd have lost
The money which he gave to buy your freedom.

Philol.
[apart.]
I'll die myself, by Hercules! but I'll put
That jade to a most cruel death! This bawd,
This ill-persuading bawd is absolutely
Corrupting of the girl—

Philem.
No, never can I
Repay, as he deserves, my obligations.
Scapha, persuade me not to love him less.

Sca.
Expect then, if you will devote your prime
To him alone, to sigh in vain when old—

Philol.
[apart.]
O that I now were chang'd into a quinsey,
To seize her throat, and strangle the vile jade.

Philem.
'Tis fit that I preserve the same mind now
That my desires obtain'd; to compass which,
I sooth'd him with caresses—

Philol.
[apart.]
May the Gods
Act all their pleasure on me, for that speech,
If I'd not free thee once again! and be
The death of Scapha!—

Sca.
If you're well assur'd
Your lover still will to your yoke submit,
And be your own for life, e'en humour him,
And him alone.—Be to him like a wife.

Philem.
People thrive well but as their names are fair.
Let me but keep my fame and character,
I shall be rich enough—

Philol.
[apart.]
By Hercules!
If it must come to selling, I'll e'en sell
My father, rather than I'll suffer thee
To want, or be a beggar while I live—

Sca.
What's to become then of your other lovers?

Philem.
They'll love me better, when they see me grateful.

Philol.
[apart.
O that I now could hear my father's dead,
That I at once myself might disinherit,
And make this girl my heir!—

Sca.
He can't hold long.
Whole days and nights consum'd in eating, drinking,
No thought of thrift—the fellow's a meer sty—

Philol.
[apart.]
By Hercules! you first shall feel my thrift,
For you no more shall eat and drink with me.

Philem.
Speak well of him; talk on: but if you abuse him,
By Castor's temple! you shall suffer for it.

Philol.
[apart.]
By Pollux' temple! had I sacrific'd
To mighty Jove what I disburs'd for her,
I'd not so well bestow'd it—Mark how well,
How heartily she loves me—Wisely done,
To plead my cause, I've freed an advocate.

Sca.
Philolaches, I see, outweighs mankind
In your esteem—I'd better join with you,
Than smart for him, since you're so well assur'd
He'll be your friend for ever—

Philem.
Reach the mirror;
The casket too, where all my trinkets are:
Quick! that I may be dress'd, when my delight,
My dear Philolaches shall hither come.

Sca.
The woman that neglects herself, her youth,
Had need a mirror use: but why should you,
Who are yourself a mirror to the mirror?

Philol.
[apart.]
Scapha, that pretty turn, shall something add
To your own stock. Sweet Philematium!

Philem.
See if each hair be nice, and in its place.

Sca.
So nice yourself, doubt not your hair's so too.

Philol.
[apart.]
What character can e'er be given worse
Than is that jade's? All flattery now; before,
All opposition—

Philem.
Quick! give me the white.

Sca.
What need have you of white?—

Philem.
To paint my cheeks.

Sca.
Oh! that's like making ivory white with ink.

Philol.
[apart.]
Wittily said that of the ink and ivory!
'Tis well said, Scapha; I applaud you for it.

Philem.
Give me the red then!—

Sca.
No—You're merry sure!
What! spoil a finish'd piece with a new daubing?
Such bloom as thine, no paint should ever touch,
No wash come near, ceruse, nor white of Melo—

Philem.
Take then the mirror—

Philol.
[apart.]
What a jade! she has kiss'd it.
O for a stone to break it all to shatters!

Sca.
Here, take the towel—Wipe your hands—

Philem.
Why so?

Sca.
Lest having touch'd the mirror, they smell silvery;—
And never must Philolaches suspect
You have been touching silver—

Philol.
[apart.]
I scarce know
I ever met with a more cunning bawd—
Why, what a witty thought; a subtle one
The jade had 'bout the mirror!—

Philem.
What do'st think?
Should I perfume me?—

Sca.
By no means.

Philol.
And why?

Sca.
A woman's best smell is to smell of nothing:
I swear 'tis true—Your 'nointed hags, who still
New vamp themselves, and hide with paint their wrinkles,
When once the sweat and perfumes mix, will stink
Worse than the greasy compound, when a cook
Pours all his broths together. None can say
Of what they smell; but only they smell ill.

Philol.
How learnedly the jade treats every thing!
The knowing ones less knowing than herself!
[to the spectators.
You know this true, who have old wives at home,
That bought you with their portions—

Philem.
This gold robe!
See, does't become me well enough, my Scapha?—

Sca.
That is not my concern—

Philem.
Then, prithee, whose?

Sca.
I'll tell you—'Tis Philolaches's—His;
That he may never buy you what you like not:
For 'tis with gold and purple lovers buy
Their mistress' favours; and what need have you
To make a shew of what he does not want.
Hide age in purple—Gold becomes not youth,
A naked beauty is more charming, than
From head to foot in purple. 'Tis in vain
A woman is well dress'd, if ill behav'd.
Ill conduct soils the finest ornaments,
As bad as dirt: for if a woman's handsome,
She's dress'd enough—

Philol.
[apart.]
Too long I've held me from her.
What are you two about?—

[shewing himself.
Philem.
I'm decking out
Myself to please your eye—

Philol.
You're dress'd enough.
Do you go in [to Scapha]
and take this finery.
But you, my Philematium, my delight,
I would regale with you—

Philem.
And I am for you,
My love, my only joy, your pleasure's mine.

Philol.
That word, my love, is cheap at twenty minæ.

Philem.
Then give me ten, my dear—I'll sell a bargain.

Philol.
You have got ten already—Cast the account.
I gave just thirty minæ for your freedom

Philem.
And why reproach me?—

Philol.
Can I then reproach thee?
With what I wish to be reproach'd myself?
I have not laid out money, many a day
More to my satisfaction—

Philem.
And I'm sure,
I never better can employ my pains,
Than in the love I bear you—

Philol.
We're agreed—
Debtor and creditor—We love each other,
And both, we think deservedly—May all
Who joy in ours, joy in their own good fortune,
Who envy us, ne'er envy'd be themselves—

Philem.
Then take your place—Some water for our hands—
Boy, set the little table here—The dice—
Would you have perfumes?—

Philol.
Ah! what need of perfumes?
When happy, I recline myself near you.
But is not that my friend, who's coming hither,
And with his mistress too?—See Callidamates
Approaches with his mistress—Come on, love—
Our comrades! See, they expect to share our plunder—