University of Virginia Library

13. A Chapter for Young Men.

AT about the age of fifteen years, the lad begins to assume the characteristics of the young man. The shoulders broaden, the voice deepens, a rapid growth in hight and an increase in weight occurs, and slight symptoms of a beard make their appearance. The physiological changes which take place in the body at this time are of serious import, and exert a profound influence upon all parts of the body, The sexual functions, which have heretofore been wholly placid, provided the individual has been reared normally, now become more active, as indicated by the increased development of the organs. There is not, necessarily, however, any functional activity or excitement of the sexual system. If properly educated, and surrounded by the proper influences, a boy of this age will know nothing of the overwhelming excitements of the sexual functions; and for some years longer, these organs are by nature intended to remain passive, no natural demand for their use occurring until after the body has attained full maturity.

Unfortunately, however, the natural order of things is too frequently interfered with through the influence of evil companions, and the majority of boys become more or less contaminated morally long before this period. Fortunate, indeed, is the boy who at the attainment

of puberty has acquired no form of sexual vice. The nature of these vices, and the manner in which they have been acquired, has been fully considered in another chapter. The facts there stated, need not here be recapitulated.

It is important, however, to emphasize the fact that at this period the natural development of the sexual organs renders them peculiarly liable to excitement, and hence those who have up to this time been so fortunate as to escape the acquirement of any evil practice, are now liable to make the fatal discovery, which may be the means of effecting their physical and moral ruin. Hence it is important for parents to set about their boys at this time the most careful safeguards, to warn them of the evils they are likely to encounter, and by good council, to fortify them against the temptations they are sure to meet. It is also important for young men who are passing through this dangerous epoch of life, to appreciate, as they are very apt not to do, the dangers which threaten them, and the importance of receiving and implicitly obeying the good council of parents and wise friends, which their superior experience is capable of giving them.

Pure Manners. — One of the greatest safeguards against the dangers surrounding this critical period, is that sensitiveness to grossness and vulgarity which is the result of the cultivation from earliest childhood of purity of manners. A boy who has been accustomed to indulge in vulgar, gross, obscene, or profane language, is very likely to fall into evil practices; while a boy who has always cultivated gentlemanly manners, purity of speech, etc., will, on the other hand, be very unlikely

to yield to the temptations which are thrown about him.

Irreligion. — The lad who scoffs at religion, who presumes to mock at piety, who has no interest in the Sabbath-school, and who attends church only when compelled to do so, is in a fair way to become addicted to all sorts of iniquities. Probably there is not one in a hundred among boys of this class who does not become addicted to some form of vice. Religion is the best of all safeguards against these debasing vices, as well as all other forms of sin, and no young man can afford to begin his career in life without the aid to be afforded by genuine religion; and of all helps which can be obtained, religious influences, through the Sabbath-school, church, etc., are the greatest.

The growing disregard for religion among young men is one of the most characteristic features of the time, and this tendency accounts in part for the almost universal prevalence of sexual vices among young men of the present day.

Wrong Ideas about Women. — From what the author has learned through conversation with hundreds of young men who have been under his professional care, he is convinced that most of them entertain a very incorrect idea respecting young women. While there are undoubtedly many exceptions, it is certainly true that among the better class of refined and cultivated ladies, the sexual passions are comparatively dormant. The young man who allows his sexual passions to predominate his thoughts and to a large extent his conduct, is wholly in error in thinking the average woman is a creature after his own sort.

The author has met several instances in which he had every reason to believe that young women who had been led from the path of virtue, had not been actuated by the desire for sexual gratification, but were led astray through a desire to please those who had won their affections.

There are, of course, plenty of young women whose minds and manners have been corrupted by evil associations, and this class are undoubtedly responsible for the grossly incorrect estimate which most young men form of the character of young women; and these young women have undoubtedly led into vice many young men who otherwise might have escaped. Certainly, young men must not be charged with being the only emissaries of vice. A good many cases have come to the knowledge of the author in which "hired girls" of "loose morals" have led into evil ways boys just approaching manhood, who had previously been wholly ignorant of vice.

Sowing Wild Oats. — A vast deal of harm comes through the opinion prevalent in the world that a young man may "sow his wild oats" for a few months or a few years without doing himself very much harm, and without lessening his chances for success in life. The fact that hundreds of young men do run wild for awhile, going into all sorts of wickedness, frequenting the saloon and gambling table, and the lowest haunts of vice, and yet are received back into good society, if indeed they are not all the while recognized as "real good fellows," though unfortunately a little "fast," and placed on equal footing with those who have never gone astray, is no excuse for such a course. Indeed, there are

plenty of women who express a decided preference for these fast young men, and consider a moderate degree of wickedness as quite an accomplishment, rather than a shame and a disgrace, as it should be to every intelligent and pure-minded woman.

The young man who imagines he can sow wild oats even for a brief period without suffering serious injury, will find himself greatly mistaken if he makes the attempt. Let him consider before he begins this evil course, that a single act of sin may cost him a life of wretchedness, morally and physically. Every physician of experience has seen plenty of cases in which the first act of sexual indulgence was the means of the contraction of some horrible disease which resulted in the total blighting for life of all prospects for happiness.

The mental, moral, and physical scars accompanying a fast life, even though continued but a short time, are often ineradicable, and are carried by the patient through a life of bitter repentance.

Another fact for the benefit of those who think lightly on this subject: Steps taken in the direction of a sensual life are not easily retraced. The libertine, after he has once started in a career of vice, frequently forgets his resolutions to reform after a brief period of self-indulgence, and plunges deeper and deeper into vice, until all desire for reformation has been dissipated, or until the power to reform is at last totally paralyzed. No truer words were ever uttered than those of the wise man; "As for him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him: stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant. But he knoweth not that the dead are there; and that her guests are in the depths of hell."

Getting Married. — The majority of young women expect sooner or later to marry. Many are altogether in too much of a hurry to consummate the most important of all the acts of their lives, and rush into matrimony as though it were a matter of the most trifling consequence. Marriage is not regarded with that respect which the sacredness of this Heaven-born institution properly demands. The ease by which divorces can be obtained, has undoubtedly contributed much to the hasty manner in which this step is taken, and it is to be hoped that some means may be devised by which this growing evil may be checked.

We do not propose to offer a long homily on the subject of marriage, but have a few words of advice which may possibly be of service.

1. Be careful to prepare for marriage by making yourself worthy of a good, pure woman. Cultivate honesty, sincerity, and purity of thought and manners, and a generous variety of those graces and qualities which serve to make up a good and useful man.

2. Do not allow yourself to be captivated by fine clothes and a pretty face, or a piquant manner and an artful smile. All these qualities are superficial, and not correct guides to form an estimate of character. Seek real moral worth, real solidity of character, genuineness, sincerity, faithfulness, and simplicity. These are qualities which will form a firm, substantial basis for genuine affection.

3. Avoid a young woman devoted to fashion; who finds her chief enjoyment in balls, theaters, and fashionable dissipation. Young women of this class are in a state of ill health mentally and morally and usually phys-

ically, and are utterly deficient in the qualities essential to the making of a good wife.

4. We may also suggest the importance of health, of physical and mental adaptation, of proper relation as regards age; but these are all points which will readily occur to the mind of any young man possessed of a fair share of good judgment and common sense, and need not be dwelt upon here.

The Young Husband. — After you have married a lady, and pledged yourself in the most solemn manner to love, cherish, and protect her, see to it that you do not, within a few weeks, forget your marriage vow. Too many young men take a wife as they would buy a horse, or any other piece of property, and imagine that as soon as the ceremony is over, the young woman becomes their private property, and that they are at liberty to do what they please. Every husband should recollect that marriage gives him no proprietorship over his wife. Marriage is simply a contract between two individuals, who agree to work in harmony for each other's mutual advancement and interest. Each one pledges himself to protect the rights and regard the interests of the other.

Think of this, young man, and regulate your conduct accordingly. First of all, make up your mind that you will not make a beast of yourself. Too many young men behave themselves in such a beastly manner during the first week of their married life, that they forfeit all right to the respect of their wives, and not infrequently a young woman who, previous to marriage, regarded her affianced as the embodiment of all that is good and pure and noble, has her mental and

moral sensibilities so shocked by gross and brutal behavior as soon as the marriage ceremony has placed her in his power, that her love for him is totally exhausted, and often so effectively that it can never be resuscitated.

Bear this fact in mind, young man. Curb your passions. Control your propensities, and years hence you will look back upon your conduct with a satisfaction which will increase your self-respect, and as you reflect upon the matter, the wealth of a Rothschild would not purchase from you the satisfaction of thinking that you acted the part of a man, rather than that of a beast.

The brutal conduct of husbands, even on the first night of marriage, not infrequently entails upon their wives a lifetime of suffering. Such individuals are quite unworthy the name of men. They are fit only to be classed with the rakes who violate defenseless virgins, and treat women as though they were made for no other purpose than the gratification of the beastly propensities of brutal men.

If you have a good wife, cherish her, behave yourself in such a way as to command her esteem and respect; and you may be sure she will be true to you, and the happiness she may bring to you will more than compensate for the pains you can take to cultivate her love and her respect. A great share of the infelicity of married people grows out of the fact that as soon as the honey-moon is past, and often immediately after the ceremony is over, they cease to act like men and women, and begin to conduct themselves like children. In consequence, they soon lose their respect for one another, and all sorts of disagreements and difficulties arise.

Always conduct yourself in such a way that you will be sure not to lose the respect of your wife, and you will thereby gain in self-respect, and will also have the esteem and respect of your fellow-men.