 | Comedy of Errors |  |
14
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA
Adr.
Neither my husband, nor the slave return'd,
That, in such haste, I sent to seek his master?
Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.
Luc.
Perhaps some merchant has invited him,
And from the mart, he's somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine, and never fret;
A man is master of his liberty,
Will come, or go -therefore be patient, sister.
Ad.
Why should their liberty be more than ours?
Luc.
Because their bus'ness still lies out of door.
Ad.
Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
Luc.
He is the bridle of your actions, sister.
Ad.
None, but an ideot, would be bridled so.
Luc.
Why, headstrong liberty belongs to man,
And ill befits a woman's gentle mind.
There's nothing situate under Heaven's eye,
But hath it's bound in earth, in sea, and air;
The beasts, the fishes, and the winged tribes,
Are their males subjects, and at their controul.
Man, more divine, the master of them all
Indued with intellectual sense and soul,
Is master to his female -nay her lord!
Let then your will attend on his commands.
Ad.
This servitude makes you remain unwed.
Luc.
Not this, but troubles of the marriage state.
Ad.
But were you wedded, you would bear some rule.
Luc.
Before I wed I'll practise to obey.
Ad.
How, if your husband start some other where?
Luc.
With all the gentle, artificial means,
That patient meekness, and domestic cares
could bring to my relief, I would beguile
The intervening hours, till he, tir'd out
15
To seek content and hapiness at home -
With smiles I'd welcome him, and put in practice
Each soothing art, that kindness could suggest,
To wean his mind from such delusive joys.
Ad.
O special reasoning! well may they be patient,
Who never had a cause for anger given them!
How easily we cure another's grief!
But, were we burthen'd with like weight of woe,
As much, or more, we should ourselves complain.
So thou, who hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
Would'st comfort me, by urging helpless patience;
But should'st thou live to see these griefs thine own,
This boasted patience would be thrown aside.
Luc.
Well, I will marry one day, but to try -
Here comes your man, now is your husband near.
Enter Dromio of Epheus
Ad.
Say is your tardy master now at hand?
Dr. of Eph.
Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two
ears can witness.
Ad.
Say, did'st thou speak with him? Know'st thou his mind?
Dr. of Eph.
Ay, Ay, he told his mind upon my ear;
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
Luc.
Spake he so doubtfully, thou could'st not find his meaning?
Dr. of Elph
Nay he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his
blows: and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce understand
them.
Ad.
But say, I pray thee, is he coming home?
It seems, he has great care to please his wife!
Dr. of Eph.
Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
Luc.
Horn-mad, thou villain!
Dr. of Eph.
I mean not cuckold-mad, but sure he's stark-mad.
When I desir'd him to come home to dinner,
He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold.
'Tis dinner time, quoth I -my gold, quoth he -
Your meat doth burn, quoth I -my gold, quoth he -
Where are the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?
The pig, quoth I, is burn'd -my gold, quoth he -
My mistress, sir, quoth I -hang up thy mistress!
I do not know thy mistress -out on thy mistress!
Luc.
Quoth who?
Dr. of Eph.
Quoth my master -
16
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders -
For, in conclusion, he did beat me hither.
Ad.
Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
Dr. of Eph.
Go back again, and be new beaten home!
For heavens sake, send some other messenger.
Ad.
Hence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.
Dr. of Eph.
Am I so round with you, as you with me,
That, like a football, you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither.
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
Exit
Luc.
Fie! how impatience lowereth on your brow!
Ad.
His company must do his minions grace,
While I, at home, starve for a cheerful look.
Hath homely age th'alluring beauty stole
From my poor cheek? no, he hath wasted it.
Are my discourses low? barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be dull'd,
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That's not my fault -he's master of my fortunes.
What ruins are in me, that can be found
By him not ruin'd? -Then is he the cause
Of my defeatures -my decayed beauty,
A funny look of his would soon repair:
But, too unruly deer! he breaks the pale,
And feeds from home -poor I am left despis'd.
Luc
Self-harming jealousy! fie! beat it hence.
Ad.
I know his eye doth homage other-where,
Or else, what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promis'd me a bracelet -
Some stranger fair hath caught his truant eye,
And triumphs in the gifts design'd for me.
Such trifles yet with ease I could forego,
So I were sure he left his heart at home!
I see the jewel best enameled
Will lose its lustre -so doth Adriana -
Whom once, unwearied with continual gazing,
He fondly call'd the treasure of his life!
Now, since my beauty cannot please his eye,
I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.
Exeunt
17
Enter ANTIPHOLIS of Syracuse
An of Syr.
The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave
Is wander'd forth in care to seek me out.
Oh! here he comes -
Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
How now, sir? is your merry humour alter'd?
As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
You knew no Centaur! you receiv'd no gold!
Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner!
My house was at the Phoenix! wert thou mad,
That thus so strangely thou did'st answer me?
Dr. of Syr.
What answer, sir? when spake I such a word?
An. of Syr.
Ev'n now, ev'n here; not half an hour since.
Dr. of Syr.
I did not see you, since you sent me hence
Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.
Sn. of Syr.
Villain, thou did'st deny the gold's receipt,
And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner;
For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeased.
Dr. of Syr.
I'm glad to see you in this merry vein;
What means this jest, I pray you, master, tell me?
An. of Syr.
What, dost thou jeer, and flout me in the teeth?
Think'st thou I jest? there take thou that, and that.
Dr. of Syr.
Hold, Sir, for heavens sake; now your jest is
earnest -
Upon what bargain do you give it me?
An. of Syr.
Because that I familiarly sometimes
Do use you for my fool, and chat with you,
Your sauciness will jest upon my love,
And make a common of my serious hours.
When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies, when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, then know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my looks.
Dr. of Syr.
I pray, sir, why am I beaten?
An. of Syr.
Dost thou not know?
Dr. of Syr.
Nothing, but that I am beaten.
18
An. of Syr.
Why first, for flouting me, and then for urging
It in spight of my assertion to the countrary.
Is dinner ready?
Dr. of Syr.
No, sir, I think the meat wants what I've got.
An. of Syr.
What's that?
Dr. of Syr.
Why basting, sir!
An. of Syr.
No more, thou knave! for see who wafts us yonder,
This way they haste, and by their gestures seem
To point out me -what should they mean , I trow?
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
Ad.
Ay, ay, Antipholis, look strange and frown,
Some other mistress hath some sweeter aspect,
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
The time was once, when thou, unurg'd, wou'dst vow,
That never words were music to thine ear,
That never object pleasing in thine eye,
That never touch were welcome to thine hand,
That never food well-favour'd to the taste,
Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carv'd.
How comes it now, my husband, oh! how comes it,
That thou art thus estranged to thyself?
Thyself, I call it, being strange to me -
Oh! do not tear thyself away from me;
For know, my love, as easy may'st thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulph,
And take unmingled thence that drop again,
As take from me thyself. -
How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,
Should'st thou but hear I were licentious?
Would'st thou not spit at me, and spurn me from thee,
And hurl the name of husband in my face,
And tear the stain'd skin off my harlot brow,
Yea, from my false hand cut the wedding-ring,
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? -
I know thou wou'd'st, and therefore see thou do it!
For if we two be one, and thou play false,
I do digest the poison of thy crimes.
Keep then fair league, and truce with thy true bed,
I live unstain'd, thou undishonoured.
An. of Syr.
Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not;
In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
As strange unto your town as to your talk.
Luc.
Fie, brother! how the world is chang'd with you!
19
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
An. of Syr.
By Dromio?
Dr. of Syr.
By me!
Ad.
By thee, and thus thou didst return from him,
That he did buffet thee, and in his blows,
Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
Zn. of Syr.
Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?
Dr. of Syr.
I, sir! -I never saw her, 'till this moment.
An. of Syr.
Villain, thou liest, for even her very words
Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
Dr. of Syr.
I never spoke with with her in all my life.
An. of Sy
How can she then thus call us by our names,
Unless it be by inspiration?
Ad.
How ill agrees it with your gravity,
To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
Abetting him to thwart me in my mood! -
Come, I will fasten thus upon thy arm;
Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,
Shares in thy virtues and, partakes thy strength.
If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
Usurping ivy, idle moss, or briar,
Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion,
Infect thy sap, and live on thy destruction.
An. of Syr.
To me she speaks -she moves me for her theam -
What was I married to her, in my sleep;
Or sleep I now, and dream I hear all this?
What error thus deceives our eyes and ears?
Yet, that the mystery I may explore,
I'll seem to entertain the fallacy.
Luc.
Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
Dr. of Syr.
Meaning me?
Luc.
Ay, thee, thou slug!
Dr. of Syr.
Spread for dinner!
An. of Syr.
Am I alive? Am I Antipholis?
Sleeping or waking? mad or well-advis'd!
Known unto these, yet to myself unknown -
Fain would I learn from whence these wonders flow -
But that I almost fear to trace the source
So strange is everything I see and hear.
Ad.
Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye, and weep,
While man and master laugh my woes to scorn.
20
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say, he dines forth, and let no creature enter.
Come, sister! -Dromio, play the porter well.
Exeunt.
Manet Dromio of Syracuse
Dr. of Syr.
Spread for dinner. I am afraid I shall
Be somewhat awkward, as I am not
Acquainted with the ways of the house,
Tho' I suppose they'll be so courteous
As to instruct a new-comer. Ay there they go -
The house with the green doors, and have taken
My master with 'em; I must follow -Sure
We are in the fairy land, and converse with
'Sprights and goblins. I wish they mayn't have
Infected my poor master already; for, even,
Now, he swore to a discourse, I held with him
On the Mart; when I can swear, I was talking
To the strong box at the Centaur. -Mighty odd
All this! However, my comfort is, that whatsoever
Mischief we light on, the master takes place
Of the servant, and must fall into it first.
Exit
| Comedy of Errors | |