University of Virginia Library

28.
CHAPTER XXVIII.

"STRANGE thing! Again, when I had left my
study, and was passing through the familiar
rooms, again the hope came to me that nothing
had happened. But the odor of the drugs, iodo-
form and phenic acid, brought me back to a
sense of reality.

"'No, everything has happened.'

"In passing through the hall, beside the chil-
dren's chamber, I saw little Lise. She was look-
ing at me, with eyes that were full of fear. I
even thought that all the children were looking
at me. As I approached the door of our sleep-
ing-room, a servant opened it from within, and
came out. The first thing that I noticed was
her

light gray dress upon a chair, all dark with
blood. On our common bed she was stretched,

with knees drawn up. She lay very high, upon
pillows, with her chemise half open. Linen had
been placed upon the wound. A heavy smell of
iodoform filled the room. Before, and more
than anything else, I was astonished at her face,
which was swollen and bruised under the eyes
and over a part of the nose. This was the re-
sult of the blow that I had struck her with my
elbow, when she had tried to hold me back. Of
beauty there was no trace left. I saw some-
thing hideous in her. I stopped upon the thres-
hold.

"'Approach, approach her,' said her sister.

"'Yes, probably she repents,' thought I;
'shall I forgive her? Yes, she is dying, I must
forgive her,' I added, trying to be generous.

"I approached the bedside. With difficulty
she raised her eyes, one of which was swollen,
and uttered these words haltingly:

"'You have accomplished what you desired.

You have killed me.'

"And in her face, through the physical suffer-
ings, in spite of the approach of death, was ex-
pressed the same old hatred, so familiar to me.

"'The children . . . I will not give them to

you . . . all the same. . . . She (her sister)
shall take them.' . . .

"But of that which I considered essential, of
her fault, of her treason, one would have said
that she did not think it necessary to say even a
word.

"'Yes, revel in what you have done.'

"And she sobbed.

"At the door stood her sister with the chil-
dren.

"'Yes, see what you have done!'

"I cast a glance at the children, and then at
her bruised and swollen face, and for the first
time I forgot myself (my rights, my pride), and
for the first time I saw in her a human being, a
sister.

"And all that which a moment before had
been so offensive to me now seemed to me so
petty,—all this jealousy,—and, on the contrary,
what I had done seemed to me so important that
I felt like bending over, approaching my face to
her hand, and saying:

"'Forgive me!'

"But I did not dare. She was silent, with
eyelids lowered, evidently having no strength to

speak further. Then her deformed face began
to tremble and shrivel, and she feebly pushed
me back.

"'Why has all this happened? Why?'

"'Forgive me,' said I.

"'Yes, if you had not killed me,' she cried
suddenly, and her eyes shone feverishly. 'For-
giveness—that is nothing. . . . If I only do not
die! Ah, you have accomplished what you de-
sired! I hate you!'

"Then she grew delirious. She was fright-
ened, and cried:

"'Fire, I do not fear . . . but strike them all
. . . He has gone. . . . He has gone.' . . .

"The delirium continued. She no longer rec-
ognized the children, not even little Lise, who
had approached. Toward noon she died. As
for me, I was arrested before her death, at eight
o'clock in the morning. They took me to the
police station, and then to prison, and there,
during eleven months, awaiting the verdict, I
reflected upon myself, and upon my past, and
I understood it. Yes, I began to understand
from the third day. The third day they took
me to the house." . . .

Posdnicheff seemed to wish to add something,
but, no longer having the strength to repress his
sobs, he stopped. After a few minutes, having
recovered his calmness, he resumed:

"I began to understand only when I saw her
in the coffin." . . .

He uttered a sob, and then immediately con-
tinued, with haste:

"Then only, when I saw her dead face, did
I understand all that I had done. I under-
stood that it was I, I, who had killed her. I under-
stood that I was the cause of the fact that she,
who had been a moving, living, palpitating
being, had now become motionless and cold, and
that there was no way of repairing this thing.

He who has not lived through that cannot un-
derstand it."

—

We remained silent a long time. Posdnicheff
sobbed and trembled before me. His face had
become delicate and long, and his mouth had
grown larger.

"Yes," said he suddenly, "if I had known

what I now know, I should never have married
her, never, not for anything."

Again we remained silent for a long time.

"Yes, that is what I have done, that is my ex-
perience, We must understand the real mean-
ing of the words of the Gospel,—Matthew, V. 28,—
'that whosoever looketh on a woman to
lust after her hath committed adultery'; and
these words relate to the wife, to the sister, and
not only to the wife of another, but especially
to one's own wife."

THE END.