University of Virginia Library

4. CHAPTER IV.

"WELL, I am going then to tell you my life,
and my whole frightful history,—yes, frightful.

And the story itself is more frightful than the
outcome."

He became silent for a moment, passed his
hands over his eyes, and began:—

"To be understood clearly, the whole must be
told from the beginning. It must be told how
and why I married, and what I was before my
marriage. First, I will tell you who I am. The
son of a rich gentleman of the steppes, an old
marshal of the nobility, I was a University pu-
pil, a graduate of the law school. I married in
my thirtieth year. But before talking to you of
my marriage, I must tell you how I lived for-
merly, and what ideas I had of conjugal life. I
led the life of so many other so-called respecta-
ble people,—that is, in debauchery. And like
the majority, while leading the life of a
dé-
bauché
, I was convinced that I was a man of
irreproachable morality.

"The idea that I had of my morality arose
from the fact that in my family there was no
knowledge of those special debaucheries, so
common in the surroundings of land-owners,
and also from the fact that my father and my
mother did not deceive each other. In conse-

quence of this, I had built from childhood a
dream of high and poetical conjugal life. My
wife was to be perfection itself, our mutual love
was to be incomparable, the purity of our con-
jugal life stainless. I thought thus, and all the
time I marvelled at the nobility of my projects.

"At the same time, I passed ten years of my
adult life without hurrying toward marriage,
and I led what I called the well-regulated and
reasonable life of a bachelor. I was proud of
it before my friends, and before all men of my
age who abandoned themselves to all sorts of
special refinements. I was not a seducer, I had
no unnatural tastes, I did not make debauchery
the principal object of my life; but I found
pleasure within the limits of society's rules, and
innocently believed myself a profoundly moral
being. The women with whom I had relations
did not belong to me alone, and I asked of them
nothing but the pleasure of the moment.

"In all this I saw nothing abnormal. On the
contrary, from the fact that I did not engage my
heart, but paid in cash, I supposed that I was
honest. I avoided those women who, by attach-
ing themselves to me, or presenting me with a

child, could bind my future. Moreover, per-
haps there may have been children or attach-
ments; but I so arranged matters that I could
not become aware of them.

"And living thus, I considered myself a per-
fectly honest man. I did not understand that
debauchery does not consist simply in physical
acts, that no matter what physical ignominy does
not yet constitute debauchery, and that real
debauchery consists in freedom from the moral
bonds toward a woman with whom one enters
into carnal relations, and I regarded
this free-
dom
as a merit. I remember that I once tor-
tured myself exceedingly for having forgotten
to pay a woman who probably had given herself
to me through love. I only became tranquil
again when, having sent her the money, I had
thus shown her that I did not consider myself as
in any way bound to her. Oh, do not shake
your head as if you were in agreement with me
(he cried suddenly with vehemence). I know
these tricks. All of you, and you especially, if
you are not a rare exception, have the same
ideas that I had then. If you are in agreement
with me, it is now only. Formerly you did not

think so. No more did I; and, if I had been
told what I have just told you, that which has
happened would not have happened. However,
it is all the same. Excuse me (he continued):
the truth is that it is frightful, frightful, fright-
ful, this abyss of errors and debaucheries in
which we live face to face with the real question
of the rights of woman." . . .

"What do you mean by the 'real' question of
the rights of woman?"

"The question of the nature of this special
being, organized otherwise than man, and how
this being and man ought to view the wife. . . .