§ 23
It had become a fascinating game, and Peter would never have tired of
it, but for the fact that he had to stay all day in the house with
little Jennie. A honeymoon is all right for a few weeks, but no man can
stand it forever. Little Jennie apparently never tired of being kissed,
and never seemed satisfied that Peter thoroughly loved her. A man got
thru with his love-making after awhile, but a woman, it appeared, never
knew how to drop the subject; she was always looking before and after,
and figuring consequences and responsibilities, her duty and her
reputation and all the rest of it. Which, of course, was a bore.
Jennie was unhappy because she was deceiving Sadie;
she wanted to tell Sadie, and yet somehow it was easier to
go on concealing than admit that one had concealed. Peter
didn't see why Sadie had to be told at all; he didn't see
why things couldn't stay just as they were, and why he and
his sweetheart couldn't have some fun now and then, instead
of always being sentimental, always having agonies
over the class war, to say nothing of the world war, and
the prospects of America becoming involved in it.
This did not mean that Peter was hard and feelingless.
No, when Peter clasped trembling little Jennie in his arms
he was very deeply moved; he had a real sense of what a
gentle and good little soul she was. He would have been
glad to help her — but what could he do about it? The situation
was such that he could not plead with her, he could
not try to change her; he had to give himself up to all her
crazy whims and pretend to agree with her. Little Jennie
was by her weakness marked for destruction, and what
good would it do for him to go to destruction along with
her?
Peter understood clearly that there are two kinds of
people in the world, those who eat, and those who are
eaten; and it was his intention to stay among the former,
group. Peter had come in his twenty years of life to a
definite understanding of the things called "ideas" and
"causes" and "religions." They were bait to catch suckers;
and there is a continual competition between the suckers,
who of course don't want to be caught, and those people of
superior wits who want to catch them, and therefore are
continually inventing new and more plausible and alluring
kinds of bait. Peter had by now heard enough of the jargon
of the "comrades" to realize that theirs was an especially
effective kind; and here was poor little Jennie, stuck
fast on the hook, and what could Peter do about it?
Yet, this was Peter's first love, and when he was deeply
thrilled, he understood the truth of Guffey's saying that a
man in love wants to tell the truth. Peter would have the
impulse to say to her: "Oh, drop all that preaching, and
give yourself a rest! Let's you and me enjoy life a bit."
Yes, it would be all he could do to keep from saying
this — despite the fact that he knew it would ruin everything. Once
little Jennie appeared in a new silk dress, brought to her by one of the
rich ladies whose heart was touched by her dowdy appearance. It was of
soft grey silk — cheap silk, but fresh and new, and Peter had never had
anything so fine in his arms before. It matched Jennie's grey eyes, and
its freshness gave her a pink glow; or was it that Peter admired her,
and loved her more, and so brought the blood to her cheeks? Peter had an
impulse to take her out and show her off, and he pressed his face into
the soft folds of the dress and whispered, "Say kid, some day you an me
got to cut all this hard luck business for a bit!"
He felt little Jennie stiffen, and draw away from him;
so quickly he had to set to work to patch up the damage.
"I want you to get well," he pleaded. "You're so good to
everybody — you treat everybody well but yourself!"
It had been something in his tone rather than his actual
words that had frightened the girl. "Oh Peter!" she cried.
"What does it matter about me, or about any other one person,
when millions of young men are being shot to fragments,
and millions of women and children are starving to
death!"
So there they were, fighting the war again; Peter had to
take up her burden, be a hero, and a martyr, and a "Red."
That same afternoon, as fate willed it, three "wobblies" out
of a job came to call; and oh, how tired Peter was of
these wandering agitators — insufferable "grouches!" Peter
would want to say: "Oh, cut it out! What you call your
`cause' is nothing but your scheme to work with your tongues instead of
with a pick and a shovel." And this would start an imaginary quarrel in
Peter's mind. He would hear one of the fellows demanding, "How much pick
and shovel work you ever done?" Another saying, "Looks to me like you
been finding the easy jobs wherever you go!" The fact that this was
true did not make Peter's irritation any less, did not make it easier
for him to meet with Comrade Smith, and Brother Jones, and Fellow-worker
Brown just out of jail, and listen to their hard-luck stories, and watch
them take from the table food that Peter wanted, and — the bitterest pill
of all — let them think that they were fooling him with their patter!
The time came when Peter wasn't able to stand it any
longer. Shut up in the house all day, he was becoming as
irritable as a chained dog. Unless he could get out in the
world again, he would surely give himself away. He pleaded
that the doctors had warned him that his health would not
stand indoor life; he must get some fresh air. So he got
away by himself, and after that he found things much easier.
He could spend a little of his money; he could find a quiet
corner in a restaurant and get himself a beefsteak, and eat
all he wanted of it, without feeling the eyes of any "comrades"
resting upon him reprovingly. Peter had lived in a
jail, and in an orphan asylum, and in the home of Shoemaker
Smithers, but nowhere had he fared so meagerly as
in the home of the Todd sisters, who were contributing
nearly everything they owned to the Goober defense, and
to the "Clarion," the Socialist paper of American City.
