 | The Village Doctor |  |
66
THE WELCH QUACK,
A COMIC SONG;Sung by Mr. Williames.
[I.]
I'm nick-nam'd Quack by every prig,Whose sense or nonsense borders;
Without diploma, cane, or wig,
I cures the worst disorders:
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Your Fevers, Ague, Phthisic;
The Byle, Consumption, every one
Yields to all-healing Physic:
On Restoratives I'm quite intent;
Each Patient's ills discover,
Lord! if Folks die, 'tis Accident,
'Tis Chance, if they recover.
Spoke.
A great chance indeed, I keep so continually
trying their Constitutions, if they have any—
With cupping, drenching, couching, clyster,
Emetic, bleeding, sweating, blister,
Diet, bolus, dose, or pill:—
Ye potion, lotion makers!
Like you I'm oft, with all my skill,
A friend to Undertakers.
II.
I patient-visiting essay'd,One who in dangerous way was,
When last I call'd (oh death to trade!)
My dying man at play was!
“My prescription's done't,” says I, “now speak,
“You follow'd it—I knew it.”
“No! if I had, I'd broke my neck,
“For I out of the window threw it,
“Avaunt—throw physic to the dogs!
“(Fine food for grim Death's laughter),
“Your recipe, you first of rogues;
“You soon shall bundle after!”
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“Don't come here to vend your Poisons at so
much an ounce, Mr. Gallipot; for if you do,
you shall swallow them yourself, and puzzle all
Warwick Lane to tell what disorder you died of;
so no more of—
“Your cupping,” &c.
He prov'd himself, tho' lacking skill,
No friend to undertakers!
He prov'd himself, tho' lacking skill,
No friend to undertakers!
III.
To Guttle's next I sped in haste,Whose Girl a stingy saint is!
He choak'd was at a city feast,
And died brimful of dainties:
My bill I shew'd ma'am in a crack,
Ax't payment—'twould not do, Sir:
“Lord, if you had your bottles back,”
Says she, “you'd be no loser!”
She vow'd I'd kill'd him; should repent,
To poison such a lover!
Lord, if folks die, 'tis Accident,
'Tis Chance, if they recover!
If I had my bottles back! what an unconscionable
woman; she thinks nothing of my great expence,
for Corks, Pack-thread, and Paper, besides all
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