University of Virginia Library

Scene II.

—A street in Presburgh. Night. A tent R. Hotel L. H. Enter Devilshoof. R.
Devil.
Who'd think twelve years had passed, and better, rather,
Since Devilshoof stole Arline from her father;
Am I awake? or do I only dream so?
A dozen years. Dear me! it dozen seem so!
(looking at his clothes.)
To look at these the fact you'd never tell,
The very clothes I wore; they've lasted well:
Though I've grown older, thanks to grief and care!
It's evident I am not what I wear.

Max.
(entering.)
'Twas here, I think, our queen agreed to meet us;
Why aint she at the rendezvous to greet us?
This may not be the right direction—

Devi.
True,
P'raps that is why it's called the wrong-devous:
But see, she comes, in some mysterious flutter.
(Enter Queen muttering melo-dramatically.)
What are you growling? come, what's the mutter?

Max.
Has the imperial palace been blown down?

Dvi.
Has anybody spent the royal crown?

Max.
Or cracked the three-legged throne?

Devi.
Or, inter alia,
P'raps some one has been smoking the Regalia?
Or p'raps you find your royal wheels, my child,
Appear to work more smoothly when you're riled?

Queen.
Oh, if I only chose—but mind, I don't—
I might reveal a mystery—but I won't;
Still, to suggest its nature, I will try:
Who's he? and who are you? and who am I?

Max.
Why, we're poor gipsies, ain't we?

Queen.
Gipsies? Pooh!
You're all—no matter what.

Devil.
And as for you.
You are our queen, (aside)
and I suspect a tipsy one.

Queen.
A queen? Ha! ha! what kind of queen? A Gipsy one!

Dvil.
We crowned you yesterday, and wisely too,
The Royalty's the proper place for you.

Max.
A queen's a queen, as anyone can see,
A spade's a spade, you know, a tree's a tree.

Queen.
A tree's a tree? yes, but some trees are fruit trees,
And other trees are not, for instance, boot-trees.
You don't make nosegays out of railway stocks,
Or decorate your hose with eight-day clocks.

Devil.
Of novel truths an out-and-out instructor!

Queen.
You don't draw lightning with a 'bus conductor,
You never put gas pipes between your lips,
Or go to sea in secretary-ships.
Or perish by a Crystal Palace fete,
Or lay your head on pillars of the state,
Or build asylums for the window-blind,
Or hang a picture in a frame of mind.
When stock goes up, plough-shares you do not sell then!

Devil,
Of course I don't, you donkey!

Queen.
Very well, then!

Devil.
Who are we all?

Queen.
Well, I reply auricularly.
You all are—some one else—and you particularly. (to Devil.)

But there, it doesn't matter.

Devil.
Oh, indeed.

Queen.
To business, if you please, we'll now proceed.

Max.
Well then, Count Florestein—

Queen.
I know him well.
Oh, of that count I could a secret tell;
But there, no matter.

Max.
Well, he's just been dining
In that hotel from which the light is shining;
They've kept it up with drinking and tom-foolery,
He's absolutely hung about with joolery!

Devil.
And see, he comes, and very, very tipsy;
Now seize upon your prey, each pretty gipsy.

Enter Florestein from hotel, tipsy.
Flores.
Well, ta, ta, Jones; we've emptied all the cellar;
(confidentially to Queen.)
You don't know Jones?—uncommonly good fellar.

Queen.
I don't know Jones. Humph! if the gipsy chose
To publish everything the gipsy knows
About that Jones whom you've just left in there,
Oh, I can tell you Jones's wife would stare!

(Exit R.)
Max.
A copper, please. All night I've here been hoverin'.

Flores.
A copper? Never wear 'em—here's a sovereign.

(gives one)
Devil.
It's not enough—we want as much again.

Florest.
I've come down handsome, why do you comeplain?

Flores.
I'm in the army, mind what you're about.

Max.
Oh, in the army; then you'd better shell out.

Flores.
Right through my heart you first of all shall shoot

Devil.
Oh, never mind your heart, we want your loot.

Flores.
Now call a cab.

Devil.
That's not sufficient ransom;
You must come down, sir.

Flores.
I have come down. (calling off)
Hansom!

(Florestein staggers off. They laugh, and follow off after him. Loud singing and noise in hotel, L. H. Arline enters from tent, R. H.)
Arl.
Oh, what a noise; it's shameful I do think,
With such a hubbub who could sleep a wink;
I shall remove my tent into the subbubs:
It's that hotel; it must be the Old Hubbubs!
Enter Thaddeus, R., very despondingly.
My Thaddeus! How you sigh. What does it mean?

Thad.
I've fancied, recently, beloved Arline,
This humble life disgusts you.

Arl.
Why, bless me,
I'm as contented as a girl can be.

Thad.
But it's so dull, so limited in range.

Arl.
Dull? Why my pocket's giving way with change
With cards for fortune-telling, dance or song,
Don't I make money, dearest, all day long,
From morn to night in fascinating manner.

Thad.
While the sun shines you'll never want a tanner.

Arl.
And when new moons supplant the daylight sunny,
You find me still employed at turning money.

Thad.
The happy days we spend at races, too—Ascot and Derby.

Arl.
Dar be sure we do!

Thad.
Upon the road we always take our stations, And sing our songs.

Arl.
Rode's air, with variations!
The gay quadrille, waltz, galop, schottische, Lancer
I've learnt on stilts to dance, and find it (d) answer;
I play my cards at fortune-telling, too.
I'm not the only one, 'twixt me and you
Who gains a livelihood in foreign lands
By “looking over other people's hands.”
Your Arline's life is one prolonged delight;
She sees you all day long, and every night
Your presence fills her reverie.

Thad.
So it ought.

Arl.
Which proves to you you're in her every thought.

Trio—Thad. and Arl., and afterwards Devilshoof.
Air—“Ada with the Golden Hair.”
Arl.
Oh listen while I tell you;
I'm about to tell you;
Yes, I will tell you—
I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls,
With slaves and vassels there—

Thad.
And of all assembled in those walls
You were the fairest fair.

Devil.
(entering R.)
But when you woke, it shared the fate
Of castles that you mould in air.

Arl.
Par-ticularly shady,
-ticularly shady
-ticularly shady,
Par-ticularly shady,
Are the castles that you mould in air!
Chorus
—Par-ticularly shady, &c., &c., &c.

Arl.
Oh, then I lived so gaily!

Thad.
Bread and honey daily.

Devils.
Bass's Pale-y Ale-y.

Arl.
With gold and silver everywhere,
Such wealth would make you stare;
With bank-post bills and five-pound notes
I always curled my hair.

Devil.
And the house itself was situate
On the shady side of Golden Square!

Arl.
Oh, such a little lady!
Such a little lady—such a little lady;
Oh, such a little lady, on the shady side of Golden Square,
Chorus
—Oh, such a little, &c., &c., &c.

Thad.
(aside)
Just as we were ourselves so much enjoying!
(to Devil)
Your presence is exceedingly annoying;
Why do you thus survey me? you should not.

Devil,
Oh, don't mind me, sir, it's a vay I've got,
(To Arline)
I've wasted all away from love of you.
You are Arline, and I am all lean, too
You must be mine—no power can e'er unfix it,
When Devilshoof has passed his gipsy dixit;
I'll marry you by force.

Arl.
You'd better try.

Devil.
I'm eager for the matrimonial tie.

Arl.
You'd best be satisfied with what you've got.

Devil.
Indeed, what's that?

Arl.
The matrimonial not!

Devil.
Come, I can't wait a week, you understands,
(offering his hand.)
I've always got a great deal on my hands.

Arl.
(Looking at his hands with disgust.)
You have, you can't have washed 'em for a cent'ry,
And yet I've heard you called light-fingered gentry!

(Devilshoof goes up, and unperceived, beckons on the Queen, who enters, they both remain up and listen.)
Thad.
Arline, a secret I must now unearth.

Arl.
A secret?

Thad.
Yes, the secret of your birth.
That scar upon your arm, made by a boar,
Will some day prove your right to wealth galore.

Arl.
That mark a proof of my superior station?
I always thought it was a vaccination!

Thad.
Some day you'll leave us, quit this roaming life,
Whatever shall I do then for a wife?

Arl.
But the Queen loves you fondly.

Thad.
I don't care!

Arl.
Her dread revenge you'll surely have to dare.

Thad.
My love for you I here embody—thus—

(kisses her and kneels.)
Arl.
Oh, agony—run over by a 'buss!

Queen.
Upon his knees, that's 'nough, it's on the tappy,
(interrupting them)
Oh, what's the odds so long as you are rappee,
A tete-a-tete! For this, miss, you've been waiting?

Arl.
Oh, dear how very irritate-a-tating.

Queen.
Love-making with my Thaddeus you have been!
Is this your gratitude to me, your Queen,
Who fills your throne? I mean—your three-legged stool;
Who rules your roast—when there's a roast to rule.
Who all the complicated cares of state,
Contrives with regal love to regal-'ate.
Who set you up in business—taught your art?

Arl.
Yes, I'll admit you've given me a start!

Queen.
If you persistently pursue your ubject,
I shall assume the Queen.

Arl.
Then drop the subject.

Queen.
Here in my eye you see, and you might stop it,
The pearly dew-drop trembling.

Arl.
Oh, dew-drop it.

Queen.
(furiously.)
A monarch's cuss—

Thad.
Oh do stop all this fussing,
I'm sure the matter doesn't want discussing.

Queen.
True. (to Devil.)
I'll dissemble, and their hands I'll jine,
A horrible revenge shall yet be mine!
(to Thad.)
Take her; the union your monarch blesses,
(aside to Devil)
She little fancies that her queen possesses
A ghastly secret that would make you stare.
(mysteriously)
She wears a frizzy thing inside her hair!
Soft, not a word; she thinks that no one knows it—
We'll wait a fitting moment to disclose it.
(aloud to Thad.)
There, take her, take her, take the little minx,
I'm quite agreeable.

Arl.
That's as people thinks!

Queen.
And take this medal—better ne'er was seen,
It is a present from the gipsy queen.
(places medallion on Arline's neck.)
This sort of thing a lady at a ball marks;
It's fit to wear at Almack's—here's the hall-marks.

Devil.
(to Thad.)
And I was rather rude to you just now,
Here is my gift, a watch without the bow.

(Quartette. Devil, Queen, Thaddeus, and Arline.)
Air—“Chanson du Pot au feu.”— Robinson Crusoe.
Arl.
(with medal.)
Picky wicky, picky wicky, gay, gay, gay,

Queen.
Very, in a quiet sort of way, way, way,

Thad.
(with watch)
Showee, showee, showee time o' day, day, day!

Devil.
(aside.)
Ticky wicky, pocky picky, pay, pay, pay!

Arl.
(aside.)
She's so knowing, knowing, knowing, knowing, that I fear a trick,

Thad.
(with watch.)
It is going, going, going, going Ticky, ticky, tick, tick, tick!

Queen.
Picky, pocky, pocky, pick!

Arl.
Picky, pocky, pocky, pick!

Devil.
Picky, pocky, pocky, pick!

Thad.
Picky, pocky, pocky, pick!

Queen and Devil.
Picky, pocky, picky, pocky, pocky pick!

All.
Picky wicky, picky wicky, gay, gay, gay,
Very in a quiet sort of way, way, way,
Showee, showee, showee time o' day, day, day,
Ticky wicky, pocky picky, pay, pay, pay.

(Dance, and all off.—End of scene.
Queen.
At my duty, duty, duty, duty, know I never stick.

Dev.
It's a beauty, beauty, beauty, beauty, ticky, ticky, tick, tick tick!

Queen.
Ticky, ticky, ticky, tick!

Dev.
Ticky, ticky, ticky, tick!

Thad.
Ticky, ticky, ticky, tick!

Arl.
Ticky, ticky, ticky, tick!

All.
Picky, wicky, picky, wicky, gay, gay, gay, &c.