University of Virginia Library

ACT I.

Scene First.

—Interior of a Besieged City—Troops discovered defending it—As the curtain rises an assault is being made—Cannon.
Espardo, Allebardo, Arquebusado, and Officers.
Solo and Chorus—“Sturm March.”
Louder the thunder storm of battle roars!
Down, down, down upon the foe it pours;
Faster the whistling bullets on them rain.
Bang! bang! blaze away again, again!
March and form, and charge and wheel,
Spare for neither shot nor steel.
Talk of Concerts, Promenades,
Here's the true “Sturm March,” my blades;
Here the Band and here the Ball,
Makes, at least, more noise than all!

Enter at Flourish, King Fulminoso and Soldiers.
King.
Bravo! brave army! very much bravo!
Thrice have we beaten back the haughty foe!
Thrice hath he striven here his foot to fix,
And by his motion thrice has taken nix!

Esp.
But still we weaker grow, instead of stronger,
And can't keep on a-beating him much longer,

King.
I'll fight till off my bones the flesh is hacked!
Hang those that talk of fear!

Esp.
If when they're whacked,
The fools don't know it, and for mercy sue,
What's to be done?

King.
Why, whack 'em till they do!
Open the gates, and let us make a sally
Upon the rogues, before they've time to rally!

Queen., Prin.
(without)
Stop! stop!

King.
What cry was that?

Esp.
Methought the squalls
Of female women!

King.
Ha! within these walls,
My wife! my child! by what event untoward?
Oh now, indeed, I feel I am a coward!
Enter Queen and Princess.
My Dulcibella!

Queen.
Oh! my Fulminoso!
To risk your life I will not let you go so!
Can't you look on, as other monarchs do,
And see your subjects fight? Ah! why should you
Expose yourself to all those horrid things,
That pay no sort of reverence to kings;
But would as quickly crack your precious crown
As knock a little duck-legged drummer down.
Let scores of little duck-legged drummers fall,
It is their business, but not yours at all!

Prin.
If you are deaf to dear mamma's appeals,
See, at your feet your only daughter kneels!
(kneels)
Cut while you can this cut-throat occupation,
And join at once the Peace Association.

King.
Come, Mars, and case my heart in threefold buff,
Or both my ears with thy gun cotton stuff!

Prin.
Father!

King.
Away!

Queen.
(kneeling)
Husband!

King.
Arise!

Queen.
No! never.
Here on our knees we'll both remain for ever!

King.
For ever!

Queen.
Yes! for ever and a day—
Unless you melt.

King.
To melt's to run away,
And Fulminoso wasn't born to fly.
I couldn't do it!

Queen., Prin.
If you'd only try!

(alarm—Cannon)
Esp.
My liege, the enemy again advances!

King.
Ha! then in gentle force my only chance is.
Tear us asunder—with the greatest care!

Prin.
I faint!

Queen.
I ditto.

(falling into the arms of Officers)
King.
Hence my treasures bear,
To the strong tower upon the forest borders,
And keep them safely there till further orders.

(Officers bear out the Queen and Princess)
King.
Air—King—“Guillaume Tell.”

(Exeunt King, Officers, Soldiers)

Scene Second.

—A Forest—Thunder, lightning—A crash heard without—Attendants fly in terror across the stage.
Enter Queen and Princess.
Queen.
Ah, me! misfortunes never come alone!
Forced from my husband, fighting for his throne,
Caught in a dreadful storm we fly for shelter
Into this fatal forest helter-skelter;
Scared by the lightning, off the horses bolted,
Upset our coach, and out we both were jolted!
And now deserted here are left to die,
Or be some horrid monsters eaten by.

Prin.
To meet that fate I should not be so loth,
If the same monster would but eat us both.

Queen.
Affecting proof of my sweet child's affection,
And which removes a part of my objection.

Air—Princess—“Are you angry, Mother.”
Are they hungry, Mother, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Is't the hour they peckish grow? Oh, oh, oh.
When I see their teeth so white—
When I think how they can bite—
I into my shoes shall shrink,
And the heart within me sink!
Horrid monsters, why can't they
Just on one another prey
When they're hungry, as we find
Creatures do of human kind!

Prin.
But are there really wild beasts in this wood?

Queen.
So I have generally understood.
Lions and tigers, panthers, bears and boars,
And all sorts of fierce creatures on all fours—
Fiercer than any great Van Amburgh knew,
Or Gordon Cumming ever said he slew.
But whether serious such report, or jocular,
Our demonstration's likely to be ocular.

(Roar—The head and fore-paws of a Lioness are seen through an opening among the trees)
Prin.
Ocular! Oh, look yonder, mother, see!
Two fiery eyes that glare on you and me!

Queen.
A lioness! She will come out next spring.
We'll die together!

(clasping Princess in her arms)
Music—The Lioness disappears, and in its place is seen Leona, the Enchantress, attired in a wild but splendid dress, with

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the skin of a lion on her shoulders, and armed with a bow and quiver of arrows.
Leo.
You'll do no such thing
At present.

Queen.
Wonder takes away my breath!

Leo.
You are condemned to something worse than death.
I am the Fairy Lioness—my name
Leona. Nightly through this wood for game,
I hunt, and when I catch such birds as you,
I bear them thus my brazen caverns to.

(music—Scene changes to

Scene Third.

—The Brazen Caverns of the Enchantress in the centre of the earth.
Leo.
Here for your lives you shall remain my slaves!

Queen.
Such conduct is more brazen than your caves.

Leo.
Ha! you are bold indeed, to break a jest,
At such a moment—none, too, of the best,
But you'll have time a better here to make;
Behold the monsters guarding yonder lake
Of quicksilver.

Queen.
And guard it well they may,
Or from such frights 'twould quickly run away!

Leo.
They were all mortals once, with forms like thine,
Kings, queens, and princes—enemies of mine,
Besides a score or two of dames of fashion
Who had for lion hunting such a passion,
To any foreign brute they'd go their knees on,
Provided he was newly caught that season;
Nay, any donkey could their favour win,
Who wore by accident a lion's skin.
Just Fate the Fairy Lioness enables,
To turn upon them their own supper tables,
And make them grin and tumble, bray and roar,
As they made other monsters do before.

Queen.
I never lionised a creature.

Leo.
No!
Therefore no change of form you'll undergo,
But dress my dinner, and your daughter there
Shall be my lady's maid, and dress my hair.

Queen.
I dress your dinner! I ne'er learned to cook.

Leo.
But you will soon. I'll lend you Soyer's book.

Prin.
I dress your hair!

Leo.
I wear it very plain,
And when a lioness I have no mane.

Queen.
But—

Leo.
But! no buts! or I'll make butts of you,
And with these arrows pierce you through and through,
And yet not kill! Go you, cook, to your kitchen,
And you, (to Princess)
come make a witch look more bewitching!

Trio—Leona, Queen, and Princess—“We met.”
Leo.
We met, 'twas in a wood,
And you strove both to shun me.

Queen.
I felt I couldn't move,
For your eye was upon me!

Prin.
You spoke, my blood ran cold,
As your deep-toned voice uttered—

Leo.
Come, come, you don't perceive,
On which side your bread's buttered.
If well you dress my hair,
(to Princess)
I may not often beat you.
Improve my bill of fare
(to Queen)
And perhaps I mayn't eat you.
To work yourselves betake,
And without any pother,
Or your bones I will break
(to Princess)
And pick those of your mother.

Queen & Prin.
All hope we must forsake,
And our feelings must smother,
Or your/my bones she will break,
And pick those of your/my mother!

(Exeunt Leona and Princess)
Queen.
Air—Queen—“My lodging is on the cold ground.”
(the croak of a raven is heard)

Frog.
No, I'm all right! a thousand thanks to you.

Queen.
It speaks!

Frog.
Of course when I am spoken to.

Queen.
Did you come out of Æsop's Fables?

Frog.
No!

Queen.
Are you the frog that would a wooing go?

Frog.
Nay, I'm a lady frog, and mustn't woo,
Save in Leap Year.

Queen.
They're all leap years with you.
Excuse me, heaven knows I've no heart for joking.

Frog.
Well, though a frog, I'm not much given to croaking,
And would assist you, as I feel your debtor.
I'm a half fairy, my name's Grenouilletta.

Queen.
Half fairy! Well, when hope's so nearly dead,
E'en half a fairy's better than no bread.

Frog.
My power has limits.

Queen.
Like Don Ferdinando,
Perhaps you can do no more than you can do?

Frog.
Exactly, but in what I can you may
Command me, for your generous act to-day.

Queen.
Oh, then restore to my dear husband's arms
Me and my child!

Frog.
I fear Leona's charms
Are yet too potent, but I'll go and find
The magic wreath, which I have left behind
In an unlucky moment, or that raven
Could not have borne me from my peaceful haven.
(Exit Frog)

Enter Princess.
Prin.
Oh, mother, we are in a pretty pickle!
Our dreadful mistress would her palate tickle
With some new dish, and fancies—ope your eyes!—
Naught but a vol au vent of butterflies!
I am to catch 'em. Where, 'tis hard to say;
For not a butterfly e'er flew this way.
And you're to cook them, which will be still harder
To do if there be not one in the larder.

Queen.
And if not done?

Prin.
She threatens torments fearful!
Our cup of woe, she hints, is not yet near full.

Queen.
I've not a word left to throw at a dog,
My only hope is in my friend the frog!

Prin.
Your friend the frog! wonders will never end,
Where did you pick up such a funny friend?

Queen.
A raven picked her up. I made him drop her.

Grenouilletta re-appears in a female form, but preserving the colour of the frog in her dress; she has a wreath of roses on her head.
Gre.
It was for luck you gave that bird a topper.

Queen.
Grenouilletta!

Gre.
I've my crown on now.

Queen.
And much more like a fairy look, I vow!

Gre.
Concerted Piece—To its own Air.
(during the song the Princess withdraws the veil, and the vol au vent appears on a handsome dish)

Gre.
Promises are like pie-crust, made to break,
But I to keep my promise, pie-crust make.

Prin.
A patty made in pity of our plight!

Queen.
My heart still pit-a-patty goes with fright!

Leo.
(within)
What ho! my slaves.

Gre.
Leona comes this way!
At hop and hide 'twere prudent I should play.

(Exit)
Enter Leona.
Leo.
Well! is my dinner ready?

Queen.
As you wish;
I was just going to bring up the dish.

(takes it off bank)
Leo.
(taking it)
Air—Leona—“O what pleasure.”—“Midas.”

(Exit with dish)
Queen.
Saved for the present—but she soon will learn,
I'm scarcely cook enough a spit to turn.

Prin.
We can't expect a frog so kind and clever,
To stay and do the cooking here for ever.

Enter Grenouilletta.
Gre.
No, but I'll tell you what the Frog will do,
Hop off the brave King Fulminoso to,
Whom by this time his foes have ceased besieging.

Queen.
Would you be so excessively obleeging?

Gre.
I will, and all your story to him tell;
'Tis he alone, I find, can break the spell;
If he love you enough the deed to dare.

Queen.
If he do not, then I don't wish him—there!

Gre.
Scratch him a line upon this leaf, to shew
(gives leaf)
I've your authority—your hand he'll know.

Queen.
(writes)
'Tis done! Oh! most beneficent of Frogs
I fear upon you we're a pair of clogs.

Gre.
Not in the least; such work to me is play.
'Twill be a game of leap frog all the way.

(Grenouilletta descends through stage)
Prin.
If she should change her mind upon the road!

Queen.
She wouldn't be such an ungrateful toad!

Duo—Princess and Queen—“A frog he would.”
Prin.

Queen.

Prin.

Queen.

Prin.

(Exeunt)

Scene Fourth.

—Chamber in Fulminoso's Palace.
March—Enter Fulminoso, Espado, Allebardo, Arquebusado, and Guards.
Air—King—“When great lords and ladies”—“Tom Thumb.”
Lo, King Fulminoso,
To strains pomposo,
Crowned with laurels hither comes!
'Midst triumphal marches,
Triumphal arches,
Bells and bonfires, guns and drums!
Yet Fulminoso,
Feels rather so so
In spirits far from high,
Like that sad person,
Major Macpherson,
He sighs, but can't tell why!
But what though flat
I chance to be
Care killed a cat,
But shan't kill me,
King Fulminoso
's beat all his foes so,
Care at Jericho he means to see.

King.
Now is the winter of our discontent,
Made glorious summer by this great event;
And all the clouds that lowered on our house,
Gone to the bottom of the ocean—souse!
But what though victory our arms have crowned,
What though we've given our foes a drubbing sound,
What though in triumph we have thus marched home,
What though the good time coming now seems come,
Still there is something wanting to our joy,
Still in our happiness is some alloy.
What is it that so weighs upon our soul?
Puts out our pipe, and bitter makes our bowl?
Can any one remember any thing
We have forgotten?

Esp.
Most victorious King,
I nothing know of consequence—unless
The absence of the Queen and the Princess.

King.
(starting)
Can it be? yes! no! ah! it must! how rum!
My wife! my daughter! why of course! “them's-um!”
They are the lumps of sugar that I miss,
When to my lips I'd raise the cup of bliss!
They are the stars I lack at close of day,
When I would blow a cloud of cares away!
Why haste they not to hail our glad return?

Esp.
Alas! great sir, sad news have you to learn.

King.
Sad news? speak quickly! you my heart appal!

Esp.
We haven't got no news of 'em at all!

King.
No news is good news—how can that be sad,
Which, if not good, at least cannot be bad.
On with thy tale.

Esp.
Alas, my tale is ended.
They went over the bridge.

King.
And the bridge bended?

Esp.
No, on their journey they were safely started,
But ne'er arrived.

King.
Lost! stolen! strayed!

Esp.
Departed,
If not deceased, with all the folks that followed them,
Either the wild beasts or the earth has swallowed them.

King.
Oh!

Alle.
The King swoons!

Esp.
The colour flies his cheek!

Alle.
Take comfort, sir!

King.
Of comfort no man speak!
Let's talk of undertakers and their bills—
Prohibit further sale of Parr's life pills.
Let's sit upon the ground, and tell strange stories
Of ghosts and bogies, and phantasmagories—
Of kings and queens, who've been by wicked fairies,
Once on a time, played all sorts of vagaries—
Of sad princesses, left without a rag on,
To be devoured by a frightful dragon—
Of others off by fiery griffins carried
Against their wills, to dwarfs or giants married,
All wretched.

Esp.
Nay, sir, some found food for laughter,
And almost all lived happy ever after.

King.
I'll hang the slave who dare my face before
Talk about being happy any more!
None in my kingdom, east, west, north or south,
Shall laugh, save on the wrong side of his mouth.
As for myself, floored by this blow so cruel,
I'll starve upon the thinnest water gruel,
Moistening with sorrow's heavy wet my clay,
Till down my dust with my own tears I lay.

Enter Antirumo.
Ant.
Ha! ha! ha! ha!

King.
That traitor seize for one,
And hang him instantly!

(Espado seizes him)
Ant.
For what?

King.
For fun!
Which is a grave offence against our laws!

Ant.
You won't pass sentence till you've heard the cause.
It would have made a cat laugh, or a dog;
I'm bid to crave an audience for a frog!

King.
A frog!

Ant.
That talks like any rhetorician,
And comes in state upon a special mission.

King.
From whom?

Ant.
Her Majesty the Queen.

King.
She lives!

Ant.
She does.

King.
Air—King—“Whipsy diddlesey.”

(Exeunt King, Officers, and Guards, dancing)

Scene Fifth.

—Hall of Diana in the King's Palace—Statues of Diana and her Nymphs on pedestals.
March—The Frog is brought on in a palanquin borne by four Frogs, and attended by other Frogs richly attired and bearing golden bulrushes—Enter King, attended.
King.
You bring us tidings of our consort dear,
Speak, gentle Frog—for you can speak, I hear.

Gre.
(under palanquin)
First, mighty King, we pay our reverentials,
And secondly, deliver our credentials.

(Page (Frog) hops to King, and delivers the leaf on which the Queen has written)
King.
My Dulcibella's hand! There's no mistaking
The precious pothooks of my darling's making.
(reads)
“Dear husband, this comes hopping”—hopping! well,
Of course it did—“that you will break the spell.
Excuse the spelling, and all faults you've found,
As I'm in haste, and scratching underground.”
How underground? Explain this wondrous riddle!
Is not my Queen on earth?

Gre.
No, in the middle.

King.
The middle of the earth! Who dare consign her
To such a pit? My Queen is not a minor,
Whate'er my daughter is. Ah! say, my other
Darling—is she as deep as her dear mother?

Gre.
Yes, they are both down in the world at present,—
A situation very far from pleasant.
The centre of the globe.

King.
In Leicester Square?

Gre.
No, the great globe itself.

King.
Frog! have a care!
Great as my wonder is at your garrulity,
If you o'erstep the bounds of my credulity,
Out of my kitchen my French cooks I'll call,
And have a fricassee made of you all!

(music—The Frog disappears, Grenouilletta rises from palanquin)
Gre.
Indeed! how say you now? we fairy elves
Much better than French cooks can dress ourselves!
Is this dish to your taste, or would you wish
That I, in turn, you and your Court should dish?

King.
By no means, fair and most illustrious Fairy,
In every sense—plenipotentiary,
Your Excellency none would dare to doubt.
But tell me, how am I to set about
Bringing my wife and daughter up to town?

Gre.
To fetch 'em have you courage to go down?
If so, assist you in the work I can.

King.
I dare do all that may become a man—
A married man—a husband—and a father!
Who dares do more is none!

Gre.
That's plucky, rather.
So take this ring.

King.
A plain one of pure gold!
With such a ring a man may make too bold
Who has a wife already.

Gre.
Fear you not,
That will but lead you to the wife you've got.
Of wedded love the type, in a true hand,
No sorcery its magic can withstand.
The Queen and Princess touch with that fond token,
And the vile spell will instantly be broken.

King.
On this adventure I'm in haste to go—
Which is the road?

Gre.
Your faithful ring will shew.

(stage opens)
King.
Ha! the earth opens at my feet!

Gre.
No doubt
That's the way in.

King.
Humph! which is the way out?

Gre.
Do you retract, upon consideration?

King.
Not I—I merely asked for information.

Gre.
Down to the centre of this earthly ball
There are ten thousand steps.

King.
I'll take them all!

Gre.
A lioness will spring upon you.

King.
Let her!

Gre.
She may change to a woman.

King.
All the better!

Gre.
In either shape, a fury you will find her.

King.
I'll make her fancy Old Nick is behind her.

Gre.
Go on and prosper then! the spell destroy,
And e'en these statues here shall dance for joy.

King.
I'm sorry that to see them I can't stay,
But don't let that prevent you—dance away!

(music—King descends—Stage closes over him—Grenouilletta touches the statues on either side of the stage—they become animated)
BALLET.