University of Virginia Library

Scene Fourth.

—Chamber in Fulminoso's Palace.
March—Enter Fulminoso, Espado, Allebardo, Arquebusado, and Guards.
Air—King—“When great lords and ladies”—“Tom Thumb.”
Lo, King Fulminoso,
To strains pomposo,
Crowned with laurels hither comes!
'Midst triumphal marches,
Triumphal arches,
Bells and bonfires, guns and drums!
Yet Fulminoso,
Feels rather so so
In spirits far from high,
Like that sad person,
Major Macpherson,
He sighs, but can't tell why!
But what though flat
I chance to be
Care killed a cat,
But shan't kill me,
King Fulminoso
's beat all his foes so,
Care at Jericho he means to see.

King.
Now is the winter of our discontent,
Made glorious summer by this great event;
And all the clouds that lowered on our house,
Gone to the bottom of the ocean—souse!
But what though victory our arms have crowned,
What though we've given our foes a drubbing sound,
What though in triumph we have thus marched home,
What though the good time coming now seems come,
Still there is something wanting to our joy,
Still in our happiness is some alloy.
What is it that so weighs upon our soul?
Puts out our pipe, and bitter makes our bowl?
Can any one remember any thing
We have forgotten?

Esp.
Most victorious King,
I nothing know of consequence—unless
The absence of the Queen and the Princess.

King.
(starting)
Can it be? yes! no! ah! it must! how rum!
My wife! my daughter! why of course! “them's-um!”
They are the lumps of sugar that I miss,
When to my lips I'd raise the cup of bliss!
They are the stars I lack at close of day,
When I would blow a cloud of cares away!
Why haste they not to hail our glad return?

Esp.
Alas! great sir, sad news have you to learn.

King.
Sad news? speak quickly! you my heart appal!

Esp.
We haven't got no news of 'em at all!

King.
No news is good news—how can that be sad,
Which, if not good, at least cannot be bad.
On with thy tale.

Esp.
Alas, my tale is ended.
They went over the bridge.

King.
And the bridge bended?

Esp.
No, on their journey they were safely started,
But ne'er arrived.

King.
Lost! stolen! strayed!

Esp.
Departed,
If not deceased, with all the folks that followed them,
Either the wild beasts or the earth has swallowed them.

King.
Oh!

Alle.
The King swoons!

Esp.
The colour flies his cheek!

Alle.
Take comfort, sir!

King.
Of comfort no man speak!
Let's talk of undertakers and their bills—
Prohibit further sale of Parr's life pills.
Let's sit upon the ground, and tell strange stories
Of ghosts and bogies, and phantasmagories—
Of kings and queens, who've been by wicked fairies,
Once on a time, played all sorts of vagaries—
Of sad princesses, left without a rag on,
To be devoured by a frightful dragon—
Of others off by fiery griffins carried
Against their wills, to dwarfs or giants married,
All wretched.

Esp.
Nay, sir, some found food for laughter,
And almost all lived happy ever after.

King.
I'll hang the slave who dare my face before
Talk about being happy any more!
None in my kingdom, east, west, north or south,
Shall laugh, save on the wrong side of his mouth.
As for myself, floored by this blow so cruel,
I'll starve upon the thinnest water gruel,
Moistening with sorrow's heavy wet my clay,
Till down my dust with my own tears I lay.

Enter Antirumo.
Ant.
Ha! ha! ha! ha!

King.
That traitor seize for one,
And hang him instantly!

(Espado seizes him)
Ant.
For what?

King.
For fun!
Which is a grave offence against our laws!

Ant.
You won't pass sentence till you've heard the cause.
It would have made a cat laugh, or a dog;
I'm bid to crave an audience for a frog!

King.
A frog!

Ant.
That talks like any rhetorician,
And comes in state upon a special mission.

King.
From whom?

Ant.
Her Majesty the Queen.

King.
She lives!

Ant.
She does.

King.
Air—King—“Whipsy diddlesey.”

(Exeunt King, Officers, and Guards, dancing)