University of Virginia Library

Scene First.

—Palace of King Henpeckt—King Henpeckt discovered on his throne—Chamberlain, Lords, Officers, Guards, Lord Tinsel, Ambassador from King Charming, and Suite.
King.
Now say, my lord, what you have got to say.

Tin.
May it please your Majesty—

King.
We hope it may!

Tin.
From great King Charming to your Court I come—

King.
Who may King Charming be, when he's at home?

Tin.
A monarch who has long been famed in story—
No child but must have heard tell of his glory.

King.
Well, now you mention it, I think I do
Remember hearing something of him, too;
But, zounds! if he's still living, he must be
At least two hundred. Two! More likely three!
He was two hundred when I was at nurse!

Tin.
Sire, for his age, he's not a whit the worse
The fairy who presided at his birth
Endowed him with unfading youth on earth;
Time adds but to his beauty and his power—
He is as charming now as in the hour
They crowned him full two centuries ago

King.
Gad, I wish some kind fay had served me so.
Two hundred years old, and as good as new!

Cham.
Like Count St. Germain, or the Wandering Jew!

King.
Is he rich?

Tin.
Inexhaustible his treasure,
And to help others with it all his pleasure.

King.
Immortal such a king deserves to be.

Cham.
King Charming must be quite a sight to see!

Tin.
Weary of reigning centuries alone,
He now desires a partner for his throne!
And having heard you have a daughter fair,
In his great office offers her a share.

King.
The very husband for my girl I wanted!
My compliments, and I shall be enchanted.

Tin.
I hasten with these tidings to my master.

King.
(Exeunt Officers)
Song—King—Air—“With a bewitching mien, ah”—Rossini.

Enter Usher, announcing.
Usher.
The Queen!

King.
(starting)
My wife! Zounds, here's a pretty mess!
Away by my paternal feelings carried,
I quite forgot that I again had married,
And had a better half—or rather more—
I may say full three quarters, if not four!
She comes!

Enter Queen, attended by Ladies.
Queen.
My love!

King.
My angel! (aside)
Oh, the devil!
There's mischief brewing when she is so civil.

Queen.
You've given an audience?

King.
Yes, my darling—no—
That is—I just—saw somebody—who—

Queen
(to Attendants)
Go.
We would be private.

(Exeunt Attendants)
King.
(aside)
Now the storm begins—
I've scarcely strength to stand upon my pins.

Queen.
You are a lucky man.

King.
I am, my life!
In having such a woman for my wife!

Queen.
Of course! but that is not what now I mean.

King.
In what else am I fortunate, sweet queen?

Queen.
In chancing from Dame Fortune's wheel to draw
So great a prize as this rich son-in-law
That is to be—if all is true I hear.

King.
Ah! you have heard, my love.

Queen.
I have, my dear!

King.
And you approve, I trust, or else—oh, never—

Queen.
Don't be alarmed, I do!

King.
(aside)
Well, if I ever!
(aloud)
You do?

Queen.
Completely.

King.
(aside)
Can I trust my ears?
(aloud)
Oh, rapture! I confess I had some fears.

Queen.
And well you might. Act of your own accord!
Decide without my sanction! 'pon my word!

King.
I only ventured—just to give permission!

Queen.
Just!

King.
It was wrong, I own—let my contrition—

Queen.
Enough! but don't let this occur again.

King.
It shan't—it can't—and if you entertain
The least objection to this match—

Queen.
Depend on't,
That if I did, there soon would be an end on't.
But you are also fortunate in this—
I should be sorry such a chance to miss.
Such kings of trumps don't turn up every day,
So win the trick with this one, whilst you may.

King.
Florina, I am sure, will quite adore him!

Queen.
Florina! no, I'll no Florinas for him.

King.
No Flo—odso! I don't quite understand—

Queen.
Charming proposes for your daughter's hand!

King.
Exactly!

Queen.
Well, he has our joint consent.

King.
Then why to wed Florina him prevent?

Queen.
Have you no other daughter, sir, I pray?

King.
Not that I recollect, love, I must say.

Queen.
Had I no daughter when you married me?

King.
You? Certainly—yes, you had—ah, I see—
You mean your daughter by your former spouse?

Queen.
What's mine is yours—or what are marriage vows?
And as our elder child, I mean Troutina
To be provided for before Florina.

King.
(aside)
Confound it! here's of work a pretty spot!
Just as you please, of course, but—

Queen.
But—but what?

King.
Suppose King Charming should not quite agree
To this arrangement!

Queen.
You'll leave that to me.

King.
Oh, with the greatest pleasure. (aside)
There's no doubt of it,
I shall be glad to see myself safe out of it.
(aloud)
But is Princess Troutina now at Court?

Queen.
I sent for her upon the first report.
The Fairy Soussio, her godmamma,
Will send her hither in her magic car;
Dressed in such style, adorned with so much splendour,
King Charming's heart must instantly surrender!

King.
Then we must keep Florina out of sight.

Queen.
I think 'twill be as well to do so—quite.

(bells ring—guns fire)
King.
Hark! by those sounds, King Charming must be near!

Queen.
Then where's my child? Troutina! Ah, she's here!
Enter Troutina.
Come to thy mother's arms!

Trout.
Oh don't, mamma—
You'll spoil my dress!

King.
(aside)
Ye gods! to be papa,
Even step-papa, to such an ugly thing!

Queen.
(admiring Troutina's dress)
Superb! magnificent! what say you, King?
It puts one's eyes out, almost, to look at her!

King.
(aside)
I almost wish it would do, for that matter,
For then one shouldn't see her any more!
(aside)
There never was seen such a (aside)
fright (aloud)
before.

Queen.
Charming, completely dazzled you will find!

King.
(aside)
There's no chance, if he's not completely blind.
(flourish)
That flourish! he is entering the gates.

Queen.
Come, my Troutina—let us take our states!

March—The Court re-enter—The King, Queen, and Troutina place themselves—Enter Charming, attended.
King.
Welcome, King Charming, to our Court and arms!
(they embrace)
My Queen! (presenting him to her)


Queen.
My daughter! (presenting her to him)


Charm.
(starting)
Heavens! (aside)
Are these the charms
I heard so vaunted?

Queen.
(aside)
Struck—just as I said!

King.
(aside)
Struck! he looks knocked completely on the head!

Charm.
Impossible!

Queen.
That maid should be so fair!

Charm.
Madam, the lady's feelings I would spare;
But have you not another daughter?

Queen.
Sir!
None that can be at all compared to her.

King.
Certainly not!

Charm.
I'm a bad hand at riddles—
But if I've not been told great tarradiddles
There is another princess called Florina—
And if I'm not mistaken, I have seen her.

Queen.
Seen her! when—where, sir?

Charm.
Here—'tis scarce a minute,
Passing yon tower, at a window in it,
I caught a glimpse of a bewitching face,
Exactly like the picture in this case.

(shews miniature)
King.
In this case! oh, in that case!

Queen.
Hold your tongue!
(to Charming)
Oh, a mere child—a simple-witted, young,
Untutored thing—she won't be out for years.

Charm.
(aside)
Not if you can prevent it, it appears.
(aloud)
Mere child or not, her eyes my heart went through.

Queen.
'Twas distance lent enchantment to the view.

Charm.
Let then a nearer sight dissolve the spell,
Or to your Majesties, at once, farewell.

King.
(to Queen)
My darling!

Queen.
Peace! (aside)
We must not lose him so.

Trout.
Oh, ma, the gentleman is going to go!

Queen.
Be not so hasty, Prince! if you desire
To see the girl you think you should admire,
See her you shall, with all my heart, I'm sure;
Of your delusion it may work the cure.
Run, one of you—bring hither the Princess
Florina—say she needn't stop to dress!
Let her come in her morning frock and pinafore.
(Exit Page)
A garb, no doubt, you've seen young ladies in afore.

Charm.
It matters not how pretty girls are drest—
“Beauty when unadorned”—you know the rest.

Re-enter Page with Florina.
Page.
Princess Florina!

Charm.
Ah, that smile so sweet,
Completes my conquest! Fairest, at thy feet,
King Charming tenders thee his tender heart,
If you have no objection to the part.

Flor.
None in the least, if it's well stuffed with love;
I should prefer it, everything above.

Charm.
Delicious candour!

Queen.
Oh, the shameless minx!
She says, I do believe, just what she thinks!

Flor.
I always do. I'm sorry, good stepmother,
But I can't think one thing and say another.

Queen.
You hear, sir, she's not fit to come to Court.

King.
(aside)
In some, at all events, she'd make rare sport!

Charm.
Oh, pardon me—to beauty and to youth,
She adds the priceless quality of truth!
Without more ceremony, I demand
In marriage this enchanting maiden's hand.

Trout.
Oh, ma!

King.
(aside to Queen)
We can't refuse.

Queen.
Silence! (to Charming)
Great sir,
This matter to our council we refer.
So grave a step demands some consultation.

Charm.
Nothing can alter my determination!
I'm fixed as fate—if you've objections state 'em,
But I'm her mate, and that's my ultimatum!

Air—Morceau d'Ensemble—“St. Petersburgh Polka.”
Queen.

King.
(aside)

Charm.

Flor. and Trout.

Queen.
We by our council, &c.

King and Nobles.
Always, that is to say, &c.

(Exeunt King, Queen, Troutina, Florina, and Suite)
Charm.
My pretty page, look out, sharp as a needle,
And try if that soft tongue of thine can wheedle
Florina's lady's maid just to connive at,
My saying two words to my love in private.

Page.
Your Majesty shall have no cause for grief—
Sure as I am your page, I'll get her leaf.

(Exit)
Charm.
Air—“Vaga Luna” or “Katty Darling.”

Re-enter Page.
Charm.
Now, what success?

Page.
You couldn't wish for better—
I've made the lady's maid for life your debtor.
As soon as ever it is dark to-night,
She'll bring the Princess down, without a light,
To a small window on the parlour floor.

Charm.
See, at a window, her whom I adore?
Oh, I could dance like twenty Taglioni's!
Gallop apace ye fiery-footed ponies,
Towards the west end of the town, and pitch
Bright Phœbus into night's profoundest ditch!
Turn day as black as Day and Martin's jet,
Whilst I play Romeo to this Juliet!

(Exeunt)