University of Virginia Library

Scene Sixth.

—A Corridor in the Palace.
Enter Mollymopsa.
Mol.
(Exit)
Song—Mollymopsa—“The Last Rose of Summer.”.

Enter King.
King.
I tremble so, I know not what's come o'er me—
(starts)
Is this a corkscrew that I see before me?
The handle towards my hand—clutch thee I will!
I have thee not—and yet I see thee still!
Art thou a hardware article? or, oh!
Simply a fancy article, for show.
A corkscrew of the mind—a false creation
Of crooked ways, a strong insinuation!
I see thee yet, as plain as e'er I saw
This patent one, which any cork can draw!
(shewing patent corkscrew)
Thou marshal'st me the way that I should choose,
And such an instrument I was to use!
There's no such thing; 'tis what I steal to do,
That on my fancy thus has put the screw.
I go, and it is done. (going)
Confound it! there's
That stupid Mollymopsa on the stairs.

Enter Mollymopsa, cautiously—as she enters the King slips out unseen.
Mol.
Of my sad smash I've swept up every trace,
And put the other bottle in its place.
The Queen! I tremble to appear before her.
And this way comes the captive.

Enter Guards, Graceful, Queen Lucidora, and Suite, Viscount.
Grace.
Lucidora!

Queen.
Lead me, my virgins, lead me to that voice;
I am not married, and he is my choice!
Drag not this gentle gentleman to jail,
I'll find two housekeepers to be his bail.
I'm one myself—a queen, whose debts all paid are.

Grace.
Hear this, ye Gods! and wonder how you made her!

Officer.
To bail he cannot be admitted.

Queen.
No!
Then I'll to prison with him.

King.
(within)
Help, there, ho!

(Exit Viscount)
Queen.
What voice was that?

Grace.
My royal master's surely.

Re-enter Viscount.
Vis.
Run for a doctor, the King's taken poorly.

Exeunt Officer and Viscount.
Queen.
The cramp has seized his conscience, I presume.
What business has he in my dressing-room?

Re-enter Viscount, with bottle.
Vis.
Oh, horror! horror! Madam—

Enter Courtiers from different entrances.
Queen.
Well, proceed.

Vis.
His Majesty is very ill, indeed.
(two Courtiers exeunt)
Drunk something that has with him disagreed,
Out of this fatal bottle.

(shews bottle)
Queen.
Ha! made free,
With my superior patent eau de vie!
But some one must have changed it, for look here,
'Tis thick as ditch water!

Grace.
That's very clear!

Queen.
Where could he find this composition muddy?

Enter Count, pale and agitated.
Count.
The fly water is missing from the study!

Grace.
The German fly-water beyond a doubt.

(Mollymopsa comes forward and falls at Queen's feet)
Mol.
Oh, madam, pardon me, the murder's out!
I chanced the other bottle just to crack—

Count.
Ha! bind the traitress on the bottle rack.

Queen.
Stay—'twas an accident—she didn't mean—

Grace.
Look, the King comes, his courtiers borne between.

The King is borne forward in an arm-chair by the two Courtiers.
Count.
How fares your Majesty?

King.
Poisoned! Ill fare!
I loved a lady who had golden hair;
And she has set my heart on fire—I burn!
Send for the engines—on the water turn!

Count.
Alas! he raves!

King.
More water—let me suck it
From every hose, or I shall kick the bucket.
Go fetch the fire-escape—ah, no, I see!
'Tis locked up, and the sexton has the key!
And he lives, heaven knows where, in some blind alley,
And I must blaze, while you stand shilly shally!
My roof is falling in—hark, there's a shout—
There, there—stop playing. I am going out,
As my friend George says, “going—going—gone!”

(dies)
Queen.
A heavy lot, so let it be withdrawn.

(they bear out King)
Vis.
The King is dead, therefore long live the King!

Count.
Quite constitutional—but there's one thing
To be considered; he has left no heir
To wield his sceptre, and to fill his chair.
He died before he made this lady wife, too;
Therefore we've got no king to cry long life to!

Queen.
I am a queen in my own right, and so
I'll marry Graceful, if he won't say no;
And give him all the gold in my state coffer!

Grace.
Leap year or not, I jump, ma'am, at the offer.

Scene Changes.
Three Fairies appear.
Fairy.
A very proper thing for both to do.

Queen.
Mercy upon us! pray, sir, who are you?

Fairy.
We are three fairies, lately fish and fowl;
I was a carp, my friend here was an owl!
My other friend, for some cause, was a crow;
All needed Graceful's aid, and had it, so
We served him in return, and now in glory,
Come here to terminate this fairy story.

Queen.
You're welcome; prithee make yourselves at home.
Dear Graceful, now no further need we roam,
But over both these kingdoms we will reign
Together.

Grace.
Nay, to rule here we must gain
Permission first the vacant throne to fill.
Your voices, lords—I pray you let her will
Have its free way—consent—don't pause about it,
For here, you know, we can't succeed without it.

Finale—“Wha'll be King but Charlie.”
Grace.

Chorus.