University of Virginia Library

Scene Third.

—Another view in the Island—the sea in the distance, on the left hand a projecting cliff, on the summit of which Calypso is discovered gazing on the beach beneath her.
Cal.
The spirits I've forsworn still fuddle me,
The meditations I indulge in muddle me.
I stand upon the edge of this lone steep,
And sometimes feel a strange desire to leap—
And then again I don't.

Enter Mercury from below.
Mer.
She's there by jingo.

Cal.
Sure I saw something yonder on the wing go,
The birds fly low—There'll be some falling weather.

Mer.
If you don't mind, ma'am, you'll all fall together.

(Mercury mounts the rock)
Cal.
Ulysses, oh Ulysses! why, oh why
Am I immortal when I wish to die?
How very hard! Of troubles I've a peck,
Yet cannot either break my heart or neck.
I'll try though, that I will. Earth, take these bones,
And crack 'em—

Mer.
(holding her)
Hollo! gently o'er the stones.

Cal.
Who art thou, in whose arm there so much nerve is?

Mer.
Just now I'm one of the preventive service.

Cal.
Ha, Mercury, I recollect your face,
My grief was blind—I didn't see your grace.

Mer.
My scrapegrace rather; but descend, I pray,
And don't break bones upon the road to-day.
I have some hope to lighten your distress,
I bear glad tidings.

Cal.
Oh, what are they?

Mer.
Guess.

Cal.
I can't.

Mer.
Then listen.

(whispers)
Cal.
You're some hoax designing.

Mer.
No.

Cal.
On your life and honour?

Mer.
Bright and shining.

Cal.
I can't believe it, who has done this?

Mer.
You know
Full well the lady.

Cal.
For a pound it's Juno.

Mer.
Done, pay the money, for (but mind between us
This must be kept a secret) it was Venus;
I took the note to Neptune by her order,
Begging this little boon he would accord her.

Cal.
And he consented! nay, 'tis too good news.

Mer.
Look then but yonder, where the tempest brews
For many a hapless tar his watery bier:
(storm)
That storm will wreck Telemachus.

Cal.
What, here?

Mer.
So much great Jove hath sent me here to say
With his best compliments.

Cal.
Thrice happy day!
Ulysses' son? Telemachus, oh joy!
Yes, the ship sinks, but there still floats the boy;
There's some one with him; who's his friend I wonder?
Some queer old quiz, who looks as black as thunder.

Mer.
(aside)
I know, but mustn't tell. 'Tis sage Minerva,
Provided with a patent life preserver,
For under the disguise and name of Mentor,
She of cork jackets was the first inventor;
But that's 'twixt Jove and me. (to Calypso)
Ma'am, to depart
I crave permission.

Cal.
Oh, with all my heart.

Mer.
Well, if that isn't civil, I'll be shot!
(Exit Mercury)

Cal.
What, ho! my nymphs. From fountain, grove, or grot,
Haste hither to your Queen, all those who hear her;
She holds a drawing-room, and wants you near her.

Enter Eucharis and Leucothoe, and at the same moment all the Nymphs appear in different parts of the stage—Telemachus and Mentor ascend as from the beach
Sestetto—“Il Gruppo.”
Calypso, Eucharis, Leucothoe, Telemachus, Mentor, and 1st Nymph.
All.
Ah!

Ment.
(to Telemachus)
Mind, boy! mind what you're about here;
What a group! O, sharp look out here.

Tel.
We're in luck, I make no doubt here;
What a group are looking out here.

Cal.
(aside)
We've Telemachus no doubt here
On the group, how he looks out here.

Euch., Leuco., and 1st Nymph.
In their wet clothes walking out here,
They'll catch croup or they'll catch gout here.

Cal.
(aloud, in feigned anger)
Had we no such thing as scout here,
To prevent their getting out here!
Though we had a ball or rout here,
They would come unasked no doubt here!

Ment.
(to Telemachus)
Thunder, rain, and water spout here,
Made us happy to get out here.
We shall put them to the rout here.
Still they'll welcome us no doubt here.

Euch., Leuco., and 1st Nymph.
Sure there's been a waterspout here,
They've come up it to get out here;
Passports, if they are without here,
They'll be hanged without a doubt here.

Cal.
(aside)
Although half-drowned, he looks the youth of fashion;
But I must feign a most tremendous passion.
(aloud)
Whence and what are ye who the hungry fish on
My coast have baulked of lunch without permission?

Tel.
Amongst the elements the late confusion
Must plead our pardon for this bold intrusion.
We're come, 'tis true, without an introduction
But drawn—

Cal.
By sympathy?

Ment.
No, ma'am,—by suction.

Cal.
(aside)
Some rude philosopher. (aloud)
Tell you the tale. (to Telemachus)


Tel.
At five a.m. it blew a heavy gale—

Ment.
In short, we're shipwrecked—now you know it all.

Cal.
And you must know that neither short nor tall
Are ever suffered with impunity
To land amidst this fair community,
In proof whereof you should be doomed to death,
But that you seem already out of breath.
To-day, at all events, you shall not die—
Being wet we'll only hang you—out to dry.

Ment.
You're very kind. But he'll think it a bore,
And I have been across the line before.

Cal.
Your name, sir, (to Telemachus)
and condition?

Ment.
Madam, this is
Telemachus, the son of sage Ulysses;
Ny name is Mentor—I'm his private tutor.

Cal.
Mentor! Tormentor rather! Sir, be mute, or
I'll find a way to make you. Pray, young man,
Tell your own story—I've no doubt you can.

Medley—Telemachus.
My name it is Telemachus!
I've seen a little sarvice,
Where angry billows roll and loud tempests blow;
I've sailed in Tyrian ships,
And I've driven Cretan Jarvies,
And—
Over the mountains and over the moor,
Hungry and barefoot I've wandered forlorn;
My father I've lost, and my mother—I'm sure—
There's fifty young men have told her their fine tales,
And called her their fairest she,
But—
When they asked, “Are you within?”
Heigho! says Rowley!
She answered them yes! but I'm sitting to spin
And—
Oft in the stilly night,
When slumber's chain had bound them,
All she had done by light
She undid to confound them;
Singing—
Where and oh! where
Is my Grecian laddie gone?
He's gone to fight the Trojans,
And crack King Priam's crown;
And it's oh! in my heart,
But I wish he'd make haste home—
Then I, a brisk and lively lad,
Thought I'd go to see, ma'am;
What could keep my roving dad
From his Penelope, ma'am—
So I played at Bo-peep,
All over the deep,
But I couldn't tell where to find him;
Let him alone,
Thinks I, he'll come home,
With a very long tale of—
How the Grecians went running to Troy,
And the Trojans came running to meet 'em—
But just as here with fav'ring gale
Our gallant ship up channel steered,
And scudding under easy sail
This sky-blue western isle appeared;
To heave the lead the seamen sprung,
When out the pilot loudly sung—
O dear! what can the matter be,
Dear! dear! what can the matter be;
O dear! what can the matter be,
The weather no longer is fair—
Loud roars the dreadful thunder.
The rain a deluge showers,
The skies are rent asunder
By lightning's vivid powers;
Quite puzzled what to do,
The poor unhappy crew,
Lay like logs,
Sick as dogs,
Without beef or biskey, oh!
But lucky event,
When to pieces we went,
We happened to be very nigh land;
So to swim we both tried,
And were left by the tide
High and dry on your Majesty's island!
Oh, it's a nice little island,
A dear little duck of an island;
I am sick of the seas,
And would live if you please,
All my life in this tight little island!

Cal.
Well, I must own I pity your distresses,
You seem to have been in some dreadful messes.
Though you were wet, your story's made you dry,
You look fatigued, too—rest till by-and-bye.
In yonder grotto you'll find all prepared;
The rooms are airy, and the beds are aired.

Tel.
A thousand thanks.

Cal.
(to Mentor)
And you may follow suit.
You'll entertainment find for man and (with a look of scorn at him)
brute.

Ment.
You're too polite. (aside)
At all her wiles I laugh,
Old birds are never to be caught with chaff.
(to Telemachus)
I shall keep you awake with constant tapping.
She's mighty cunning, but shan't catch me napping.

Tel.
(aside)
To leave such company's a sin; methinks
I shall come back when I've had forty winks.
(Exeunt Mentor and Telemachus)

Cal.
Go, ladies, and prepare a cold collation,
Then each may follow her own inclination.
(Exeunt Nymphs)
(advancing)
He's handsomer than his papa, I vow,
If I could only make him love me now!
Venus might aid me, but then she's his foe;
I'll write a note to her and ask her though.
(takes out tablets and writes)
Air—Calypso—“Lovely Lady Mine”—“Le Pré aux Clercs.”
“To Venus, Queen of Paphos.” (directing it)
Take it, wind. (letter flies off)

Venus appears with Cupid.
She's come already! 'Pon my life that's kind.
Madam, for this politeness I'm your debtor.

Ven.
Oh not at all. How are you, any better?
As luck would have it, we were close by, shopping,
And I had thought of in upon you popping.
What is't you want? and yet I need not ask.
You want that lad to love you. That's a task
You'll find more easy to be said than done,
But you may try and warm him with my son.
I'll leave him with you for the day with pleasure,
But I must go—I'm hurried beyond measure.

Cal.
One moment! Pry'thee, who's that surly bear?
Telemachus's tutor?

Ven.
Nay, dear—there
I'm puzzled too. I only know that he
Has been particularly rude to me,
And brought his pupil to scorn me too.
I'll ne'er forgive him—shoot me if I do!
Neptune has tried to drown him twice—but rat
The rogue, he's got more lives than any cat.
A pedant! 'Gainst my court to back his college,
His useful 'gainst my entertaining knowledge!
The Book of Beauty, published by its queen,
He'd stifle with a Penny magazine!
If you can worry him in any way,
You'll quite oblige me. Cupid, love, you'll stay
With Queen Calypso all the afternoon.
Diana's waiting for me in the moon.
I've got to night to be an evening star,
And twenty calls to make first, so ta ta!

(music—Venus re-ascends)
Cal.
Good-bye, good Venus! If this deer I tame,
Next time I hunt, I'll send you lots of game.
Well, my young friend, can you assist me, pray?

Cupid.
I'll try. There are but few can spurn my sway,
But this boy's case presents a novel feature;
He is a most extraordinary creature—
He snubs the ladies, and declares he'd rather
Go poking round the world to find his father;
However, I have got a little plan,
Which I suspect will tease my gentleman;
When next your nymphs—

Cal.
They come—I see their noses!

Cupid.
Go you away—I'll hide amongst the roses.

(Exit Calypso—Cupid hides in a rose bush)
Enter Eucharis, Leucothoe, and Nymphs.
Girls so gay, come out to play,
We'll do no more work to-day;
Come with a hoop, or come with a ball,
Come with a good will, or not at all.

Euch.
What shall we play at—forfeits?

Leuco.
Forfeits! stuff!
I'm for a good long game at blindman's buff.

Euch.
Well, blindman's buff then—who shall first be blind?

Enter Telemachus and Mentor.
Leuco.
One of these gentlemen will be so kind.

Ment.
From all such follies we must stand exempt.
“Familiarity doth breed contempt;”
Pray let it understood between us be,
You shan't blind him, ma'am, and you can't blind me.

Leuco.
Civil, I vow. (to Telemachus)
And do you say “fain play?”

Tel.
(to Mentor)
Please, sir, mayn't I have a half holiday?

Ment.
Not to enlist yourself 'neath folly's banners.
“Evil communication spoils good manners.”

Tel.
Ladies, you hear, I am a luckless suitor,
I am kept in by order of my tutor.

Leuco.
Well, round my forehead let the scarf be tied.

Cupid reappears from rose bush, with bandage over his eyes.
Euch.
Stay! here's a blind boy ready cut and dried;
Come hither, little master; what's your name?
Have you a mind to join our Christmas game?

Cupid.
Ladies, a second time you shall not sue,
I'll play with all my heart, (aside)
and all yours too.

Leuco.
This is your station,—now, my little man,
Turn round three times, and then catch whom you can.

Dance—After a while Cupid catches Leucothoe—music ceases.
Leuco.
Hey-day! This boy is sure the worst of pickles;
Plague take the little rascal—how he tickles!

(breaks from him—dance resumed—he catches another Nymph—music ceases)
2nd Nymph.
Let go—you tease me, and I'll play no more;
I vow I ne'er was caught this way before.

(retires)
Euch.
(aside)
There's something monstrous queer about that elf,
I've half a mind that I'll be caught myself.
(dance resumed—Eucharis puts herself in Cupid's way—he catches her—she breaks from him—music ceases)
What's this I feel—grief, pleasure, pain, or joy!
Whatever have you done, you naughty boy?
Ladies, beware! that urchin near you creeping,
If you but look on him you'll pay for peeping;
At all events, beware you touch him not,
His hand is like a furnace—it's so hot!

3rd Nymph.
Surely a child like that can never harm us!
My hand's quite cold.

4th Nymph.
And mine—

3rd Nymph.
Let's make him warm us.
(dance again—Cupid turns each of the Nymphs)
What's this?—I burn!

1st Nymph.
I roast!

4th Nymph.
I broil!

5th Nymph.
I fry!

1st Nymph.
You little rogue!

4th Nymph.
Oh, my!

3rd Nymph.
Oh, fie!

5th Nymph.
Oh, cry!

(Exeunt Nymphs)
Cupid.
(to Telemachus)
These ladies, sir, seem tired of my face;
Suppose you let me blind you in my place!

Ment.
Telemachus, Telemachus! mind me;
“There's none so blind as those who will not see.”
Do you not mark, who near that urchin lingers,
As sure as eggs is eggs will burn his fingers.

Tel.
My sage adviser, Lindley Murray begs
Another time you'll say that eggs are eggs.

Ment.
When, to save you, you see me in a hurry,
I'll thank you not to bother me with Murray.

Tel.
Why mayn't I with that child my time employ?
He's surely an engaging little boy.

Ment.
Engaging!—yes, no doubt of that, you stupid;
Engaging is his trade—his name is Cupid.

Tel.
Cupid!—and is that Cupid?—pray don't row me;
But I must speak to him—will you allow me?
(to Cupid)

Cupid.
You do me honour, sir: I recommend
A partner—Lady Eucharis—my friend.

Tel.
(aside)
I feel an overishness come all over;
Sure I'm transformed at once into a lover.

Ment.
That serves you right—you put me in a rage;
It's little use to stuff your heart with sage
Reasons, if thus you let that rascal spoil it.
Why if it were his father's heart, he'd broil it.

Quartette—“Mi manca la voce.”
Eucharis, Telemachus, Calypso, and Mentor.
Euch.

Tel.

Cal.
(entering)

Ment.

Cal.
I'm all astonishment! (to Cupid)
What have you done?

Cupid.
Hush! not a word! I've caught 'em all—such fun!

Cal.
Such fun indeed! Are you too blind to see
What's fun to you, sir, may be death to me?

Cupid.
I've done some mischief, one way or another,
And that's enough—so I'll go back to mother.

(Exit)
Cal.
(to Mentor)
A word in private with your youthful friend.

Ment.
(to Telemachus, aside)
If you should want me, do not sigh but send.

(Exit)
Cal.
You'll join the chase, Telemachus, I trust?

Tel.
I should be happy, madam, but I must,
I fear, be jogging on to seek my father.

Cal.
No farther seek, but stay with me the rather,
Reign with me here where rain doth never fall,
Where Winter's music's never heard at all;
And where you may with safety upon this count,
That india-rubber cloaks are at a discount;
Where bright Apollo, in his march sublime,
Though god of verse, won't suffer frosts of rime.
My coast is clear, my skies are never hazy,
My smiling meadows never lack a daisy.
Stay then, and love but me as I love you;
No knife shall ever cut our love in two.

Tel.
Unless my love is cut in two, alas!
I do not see how this can come to pass.

Cal.
Not come to pass! have I made this confession,
And is another lady in possession?

Tel.
(aside)
I had almost betrayed myself. (aloud)
Oh no.

Cal.
Then why the dickens did you scare me so?
For whom would you divide your love in two?
For whom? with whom?

Tel.
Papa.

Cal.
Papa! pooh, pooh!
I'll be your father, mother, sister, wife.

Tel.
Your Majesty's too gracious, on my life.

Cal.
But not a word just now, my nymphs are nigh,
We'll talk this matter over by-and-bye.
Ladies, the hounds throw off at Breakneck Thicket.
We hunt to-day.

Tel.
A hunt?—Yoicks!

All.
That's the ticket.

(Exeunt Eucharis, Leucothoe, and Nymphs.)
Enter Nymphs, in hunting dresses.
Air and Chorus—“Let us take the road”—“Beggar's Opera.”
Calypso and Nymphs.
Let us take the field!
The hour of the chase approaches,
On a manor where no one poaches,
To the glorious pastime yield!
See the lance I hold—
We laugh at the doctors' glasses,
Our system theirs surpasses,
We don't buy our health with gold.

(Exeunt Omnes)