University of Virginia Library

SCENE III.

—THE VILLAGE-GREEN, AND ROAD-SIDE ALE-HOUSE.
Noon.—Animated Music.—Peasantry enter, Old Tenants with bags of money, papers, agreements, &c.—they take up their position by the Ale-house porch, whence a rustic table, bench, and stool are brought out.—Enter Old Gryppe, the steward, with book, papers, &c.
Gryppe.
Now stand aside, the 'Squire will soon arrive,
Pay up your rents, and mind you look alive.
[Sits down at table, places writing materials; Tenants reluctantly come up in succession, those who come up quickly paying their money.
Hallo! Giles Oatcake, two years' rent you owe,
Can't? don't tell me: pay all, or out you go!
Now Humphrey Whackstraw, here there's no excuse should do.
Pooh! if your crops fail, that's no reason you should do.
I carry out the new 'Squire's resolution;
All who don't pay will have an execution.
[Steward rises from table—general grumbling.
What! do you grumble, knaves? look pleased, this minute!
Laugh, every one of you—at once begin it!
[Dismal effort at laughter, which the Steward enforces from the Tenantry, after usual pantomimic fashion.
Whoever isn't jolly seen this day,
'Twill be the worse for him, that's all I say.

[Returns to table—Tenantry crowd round him, some to pay their rents, some to solicit indulgence.
Enter Mother Hubbard and her Dog.
Mother H.
When such the steward, let the tenants heed;
Where'er he presses, he's too hard indeed.

Gryppe.
[At table.]
There's two and three are five, and four are nine;
You've got your change: now, then, to count up mine.

Mother H.
You soon will see some change that will surprise you.

Gryppe.
Now off, and come back merry, I'd advise you.
Our new young 'Squire will generously defray
All the expenses— [Aside.]
which you'll have to pay.
At one o'clock the revel will commence;—
Here are receipts for all who have paid their rents.

[Music.—Tenantry disperse, leaving Mother Hubbard, Dog, and Steward.
Gryppe.
How is't, old witch, of whom we've been in quest,
You didn't pay the same time as the rest?

Mother H.
I owe you nothing till next quarter's due.

Gryppe.
Have you paid your Dog-tax?

Mother H.
Humph! what's that to you?
He isn't six months old—he's quite a pup.
Look at his teeth—

Gryppe.
I will, and have you up.

[Music.—Gryppe proceeds to examine the Dog's mouth, gets snapped at, tries again, and is seized behind—he runs off, and the Dog after him.
Mother H.
Ha, ha!—Now, then, for Jack: he comes this way,
And looking sad, poor boy!

Enter Jack.
Jack.
[Downcast.]
Ah! Dame, good day!
I hear bad tidings from our village friends,
On whom ill luck, 'twould seem, this year attends.
There's many a man, I know, that hour will rue,
The present 'Squire became their landlord, too.

Mother H.
[Aside.]
I know his heart, but yet will try him more.
To Jack.
Ah! Jack, indeed that loss we all deplore.
Alas! even I must quit, in my old age,
The cottage where through life I've past each stage.
P'raps sell my poor old dog to pay my rent,
To save my goods being to the sheriff sent.

Jack.
No, no, good mother, not whilst I can work.
For you, there's no employment I would shirk.
I have health and strength—all's your's that I may earn;
In the mean while, this trifle do not spurn,
[Gives purse.
It is but small, but, though it worth may lack,
'Twill prove at least you've got a friend in Jack.

Mother H.
[Aside.]
The darling boy! [To Jack.]
Your hand—aha! what's here?
Your path through life I see extremely clear.
This line upon your palm of fortune tells,
You'll be yourself the heaviest of swells,
Have a nice house, a farm, with cash beside,
And have the girl you love to be your bride.
Nay, you may stare, but there the lines all are,
You are born under a most lucky star.

Jack.
Can this be true?

Mother H.
Before the morn shall break,
You'll see Dame Hubbard has made no mistake.
The heir of Rookwood comes—let us retire;
On different grounds we'll meet this gay young 'Squire.

[Music.—They go off.
Enter 'Squire Rookwood, accompanied by his London Tailor, and Bootmaker, with their bills.
'Squire.
Call this a coat! look here, the thing don't fit me!
It wouldn't suit a finger-post, sir; split me!
[To Bootmaker.]
And as for these! d'ye call these London made?
Off and consider you're with this well paid.
[Bootmaker is propelled by the article of his own manufacture off stage, with Tailor.
So. I suppose this is the village-green,
Where, in my honour, will the sports be seen.
Who have we here? I see—with garlands laden,
Comes tripping forth each blooming village maiden.
Music—Enter Village Lasses, with garlands, which they use in decorating Ale-house porch, &c.—'Squire seizes two Girls round the waist, and kisses them.
Don't be alarmed! this is our mode in town,
The latest fashion which I've just brought down.
I am your new protector, your young 'Squire,
Lord of the Manor, which is half the shire.
So, from my manner, don't get shier of me—
That's rather witty—ha, ha, ha! he, he!
[They retire up.
Enter Rosetta, with milking pail.
Another! Ha! my little rustic beauty,
I'll teach these bumpkins here to know their duty.
[Singing affectedly.
Where are you going to, my pretty maid?

Rosetta.
Going a milking, sir—

'Squire.
She said.
Shall I go with you, my pretty maid?

Rosetta.
No, if you please, kind sir—

'Squire.
She said.

Squire.
Then I cannot marry you, my pretty maid.

Rosetta.
Nobody axed you—

'Squire.
So she said, &c.
[Rosetta is going off, when 'Squire detains her forcibly.
But stay! haw-haw! I feel in this direction,
A sort of haw-haw! what d'ye call't? affection.
You must be mine—nay, girl, I'll have a kiss,
Resistance is in vain!—hollo! what's this?

Enter Jack, to the rescue, and confronts him.
Jack.
Come, 'Squire, from such attentions please refrain.

'Squire.
There! I declare! that vagabond again!
You rascal, in those torn and tattered clothes,
Where you will go to do you e'er suppose?

Jack.
I aren't a going to see my sweetheart kissed.

'Squire.
Oh! we'll soon settle that, if you insist.
What ho! within there!
Two Constables appear, from Ale-house.
[Giving signet ring.]
Fellows, there's my gage,
Lock up this wagged wagrant in the cage.

Jack.
But, 'Squire!

Rosetta.
Oh goodness!

'Squire.
Mind he don't get free—
Off to the Round-house, and bring me the key!
[Music.—Jack is hurried off by Constables.
Aha! these rustics I must teach their place.
Now, then, my beauty, you our revels grace.

[Leads Rosetta reluctantly to the back.
Marked Music.—Loud peal of bells heard—Tenantry and Villagers enter, Old Gryppe, the Steward, and his Wife.—Barrels of Beer rolled forth by Host—table spread with eatables, &c., and an imitative Tableau is formed of Frith's Picture ‘Coming of Age in the Olden Time.’—'Squire gets on chair for speech.
'Squire.
My friends! to-day I come of age.

Voices.
Hear, hear!

'Squire.
On which account you will have lots of beer.

Voices.
[Shouting.]
Hoorah!

'Squire.
My worthy Steward has received instructions,
From all your rents to make immense deductions.
[Shouts renewed.
For, as they will be doubled, I'm assured,
This great reduction I can well afford.
[Sensation.
Should any of you find you want repairs,
Such as a little painting up the stairs;
Or if you've got a tile off, which may be,
Apply to him—

Voices.
Hoorah!

'Squire.
And don't you bother me.
['Squire descends from chair.
Constables enter, Melodramatically, and deliver key to 'Squire, which he places in his vest.
The key! then he is safe at all events;
Ring out the bells, and let the sports commence.
Roll forth the barrels—drink whoe'er is dry—
[Aside.]
It's you who'll have to pay for it, not I.

Peal of Bells resumed, while they are getting ready—The Sports begin with the dance of Sir Roger de Coverley, in which 'Squire leads off Rosetta, who dances with reluctance, and taking an opportunity to change partners, dances off, unobserved by the 'Squire—Ale brought out in barrels, and drank largely.—Procession of Mummers, in which figure Robin Hood, Little John, Valentine and Orson, St. George and the Dragon, the Stilt Walkers, Bear and his Keeper, Morris Dancers, Mother Goose, &c. &c. &c.—they pass along the stage so as to show their various characters, and a busy scene is kept up, till Mother Hubbard and Dog enter at side, when there's a general pause for refreshment.
Mother H.
Hist! seize him lad! find out where lies the key!
Off with it then, good Dog, and bring it me!

[Melodramatic Music.—Dog carefully watches an opportunity, then flies at 'Squire's neck, and a desperate struggle ensues as in the

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pieces belonging to the dog-days of the Minor Drama.—'Squire at last thrown on the ground, Dogs gets the key, which he bears off in triumph in his mouth, upsetting Villagers, &c. &c., in his progress, who commence an exciting chase, which is kept up till change of scene.