University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

Sir Oliver's Lodgings.
Enter Lady Cockwood and Sentry.
Sent.
Dear Madam, do not afflict your self thus
Unreasonably; I dare lay my life, it is not want
Of devotion, but opportunity that stays him.

La. Cock.
Ingrateful man! To be so insensible
Of a Ladies passion!

Sent.
If I thought he were so wicked, I should
Hate him strangely—But, Madam—

La. Cock.
Do not speak one word in his behalf,
I am resolv'd to forget him; perfidious Mortal,
To abuse so sweet an opportunity!

Sent.
Hark, here is some body coming up stairs.

La. Cock.
Peace, he may yet redeem his honor.

Enter Courtal.
Court.
Your humble servant, Madam.

La. Cock.
Starting.
Mr. Courtal, for Heav'n sake
How came you hither?

Court.
Guided by my good Fortune, Madam—
Your servant, Mistress Sentry.

Sent.
Your humble servant, Sir; I protest you made
Me start too, to see you come in thus unexpectedly.

La. Cock.
I did not imagine it could be known
I was in Town yet.

Court.
Sir Oliver did me the favor to make me
A visit, and dine with me to day, which brought
Me to the knowledge of this happiness, Madam;
And as soon as I could possibly, I got the
Freedom to come hither and enjoy it.

La. Cock.
You have ever been extream obliging, Sir.

Sent.
'Tis a worthy Gentleman, how punctual
He is to my directions!

Aside.
La. Cock.
Will you be pleas'd to repose, Sir?
Sentry, set some Chairs.

Exit Sentry.
Court.
With much difficulty, Madam, I broke
Out of my company, and was forc'd by the
Importunity of one Sir Joslin Jolly, I think they
Call him, to engage my Honor I would
Return again immediately.

La. Cock.
You must not so soon rob me
Of so sweet a satisfaction.

Court.
No consideration, Madam, could take
Me from you, but that I know my stay at this
Time must needs endanger your Honor; and how
Often I have deny'd my self the greatest satisfaction
In the world, to keep that unblemished, you
Your self can witness.

La. Cock.
Indeed I have often had great tryals
Of your generosity, in those many misfortunes
That have attended our innocent affections.

Court.
Sir Oliver, Madam, before I did perceive
It, was got near that pitch of drunkenness,
Which makes him come reeling home, and
Unmanfully insult over your Ladiship; and how
Subject he is then to injure you with an unjust
Suspicion, you have often told me; which makes
Me careful not to be surpris'd here.

La. Cock.
Repose your self a little, but a little,
Dear Sir: These vertuous Principles make you worthy to be
Trusted with a Ladies Honor: Indeed Sir Oliver
Has his failings; yet I protest, Mr. Courtal, I love
Him dearly, but cannot be altogether unsensible
Of your generous passion.

Court.
Ay, Ay, I am a very Passionate Lover!
Aside.
Indeed this escape has onely given me leisure
To look upon my happiness.

La. Cock.
Is my Woman retir'd?

Court.
Most dutifully, Madam.

La. Cock.
Then let me tell you, Sir—yet we
May make very good use of it.

Court.
Now am I going to be drawn in agen.

Aside.
La. Cock.
If Sir Oliver be in that indecent condition
You speak of, to morrow he will be very submissive,
As it is meet for so great a misdemeanor; then
Can I, feigning a desperate discontent, take
My own freedom without the least suspicion.

Court.
This is very luckily and obligingly
Thought on, Madam.

La. Cock.
Now if you will be pleas'd to
Make an assignation, Sir.

Court.
To morrow about ten a clock in the
Lower-walk of the New Exchange, out of which
We can quickly pop into my Coach.

La. Cock.
But I am still so pester'd with my Woman,
I dare not go without her; on my Conscience
She's very sincere, but it is not good to trust our
Reputations too much to the frailty of a servant.

Court.
I will bring my Charriot, Madam,
That will hold but two.

La. Cock.
O most ingeniously imagin'd, dear Sir! For
By that means I shall have a just excuse to give her
Leave to see a Relation, and hid her stay
There till I call her.

Court.
It grieves me much to leave you so soon,
Madam; but I shall comfort my self with the
Thoughts of the happiness you have made me hope for.

La. Cock.
I wish it were in my power eternally
To oblige you, dear Sir.

Court.
Your humble Servant, Madam.

La. Cock
Your humble Servant, sweet Sir.
[Exit Courtal.
Sentry—why Sentry—Where are you?

Entry Sentry.
Sent.
Here, Madam.

La. Cock.
What a strange thing is this! will you
Never take warning, but still be leaving me alone
In these suspicious occasions?

Sent.
I was but in the next Room, Madam.

La. Cock.
What may Mr. Courtal think of my
Innocent intentions? I protest if you serve me
So agen, I shall be strangelg angry: You should
Have more regard to your Lady's Honor.

Sent.
If I stay in the Room, she will not speak
Kindly to me in a week after; and if I go out, she
Always chides me thus: This is a strange infirmity
She has, but I must bear with it; for on my
Conscience, Custome has made it so natural,
She cannot help it.

La. Cock.
Are my Cosins come home yet?

Sent.
Not yet, Madam.

La. Cock.
Do'st thou know whither they went
This Evening?

Sent.
I heard them say they would go take
The Air, Madam.

La. Cock.
Well, I see it is impossible with vertuous
Counsel to reclaim them; truly they are so careless
Of their own, I could wish Sir Jostin would remove
'Em, for fear they should bring an unjust
Imputation on my Honor.

Sent.
Heavens forbid, Madam!

Enter Ariana and Gatty.
La. Cock.
Your Servant, Cosins.

Amb.
Your Servant, Madam.

La. Cock.
How have you spent the cool of the
Evening?

Gatty.
As the custom is, Madam, breathing the
Fresh Air in the Park and Mulberry-Garden.

La. Cock.
Without the Company of a Relation,
Or some discreet body to justifie your Reputations
To the world—You are young, and may be yet
Insensible of it; but this is a strange censorious age,
I assure you.

Noise of Musick without.
Aria.
Hark! what Musick's this?

Gatty.
I'll lay my life my Uncle's drunk, and hath
Pickt us up a couple of worthy Servants,
And brought them home with him in triumph.

Enter the Musick playing, Sir Oliver strutting, and swaggering, Sir Joslin singing and dancing with Mr. Courtal and Mr. Freeman, in each hand: Gatty and Ariana seeing Courtal and Freeman, shriek and—
[Exeunt.
Sir Jos.
Hey-day! I told you they were a couple of
Skittish Fillies, but I never knew 'em boggle
At a man before; I'll fetch 'em agen I warrant
You, Boys.

Exit after them.
Free. to Court.
These are the very self-same Gowns
And Petticoats.

Court.
Their surprise confirms us it must be them.

Free.
'Slife, we have betray'd our selves
Very pleasantly.

Court.
Now am I undone to all intents and purposes,
For they will innocently discover all to my Lady,
And she will have no mercy.

Sir Oliv.
Dan, Dan, Da ra, Dan, &c.
Strutting.
Avoid my presence, the very sight of that face
Makes me more impotent then an Eunuch.

La. Cock.
Dear Sir Oliver!

[Offering to embrace him.
Sir Oliv.
Forbear your conjugal clippings,
I will have a Wench, thou shalt fetch me a
Wench, Sentry.

Sent.
Can you be so inhumane to my dear Lady?

Sir Oliv.
Peace, Envy, or I will have thee executed
For Petty Treason; thy skin flay'd off, stuff'd, and
Hung up in my Hall in the Country, as a
Terror to my whole Family.

Court.
What Crime can deserve this horrid
Punishment?

Sir Oliv.
I'll tell thee, Ned: 'Twas my Fortune
T'other day to have an Intrigue with a Tinker's
Wife in the Country, and this malicious Slut
Betray'd the very Ditch where we us'd to
Make our assignations, to my Lady.

Free.
She deserves your anger indeed, Sir Oliver:
But be not so unkind to your vertuous Lady.

Sir Oliv.
Thou do'st not know her, Franck; I have
Had a design to break her heart ever since the
First moneth that I had her, and 'tis so tough,
That I have not yet crack'd one string on't.

Court.
You are too unmerciful, Sir Oliver.

Sir Oliv.
Hang her, Ned, by wicked policy she
Would usurp my Empire, and in her heart is a
Very Pharaoh; for every night she's a putting
Me upon making Brick without straw.

Court.
I cannot see a vertuous Lady so afflicted,
Without offering her some consolation:
Dear Madam, is it not as I told you?

Aside to her.
La. Cock.
The fates could not have been more
Propitious, and I shall not be wanting to the
Furthering of our mutual happiness.

[To Courtal, aside.
Enter Sir Joslin, with Ariana and Gatty in each hand, dancing and singing.
CATCH.
This is slie and pretty.
And this is wild and witty;
If either stay'd
Till she dy'd a Maid.
I faith 'twould be great pity.

Sir Jos.
Here they are, Boys, i'faith, and now little
Joslin's a man of his word. Heuk! Sly girl and
Mad-cap, to 'em, to 'em, to 'em, Boys, Alou!
[Flings 'em to Courtal and Freeman, who kiss their hands.
What's yonder, your Lady in tears, Brother Cockwood?
Come, come, I'll make up all Breaches.
He sings—And we'll all be merry and frolick
Fie, fy, though man and wife are seldom in good
Humor alone, there are few want the discretion
To dissemble it in company.

[Sir Joslin, Sir Oliver, and Lady, stand talking together.
Free.
I knew we should surprize you, Ladies.

Court.
Faith I thought this conjuring to be but
A meer jest till now, and could not believe the
Astrological Rascal had been so skilful.

Free.
How exactly be describ'd 'em, and how
Punctual he was in his directions to apprehend 'em!

Gat.
Then you have been with a Conjurer,
Gentlemen.

Court.
You cannot blame us, Ladies, the loss of
Our hearts was so considerable, that it may well
Excuse the indirect means we took to find out
The pretty Thieves that stole 'em.

Aria.
Did not I tell you what men of business
These were, Sister?

Gat.
I vow I innocently believ'd they had some
Pre-engagement to a Scrivener or a Surgeon,
And wish'd 'em so well, that I am sorry
To find 'em so perfidious.

Free,
Why, we have kept our Oaths, Ladies.

Aria.
You are much beholding to Providence.

Gatty.
But we are more Sister, for had we once
Been deluded into an opinion they had been
Faithful, who knows into what Inconveniences
That error might have drawn us?

Court.
Why should you be so unreasonable, Ladies,
To expect that from us, we should scarce
Have hop'd for from you? Fy, fy, the keeping
Of ones word is a thing below the honor
Of a Gentleman.

Free.
A poor shift! Fit onely to uphold the
Reputation of a paultry Citizen.

Sir Jos.
Come, come, all will be well agen,
I warrant you, Lady.

La. Cock
These are insupportable injuries, but I will
Bear 'em with an invincible patience, and to morrow
Make him dearly sensible how unworthy he has been.

Sir Jos.
To morrow my Brother Cockwood will
Be another man—So, Boys, and how do you like
The flesh and blood of the Jollies—Heuk, Sly
Girl—and Mad-cap, Hey—come, come, you have
Heard them exercise their Tongues a while; now
You shall see them ply their feet a little. This is
A clean Limb'd Wench, and has neither spavin,
Splinter, nor Wind-gall; tune her a Jig, and play't
Roundly, you shall see her bounce it away like a
Nimble Frigot before a fresh gale—Hey, methinks I
See her under sail already.

[Gatty dances a Jig.
Sir Jos.
Hey my little Mad-cap—Here's a Girl of
The true breed of the Jollies, i'faith—But hark you,
Hark you, a Consultation, Gentlemen—Bear up,
Brother Cockwood, a little: What think you,
If we pack these idle Huswives to Bed now,
And retire into a Room by our selves, and have
A merry Catch, and a Bottle or two of the
Best, and perfect the good work we have
So unanimously carry'd on to day?

Sir Oliver.
A most admirable Intrigue—Tan, dan,
Da, ra, dan, come, come, march to your several
Quarters: Go, we have sent for a civil person or two,
And are resolv'd to fornicate in private.

La. Cock.
This is a barbarous return of
All my kindness.

Free., Court.
Your humble Servant, Madam.

[Ex. La. Cockwood and Sentry.
Court.
Hark you! Hark you! Ladies do not harbor
Too ill an opinion of us, for faith, when you have
Had a little more experience of the World, you'll
Find we are no such abominable Rascals.

Gatty.
We shall be so charitable to think no worse
Of you, than we do of all mankind for your
Sakes, onely that you are perjur'd, perfidious,
Inconstant, ingrateful.

Free.
Nay, nay, that's enough in all conscience Ladies,
And now you are sensible what a shameful thing
It is to break ones word, I hope you'll be more
Careful to keep yours to morrow.

Gatty.
Invent an Oath, and let it be so horrid—.

Cour.
Nay, nay, it is too late for Raillery, i'faith Ladies.

Gatty., Aria.
Well, your servant then.

Free., Court.
Your servant, Ladies,

Sir Oliver.
Now the enemy's march'd out—

Sir Jos,
Then the Castle's our own Boys—Hey.

Free., Court.
Hey brave Sir Joslin.

Sir Oliver;
Ah my dear little witty Joslin, let me
Hug thee.

Sir Joslin.
Strike up you obstreperous Rascals; and
March along before us:

[Exeunt Singing and Dancing.