She wou'd if She cou'd A Comedy. Acted at His Highness the Duke of York's Theater. Written by George Etherege |
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| 1. | SCENE I. |
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 | She wou'd if She cou'd |  |
SCENE I.
The Mulberry-Garden.Enter Courtal and Freeman.
Court.
Was there ever a couple of Fops better match'd
Than these two Knights are?
Free.
They are Harp and Violin, Nature has so
Tun'd 'em, as if she intended they should
Always play the Fool in Consort.
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Now is Sir Oliver secure, for he dares not go
Home 'till he's quite drunk, and then he grows
Valiant, insults, and defies his sweet Lady;
For which, with Prayers and Tears, he's forc'd
To feign a bitter Repentance the next morning.
Free.
What do we here idling in the Mulberry-Garden?
Why do not we make this visit then?
Court.
Now art thou as mad upon this trail, as if
We were upon a hot scent.
Free.
Since we know the bush, why do we not start
The Game?
Court.
Gently, good Franck: First know that the Laws
Of Honor prescrib'd in such nice cases, will not
Allow me to carry thee along with me; and next,
Hast thou so little wit to think, that a discreet
Lady that has had the experience of so much humane
Frailty, can have so good an opinion of the constancy
Of her servant, as to lead him into temptation?
Free.
Then we must not hope her Ladiship shou'd
Make us acquainted with these Gentlewomen.
Court.
Thou may'st as reasonably expect, that an old
Rook should bring a young Snap acquainted
With his Bubble; but advantages may be
Hereafter made, by my admission into the Family.
Free.
What is to be done then?
Court.
Why, look you, thus I have contriv'd it:
Sir Oliver, when I began to grow resty, that he
Might incline me a little more to drunkenness,
In my ear discover'd to me the humor of
His dear friend Sir Joslin: He assur'd me, that
When he was in that good natur'd condition,
To requite their courtesie, he always carried
The good company home with him, and
Recommended them to his Kinswomen.
Free.
Very good!
Court.
Now after the fresh Air has breath'd on us
A while, and expel'd the vapors of the Wine
We have drunk, thou shalt return to these
Two Sots, whom we left at the French-house,
According to our promise, and tell 'em, I am a
Little stay'd by some unlucky bus'ness, and
Will be with 'em presently; thou wilt find 'em
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Their order; charge 'em briskly, and in a moment
Thou shalt rout 'em, and with little or no damage
To thy self, gain an absolute Victory.
Free.
Very well!
Court.
In the mean time, I will make my visit to the
Longing Lady, and order my business so
Handsomely, that I will be with thee again immediately,
To make an Experiment of the good humor of
Sir Joslin.
Free.
Let's about it.
Court.
'Tis yet too early, we must drill a way a little
Time here, that my excuses may be more probable,
And my persecution more tolerable.
Enter Ariana and Gatty with Vizards, and pass nimbly over the Stage.
Free.
Ha, Ha—How wantonly they trip it! there is
Temptation enough in their very Gate, to
Stir up the courage of an old Alderman:
Prithee let us follow 'em.
Court.
I have been so often balk'd with these Vizard
Masks, that I have at least a dozen times
Forsworn 'em; they are a most certain sign
Of an ill face, or what is worse, an old
Acquaintance.
Free.
The truth is, nothing but some such weighty
Reason, is able to make women deny themselves
The pride they have to be seen.
Court.
The Evening's fresh and pleasant, and yet
There is but little company.
Free.
Our Course will be the better, these Deer
Cannot Herd: Come, come Man, let's follow.
Court.
I find it is a meer folly to swear any
Thing, it does but make the Devil the more
Earnest in his temptation.
They go after the Women.
Enter Women again, and cross the Stage.
Aria.
Now if these should prove two Men of War
That are crusing here, to watch for Prizes.
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Would they had courage enough to set upon
Us. I long to be engag'd.
Aria.
Look, look yonder, I protest they chase us.
Gatty.
Let us bear away then; if they be truly valiant
They'll quickly make more Sail, and board us.
The Women go out, and go about behind the Scenes to the other Door.
Enter Courtal and Freeman.
Free.
'Sdeath, how fleet they are! whatsoever faults
They have, they cannot be broken-winded.
Court.
Sure, by that little mincing step they
Shou'd be Country Fillies that have been breath'd
At Course a Park, and Barly-Break: We shall
Never reach 'em,
Free.
I'll follow directly, do thou turn down the
Cross-walk and meet 'em.
Enter the Women, and after 'em Courtal at the lower Door, and Freeman, at the upper on the contrary side.
Court.
By your leave, Ladies—
Gatty.
I perceive you can make bold enough
Without it.
Free.
Your servant, Ladies—
Aria.
Or any other Ladies that will give themselves
The trouble to entertain you.
Free.
'Slife, their Tongues are as nimble as their Heels.
Court.
Can you have so little good nature to dash
A couple of bashful young men out of countenance,
Who came out of pure love to tender
You their service?
Gatty.
'Twere pity to baulk 'em, Sister.
Aria.
Indeed, methinks, they look as if they never
Had been slip'd before.
Free.
Yes faith, we have had many a fair Course
In this Paddock, have been very well flesh'd,
And dare boldy fasten.
[They kiss their hands with a little force.
Aria.
Well, I am not the first unfortunate Woman
That has been forc'd to give her hand, where
She never intends to bestow her heart.
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Now, do you think? tis a Bargain already?
Court.
Faith, would there were some lusty earnest
Given, for fear we should unluckily break
Off again.
Free.
Are you so wild, that you must be hooded thus?
Court.
Fy, fy, put off these scandals to all good faces.
Gatty.
For your reputations sake we shall keep 'em
On: 'Slife we should be taken for your Relations,
If we durst shew our faces with you thus
Publickly.
Aria.
And what a shame that would be to a couple
Of young Gallants! Methinks you should blush
To think on't.
Court.
These were pretty toys, invented, first, meerly
For the good of us poor Lovers to deceive
The jealous, and to blind the malicious; but
The proper use is so wickedly perverted,
That it makes all honest men hate the
Fashion mortally.
Free.
A good face is as seldom cover'd with a Vizard-
Mask, as a good Hat with an oyl'd Case:
And yet on my Conscience, you are both
Handsome.
Court.
Do but remove 'em a little, to satisfie a foolish
Scruple.
Aria.
This is a just punishment you have brought
Upon your selves, by that unpardonable
Sin of talking.
Gatty.
You can onely brag now of your acquaintance
With a Farendon Gown, and a piece
Of Black Velvet.
Court.
The truth is, there are some vain fellows
Whose loose behavior of late has given
Great discouragement to the honorable proceedings
Of all vertuous Ladies.
Free.
But I hope you have more charity, than
To believe us of the number of the wicked.
Aria.
There's not a man of you to be trusted.
Gatty.
What a shame is it to your whole Sex,
That a Woman is more fit to be a Privy-
Counsellor, than a young Gallant a Lover?
Court.
This is a pretty kind of fooling, Ladies, for
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Little fairer, if you intend to keep us
From our serious bus'ness.
Gatty.
Truly you seem to be men of great
Imployment, that are every moment ratling from
The Eating-Houses to the Play-houses, from the
Play-houses to the Mulberry-Garden, that
Live in a perpetual hurry, and have little
Leisure for such an idle entertainment.
Court.
Now would not I see thy face for the world;
If it should be but half so good as thy humor,
Thou would'st dangerously tempt me to dote
Upon thee, and forgetting all shame, become
Constant.
Free.
I perceive, by your fooling here, that wit and
Good humor may make a man in love with
A Blackamoor. That the Devil should contrive
It so, that we should have earnest bus'ness now.
Court.
Wou'd they wou'd but be so kind to meet us
Here again to morrow.
Gatty.
You are full of bus'ness, and 'twould but
Take you off of your employments.
Aria.
And we are very unwilling to have the sin to
Answer for, of ruining a couple of such
Hopeful young men.
Free.
Must we then despair?
Aria.
The Ladies you are going to, will not be so
Hard-hearted.
Court.
to Free.
On my Conscience, they love us, and
Begin to grow jealous already.
Free.
Who knows but this may prove the luckier
Adventure of the two?
Court.
Come, come, we know you have a mind to
Meet us: We cannot see you blush, speak it out
Boldly.
Gatty.
Will you swear then, not to visit any other
Women before that time?
Aria.
Not that we are jealous, but because we would
Not have you tir'd with the impertinent
Conversation of our Sex, and come to us dull
And out of humor.
Court.
Invent an Oath, and let it be so horrid
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Free.
And I will swear it readily, that I will not
So much as speak to a Woman, till I
Speak to you again.
Gatty.
But are you troubl'd with that foolish
Scruple of keeping an Oath?
Free.
O most religiously!
Court.
And may we not enlarge our hopes upon a
Little better acquaintance?
Aria.
You see all the freedom we allow.
Gatty.
It may be we may be intreated to hear a
Fiddle, or mingle in a Country dance, or so.
Court.
Well! we are in too desperate a condition
To stand upon Articles, and are resolv'd to
Yield on any terms.
Free,
Be sure you be punctual now!
Aria.
Will you be sure?
Court.
Or else may we become a couple of credulous
Coxcombs, and be Jilted ever after.
—Your servants, Ladies.
Ex. Men.
Aria.
I wonder what they think of us!
Gatty.
You may easily imagine; for they are not of
A humor so little in fashion, to believe the best:
I assure you the most favorable opinion they can
Have, is, that we are still a little wild, and stand in
Need of better manning.
Aria.
Prithee, dear Girl, what dost think of 'em?
Gatty.
Faith so well, that I'm asham'd to tell thee.
Aria.
Wou'd I had never seen 'em!
Gatty.
Ha! Is it come to that already?
Aria.
Prithee, let's walk a turn or two
More, and talk of 'em.
Gatty.
Let us take care then we are not too particular
In their commendations, lest we should discover
We intrench upon one anothers inclinations,
And so grow quarrelsome.
Exeunt.
| She wou'd if She cou'd | |