University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

SCENE I.

Enter LIBANUS, gaping and yawning, as scarcely awake.
LIBANUS.
By Hercules! 'tis better for thee, Libanus,
To wake and find some lucky stratagem
To get this money—Many hours have past
Since thou did'st quit thy master, and did'st hie
Away to th'forum with this view, to feign
Some fallacy for the procuring money—
There, to this time o'th'day, thou'st slept at ease—
Throw off this indolence and sluggishness,
And take to thee again thy wonted cunning.
Preserve thy master! and beware of acting
Like other slaves, who all their wit employ
In cheating and imposing on their masters.
But how to get it?—Who shall be my dupe?
And whither shall I steer my little boat?
'Tis done; the thing's resolv'd on—Birds on each side
Give omens, and approve—The chough and crow
Caw from the left, the raven from the right.
They all induce me: Your advice, in troth,
I am resolv'd to follow—But what's this?
What means the chough by striking with his beak
That elm? It is not without cause—By Hercules!
From what I can collect from these same auguries,
Or Saurea's back, our usher of the hall,
Or mine, will feel the scourge—But what means this?
What makes Leonida come running hither,
Quite out of breath? I fear it bodes but ill
To these my schemes—

SCENE II.

Enter LEONIDA.
Leo.
Where shall I now find Libanus,
Or our young master, that I strait might make them
Merrier than mirth herself? I bring along with me
Abundant gain, and triumph—And 'tis fit,
That, as together we enjoy our pleasures,
We should divide the plunder I have got,
Between us—

Lib.
[aside]
Sure the fellow has been pillaging
Some house or other, as 'tis usual with him!
Woe be to him that kept so ill the door!

Leo.
I'd be content could I now find out Libanus,
With a whole age of slavery—

Lib.
By Hercules!
[aside.
I'll never be the means to hasten on
Your freedom.

Leo.
Nay, e'en freely yield my back
To bear two hundred lashes—

Lib.
[aside]
Yes, in troth,
He offers up his substance: all he's worth
Is on his back.

Leo.
For if he should let slip
This opportunity, by Pollux' temple!
He'll never overtake it afterwards,
Not tho' he drove his car with four white horses.
He'd leave his master in the lurch, and thus
Give courage to the foe—But if with me
He'll profit by this opportunity,
Plenty of good things he and I shall heap
Upon his masters, both the son and father:
Who, for this kindness, ever will remain
Bound to us in the strictest bands—

Lib.
[aside]
He's talking
Of being bound in bands. I like it not.
I fear he has been devising some device
For which we both shall feel one common punishment.

Leo.
I'm ruin'd horse and foot, unless I soon
Find Libanus—Where, in the name of wonder,
Where can he be?

Lib.
[aside]
The man is looking out
For an accomplice in some bad design.
I like it not—'Tis a portentous sign
When a man sweats, and at the same time trembles.

Leo.
But why, when I'm in haste, are my feet tardy,
And my tongue runs so fast?—Why do I not
Bid it be quiet, not wear out the day
In chattering?

Lib.
[aside]
Troth the man's unfortunate,
To check his patroness—For should he do
Aught that's amiss, she would be perjur'd for him.

Leo.
Well, I'll make haste, lest I should miss my blow,
And come too late to seize upon my prey.

Lib.
What prey is't that he means?—I will accost him,
And wheedle out the business—I have hollow'd
As loud as I can bawl, to give to you
The good time of the day.

Leo.
Ha! Whipping-post,
Good day to you.

Lib.
How is it with you, jail bird?

Leo.
Townsman of chain-town!

Lib.
Thou delight of scourges!

Leo.
When naked, say, how many pounds thou weighest?

Lib.
In troth I know not.

Leo.
That I know full well—
But I, by Pollux, who have weigh'd thee, know,
When thou art hung up naked, thy feet downward,
Thou weighest an hundred weight.

Lib.
How know you that?

Leo.
I'll tell thee how I know, and how it is.
When thou'st an hundred weight upon thy feet,
When thy hands manacled are tied to a post,
Whether thou then art under weight or over,
Thou weigh'st a rascal.

Lib.
Go and hang thyself.

Leo.
Thy servitude bequeaths thee that by will.

Lib.
Truce with this gabble—What's the business, say?

Leo.
And may I trust you—

Lib.
Yes, and confidently.

Leo.
If you've a mind to assist our master's son
In his amours, a fair occasion offers.
But 'tis attended too with danger: and
The hangman will at our expence be famous.
Now's the time, Libanus, to shew the world
That we have courage and address—I've thought
Of an exploit just now, will render us
Most worthy of the torture.

Lib.
Oh! no wonder
My shoulders itch'd but now, as they foretold
Some danger tow'rd—Well, what's the business, speak?

Leo.
Great plunder, but attended with great mischief.

Lib.
If all the tortures that did e'er exist,
Were sworn into conspiracy against me,
I have at home a back I think would bear them,
Nor need I seek abroad.

Leo.
Such constancy
Of mind if you keep up, then safe's the word.

Lib.
If 'tis the back's alone to suffer, I
Could wish my back were publick—If the business
Is stiffly to deny, to bear the scourge,
Nay, to be perjur'd, why depend upon me.

Leo.
O brave! undauntedly to suffer evil,
When opportunity shall offer, this,
This is true virtue. He who resolutely
Evil endures, shall in the end see good.

Lib.
Why don't you tell the matter instantly?
I long to feel the scourge.

Leo.
Deliberately
Ask me each question, give me time to breathe;
Don't you observe I'm out of breath with running?

Lib.
Well, well, I'll wait your pleasure, even 'till
You die—

Leo.
Say where's our master?

Lib.
Why, our old one
Is at the forum, the young one's here within.

Leo.
I've now enough.

Lib.
You then are become rich.

Leo.
No raillery now.

Lib.
Well, be it so—My ears
Are now in waiting for what you've to say.

Leo.
Attend, that you may know the whole affair
As well as I do—

Lib.
Well, I'm silent then.

Leo.
You make me happy. Do you not remember
Our usher of the hall, some time ago,
Sold some Arcadian asses to a dealer
Of Pella?

Lib.
I remember it.—What then?

Leo.
That dealer then has sent to Saurea
The money for the asses: a young man
Came strait, and brought it.

Lib.
Where is the young man?

Leo.
Could you but see him, you'd devour him instantly.

Lib.
Ay, to be sure—But do you mean those asses,
Those old and lame ones, with their hoofs worn out
Quite to the quick?

Leo.
I mean those very asses,
That drew a load of elm twigs from the country,
And for your use.

Lib.
I understand you: Yes
The same, who from the country once brought you,
With your hands tied behind you.

Leo.
So, I find
You've a good memory. In the barber's shop
As I was sitting, he began, and ask'd me
Whether I knew Demænetus, the son
Of Strato—Yes, said I, for I'm
His servant; and then shew'd to him our house.

Lib.
What next?

Leo.
He said, that he had brought for Saurea
The money for the asses, twenty minæ,
But that he did not know the man: howe'er
Demænetus he well knew—Finding then
He said thus much—

Lib.
What then?

Leo.
But hearken then,
And you shall know—I instantly put on
An easy, and genteely grand behaviour—
And said, I was the usher of the hall.
He answer'd me, in troth I know not Saurea,
Nor yet what kind of man he is, so then
You have no need to be affronted at it:
Only bring here Demænetus, your master,
Whom I well know, and I will fetch the money.
I told him I would fetch him, and would be
At home immediately—He's going now
Strait to the baths; and will come here forthwith.
What's to be done in this affair now?—Say.

Lib.
I'm thinking how to intercept the money,
Getting between the bearer and our Saurea.
The work's rough hewn already—If the stranger
Bring first the money to the house, why then
We're both blown up—For our old man to-day
Took me aside; and order'd you and me,
On pain of tasting what elm twigs are made of,
To find for Argyrippus twenty minæ:
This day too—Nay, he order'd us to cheat
Our usher of it, or his wife; and further,
Promis'd to give us his assistance in it.
Now hie thee to the forum to our master;
There tell him what we are about to do;
That you shall be no more Leonida,
But Saurea, till this dealer here has brought
The money for the asses.

Leo.
Well, I'll do
As you command me.

Lib.
I'll amuse him here,
Should he come first—

Leo.
But, hark ye!

Lib.
What's your will?

Leo.
If while I'm personating Saurea, I
Give you a cuff, you must not then be angry.

Lib.
Take care you touch me not, for if you do,
By Hercules! you'll think it an ill omen,
That you have chang'd your name.

Leo.
Yet, in good part
I prithee take it.

Lib.
And, when I return it,
Do you the same.

Leo.
I say no more than what
Is ord'narily done.

Lib.
And I, by Hercules!
Tell you but what I'll do.

Leo.
Refuse me not.

Lib.
I promise to return you what you bring.

Leo.
Well, I'll be gone—I know you'll hold yourself
In readiness to take what I shall give you.
But who is this? 'Tis he, the very man.
This instant I'll return. In the mean time
Do you detain him here. 'Tis now my pleasure
To inform the old man what we have determin'd.

Lib.
Why don't you do your duty then, and fly—

[Exit Leonida.

SCENE III.

Enter THE ASS-DEALER, and BOY.
Ass-Dealer.
By the directions, this must be the house,
Where, as they told me, lives Demænetus.
Knock at the door, boy; and if Saurea
The usher of the hall is now at home,
Call him out hither.

Lib.
Who is't knocks so hard
As if he'd break the door? Enough, I say,
If you're not deaf.

Ass-D.
Why no one yet has touch'd them.
Have you your senses?

Lib.
Why I thought you had,
As I had seen you this way coming hither.
These doors here are my fellow servants, and
I do not like to have them thresh'd; for I
Profess myself their friend.

Ass-D.
There's no great danger,
By Pollux! that the hinges should be broken,
If in this manner 'tis you answer all
Who ask a question.

Lib.
Why, the door's so made,
That if it sees far off a person coming
To kick it down, itself ev'n in the instant
Calls for the porter—But why come you hither?
Whom are you looking for?

Ass-D.
Why, for Demænetus.

Lib.
Was he at home, I'd tell you so.

Ass-D.
But Saurea,
His usher of the hall, is he at home?

Lib.
Nor he no more than t'other.

Ass-D.
But where is he?

Lib.
He said that he was going to the barber's.

Ass-D.
Since he went thither is he not return'd?

Lib.
By Pollux' temple! No—What want you with him?

Ass-D.
To take these twenty minæ, was he here.

Lib.
For what?

Ass-D.
Why for the asses which he sold
At market, to a dealer of Pellæa.

Lib.
I know it—Well, you've brought the money now?
He'll soon be here.

Ass-D.
But say, what sort of man
Is Saurea? For I soon shall know if 'tis
The man I mean.

Lib.
Why lanthorn jaw'd, hair reddish,
Somewhat gorbellied, with fierce eyes, his stature
Nor tall nor short, sour aspect.

Ass-D.
There's no painter
Could draw his picture better—And, by Hercules!
I think I see him—When he walks, he wags
His head.

Lib.
The man that meets him when he's angry
He will be sure to strike.

Ass-D.
By Hercules!
If like Achilles' self he walk'd, as wrathful,
Yea, and as full of threats, if he in anger
Should strike at me, I would return the favour.

SCENE IV.

Enter LEONIDA, counterfeiting SAUREA, the usher of the hall.
Leo.
What's here to do? No one obeys my orders.
I just now order'd Libanus to come to me;
Told him he'd find me at the barber's shop;
But he ne'er came. An ill affair for him!
His back and legs will fare the worse for it.

Ass-D.
A lordly fellow!

Lib.
Woe be to me now!

Leo.
Oh! Libanus, I'm to salute a freed-man.
What, you've obtain'd your freedom?

Lib.
Pray forgive me.

Leo.
By Hercules! e'er long you will repent
Your meeting with me here. What was the reason
You came not to me at the barber's shop?

Lib.
This man detain'd me here.

[pointing to the Ass-Dealer.
Leo.
By Hercules!
If you had said that e'en great Jupiter
Detain'd you, and he was himself to sue for you,
You should not 'scape due punishment—You rascal!
You've disobey'd my orders—

Lib.
[to the Ass-Dealer]
Stranger, friend,
I am undone.

Ass-D.
Saurea, I beg of you
Misuse him not on my account.

Leo.
O would I had now in my hand a club!—

Ass-D.
I beg you be appeas'd.

Leo.
To make your sides
All callous with my blows—Stand off, and suffer me
[to the Ass-Dealer, who interposes.
To be the death of him, he's always putting me
Into a passion. It is not enough
To tell the rascal once to do a thing;
I must command him o'er and o'er again
An hundred times, and ring it in his ears.
By Hercules! I've neither breath nor lungs
To hollow after him—Did I not order you,
Rascal! to take away the dirt which lies
Before the doors? to sweep those cobwebs there
From off the pillars? Did I not command you
To scour those nails upon the door, and make them
Shining and bright? And yet all this is nothing:
I, as if lame, must never walk without
A good oak towel in my hand—Because
I've been oblig'd these three days to attend
The forum, there to see if any wanted
To borrow money upon interest, here
At home you're all asleep; and my good master
Lives in a hogs-stye, not a house—Take that—

[strikes him.
Lib.
I beg you take my part—

[to the Ass-Dealer.
Ass-D.
I pray you, Saurea,
On my account, forgive him.

Leo.
Hark you! Sirrah,
The carriage of that olive oil, is't paid for?

Lib.
It is.

Leo.
To whom?

Lib.
Stichus, your deputy.

Leo.
Oh! you're preparing to appease my anger.
I know that deputy of mine to be
Much the best servant in the house—The wines
That yesterday I sold to Exœrambus,
The vintner, has he yet paid Stichus for them?

Lib.
I think so: for I saw the vintner coming
Here with his banker—

Leo.
May I ever find
Such customers! I've often sold beforehand,
And scarce been paid my money in a year.
This man is careful, brings the banker with him,
And gives an order to repay the money
At a fix'd time—Has Dromo paid his rent?

Lib.
Not half, I think.

Leo.
What then of the remainder?

Lib.
He says, as soon as he has receiv'd some money,
He will discharge it; and that he retain'd it
Till he had finish'd what he was about.

Leo.
The cups I lent to Philodamus, say
Has he return'd them?

Lib.
Not yet.

Leo.
What, not yet?
See, what it is to lend things to a friend!
You may as well give them at once.

Ass-D.
By Hercules!
[aside.
'Tis over with me—He's so out of humour
He'll drive me off, and not receive the money.

Lib.
Hark ye! [to Leo.]
No more on't. Hear you what he says?

Leo.
Yes; and I've done.

Ass-D.
At length, I think he has done.
Best to accost him now, ere he begins
Ringing again—Now, Saurea, will you give
[to Leonida.
Attention to me?

Leo.
O! most certainly.
Have you been here some time? By Hercules!
I did not see you; pray excuse me, so
My passion blinded me.

Ass-D.
That's not the matter.
Demænetus I want, if he's at home.

Leo.
Libanus says he's not—But if you'll pay
The money down to me, the obligation
I'll promise you again shall be discharg'd.

Ass-D.
I'd rather pay it when your master's by.

Lib.
My master knows him, and he knows my master.

Ass-D.
Well, when your master's present I will pay it.

Lib.
Pay it him, at my peril I'll engage
You shall be safe. For should our old man know
You did not care to trust him, he'd be angry:
For he himself trusts every thing to him.

Leo.
Well, 'tis no matter, let him have his way,
And keep the money, 'tis the same to me—

Lib.
Give it, I say. I'm wretchedly afraid
He'll think 'tis I've advis'd him not to trust you.
I beg you'd give it him, nor be afraid.
The money shall be safe, by Hercules!

Ass-D.
While in my hands, I verily believe so.
I am a stranger here, nor know I Saurea.

Lib.
Troth, know him now.

Ass-D.
It may be he, or it
May not be he—I know nought of the matter,
By Pollux' temple! If 'tis he, why then
It must be he—But this I know for certain
I will not pay the money to a man
I do not know—

Leo.
The gods confound the fellow!
Say not another word to him—He's so stout:
Because he has twenty minæ in his hands
He knows belongs to me. Here's none will take it.
Take thyself home: begone from hence, and be
No longer troublesome.

Ass-D.
You grow too angry:
It don't become a slave to be so stout.

Lib.
Dear will you pay for treating him so ill;
You will, by Hercules! Dishonest fellow!
Thou thing of nothing! Don't you see he's angry?

Leo.
[aside to Lib.]
So, keep it up.

Lib.
[aloud]
Rascal! [softly]
I do beseech you
Give him the cash, lest he himself abuse you.

Ass-D.
On your own heads you're only seeking evil.

Leo.
By Hercules, I'll instant have your legs broke,
If highly you do not provoke the scoundrel.

Lib.
Ruin'd, by Hercules! in my misfortunes
Won't you assist a brother, rascal?

Leo.
Still
Persist you in soliciting the scoundrel?

Ass-D.
How's this? You fellow, who're a slave, to speak
In this foul language to a man that's free?

Leo.
Give him the lash.

Ass-D.
Ay, that will be your portion,
If once I see Demænetus to-day.
I summon you before the judge.

Leo.
You may;
But I'll not go.

Ass-D.
Not go? Remember this.

Leo.
I shall.

Ass-D.
Your back shall answer this, by Pollux!

Leo.
My back be scourg'd on your account? you rascal!

Ass-D.
Yes; and I this day shall have satisfaction
For your ill words—

Leo.
What? rascal! How is that?
You hang-dog, do you think we want to fly
Our master's presence?—Go directly to him,
Our master, before whom you just now cited us,
And whom you've wish'd to see.

Ass-D.
Well then, I'll go.
But you shall never have from me the money,
Unless Demænetus your master orders me
To give it you.

Leo.
Do as you please—Walk off—
Ill language will you give, and yet not have it
Return'd?—I am as good a man as you.

Ass-D.
No doubt of it—

Leo.
This way then follow me.
And give me leave to say, no man hath ere
Impeach'd my merit; there is not a man
In Athens, of more credit than myself.

Ass-D.
Perhaps so: yet you never shall persuade me
To trust my money to a man I know not.
Man is to man, to whomsoe'er one knows not,
A wolf and not a man.

Leo.
A second insult!
Far, far is this from making satisfaction,
For the abuse you have bestow'd upon me;
As I had cause to think you would have done.
But tho' my dress is mean, I yet am honest,
A treasure so inestimable's mine.

Ass-D.
Perhaps so.

Leo.
I can tell you more: Periphanes,
A Rhodian merchant, rich, entrusted me,
During his master's absence with a talent,
A silver one; nor was deceiv'd in me.

Ass-D.
Perhaps so.

Leo.
You too, if you had but ask'd
My character of others, would have had
No scruple to have trusted in my hands
What you have with you.

Ass-D.
I deny it not.

[Exeunt.