University of Virginia Library

ACT V.

SCENE I.

Enter CURCULIO, with a ring.
CURCULIO.
I have been told, that in some Tragedy,
An antient poet has observ'd, two women
Are worse than one.—The thing is really so.
And yet I never saw, nor ever heard of;
There can't be told of, nor can be imagin'd
A slier woman, or a craftier jade
Than this same mistress is of Phædromus.
Soon as she saw that I had got this ring,
She ask'd me where I had it. Why that question?—
Because the question's of importance to me.
Still I refus'd to tell her; so, to snatch it
Forcibly, with her teeth, she seiz'd my hand—
I'd much ado to gain the door, and fly.
But see the slut herself.

SCENE II.

Enter PHÆDROMUS and PLANESIUM.
Pla.
My Phædromus,
Make haste.

Phæ.
Why so?

Pla.
Why, lest your parasite
Escape you. The affair's of consequence.

Phæ.
I've no affairs but what I've seen an end of.

Pla.
Lay hold of him.

Phæ.
Why so?

Pla.
Ask where he had
That ring. My father wore it on his finger.

Cur.
So did my aunt.

Pla.
My mother gave it him
To wear—

Cur.
And so your father, he transferr'd it
To you—

Pla.
You trifle—

Cur.
So I'm us'd to do—
'Tis my vocation, and my livelihood—
But what's the matter?

Pla.
Would you hinder me
From finding out my parents?

Cur.
What, d'you think
I've here conceal'd your father and your mother
Within this ring?

Pla.
I'm a free woman born.

Cur.
And so were many others, who're now slaves.

Pla.
Upon my word, I'm angry.

Cur.
I have told you,
And truly, how the ring came to my hands.
How oft must I repeat the same? I tell you,
I trick'd a captain, of the ring at dice.

Enter THERAPONTIGONUS.
The.
So! safe's the word! See there the man I'm seeking.
How now! good Sir!

Cur.
I hear you—Will you bet
Your uniform on three casts of the dice?

The.
Go to the gibbet with your casts and dice.
Return the money, or the girl.

Phæ.
What money?
What foolish stuff you talk? What girl d'you mean?

The.
Scoundrel, the girl you have brought off to-day
From the procurer.

Phæ.
I! I've brought off none.

The.
Surely I see her there!

[pointing to Plan.
Phæ.
This maiden's free.

The.
My servant free, when I ne'er made her so?

Phæ.
Who sold her to you? Where did'st buy her? Say.

The.
I paid the money for her, by my banker;
Which I will have return'd to me four-fold
By you and the procurer.

Phæ.
You who buy
Maids stoln and free—I cite you 'fore the judge—

The.
I shall not go.

Phæ.
Do you think I can't have witnesses?

The.
No—

Phæ.
Jove confound thee! May'st thou live intestate.

Cur.
And I can be a witness, I!—

Phæ.
Come hither.

[to Cur.
The.
A slave a witness!—Take care what you're doing—

Cur.
Well, since you needs must know it, I am free.

The.
Come then before the judge. But first, take that.

[striking him.
Cur.
Help, help me, fellow-citizens!

The.
Why bawl so?

Phæ.
What right have you to strike him?

The.
'Tis my will.

[to Cur.
Phæ.
Come nearer to me— [to Cur.]
There—I'll yield him up—
[to The.
Now say no more.

Cur.
O save me, Phædromus!

Phæ.
Yes, as I would myself, and my good genius.
I ask you, captain, where you had that ring,
This parasite filch'd from you?

Pla.
By these knees,
I beg you, satisfy us.

The.
What's that to you?
You might as well ask, Whence this vest, this sword—

Cur.
What blust'ring airs the braggart gives himself?

The.
Send but that fellow off, I'll tell you all.

Cur.
All he will say, is nothing to the purpose.

Pla.
Sir, I beseech you, satisfy my doubts.

The.
I'll tell you.—Rise—Now listen and attend.
This ring was once Periphanes' my father's.

Pla.
Periphanes!

The.
He, just before he died,
Gave it to me, his son, as right he should.

Pla.
O Jupiter!

The.
And then made me his heir.

Pla.
O filial love, as I have still preserv'd thee,
Preserve me now!—My brother, hail!

The.
How, how
Shall I believe? If what you say be true,
I prithee name your mother.

Pla.
'Twas Cleobula.

The.
Your nurse?—

Pla.
Archestrata. She carried me
Once through the feast of Bacchus, to the shew.
Scarce had they come, and plac'd me in my seat,
When a storm rose, that overset the scaffold.
Amidst my tears, all trembling and dismay'd,
A stranger bore me off, but half alive.
How, I can't say.

The.
You recollect this bustle!
Where is the man that carried you away?

Pla.
I know not; but have ever kept this ring,
Companion of my fate.

The.
Give me to see it.

Cur.
What! are you mad, to let him have the ring?

Pla.
Pray, give me leave.

The.
O Jupiter! the same
I sent you on your birth-day. Well I know it,
Well as I know myself.—My sister, hail!

Pla.
Hail, brother!

The.
May the Gods these wonders make
Blessings to both!—

Cur.
To all of us, I hope.
You, on your first arrival, having found
[to The.
A sister, ought for joy this night to feast us:
To-morrow night, he'll give the nuptial supper.

Phæ.
We promise.

The.
You be silent.

[to Cur.
Cur.
When things fadge,
I'll not be silent.—Soldier, you betroth her
Unto my master: and I'll give the dower.

Phæ.
What dower? You—

Cur.
That, long as I shall live,
I be her guest.

The.
Rallying apart, by Hercules!
You shall be welcome. And this pandar here
Shall pay us thirty minæ.

Phæ.
On what score?

The.
Because he bound himself to me by promise;
If any man asserted her free born,
He wou'd, without a word, return the whole.

Phæ.
Then let us to this pandar's.

The.
'Tis agreed.

Phæ.
But, one thing first—and that regards me nearly.

The.
What's that?

Phæ.
That you betroth your sister to me.

Cur.
Why this delay, to give her him to wife?

The.
If she consent?

Pla.
'Tis my desire, my brother.

The.
Then be it so.

Cur.
That's well said.

Phæ.
Do you, captain,
Betroth this maid to be my wife?

The.
I do.

Cur.
And I engage to give you what I mention'd.

The.
Pleasant rogue!—But sure the pandar's here,
My cash-keeper in question's this way coming—

SCENE III.

Enter CAPPADOX.
Cap.
Who say 'tis ill to trust to bankers, trifle,—
'Tis good and ill, as I have prov'd this day.
The money ne'er refunded, one can't say
They're ill entrusted with; for 'tis quite lost.
Why, here's a fellow should have paid ten minæ:
When, after rummaging each banker's counter
And nothing coming, I set up a clamour—
He'll go to law—I was in desperate fear
He would not pay it, but before the Prætor.
But friends were urgent, so he paid the money
At home—And now I'll homeward hast myself.

The.
Hola! you pandar—Stop, I want you.

Phæ.
Ay,
I want you too—

Cap.
But I want neither of you.

The.
Stay where you are, and pay me back the money.

Cap.
Why, what have I to do with you, or you
With me?

The.
This day I'll make a javelin of you;
And, like a catapulta, throw you off
Quick from the string.

Phæ.
No, you're too delicate
For that: I'll make you lie down with a dog,
I mean a dog of iron.

Cap.
And both of you
In a strong prison made of heart of oak,
Will I confine, to stay there till you rot.

The.
Seize him by the throat, and to the gallows with him!

[meaning Cappadox.
Phæ.
No need—He'll voluntarily go thither—

Cap.
Immortal Gods! what! seize me uncondemn'd,
Unheard! Planesium, help me—Phædromus?—

Pla.
My brother, do not ruin him by law;
I do beseech you, for he us'd me well,
While at his house, with modesty and care.

The.
'Twas not by his good will—Thank Æsculapius,
That you are honest. Had he been in health,
He'd pack'd you off to any place that offer'd.

Phæ.
Let's see, if I can settle this between you—
Sir, let him go—Procurer, come you hither—
I will determine it, so you'll abide
By my decision.

Cap.
We refer to you;
So you decree I'm nothing out of pocket.

The.
That which you promis'd?—

Cap.
Promis'd?

Phæ.
He had your word.

Cap.
My word's against him now.—I now deny it.
Speech was for use, nor giv'n me for my loss.

The.
He trifles—seize the fellow by the throat.

Cap.
Well, well—I'm ready to obey your orders.

The.
Then since you are an honest man, make answer
To what I ask.

Cap.
Then ask me what you please.

Phæ.
Did you not promise, if 'twas made appear
That she was free, you would return the money?

Cap.
I cannot well remember to have said so.

The.
Do you deny it?—

Cap.
Yes, by Hercules!
Before whom? in what place?

The.
Before myself;
And Lyco too, the banker.

Cap.
You'll not say so.

The.
Yes, but I will.

Cap.
I heed you not a rush—
Nay, fright not me.

The.
'Twas done when I was present,
And Lyco too, the banker.

[to Phæ.
Phæ.
I believe you.
And now attend, procurer, to my sentence.
The girl is free. This man is prov'd her brother,
[meaning The.
And she's his sister: soon she'll be my wife;
So pay the captain's money.—That's my sentence.

The.
You'll lie in bonds unless you pay the money.

Cap.
By Hercules! you have not judg'd with equity:
And you'll repent it, Phædromus. For you,
May all the Gods and Goddesses confound you!
[to The.
Follow me then—

The.
And whither?

Cap.
To my banker—
That's to the Prætor. For I always pay
My debts 'fore him.

The.
I'll have you to the prison,
Not to the Prætor, if you don't repay it.

Cap.
I wish you hang'd—And now you know my mind.

The.
Indeed!—

Cap.
By Hercules! indeed.

The.
And I
Am well acquainted with these fists of mine.

Cap.
What then?

The.
What then? d'ye ask? if you provoke me,
I'll quickly make you quiet.

Cap.
Is it so?
Then take your money.

The.
Well—

Phæ.
And captain, you
Sup with me—'Tis my wedding night—

The.
May all
End well to all!—Spectators, your applause—