University of Virginia Library

ACT V.

SCENE I.

Enter STICHUS.
STICHUS.
It is a common, but a foolish custom,
In my opinion, if you expect a person,
Still to look out for him: when, by Hercules!
On that account, he comes no whit the faster.
Thus am I looking out for Sagarinus,
Who, for that reason, never mends his pace.
'Troth, if he comes not, I'll e'en take my place
Alone—I will but fetch the keg of wine
From home, and strait to supper;—for the day,
Like an old man—seems to decline apace.

[Exit.

SCENE II.

Enter SAGARINUS.
Sag.
Hail! Athens, nurse of Greece!—Thou native land
Of my dear master, hail! I joy to see thee.
But my chief care is my Stephanium's health,
My fellow-servant and my love—By Stichus
I sent word I was well, and let her know
I should be here to-day, and she be sure
Get ready a good supper in good time.
But see, Stichus is here.

Re-enter STICHUS, with a keg of wine.
Sti.
Well done, my master,
To make your servant Stichus such a present.
Immortal gods! what joys are in my arms!
What dancing, laughing, jollity and jokes;
What kissing, toying—

Sag.
Stichus!

Sti.
Holla!—Well!—

Sag.
How fare you?

Sti.
I fare well, my little Sagy.
Here's Bacchus, lad, will sup with us to-night.
Know, boy, the supper is bespoke; the place
Free to ourselves, here at your house—At ours,
There is a feast—Your master, and his wife,
And Antipho sup there—and with them, mine.
Here was a present for you!

[holding up the keg.
Sag.
Say, who was
The man that gave it you?

Sti.
What's that to thee?
Prithee make hast and bath—

Sag.
'Tis done already.

Sti.
That's well—Then follow me into the house.

Sag.
I follow—

Sti.
'Tis my will, we drown all care
This day—Leave all external things behind you—
Now we're at Athens—Follow me, my lad—

Sag.
I follow.—This first setting off is rare,
On my arrival—Gifts and omens good.

SCENE III.

Enter STEPHANIUM, from the house.
Step.
Spectators, let it not your wonder raise,
That I, who live at that house, came out hence!
The reason is, that I but now was sent for,
Upon the news their husbands were expected
By our two ladies—We all hurried thither
To strew the couches, and see all things nice.
But I found time not to neglect my friends,
And got the supper dress'd here for my Stichus,
And fellow-servant—Stichus is our caterer.
And for the cooking, I've a deputy.
Now I'll be gone, and ready to receive
My guests—I see them coming—

SCENE IV.

Enter SAGARINUS and STICHUS.
Sag.
You come forth,
And bring our equipage along—I make you
[to Stichus.
King of the keg—I am resolv'd our feast
Shall be to-day, in all respects well order'd.
As heaven shall save me! we shall sup politely,
Here, in this place—It is our will and pleasure,
Whoever passes joins our company.

Sti.
Agreed—So every man bring his own wine,
The tenths of Hercules will then be fuller;
None but ourselves shall suffer for our feasting.
Our supper's lonely, 'tis a sort of monotrophe,
We wait upon ourselves—'Tis well enough
For people of our rank—Nuts, beans, and figs,
A plate of olives, and a mess of lupines.
Enough's a feast—It best becomes us slaves
To moderate our expence, than to exceed—
Each one according to his station—They
Who're opulent, drink out of tankards, cups,
And bowls:—Our little Samian jug serves us;
And yet we live, and yet we cut our coat
According to our cloth.

Sag.
Should we not settle
On which side of our mistress each should sit?

Sti.
Be you above—Yet, let me tell you, friend,
I shall divide that with you—Say, which province
You'll undertake—

Sag.
What do you mean by province?

Sti.
Choose you of Fontinalis to be lord,
Or Bacchus?—

Sag.
O, of Bacchus to be sure.
But whilst our mistress's tricking out and curling,
Let us divert ourselves together.—I
Appoint you master of the feast, my Stichus.

Sti.
A lucky thought!—But 'twould become us more
On a hard bench to sit like Cynicks, than
To loll upon these couches.

Sag.
'Tis rare luxury—
But prithee tell me, master of the feast,
Why stands the goblet here, nor pass about?
How many cups are drank?

Sti.
Why, just as many,
As you have fingers on your hand—So says
The old Greek song—

[singing.]
Sag.
Here's to thee then in twice five cups—Be wise,
And pledge me—I drink thus to all of us—
Here's to thee, here's to me, here's to my love,
Stephanium—

Sti.
If you'll drink away then, drink.

Sag.
The cup shall never stand with me.

Sti.
I think
A decent feast, were but our mistress here!
Were she but come, there would be nothing wanting.

Sag.
Why that's well said.—Here's to you, boy, again—
You've wine?—O, for a dainty relisher!—

Sti.
If what is here don't please you, nothing will.
Here, take some water—

Sag.
Stichus, you are right.
None of your kickshaws—Piper, drink about—
Now mind your hits—You must drink this, by Hercules!
What! do you flinch?—I must have no refusal—
You see what must be done—And drink you shall.
Look to your hits, I say—Nay, take this cup.
The wine's not tax'd: You need not fear that here.
Come take your pipes out of your mouth.

Sti.
When he
Has drank his cup, mind you my rules, or else
Be toast-master yourself—I like not bumpers.
We shall have nothing soon to drink—By Pollux!
You'll turn the keg at this rate bottom upwards.

Sag.
What matters that?—Tho' you've drank pretty deep,
You are not cut—Come, Piper, when you've drank,
To it again—Come, quick, puff out your cheeks
Like any angry serpent—Let him, Stichus,
That breaks the rules, be fin'd a cup of wine.

Sti.
A good law that—And you shall have your will,
Because you ask but right—Mind it yourself:
For if you break it, I'll retain the forfeit.

Sag.
Why right again and just—

Sti.
Here's to you then—
And that's the first—'Tis droll enough to see
Two rivals on such terms—Drink from one cup
And kiss one wench—'Tis comical enough!
I you, you I, both of one mind in that.
Both love one wench.—With me! why, she's with you:
With you! with me—One envies not the other.

Sag.
Enough, enough—Let us have no ill omens.
Now could I be as playful as a kitten.
Say, shall we call her out?—And she shall dance.

Sti.
Agreed.

Sag.
My dear, my pretty one, my sweet
Stephanium, come forth; come to your loves—
You're fair enough for me.

Sti.
To me, most fair.

Sag.
Come, make us merry, as you always do
With your good company—We're just come home,
And long to see you—Honey, little Stephy—
If both be lovely in your eyes, your sweethearts,
Come forth—

SCENE V.

Enter STEPHANIUM.
Step.
Here, at your service, my dear lads—
Now lovely Venus help me! I'd been with you
Here long ago, but that I staid to trick
Myself out for you.—'Tis our sex's way,
That be a woman ne'er so clean and nice,
And trim and dress'd, the work is never done.
A courtezan shall by one sluttish act
Easier offend, than please by all her neatness.

Sag.
Prettily said!

Sti.
And Venus spoke by her,
My Sagarinus—

Sag.
What's the matter, man?

Sti.
The pangs of love all over me—

Sag.
All over?
That's hard indeed!

Steph.
Where shall I place myself?

Sag.
Where'er you please—

Step.
Between you both, I think,
For sure I love you both.—

Sti.
'Tis over with me.
My means are going all to wreck and ruin.
I ne'er shall get my freedom by these doings.

Step.
Make room, my dears, that I may sit between you.
Now this is as I like—For I would fain
Be well with both—

Sti.
Then I'm undone indeed!

Sag.
What say'st then?

Sti.
What, indeed!

Sag.
Nay, by the gods!
This day shall never pass without a dance.
Come, honey; come, my sweet—Give us a dance,
And I'll dance with thee.

Sti.
Now, by Pollux' temple!
You shall not get the better of me there.
I'll have a touch with her, as well as you.

Step.
Well, if I am to dance, you'll give the piper
A cup of wine—

Sti.
A cup too for ourselves.

Sag.
The piper first—Here take it—Afterwards,
When you have tip'd it off, as you were wont,
We'll have a merry song, will make us itch
Down to our little finger nails—Some water here.

Sag.
Here, piper, take it off—But now, your liquor
Pleas'd not, it seems; now you can suck it in—
Here, take it, man—Now, while the piper's at it,
Give me a kiss, you rogue—A rare whore's trick
To give a friend a kiss just as he passes.
What! tho' the piper boggled at his cup,
It has not hurt him.—Come, now blow away.

Sti.
Ay, let's have something soft—For our old wine,
Come give us a new tune.

Sag.
[dancing.]
Where's your Cinædic
Or your Ionic dancers can do that?
If in this round you get the better of me,
Challenge me at another—Dance like that—

Sti.
Or you like this. [dancing.]


Sag.
O brave!

Sti.
O rare!

Sag.
O excellent!

Sti.
Enough!—

Sag.
Ay, one's as good as t'other—I,
I challenge your Cinædic's one and all—
No more to us than rain is to a mushroom.
Come, let us in—We've dusted it away,
As long as our wine lasted.—Your applause,
Spectators—And you may go home to supper.

[Exeunt.