University of Virginia Library

SCENE I.

SCENE Mother Harris's House.
Enter Mother Harris, Frank Harris, and Mr. Cole.
Frank Harris.

This is intolerable, that my
Mother should be abused by
such a Drab as Joan of Hedington, I'll be revenged
whatever it costs me.

[Mother Harris groans.
Mr. Cole.
Alas, my Dear, torment thy self no more,
And you, dear Mother, cease to Sob and Groan,
For let me never more be happy made
By the Enjoyment of my lovely Frances,
If I don't satisfie your dire Revenge.

Mother Harris.

Ay Mr. Cole, nothing could
oblige me and my Daughter more, than if you
would revenge me on that Witch.

Frank Harris.

Ay, do my Dear, study how
to revenge my Mother of that Witch; you're a
Scholar, can't you Conjure?

[Cole walks about Musing.
Mr. Cole.
I'll break her Windows; Windows she has none,
And then her Lattice is not worth the breaking.
I'll go and drink her Brandy, and not pay her;
But not to pay for't would be Ungentile,
And I can ne'er be guilty of a thing that does not favour of a Gentleman.
But stay, I have a Friendship with a certain Man,
Cunning and close, and trusty to his Friend,
Pindar, my Eyes Delight, my other Self;
He promis'd me that Disputations done
He'd take a Walk, and meet me at this Place.
Oh for his coming now when most I want him!
He'll find a speedy Way to my Revenge,
And gratifie my Mother and my Mistress.
Two Heads are always wiser far than One,
And when to mine his Counsels shall be joyn'd,
We'll plague this Saucy Joan, with Force united.

I believe, Mrs. Frances, 'twould do your Mother
good to drink some of this warm Flip.

Mother Harris.
I can't drink Flip, if 'twas
Flip of Gold, till I'm reveng'd.

Frank Harris.

Dear Mr. Cole, help my Mother
but in this one Business, and I'll love you
better than ever I did Mr. Warberton.

Mr. Cole.
Blessing attend you for this last Expression.
O what a vast Reward is this you promise!
Thy Love, for which I many a time would die,
Is to be gain'd now upon Easie Terms.
Were Joan on t'other side of Shotover,
And all the Way stuck full of Bears and Lyons;
Were Snakes and Camels there, and living Toads,
I'd fetch her tho' six Giants stood to guard her.
This I could do alone with single Strength,
But when I shall have Pindar's Force and Council
I'd dare—Indeed what would I not dare then.

Mother Harris.

I think you must carry me
to the Bed, to lie down a little.

Frank Harris.

Pray Mother stay a little, here's
Crendon the Bagpiper.

Mother Harris.
Musick encreases Melancholy Thoughts:
But brings no Ease to Minds oppress'd with Grief.

[They carry her off.