University of Virginia Library

ACT III.

SCENE I.

SCENE Mother Harris's House.
Enter Mother Harris, Frank Harris, and Mr. Cole.
Frank Harris.

This is intolerable, that my
Mother should be abused by
such a Drab as Joan of Hedington, I'll be revenged
whatever it costs me.

[Mother Harris groans.
Mr. Cole.
Alas, my Dear, torment thy self no more,
And you, dear Mother, cease to Sob and Groan,
For let me never more be happy made
By the Enjoyment of my lovely Frances,
If I don't satisfie your dire Revenge.

Mother Harris.

Ay Mr. Cole, nothing could
oblige me and my Daughter more, than if you
would revenge me on that Witch.

Frank Harris.

Ay, do my Dear, study how
to revenge my Mother of that Witch; you're a
Scholar, can't you Conjure?

[Cole walks about Musing.
Mr. Cole.
I'll break her Windows; Windows she has none,
And then her Lattice is not worth the breaking.
I'll go and drink her Brandy, and not pay her;
But not to pay for't would be Ungentile,
And I can ne'er be guilty of a thing that does not favour of a Gentleman.
But stay, I have a Friendship with a certain Man,
Cunning and close, and trusty to his Friend,
Pindar, my Eyes Delight, my other Self;
He promis'd me that Disputations done
He'd take a Walk, and meet me at this Place.
Oh for his coming now when most I want him!
He'll find a speedy Way to my Revenge,
And gratifie my Mother and my Mistress.
Two Heads are always wiser far than One,
And when to mine his Counsels shall be joyn'd,
We'll plague this Saucy Joan, with Force united.

I believe, Mrs. Frances, 'twould do your Mother
good to drink some of this warm Flip.

Mother Harris.
I can't drink Flip, if 'twas
Flip of Gold, till I'm reveng'd.

Frank Harris.

Dear Mr. Cole, help my Mother
but in this one Business, and I'll love you
better than ever I did Mr. Warberton.

Mr. Cole.
Blessing attend you for this last Expression.
O what a vast Reward is this you promise!
Thy Love, for which I many a time would die,
Is to be gain'd now upon Easie Terms.
Were Joan on t'other side of Shotover,
And all the Way stuck full of Bears and Lyons;
Were Snakes and Camels there, and living Toads,
I'd fetch her tho' six Giants stood to guard her.
This I could do alone with single Strength,
But when I shall have Pindar's Force and Council
I'd dare—Indeed what would I not dare then.

Mother Harris.

I think you must carry me
to the Bed, to lie down a little.

Frank Harris.

Pray Mother stay a little, here's
Crendon the Bagpiper.

Mother Harris.
Musick encreases Melancholy Thoughts:
But brings no Ease to Minds oppress'd with Grief.

[They carry her off.

SCENE II.

Joan's House.
Enter Father Clerkenwell and Atson.
Father Clerkenwell.

Here Who is within
here! give me a Quartern of Brandy.

Atson.

And me another. Joan, we must go
up the Stone Stairs.

Joan Hedington.

Hold, two Words to a
Bargain, you owe me a Groat for last Time.

Father Clerkenwell.

Joan, where's your Helper?

Joan Hedington.

She is gone a Hay-making.

Father Clerkenwell.

Well then, I will go to
Mother Harris.

Joan Hedington.
Rather than that I will do any thing,
Wipe off old Scores, and let you run on new;
I freely do forgive the Groat you owe me,
But mention not, oh, speak not any more
That odious, filthy, pocky Name of Harris;
For when I hear it once, my curdled Blood
Chills at my Heart, and trembles in my Veins.
Be'nt so unkind, dear Clerky, to go thither;
I vow you make me weep with your Unkindness.

Father Clerkenwell.

I be'nt unkind Joany, I
vow you make me cry too. I wo'nt go Joany,
I wo'nt.

Atson.

No, he shan't go. Come let's all three
go up Stairs, and be Friends, and bid your Husband
burn us a Pint of Brandy.

[Exeunt.