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ACT V.
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184

ACT V.

SCENE I.

THAIS and PYTHIAS.
THAIS.
Still, still, you baggage, will you shuffle with me?
—“I know—I don't know—he's gone off—I've heard—
“I was not present.”—Be it what it may,
Can't you inform me openly?—The Virgin,
Her cloaths all torn, in sullen silence weeps.
The Eunuch's fled.—What means all this? and what
Has happen'd?—Won't you answer me?

Pyth.
Alas!
What can I answer you?—He was, they say,
No Eunuch.

Thais.
What then?

Pyth.
Chærea.

Thais.
Chærea!
What Chærea?

Pyth.
Phædria's younger brother.

Thais.
How!
What's that, hag?


185

Pyth.
I've discover'd it: I'm sure on't.

Thais.
Why, what had he to do with us? or why
Was he brought hither?

Pyth.
That I cannot tell;
Unless, as I suppose, for love of Pamphila.

Thais.
Alas! I am undone; undone, indeed,
If that, which you have told me now, be true.
Is't that the Girl bemoans thus?

Pyth.
I believe so.

Thais.
How, careless wretch! was that the charge I gave you
At my departure?

Pyth.
What could I do? She
Was trusted, as you bad, to him alone.

Thais.
Oh, jade, you set the wolf to keep the sheep.
—I'm quite asham'd to 've been so poorly bubbled.

Pyth.
Who comes here?—Hist! peace, madam, I beseech you!
We're safe: we have the very man.

[Seeing Chærea at a distance.
Thais.
Where is he?

Pyth.
Here, on the left; d'ye see him, ma'am?

Thais.
I see him.

Pyth.
Let him be seiz'd immediately!

Thais.
And what
Can we do to him, fool?


186

Pyth.
Do to him, say you?
—See, what a saucy face the rogue has got!
Ha'nt he?—and then how settled an assurance!

SCENE II.

Enter CHÆREA.
Chær.
At Antipho's, as if for spite, there were
His father and his mother both at home,
So that I could by no means enter, but
They must have seen me. Meanwhile, as I stood
Before the door, came by an old acquaintance,
At sight of whom, I flew, with all my speed,
Into a narrow unfrequented alley;
And thence into another, and another,
Frighten'd and flurried as I scampered on,
Lest any one should know me.—But is that
Thais? 'Tis she herself. I'm all aground.
What shall I do?—Pshaw! what have I to care?
What can she do to me?

Thais.
Let's up to him.

187

Oh, Dorus! Good sir, welcome!—And so, sirrah,
You ran away.

Chær.
Yes, madam!

Thais.
And you think
It was a clever trick?

Chær.
No, madam!

Thais.
Can you
Believe, that you shall go unpunish'd for it?

Chær.
Forgive me this one fault! If I commit
Another, kill me!

Thais.
Do you dread my cruelty?

Chær.
No, ma'am!

Thais.
What then?

Chær.
I was afraid, lest She
Accuse me to you.

[pointing to Pythias.
Thais.
Upon what account?

Chær.
A little matter.

Pyth.
Rogue! a little matter?
Is it so little, think you, to abuse
A virgin, and a citizen?

Chær.
I thought
She was my fellow-servant.

Pyth.
Fellow-servant!
I can scarce hold, from flying at his hair.

188

Monstrous! he's come to make his sport of us.

Thais.
Away! you rave.

Pyth.
Why so? if I had don't,
I should have still been in the monster's debt;
Particularly, as he owns himself
Your servant.

Thais.
Well—no more of this.—Oh, Chærea,
You've done a deed unworthy of yourself:
For granting, I perhaps, might well deserve
This injury, it was not honourable
In you to do it.—As I live, I know not
What counsel to persue about this girl;
You've so destroy'd my measures, that I can't
Restore her, without blushing, to her friends,
Nor so deliver her, as I propos'd,
To make them thank me for my kindness, Chærea.

Chær.
Henceforth, I hope, eternal peace shall be
Betwixt us, Thais! Oft from things like these,
And bad beginnings, warmest friendships rise.
What if some God hath order'd this?

Thais.
Indeed,
I'll so interpret it, and wish it so.

Chær.
I prithee do!—and be assured of this,
That nought I did in scorn, but all in love.


189

Thais.
I do believe it; and, on that account,
More readily forgive you: for oh, Chærea,
I am not form'd of an ungentle nature,
Nor am I now to learn the pow'r of love.

Chær.
Now, Thais, by my life, I love Thee too.

Pyth.
Then, by my troth, you must take care of him.

Chær.
I durst not—

Pyth.
I don't mind a word you say.

Thais.
Have done!

Chær.
But now, in this one circumstance,
Let me beseech you to assist me! I
Commit myself intirely to your care:
Invoke you, as my patroness; implore you.
Perdition seize me, but I'll marry her!

Thais.
But if your father—

Chær.
What of Him? I know
He'll soon consent, provided it appears
That she's a citizen.

Thais.
If you will wait
A little while, her brother will be here:
He's gone to fetch the nurse, that brought her up;
And You shall witness the discovery.

Chær.
I will remain then.

Thais.
But, in the mean time,

190

Had you not rather wait within, than here
Before the door?

Chær.
Much rather.

Pyth.
What the plague
Are you about?

Thais.
What now?

Pyth.
What now, indeed?
Will you let Him within your doors again?

Thais.
Why not?

Pyth.
Remember that I prophecy,
He'll make some fresh disturbance.

Thais.
Prithee, peace!

Pyth.
It seems, you have not had sufficient proof
Of his assurance.

Chær.
I'll do no harm, Pythias!

Pyth.
I'll not believe it, Chærea, till I see it.

Chær.
But you shall keep me, Pythias!

Pyth.
No, not I.
For, by my troth, I would trust nothing with you,
Neither to keep, nor be kept by you.—Hence!
Away!

Thais.
Oh brave! the brother's here.

[looking out.
Chær.
Confusion!
Let's in, dear Thais! I'd not have him see me
Here in this dress.


191

Thais.
Why so? Are you asham'd?

Chær.
I am indeed.

Pyth.
Indeed! asham'd! oh dear!
Think of the girl!

Thais.
Go in! I'll follow you.
Pythias, do you stay here to bring in Chremes.

[Exeunt Thais and Chærea.
 

Chærea assigns very natural reasons for not having changed his dress: and here it is worth while to observe the art of Terence, since the sequel of the fable made it absolutely necessary that Chærea should appear again before Thais in the habit which he wore while in the house. Dacier.

SCENE III.

PYTHIAS, CHREMES, SOPHRONA.
Pyth.
What can I think of? what can I devise?
Some trick now to be even with that rogue
Who palm'd this young spark on us.

Chrem.
leading the nurse.]
Nay but stir
Your stumps a little faster, nurse!

Soph.
I come.

Chrem.
Ay, marry; but you don't come on a jot.

Pyth.
Well! have you shewn the tokens to the nurse?

Chrem.
I have.

Pyth.
And pray what says she? Did she know them?

Chrem.
At first sight.

Pyth.
Oh brave news! I'm glad to hear it;
For I've a kindness for the Girl. Go in;

192

My mistress is impatient for your coming.
[Exeunt Chrem. and Soph.
See, yonder's my good master Parmeno,
Marching this way: How unconcern'd, forsooth,
He stalks along!—But I've devis'd, I hope,
The means to vex him sorely.—First I'll in,
To know the truth of this discovery,
And then return to terrify this rascal.

[Exit.

SCENE IV.

Enter PARMENO.
Par.
I'm come to see what Chærea has been doing:
Who, if he has but manag'd matters well,
Good heav'ns, how much, and what sincere applause
Shall Parmeno acquire!—For not to mention,
In an intrigue so difficult as this,
Of so much probable expence at least
Since with a griping harlot he'd have bargain'd,
That I've procur'd for him the girl he lov'd,
Without cost, charge, or trouble; t'other point,
That, that I hold my master-piece, there think
I've gain'd the prize, in shewing a young spark
The dispositions and the ways of harlots;

193

Which having early learnt, he'll ever shun.
[Enter Pythias behind.
When they're abroad, forsooth, there's none so clean,
Nothing so trim, so elegant, as they;
Nor, when they sup with a gallant, so nice!
To see these very creatures' gluttony,
Filth, poverty, and meanness, when at home;
So eager after food, that they devour
From yesterday's stale broth the coarse black bread:—
All this to know is safety to young men.

SCENE V.

PYTHIAS, PARMENO.
Pyth.
behind.]
'Faith, sirrah, I'll be handsomely revenged
For all you've done and said. You shall not boast
Your tricks on us without due punishment.
[aloud, coming forward.
Oh heav'ns! oh dreadful deed! oh hapless youth!
Oh wicked Parmeno, that brought him here!

Par.
What now?

Pyth.
It mov'd me so, I could not bear
To see it: therefore I flew out o' doors.
What an example will they make of him!


194

Par.
Oh Jupiter! what tumult can this be?
Am I undone, or no?—I'll e'en enquire.
Pythias, [going up]
What now? what is't you rave about?

Who's to be made this terrible example?

Pyth.
Who? most audacious monster! while you meant
To play your tricks on us, you have destroy'd
The youth, whom you brought hither for the Eunuch.

Par.
How so? and what has happen'd? Prithee tell me!

Pyth.
Tell you? D'ye know the virgin, that was sent
To-day to Thais, is a citizen?
Her brother too a man of the first rank?

Par.
I did not know it?

Pyth.
Ay, but so it seems.
The poor young spark abus'd the girl; a thing
No sooner known, than he, the furious brother—

Par.
Did what?

Pyth.
First bound him hand and foot—

Par.
How! bound him!

Pyth.
And now, though Thais begg'd him not to do it—

Par.
How! what!

Pyth.
Moreover threatens, he will serve him
After the manner of adulterers;
A thing I ne'er saw done, and ne'er desire.

Par.
How durst he offer at an act so monstrous?


195

Pyth.
And why so monstrous?

Par.
Is it not most monstrous?
Who ever saw a young man seiz'd and bound
For rapes and lewdness in a house of harlots?

Pyth.
I don't know.

Par.
Aye; but you must all know this.
I tell you, and foretell you, that young spark
Is my old master's son.

Pyth.
Indeed! is he?

Par.
And let not Thais suffer any one
To do him violence!—But why don't I
Rush in myself?

Pyth.
Ah! take care, Parmeno,
What you're about; lest you do him no good,
And hurt yourself: for they imagine you,
Whatever has been done, the cause of all.

Par.
What shall I do then, Wretch? what undertake?
—Oh! yonder's my old master, just return'd
To town. Shall I tell Him, or no?—I'faith
I'll tell him, tho' I am well convinc'd, it will
Bring me into a scrape; a heavy one: And yet
It must be done to help poor Chærea.

Pyth.
Right.

196

I'll in again; and you, in the mean while,
Tell the old gentleman the whole affair.

[Exit.

SCENE VI.

Enter LACHES.
Laches.
I've this convenience from my neighb'ring villa;
I'm never tir'd of country, or of town.
For as disgust comes on, I change my place.
—But is not that our Parmeno? 'Tis he
For certain.—Whom d'ye wait for, Parmeno,
Before that door?

Par.
Who's that? oh, sir! you're welcome:
I'm glad to see you safe return'd to town.

Laches.
Whom do you wait for?

Par.
I'm undone: my tongue
Cleaves to my mouth thro' fear.

Laches.
Ha! what's the matter?
Why do you tremble so? Is all right? Speak!

Par.
First, sir, I'd have you think, for so it is,

197

Whatever has befall'n, has not befall'n
Through any fault of mine.

Laches.
What is't?

Par.
That's true.
Your pardon, sir, I should have told that first.
—Phædria, sir, bought a certain Eunuch, as
A present to send her.

Laches.
Her!—Her! whom?

Par.
Thais.

Laches.
Bought? I'm undone! at what price?

Par.
Twenty Minæ.

Laches.
I'm ruin'd.

Par.
And then Chærea's fall'n in love
With a young musick-girl.

Laches.
How! what! in love!
Knows He, already, what a harlot is?
Has He stol'n into town? More plagues on plagues.

Par.
Nay, sir! don't look on me! it was not done
By my advice.

Laches.
Leave prating of yourself.
As for you, rascal, if I live—But first
Whatever has befallen, tell me, quick!

Par.
Chærea was carried thither for the Eunuch:

Laches.
He for the Eunuch?


198

Par.
Yes: since when, within
They've seiz'd and bound him for a ravisher.

Laches.
Confusion!

Par.
See the impudence of harlots!

Laches.
Is there ought else of evil or misfortune,
You have not told me yet?

Par.
You know the whole.

Laches.
Then why do I delay to rush in on them?

[Exit.
Par.
There is no doubt but I shall smart for this.
But since I was oblig'd to't, I rejoice
That I shall make these strumpets suffer too:
For our old gentleman has long desir'd
Some cause to punish them; and now he has it.

 

Here the Poet introduces Laches, as he did Parmeno just before, in a state of perfect tranquility; that the sudden turn of their state of mind might be more entertaining to the spectators. Donatus.

SCENE VII.

Enter PYTHIAS, PARMENO at a distance.
Pyth.
Well! I was ne'er more pleas'd in all my life,
Than when I saw th'old man come blund'ring in.
I had the jest alone; for I alone
Knew what he was afraid of.

Par.
Hey! what now?

Pyth.
I'm now come forth t'encounter Parmeno.
Where is he?


199

Par.
She seeks me.

Pyth.
Oh, there he is.
I'll go up to him.

Par.
Well, fool, what's the matter?
[Pythias laughs.
What wou'd you? what d'ye laugh at? Hey! what still?

Pyth.
Oh, I shall die: I'm horribly fatigu'd
With laughing at you.

[laughing heartily.
Par.
Why so? pray!

Pyth.
Why so?
[laughing.
I ne'er saw, ne'er shall see, a greater fool.
Oh, it's impossible to tell, what sport
You've made within.—I swear, I always thought
That you had been a shrewd, sharp, cunning fellow.
What! to believe directly what I told you!
Or was you prick'd in conscience for the sin
The young man had committed thro' your means,

200

That you must after tell his father of him?
How d'ye suppose he felt, when old Grey-beard
Surpriz'd him in that habit?—What! you find
That you're undone.

[laughing heartily.
Par.
What's this, Impertinence?
Was it a lie, you told me? D'ye laugh still?
Is't such a jest to make fools of us, hag?

Pyth.
Delightful!

[laughing.
Par.
If you don't pay dearly for it!—

Pyth.
Perhaps so.

[laughing.
Par.
I'll return it.

Pyth.
Oh, no doubt on't.
[laughing.
But what you threaten Parmeno, is distant:
You'll be truss'd up to-day; who first draw in
A raw young lad to sin, and then betray him.
They'll both conspire to make you an example.

[laughing.
Par.
I'm done for.

Pyth.
Take this, slave as a reward
For the fine gift you sent us; so, farewell!
[Exit Pythias.

Par.
I've been a fool indeed; and like a rat,
Betray'd myself to-day by my own squeaking.

 

There is a great error, in regard to the Unity of Time, in Terence's Eunuch, when Laches, the old Man, enters by mistake into the house of Thais, where betwixt his Exit and the Entrance of Pythias, who comes to give ample relation of the disorders he has raised within, Parmeno, who was left upon the stage, has not above five lines to speak. C'est bien employer un temps si court.

Dryden's Essay of Dramatick Poesie.

Besides the absurdity here taken notice of by Dryden, in regard to Time, there is also another inconvenience, in the present instance, arising from too strict an adherence to the Unity of Place. What a figure would this narration of Pythias have made, if thrown into action! The circumstances are in themselves as truly comick as those of any scene in this excellent play; and it would be well worth while to follow Laches into the house, to be present at the ridiculous distress and confusion which his presence must occasion.

There is however, much more to be commended, and even imitated, than censured in the construction of this last act. All that passes between Pythias, Parmeno, and Laches, is truly admirable.


201

SCENE VIII.

Enter THRASO, GNATHO,
[Parmeno behind.
Gnat.
What now? in what hope, or with what design
Advance we hither? what adventure, Thraso?

Thraso.
What do I mean?—To Thais to surrender
On her own terms?

Gnat.
Indeed?

Thraso.
Indeed: why not,
As well as Hercules to Omphale?

Gnat.
A fit example.—Wou'd I might behold
Your head broke with her slipper! [aside.]
But her doors


202

Creak, and fly open.

Thraso.
'Sdeath! what mischief now?
I ne'er so much as saw this face before.
Why bursts he forth with such alacrity?

 

With the entrance of Laches into the house of Thais, and in consequence of it, his consent to the marriage of Chærea with Pamphila, the Fable of the Eunuch is certainly concluded: and all that follows, like the last Scene of the Andrian, is but the lame completion of an Episode, limping after the main action. In the four first acts the adventures of Thraso are so artfully interwoven with the other business of the play, that they are fairly blended and incorporated with the fable of the Eunuch: but here we perceive that though our Author has got rid of one of Menander's pieces, the other, the Colax, still hangs heavy on his hands. Was an author to form his play on twenty different pieces, if he could melt them all down into one action, there would be no impropriety: but if he borrows only from Two, whenever the episode ceases to act as one of the necessary springs of the main action, it becomes redundant, and the Unity of the Action (perhaps the only Unity, which ought never to be violated) is destroyed. Thraso, says Donatus, is brought back again, in order to be admitted to some share in the good graces of Thais, that he may not be made unhappy at the end of the play: but surely it is an essential part of the Poetical Justice of Comedy to expose coxcombs to ridicule, and to punish them, though without any shocking severity, for their follies.

There was no doubt at Athens some Comedy of the Loves of Hercules and Omphale; in which the Heroe was represented with a distaff by the side of his mistress, who broke his head with her slipper. To which Gnatho alludes in this place. Dacier.

SCENE IX.

Enter CHÆREA at another part of the Stage.
Chær.
Lives there, my countrymen, a happier man
To-day than I?—Not one.—For on my head
The Gods have plainly emptied all their store,
On whom they've pour'd a flood of bliss at once.

Par.
What's he so pleas'd at?

Chær.
seeing him.]
Oh my Parmeno!
Inventor, undertaker, perfecter
Of all my pleasures, know'st thou my good fortunes?
Know'st thou my Pamphila's a citizen?

Par.
I've heard so.

Chær.
Know'st thou, she's betroth'd my wife?

Par.
Oh brave, by heav'n!

Gnat.
Hear you, what he says?

[to Thraso.
Chær.
Then I rejoice, my brother Phædria's love
Is quietly secur'd to him for ever:
We're now one family: and Thais has

203

Found favour with my father, and resign'd
Herself to us for patronage and care.

Par.
She's then entirely Phædria's?

Chær.
Ay, entirely.

Par.
Another cause of joy: the Captain routed!

Chær.
See, Parmeno, my brother (wheresoe'er
He be) know this, as soon as possible!

Par.
I'll see if he's at home.

[Exit.
Thraso.
Hast any doubt,
Gnatho, but I'm entirely ruin'd?

Gnat.
None at all.

Chær.
What shall I mention first? whom praise the most?
Him that advis'd this action? or myself
That durst to undertake it?—or extol
Fortune, the governess of all, who deign'd,
Events so many, of such moment too,
So happily to close within one day?
Or shall I praise my father's frank good-humour,
And gay festivity?—Oh, Jupiter,
Make but these blessings sure!


204

SCENE X.

Enter PHÆDRIA.
Phæ.
Oh heavenly powers!
What wond'rous things has Parmeno just told me!
But where's my brother?

Chær.
Here he is.

Phæd.
I'm happy.

Chær.
I dare believe you are; and trust me, brother,
Nought can be worthier of your love than Thais:
Our family are all much bounden to her.

Phæd.
So! you'd need sing her praise to me!

Thraso.
Confusion!
As my hope dies, my love increases. Gnatho,
Your help! my expectation's all in you.

Gnat.
What would you have me do?

Thraso.
Accomplish this;
By pray'r, by purchase, that I still may have
Some little share in Thais.

Gnat.
A hard task!

Thraso.
Do but incline to do't, you can, I know.
Effect it, and demand whatever gift,
Whate'er reward you please, it shall be your's.


205

Gnat.
Indeed?

Thraso.
Indeed.

Gnat.
If I accomplish this,
I claim, that you agree to throw your doors,
Present or absent, always open to me;
A welcome uninvited guest for ever.

Thraso.
I pawn my honour as the pledge.

Gnat.
I'll try.

Phæd.
What voice is that? Oh, Thraso!

Thraso.
Gentlemen,
Good day!

Phæd.
Perhaps you're not acquainted yet,
With what has happen'd here?

Thraso.
I am.

Phæd.
Why then
Do I behold you in these territories?

Thraso.
Depending on—

Phæd.
Depend on nought but this!
Captain, I give you warning, if, henceforth,
I ever find you in this street, although
You tell me, “I was looking for another,
I was but passing through,” expect no quarter.

Gnat.
Oh fie! that is not handsome.

Phæd.
I have said it.


206

Gnat.
You cannot be so rude.

Phæd.
It shall be so.

Gnat.
First grant me a short hearing: if you like
What I propose, agree to 't.

Phæd.
Let us hear!

Gnat.
Do you retire a moment, Thraso! [Thraso retires.]
First,

I must beseech you both, most firmly think,
That I, whate'er I do in this affair,
For my own sake I do it: But if that
Likewise advantage you, not to agree
In you were folly.

Phæd.
What is't, you propose?

Gnat.
I think you should admit the Captain, as
Your rival.

Phæd.
How? admit him?

Gnat.
Nay consider!
Phædria, you live at a high rate with Her,
Revel, and feast, and stick at no expence.
Yet what you give's but little, and you know
'Tis needful Thais should receive much more.
Now to supply your love without your cost,
A fitter person, one more form'd, can't be
Than Thraso is: First, he has wherewithal
To give, and gives most largely: A fool too,

207

A dolt, a block, that snores out night and day;
Nor can you fear she'll e'er grow fond of him;
And you may drive him hence whene'er you please.

Phæd.
What shall we do?

[to Chærea.
Gnat.
Moreover this; the which
I hold no trifle, no man entertains
More nobly or more freely.

Phæd.
I begin
To think we've need of such a fool.

Chær.
And I.

Gnat.
Well judg'd! and let me beg one favour more;
Admit me of your family!—I have
Roll'd this stone long enough.

Phæd.
We do admit you.

Chær.
With all our hearts.

Gnat.
And you, sirs, in return,
Shall pledge me in the Captain; eat him; drink him:
And laugh at him.

Chær.
A bargain!

Phæd.
'Tis his due.


208

Gnat.
Thraso, whene'er you please, approach!

Thraso.
Pray now,
How stands the case?

Gnat.
Alas! they knew you not:
But when I drew your character, and prais'd
Your worth, according to your deeds and virtues,
I gain'd my point.

Thraso.
'Tis well: I'm much oblig'd;
I ne'er was any where, in all my life,
But all folks lov'd me dearly.

Gnat.
Did not I
Say, he had all the Attick Elegance?

Phæd.
He is the very character you drew.

Gnat.
Retire then.—Ye, [to the audience.]
farewell, and clap your hands!


 

Pleasant allusion to the fable of Sisyphus. Donatus.

Facetiously said in the character of the Parasite, who discourses in convivial terms. Donatus.

I cannot think that this play, excellent as it is in almost all other respects, concludes consistently with the manners of Gentlemen: there is a meanness in Phædria and Chærea consenting to take Thraso into their society with a view of fleecing him, which the Poet should have avoided.

Cooke.

The consent of Laches to the continuance of his Son's connection with Thais is also so repugnant to modern manners, that Fontaine found himself obliged to change that circumstance in his imitation of this Comedy.