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ACT II.
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124

ACT II.

SCENE I.

PHÆDRIA, PARMENO.
Phædria.
Carry the slaves according to my order .

Par.
I will.

Phæd.
But diligently.

Par.
Sir, I will.

Phæd.
But soon.

Par.
I will, Sir!

Phæd.
Say, is it sufficient?

Par.
Ah! what a question's that? as if it were
So difficult! I wish, Sir Phædria,
You could gain aught so easy, as lose these.

Phæd.
I lose, what's dearer yet, my comfort with them.
Repine not at my gifts.

Par.
Not I: moreover
I will convey them straight. But have you any
Other commands?

Phæd.
Oh yes: Set off our presents

125

With words as handsome as you can; and drive,
As much as possible, that rival from her!

Par.
Ah, Sir! I should, of course, remember that.

Phæd.
I'll to the country, and stay there.

Par.
O, ay!

[ironically.
Phæd.
But hark you!

Par.
Sir, your pleasure?

Phæd.
Do you think
I can with constancy hold out, and not
Return before my time?

Par.
Hold out? Not you.
Either you'll straight return, or soon at night
Your dreams will drive you out o'doors.

Phæd.
I'll toil;
That, weary, I may sleep against my will.

Par.
Weary you may be; but you'll never sleep.

Phæd.
Ah, Parmeno, you wrong me. I'll cast out
This treacherous softness from my soul, nor thus
Indulge my passions. Yes, I could remain,
If need, without her even three whole days.

Par.
Hui! three whole livelong days! consider, Sir.

Phæd.
I am resolved.


126

PARMENO
alone.
Heav'ns, what a strange disease is this! that love
Should so change men, that one can hardly swear
They are the same!—No mortal liv'd
Less weak, more grave, more temperate than he.
—But who comes yonder?—Gnatho, as I live;
The Captain's parasite! and brings along
The Virgin for a present: oh rare wench!
How beautiful! I shall come off, I doubt,
But scurvily with my decrepid Eunuch.
This Girl surpasses ev'n Thais herself.

 

This Scene contains a deal of lover's impertinence and idle talk, repeating what has been said before; and that too much over and over again, and in a tiresome manner.

Donatus.

If the Critic meant this note for a censure, it is in fact rather a commendation.

Hui! UNIVORSUM triduum!—Crites. To read Macrobius, explaining the propriety and elegance of many words in Virgil, which I had before passed over without consideration, as common things, is enough to assure me that I ought to think the same of Terence; and that in the purity of his stile, (which Tully so much valued, that he ever carried his works about him) there is yet left in him great room for admiration, If I knew but where to place it.

Eugenius.

I should have been led to a consideration of the wit of the ancients, had not Crites given me sufficient warning not to be too bold in my judgment of it; because the languages being dead, and many of the customs, and little accidents, on which it depended, lost to us, we are not competent judges of it. But though I grant, that here and there we may miss the application of a proverb or a custom, yet a thing well said will be wit in all languages; and though it may lose something in the translation, yet to him who reads it in the original, it is still the same. He has an idea of its excellence, though it cannot pass from his mind into any other expression or words than those in which he finds it. When Phædria in the Eunuch had a command from his mistress to be absent two days, and encouraging himself to go through with it, said, Tandem egu, non illa caream, si opus sit, vel totum triduum? Parmeno, to mock the softness of his master, lifting up his hands and eyes, cries out, as it were in admiration, Hui! univorsum triduum! the elegancy of which univorsum, though it cannot be rendered in our language, yet leaves an impression on our souls. But this happens seldom in him, in Plautus oftener; who is infinitely too bold in his metaphors, and coining words; out of which many times his wit is nothing.


Dryden's Essay of Dramatic Poesie.

Part of Benedict's soliloquy in the second act of Much ado about Nothing is much in the same vein with this of Parmeno; only that it is heightened by the circumstance of its being immediately previous to his falling in love himself.

The poet makes Parmeno take notice of her extraordinary beauty, in order to make the violence of Chærea's passion for her the more probable. Donatus.


127

SCENE II.

Enter GNATHO; PARMENO behind.
Gnat.
Good heav'ns! how much one man excels another!
What diff'rence 'twixt a wise man and a fool!
What just now happen'd proves it: Coming hither
I met with an old countryman, a man
Of my own place and order, like myself,
No scurvy fellow, who, like me had spent
In mirth and jollity his whole estate.

128

He was in a most wretched trim; his looks
Lean, sick, and dirty; and his cloaths, all rags.
How now! cry'd I, what means this figure, friend?
Alas, says he, my patrimony's gone.
—Ah, how am I reduc'd! my old acquaintance
And friends all shun me.—Hearing this, how cheap
I held him in comparison with me!
Why, how now? wretch, said I, most idle wretch!
Have you spent all, nor left ev'n hope behind?
What! have you lost your sense with your estate?
Me!—look on me—come from the same condition!
How sleek! how neat! how clad! in what good case?
I've ev'ry thing, though nothing; nought possess,
Yet nought I ever want.—Ah, Sir, but I
Have an unhappy temper, and can't bear
To be the butt of others, or to take
A beating now and then.—How then! d'ye think
Those are the means of thriving? No, my friend!
Such formerly indeed might drive a trade:
But mine's a new profession; I the first

129

That ever struck into this road. There are
A kind of men, who wish to be the head
Of ev'ry thing; but are not. These I follow;
Not for their sport and laughter, but for gain
To laugh with them, and wonder at their parts:
Whate'er they say, I praise it; if again
They contradict, I praise that too: Does any
Deny? I too deny: Affirm? I too
Affirm: and in a word I've brought myself
To say, unsay, swear, and forswear, at pleasure:
And that is now the best of all professions.

Par.
A special fellow this! who drives fools mad.

Gnat.
Deep in this conversation, we at length

130

Come to the Market, where the sev'ral tradesmen,
Butchers, cooks, grocers, poult'rers, fishmongers,
(Who once did profit, and still profit by me)
All run with joy to me, salute, invite,
And bid me welcome. He, poor half-starv'd wretch,
Soon as he saw me thus carest, and found
I got my bread so easily, desired
He might have leave to learn that art of me.
I bad him follow me, if possible:
And, as the Schools of the Philosophers
Have ta'en from the Philosophers their names,
So, in like manner, let all Parasites
Be call'd from me Gnathonicks!

Par.
Mark, what ease,
And being kept at other's cost produces!

Gnat.
But hold, I must convey this girl to Thais,
And bid her forth to sup.—Ha, Parmeno!
Our rival's slave, standing at Thais' door!
—How melancholy he appears! All's safe:
These poor rogues find but a cold welcome here.
I'll play upon this Knave.

[aside.
Par.
These fellows think
This present will make Thais all their own.

[aside.
Gnat.
To Parmeno, his lov'd and honour'd friend,

131

Gnatho sends greeting. [ironically.]
—What are you upon


Par.
My Legs.

Gnat.
I see it.—Is there nothing here
Displeasing to you?

Par.
You.

Gnat.
I do believe it.
But prithee, is there nothing else?

Par.
Wherefore?

Gnat.
Because you're melancholy.

Par.
Not at all.

Gnat.
Well, do not be so!—Pray, now, what d'ye think
Of this young handmaid?

Par.
Troth, she's not amiss.

Gnat.
I plague the rascal.

[half-aside.
Par.
How the knave's deceiv'd!

[half-aside.
Gnat.
Will not this gift be very acceptable
To Thais, think you?

Par.
You'd insinuate
That we're shut out.—There is, alas, a change
In all things.

Gnat.
For these six months, Parmeno,

132

For six whole months at least, I'll make you easy;
You shan't run up and down, and watch till day-light;
Come, don't I make you happy?

Par.
Very happy.

Gnat.
'Tis my way with my friends.

Par.
You're very good.

Gnat.
But I detain you: you, perhaps, was going
Somewhere else.

Par.
No where.

Gnat.
May I beg you then
To use your int'rest here, and introduce me
To Thais?

Par.
Hence! away! these doors
Fly open now, because you carry her.

Gnat.
Wou'd you have any one call'd forth?

[Exit.
Par.
Well, well!
Pass but two days; and you, so welcome now,
That the doors open with your little finger,
Shall kick against them then, I warrant you,
Till your heels ache again.

Re-enter GNATHO.
Gnat.
Ha! Parmeno!
Are you here still? What! are you left a Spy,

133

Lest any Go-between should run by stealth
To Thais from the Captain?

[Exit.
Par.
Very smart!
No wonder such a wit delights the captain!
But hold! I see my master's younger son
Coming this way. I wonder much he should
Desert Piræus, where he's now on guard.
'Tis not for nothing. All in haste he comes,
And seems to look about.

 

These characters, the Parasite and the Soldier, as the Poet himself confesses, are not in the Eunuch of Menander, but taken from the Colax.

Donatus.

Two actions, equally laboured and driven on by the writer, would destroy the unity of the poem; it would be no longer one play, but two: Not but that there may be many actions in a play, as Ben Jonson has observed in his Discoveries, but they must be all subservient to the great one, which our language happily expresses in the name of under-plots: Such as in Terence's Eunuch is the difference and reconcilement of Thais and Phædria, which is not the chief business of the play, but promotes the marriage of Chærea and Chremes's sister, principally intended by the poet. There ought to be but one action, says Corneille, that is, one complete action, which leaves the mind of the audience in a full repose; but this cannot be brought to pass, but by many other imperfect actions which conduce to it, and hold the audience in a delightful suspence of what will be.

Dryden's Essay of Dramatic Poesie.

Instead of the quarrels of Thais and Phædria, which were most probably in the Eunuch of Menander, it would have been better to have instanced the characters taken from the Colax; which Terence has very artfully connected with the rest of the fable, by representing the Girl, loved by Chærea, as given to Thais by Thraso, which produces the absence of Phædria, leaves room for the comical imposture of Chærea, and, although adscititious, becomes the main spring of the whole action.

This is the only scene in Terence, which I remember, that can be charged with being superfluous. Thraso has made a present to Thais of a young Girl. Gnatho is to carry her. Going along with her, he amuses himself with giving the Spectator a most agreeable eulogium on his profession. But was that the time for it? Let Gnatho pay due attention on the stage to the young woman whom he is charged with, and let him say what he will to himself, I consent to it. Diderot.

Though the Vain Man and the Flatterer were characters in great measure dependant on each other, and therefore commonly shewn together, yet it is most probable, that in the Colax of Menander, from whence Gnatho and Thraso were taken by our author, the Parasite was the chief character, as in the Αλαζων, or the Boaster, the Greek Comedy from which Plautus took his Miles Gloriosus, the Braggadochio Captain was most probably the principal. But this I think is not all: for in the present instance the Poet seems to have intended to introduce a new sort of Parasite, never seen upon the stage before; the master of a more delicate manner of adulation than ordinary flatterers, and supporting his consequence with his patron at the same time that he lives upon him, and laughs at him. Comedendo & deridendo. Gnatho's acquaintance describes the old school of Parasites, which gives him occasion to shew in his turn, the superior excellence of the new sect, of which he is himself the founder. The first of these, as Madam Dacier observes justly, was the exact definition of a Parasite, who is described on almost every occasion by Plautus, as a fellow beaten, kicked, and cuffed at pleasure.

Et hic quidem, hercle, nisi qui colophos perpeti
Potis Parasitus, frangique aulas in caput,
Vel ire extra portam trigeminam ad saccum licet.
Capteivei, Act I. And here the Parasite, unless he can
Bear blows, and have pots broken on his sconce,
Without the city-gate may beg his bread.

Gnatho, on the contrary, by his artful adulation, contrives to be caressed instead of ill-treated. Had the Colax of Plautus at least remained to us, we should perhaps have seen the specifick difference between Him and other Parasites more at large. In the Eunuch Gnatho is but episodical; but if this manner of considering his character be not too refined, it accounts for the long speech, so obnoxious to Diderot, with which he introduces himself to the audience; throws a new light on all he says and does; and is a strong proof of the excellence of Menander in drawing characters. However this may be, it is certain that Gnatho is one of the most agreeable Parasites in any play, antient or modern, except the incomparable Falstaff.

Quid agitur?—Statur. A mere play upon words, which is also in the Pseudolus of Plautus. There is much the same kind of conceit with the present in the Merry Wives of Windsor.

Falstaff.
My honest lads, I will tell you what I am About.

Pistol.
Two Yards and more.

Piræus, as well as Sunium, was a maritime town of Attica, with a port, where the Athenian youth were placed on guard, to watch against the incursions of Pirates, or other enemies. Donatus.

SCENE III.

Enter CHÆREA. PARMENO behind.
Chær.
Undone! Undone!
The Girl is lost; I know not where she is,
Nor where I am: Ah, whither shall I trace?
Where seek? of whom enquire? or which way turn?
I'm all uncertain; but have one hope still:
Where'er she is, she cannot long lie hid.
O charming face! all others from my memory
Hence I blot out. Away with common beauties!


134

Par.
So, here's the other! and he mutters too
I know not what of love. O what a poor
Unfortunate old man their father is!
As for this stripling, if he once begin,
His brother's is but jest and children's play
To his mad fury.

Chær.
Twice ten thousand curses
Seize the old wretch, who kept me back to-day;
And me for staying! with a fellow too
I did not care a farthing for!—But see!
Yonder stands Parmeno.—Good day!

Par.
How now?
Wherefore so sad? and why this hurry, Chærea?
Whence come you?

Chær.
I? I cannot tell, i'faith,
Whence I am come, or whither I am going,
I've so entirely lost myself.

Par.
And why?

Chær.
I am in Love.

Par.
Oh brave!

Chær.
Now, Parmeno,
Now you may shew what kind of man you are.
You know you've often told me; Chærea,
Find something out to set your heart upon,

135

And mark how I will serve you! yes, you know
You've often said so, when I scrap'd together
All the provisions for you at my father's.

Par.
Away, you trifler!

Chær.
Nay, in faith, it's true:
Now make your promise good! and in a cause
Worthy the utmost reachings of your soul:
A girl! my Parmeno, not like our misses;
Whose mothers try to keep their shoulders down,
And bind their bosoms, that their shapes may seem
Genteel and slim. Is a girl rather plump?
They call her Nurse, and stint her in her food:
Thus art, in spite of nature, makes them all
Mere bulrushes: and therefore they're belov'd.

Par.
And what's this girl of your's?

Chær.
A miracle.

Par.
Oh, to be sure!

Chær.
True, natural red and white;
Her body firm, and full of precious stuff!

Par.
Her age?

Chær.
About sixteen.

Par.
The very prime!


136

Chær.
This girl, by force, by stealth, or by intreaty,
Procure me! how I care not, so I have her.

Par.
Well, whom does she belong to?

Chær.
I don't know.

Par.
Whence comes she?

Chær.
I can't tell.

Par.
Where does she live?

Chær.
I can't tell neither.

Par.
Where was it you saw her?

Chær.
Here in the street.

Par.
And how was it you lost her?

Chær.
Why, it was that, which I so fum'd about,
As I came hither! nor was ever man
So jilted by good fortune, as myself.

Par.
What mischief now?

Chær.
Confounded luck!

Par.
How so?

Chær.
How so! d'ye know one Archidemides,
My father's kinsman, and about his age?

Par.
Full well.

Chær.
As I was in pursuit of her
He met me.

Par.
Rather inconveniently.

Chær.
Oh most unhappily! for other ills

137

May be told, Parmeno!—I could swear too,
For six, nay seven months, I had not seen him,
Till now, when least I wish'd and most would shun it.
Is not this monstrous? Eh!

Par.
Oh! very monstrous.

Chær.
Soon as from far he saw me, instantly,
Bent, trembling, drop-jaw'd, gasping, out of breath,
He hobbled up to me.—Holo! ho! Chærea!—
I stopt.—D'ye know what I want with you?—What?
—I have a cause to-morrow.—Well! what then?—
—Fail not to tell your father, he remember
To go up with me, as an advocate .—
His prating took some time.—Ought else? said I.
Nothing, said he:—Away flew I, and saw
The girl that instant turn into this street.

Par.
Sure he must mean the virgin, just now brought
To Thais for a present.

Chær.
Soon as I
Came hither, she was out of sight.

Par.
Had she
Any attendants?


138

Chær.
Yes; a parasite,
With a maid-servant.

Par.
'Tis the very same:
Away! have done! all's over .

Chær.
What d'ye mean?

Par.
The Girl I mean.

Chær.
D'ye know then who she is?
Tell me!—or have you seen her?

Par.
Yes, I've seen her;
I know her; and can tell you where she is.

Chær.
How! my dear Parmeno, d'ye know her?

Par.
Yes.

Chær.
And where she is, d'ye know?

Par.
Yes,—there she is;
[pointing.
Carried to Madam Thais for a present.

Chær.
What monarch could bestow a gift so precious?

Par.
The mighty Captain Thraso, Phædria's rival.

Chær.
Alas, poor brother!

Par.
Ay, and if you knew
The gift he sends to be compar'd with this,
You'd cry Alas, indeed!

Chær.
What is his gift?


139

Par.
An Eunuch.

Chær.
What! that old and ugly slave,
That he bought yesterday?

Par.
The very same.

Chær.
Why, surely, he'll be trundled out o'doors
He and his gift together—I ne'er knew
Till now that Thais was our neighbour.

Par.
She
Has not been long so.

Chær.
Ev'ry way unlucky!
Ne'er to have seen her neither!—Prithee, tell me
Is she so handsome, as she's said to be?

Par.
Yes faith!

Chær.
But nothing to compare to mine.

Par.
Oh, quite another thing.

Chær.
But Parmeno!
Contrive that I may have her.

Par.
Well, I will.
Depend on my assistance:—have you any
Further commands?

[as if going.

140

Chær.
Where are you going?

Par.
Home;
To bring, according to your brother's order,
The slaves to Thais.

Chær.
Oh, that happy Eunuch!
To be convey'd into that house!

Par.
Why so?

Chær.
Why so? why, he shall have that charming Girl
His fellow-servant, see her, speak with her,
Be with her in the same house all day long,
And sometimes eat, and sometimes sleep by her.

Par.
And what if You should be so happy?

Chær.
How?
Tell me, dear Parmeno!

Par.
Assume his dress.

Chær.
His dress! what then?

Par.
I'll carry you for him.

Chær.
I hear you.

Par.
I will say that you are he.

Chær.
I understand you.

Par.
So shall you enjoy
Those blessings, which but now you envied him:
Eat with her, be with her, touch, toy with her,
And sleep by her: since none of Thais' maids

141

Know you, or dream of what you are. Besides
Your figure, and your age are such, that you
May well pass for an Eunuch.

Chær.
Oh, well said!
I ne'er heard better counsel. Come, let's in!
Dress me, and carry me! Away, make haste!

Par.
What are you at? I did but jest.

Chær.
You trifle.

Par.
I'm ruin'd: Fool, what have I done?—Nay whither
D'ye push me thus? you'll throw me down. Nay, stay!

Chær.
Away.

Par.
Nay prithee!

Chær.
I'm resolv'd.

Par.
Consider;
You carry this too far.

Chær.
No, not at all.
Give way!

Par.
And Parmeno must pay for all.
Ah, we do wrong!

Chær.
Is it then wrong, for me

142

To be convey'd into a house of harlots,
And turn those very arts on them, with which
They hamper us, and turn our youth to scorn?
Can it be wrong for me too, in my turn,
To deceive them, by whom we're all deceiv'd?
No, rather let it be! 'tis just to play
This trick upon them: which, if greybeards know,
They'll blame indeed, but all will think well done.

Par.
Well, if you must, you must; but do not then,
After all's over, throw the blame on me.

Chær.
No, no!

Par.
But do you order me?

Chær.
I do:
Order, command, force.

Par.
Oh, I'll not dispute
Your pow'r. So, follow me.

Chær.
Heav'n speed the plough!

 

Tœdet quotidianarum harum formarum. It is impossible to translate this passage without losing much of its elegance, which consists in the three words ending in arum, which are admirably adapted to express disgust, and make us even feel that sensation. Dacier.

Pugilem esse aiunt. Literally, they call her Boxer. The learned, I hope, will pardon, and the Ladies approve my softening this passage.

The word, Advocate, Advocatus, did not bear the same sense then as it does with us at present. The Advocates, Advocati, were friends that accompanied those who had causes, either to do them honour, or to appear as witnesses, or to render them some other service. Dacier.

Jam conclamatum est. A metaphor taken from the Funeral Ceremonies of the Ancients.

Observe with what address Terence proceeds to the main part of his argument: the Eunuch being casually mentioned suggests, as it were of course, the stratagem of imposing Chærea upon the family of Thais for him. Donatus.

Another instance of the art of Terence, in preserving the probability of Chærea's being received for the Eunuch. He was such a stranger to the family, that he himself did not even know the person of Thais. It is added further, that she has not lived long in the neighbourhood, and the young fellow has been chiefly at Piræus. Donatus.

Istæc in me cudetur faba. Literally, the Bean will be threshed on me. A Proverb taken from the countrymen's threshing Beans; or from the cooks dressing them, who when they had not moistened them enough, but left them hard and tough, were sure to have them thrown at their heads.

Donatus.

The commentators give us several other interpretations of this proverb.

Here Terence obliquely defends the subject of the piece. Donatus.