University of Virginia Library

ACT IV.

Face and Mammon meet.
Face.
Oh, Sir, yo'are come i' the only finest time.

Mam.
Where's master?

Face.
Now preparing for projection, Sir.
Your stuff will be all chang'd shortly.

Mam.
Into gold?

Face.
To gold and silver, Sir.

Mam.
Silver I care not for.

Face.
Yes, Sir, a little to give beggars.

Mam.
Where's the lady?

Face.
At hand here. I ha' told her such brave things o'you,
Touching your bounty, and your noble spirit—

Mam.
Hast thou?

Face.
As she is almost in her fit to see you.
But, good Sir, no divinity i' your conference,
For fear of putting her in rage—

Mam.
I warrant thee.

‘Face.
Six men will not hold her down. And then
‘If the old man should hear or see you.’

Mam.
Fear not.

Face.
The very house, Sir, would run mad. You know it,
How scrupulous he is, and violent
'Gainst the least act of sin. ‘Physic, or mathematics,
‘Poetry, state or bawd'ry, (as I told you)
‘She will endure and never startle; but
‘No word of controversy.’

Mam.
I am school'd, good Ulen.

Face.
And you must praise her house, remember that,
And her nobility.

Mam.
Let me alone:
No herald, nor no antiquary, Lungs,
Shall do it better. Go.

‘Face.
Why, this is yet
‘A kind of modern happiness, to have
‘Dol Common for a great lady.

[Aside and exit.
‘Mam.
Now, Epicure,
‘Heighten thyself, talk to her, all in gold;
‘Rain her as many showers as Jove did drops
‘Unto his Danae; shew the god a miser,
‘Compar'd with Mammon. What, the Stone will do't.
‘She shall feel gold, taste gold, hear gold, sleep gold;
‘Nay, we will concumbere gold. I will be puissant,
‘And mighty in my talk to her.’
Enter Dol.
Here she comes.

Face.
To him, Dol, suckle him. This is the noble knight
I told your Ladyship.
[Exit Face.

Mam.
Madam, with your pardon,
I kiss your vesture.

Dol.
Sir, I were uncivil
If I would suffer that; my lip to you, Sir.

Mam.
I hope my Lord your brother be in health, Lady.

Dol.
My Lord my brother is, though I no lady, Sir.

‘Face.
Well said, my Guiny bird.’

Mam.
Right noble Madam—

‘Face.
Oh, we shall have most fierce idolatry.’

Mam.
'Tis your prerogative.

Dol.
Rather your courtesy.

Mam.
Were there nought else t'enlarge your virtues to me,
These answers speak your breeding, and your blood.

Dol.
Blood we boast none, Sir; a poor baron's daughter.

Mam.
Poor! and gat you? Profane not. Had your father
Slept all the happy remnant of his life
After that act,
He had done enough to make himself, ‘his issue,’
And his posterity noble.

‘Face.
I'll in, and laugh.’

Mam.
Sweet Madam, let me be particular—

Dol.
Particular, Sir? I pray you, know your distance.

Mam.
In no ill sense, sweet Lady, but to ask
How your fair graces pass the hours? I see
Yo'are lodg'd here, i' the house of a rare man,
An excellent artist; but what's that to you?

Dol.
Yes, Sir, I study here the mathematics,
And distillation.

Mam.
Oh, I cry you pardon.
He's a divine instructor.

Dol.
Ay, and for his physick, Sir—

Mam.
Above the art of Æsculapius,
That drew the envy of the thunderer!
I know all this, and more.

Dol.
Troth, I am taken, Sir,
Whole with these studies, that contemplate nature.

Mam.
It is a noble humour: but this form
Was not intended to so dark a use.
I muse, my lord your brother will permit it!
You should spend half my land first, were I he.
Does not this diamond better on my finger
Than i' the quarry?

Dol.
Yes.

Mam.
Why, you are like it.
You were created, Lady, for the light!
Here, you shall wear it; take it, the first pledge
Of what I speak, to bind you to believe me.

Dol.
In chains of Adamant?

Mam.
Yes, the strongest bands.
And take a secret too: here, by your side,
Doth stand, this hour, the happiest man in Europe.

Dol.
You are contented, Sir?

Mam.
Nay, in true being,
The envy of princes, and the fear of states.

Dol.
Say you so, Sir Epicure!

Mam.
Yes, and thou shalt prove it,
Daughter of honour. I have cast mine eye
Upon thy form, and I will rear this beauty
Above all stiles.

Dol.
You mean no treason, Sir?

Mam.
No; I will take away that jealousy.
I am the lord of the philospher's stone,
And thou the lady.

Dol.
How, Sir! ha' you that?

Mam.
I am the master of the mastery.
This day the good old wretch here o' the house
Has made it for us: now he's at projection.
Think therefore thy first wish now; let me hear it;
And it shall rain into thy lap, no shower,
But floods of gold, whole cataracts, a deluge,
To get a nation on thee.

Dol.
‘I could well consent, Sir,
‘But, in a monarchy, how will this be?
‘The prince will soon take notice, and both seize
‘You and your stone, it being a wealth unfit
‘For any private subject.

‘Mam.
'Tis no idle fear:
‘We'll therefore go with all, my girl, and live
‘In a free state, where we will eat our mullets
‘Sous'd in high-country wines, sup pheasants eggs,
‘And have our cockles boil'd in silver shells,
‘Our shrimps to swim again, as when they liv'd,
‘In a rare butter, made of dolphin's milk,
‘Whose cream does look like opals: and with these
‘Delicate meats set ourselves high for pleasure,
‘And take us down again, and then renew
‘Our youth and strength, with drinking the elixir,
‘And so enjoy a perpetuity of life and lust.’

Enter Face.
Face.
Sir, you're too loud. I hear you every word
Into the laboratory. Some fitter place;
The garden, or great chamber above. How like you her?

Mam.
Excellent! Lungs. There's for thee.

[Gives Money.
Face.
But, do you hear?
Good Sir, beware, no mention of the Rabbins.

Mam.
We think not on 'em.

[Ex. Mam. & Dol.
Face.
‘Oh, it is well, Sir.’ Subtle!

Enter Subtle.
Face.
Dost thou not laugh?

Sub.
Yes. Are they gone?

Face.
All's clear.

Sub.
The widow is come.

Face.
And your quarrelling disciple?

Sub.
Ay.

Face.
I must to my captainship again then.

Sub.
Stay, bring 'em in first.

Face.
So I meant. What is she?
A bonny belle?

Sub.
I know not.

Face.
We'll draw lots.
You'll stand to that?

Sub.
What else?
To the door, man.

Face.
You'll have the first kiss, 'cause I am not ready.

Sub.
Yes, and perhaps hit you thro' both the nostrils.

Enter Kastril and Pliant.
Face.
Who would you speak with?

Kas.
Where's the captain?

Face.
Gone, Sir,
About some business.

Kas.
Gone!

Face.
He'll return straight.
But master doctor, his lieutenant, is here.

Sub.
Come near, my worshipful boy, my Terræ Fili,
That is, my boy of land; make thy approaches.
Welcome: I know thy lust, and thy desires,
And I will serve and satisfy 'em. Begin,
Charge me from thence, or thence, or in this line;
Here is my center: Ground thy quarrel.

Kas.
You lie?

Sub.
How, child of wrath and anger! the loud lie!
For what, my sudden boy?

Kas.
Nay, that look you to,
I am afore-hand.

Sub.
O, this's no true grammar,
And as ill logick! You must render causes, child,
Your first and second intentions, know your canons,
And your divisions, moods, degrees, and differences,
And ha' your elements perfect—

Kas.
What is this
The angry tongue he talks in?

Sub.
That false precept
Of being afore hand, has deceiv'd a number,
And made 'em enter quarrels, oftentimes,
Before they were aware; and afterward,
Against their wills?

Kas.
How must I do then, Sir?

Sub.
I cry this Lady mercy: she should first
Have been saluted

Kas.
Go and kiss her.

Sub.
I do call you Lady,
[Kisses her.
Because you are to be one, ere't be long,
My soft and buxom widow

[He kisses her.
Kas.
Is she, i' faith?

Sub.
Yes, or my heart is an egregious liar.

Kas.
How know you?

Sub.
By inspection on her forehead,
And subtility of her lip, which must be tasted
Often, to make a judgment. ‘Slight she melts.’

Kas.
Kiss her again.

[He kisses her again.
Sub.
‘Like a Myrabolane!’ Here is yet a line,
In rivo frontis, tells me, he is no knight.

Pli.
What is he then, Sir?

Sub.
Let me see your hand.
Oh, your linea Fortunæ makes it plain;
‘And Stella here, in monte Veneris:
‘But most of all, junctura annularis.’
He is a soldier, or a man of art, Lady;
But shall have some great honour shortly.

Pli.
Brother.
He's a rare man, believe me!

Kas.
Hold your peace.
Here comes the t'other rare man.
Enter Face.
'Save you, Captain.

Face.
Good master Kastril, is this your sister?

Kas.
Ay, Sir.
Please to kuss her, and be proud to know her.

Face.
I shall be proud to know you, Lady.

Pli.
Brother, he calls me Lady too.

Kas.
Ay, peace. I heard it.

Face.
The Count is come.

‘Sub.
Where is he?

‘Face.
At the door.’

Sub.
Why, you must entertain him.

Face.
What'll you do—
With these the while?

Sub.
Why have 'em up, and shew 'em
Some fustian book, or the dark glass.

Face.
'Fore god,
She is a delicate dab-chick! I must have her.

[Exit.
Sub.
Must you? Ay, if your fortune will, you must.
Come, Sir, the Captain will come to us presently:
I'll have you to my chamber of Demonstrations,
Where I'll shew you my instrument,
That hath the several scales upon't, shall make you
Able to quarrel, at a straw's breadth by moon-light.
And, Lady, I'll have you look in a glass,
Some half an hour, but to clear your eye-sight,
Against you see your fortune; which is greater
Than I may judge upon the sudden, trust me.

[Exeunt.
Enter Face.
Face.
Where are you, Doctor?

Sub.
[within.]
I'll come to you presently.

Face.
I will ha' this same widow, now I ha' seen her,
On any composition.

Enter Subtle.
Sub.
What do you say?

Face.
Ha' you dispos'd of them.

Sub.
I ha' sent them up.

Face.
Subtle, in troth, I needs must have this widow.

Sub.
Is that the matter?

Face.
Nay, but hear me.

Sub.
Go to,
If you rebel once, Dol shall know it all.
Therefore be quiet, and obey your chance.

‘Face.
Nay, thou art so violent now—Do but conceive.
‘Thou art old, and canst not serve—

‘Sub.
Who, cannot I?
‘'Slight, I will serve her with thee, for a—’

Face.
Nay,
But understand: I'll give you composition.

Sub.
I will not treat with thee. What, sell my fortune?
'Tis better than my birth-right. Do not murmur.
Win her, and carry her. If you grumble, Dol
Knows it directly.

Face.
Well, Sir, I am silent.
Will you go help to fetch in Don in state?

Sub.
I follow you, Sir. We must keep Face in awe,
Or he will overlook us like a tyrant.
[Aside.
Brain of a taylor! Who comes here? Don John?

Enter Surly like a Spaniard.
Sur.
Sennores, beso las manos, a vuestras mercedes.

‘Sub.
Would you had stoop'd a little, and kiss'd our anos.

‘Face.
Peace, Subtle.

‘Sub.
Stab me; I shall never hold, man.
‘He looks in that deep ruff, like a head in platter,
‘Serv'd in by a short cloak upon two tressils.

‘Face.
Or, what do you say to a collar of brawn, cut down
Beneath the souse, and wriggled with a knife?’

Sub.
Don, your scurvy, yellow, Madrid face is welcome.

Sur.
Gratia.

Sub.
He speaks out of a fortification.
Pray god, he ha' no squibs in those deep sets.

Sur.
Por dios, sennores, muy linda casa!

Sub.
What says he?

Face.
Praises the house, I think;
I know no more but's action.

Sub.
Yes, the Casa,
My precious Diego, will prove fair enough
To cozen you in. Do you mark? You shall
Be cozen'd, Diego.

Face.
Cozen'd, do you see?
My worthy Donzel cozen'd.

Sur.
Entiendo.

Sub.
Do you intend it? So do we, dear Don.
Have you brought pistolets, or portagues,
My solemn Don? Dost thou feel any?

Face.
Full.

[He feels his pockets.
Sub.
You shall be emptied, Don, pumped and drawn
Dry, as they say.

Face.
'Slid, Subtle, how shall we do?

Sub.
For what?

Face.
Why Dol's employ'd, you know.

Sub.
That's true.
'Fore heaven, I know not:
Mammon must not be troubled.

Face.
Mammon! in no case.
Think; you must be sudden.

Sur.

Entiendo, qua la sennora es tan hermosa, que codicio
tan a ver la, como la bien aventuranza de mi vida.

Face.
Mi vida? 'Slid, Subtle, he puts me in mind o' the widow.
What dost thou say to draw her to't? Ha!
And tell her it is her fortune? ‘All our venture
‘Now lies upon't. It is but one man more,
‘Which on's chance to have her: and beside
‘There is no maidenhead to be fear'd or lost.
‘What dost thou think on't, Subtle.

‘Sub.
Who, I, why?

‘Face.
The credit of our house too is engag'd.

‘Sub.
You made me an offer for my share ere-while,
‘What wilt thou gi' me, i'faith?

‘Face.
Oh, by that light
‘I'll not buy now. You know your doom to me.
‘E'en take your lot, obey your chance, Sir; win her,
‘And wear her out for me.

‘Sur.
Sennores por que se tarda tanta?

‘Sub.
Faith, I am not fit, I am old.

‘Face.
That's now no reason, Sir.

‘Sur.
Puede ser, de hazer burla de mi amor.

‘Face.
You hear the Don too? By this air, I call,
And loose the hinges: Dol.

‘Sub.
A plague of hell—

‘Face.
Will you then do?

‘Sub.
You are a terrible rogue;
‘I'll think of this. Will you, Sir, call the widow?

‘Face.
Yes, and I'll take her too, with all her faults,
‘Now I do think on't better.

‘Sub.
With all my heart, Sir;
‘Am I discharg'd o' the lot?

‘Face.
As you please.

‘Sub.
Hands.

‘Face.
Remember now, that upon any change,
‘You never claim her.

‘Sub.
Much good joy, and health to you, Sir.
‘Marry a whore? Fate, let me wed a witch first.

‘Sur.
Por estas honradas barbas—’

Sur.
‘He swears by his beard.’
Dispatch, and call her brother too.

[Exit Face.
Sur.
Tiengo, duda, sennores,
Que no me hogan alguna traycion.

Sub.
How, issue on? Yes, præsto sennor. Please you
Enthratha the Chambrata, worthy Don?
Where if you please the Fates, in your Bathada,
You shall be soak'd, and stroak'd, and tubb'd, and rubb'd,
And scrubb'd, and fubb'd, dear Don, before you go.
You shall, in faith, my scurvy baboon Don,
Be curried, claw'd, and flaw'd, and taw'd, indeed.
[Exit Surly.
I will the heartier go about it now,
And make the widow a punk so much the sooner,
To be reveng'd on this impetuous Face:
The quickly doing of it is the grace.

Enter Face, Kastril, and Pliant.
Face.
Come, Lady; I knew the doctor would not leave,
Till he had found the very nick of her fortune.

Kas.
To be a Countess, say you? A Spanish countess, Sir?

Pli.
Why, is that better than an English countess?

Face.
Better! 'Slight, make you that a question, lady?
Enter Subtle.
Here comes the doctor.

Sub.
My most honour'd Lady,
(For so I am now to stile you, having found
By this my scheme you are to undergo
An honourable fortune, very shortly)
What will you say now, if some—

Face.
I have told her all, Sir;
And her right worshipful brother here, that she shall be
A countess; do not delay them, Sir; a Spanish countess.

Sub.
Still, my scarce worshipful Captain, you can keep
No secret. Well, since he has told you, Madam,
Do you forgive him, and I do.

Kas.
She shall do that, Sir,
I'll look to't, tis my charge.

Sub.
Well then, nought rests
But that she fit her love now to her fortune.

Pli.
Truly, I shall never brook a Spaniard.

Sub.
No?

Pli.
Never sin' eighty-eight could I abide them,
And that was some three year afore I was born, in truth.

Sub.
Come, you must love him, or be miserable.

Kast.
Gods'lid you shall love him, or I'll kick you.

Pli.
Why?
I'll do as you will ha' me, brother.

Kas.
Do,
Or by this hand you are not my sister,
If you refuse.

Pli.
I will not refuse, brother.

Enter Surly.
Sur.
Que es esto, sennores, que non se venga?
Esta tardanza me mata!

Face.
It is the Count come.
The Doctor knew he would be here, by his art.

Sub.
En gallanta Madama, Don! gallantissima!

Sur.
Por todos los dioses, le mas acabada
Hermosura, que he visto en mi vida!

Face.
Is't not a gallant language that they speak?

Kas.
An admirable language! Is't not French?

Face.
No, Spanish, Sir.

Kas.
It goes like law-French;
And that, they say, is the courtliest language.

Face.
List, Sir.

Sur.
Vulga me dios.

Face.
He admires your sister.

Kas.
Must not she make a curtsy?

Sub.
Od's will, she must go to him, man, and kiss him!
It is the Spanish fashion for the women
To make first court. Sir?

Sur.
Por el amor de dios, que es esto, que se tarda?

Kas.
Nay, see; she will not understand him! Gull!
Noddy!

Pli.
What say you, brother?

Kass.
Ass, my suster!
Go kuss him, as the cunning man would ha' you;
I'll thrust a pin i' your buttocks else.

Face.
Oh, no, Sir.

Sur.
Sennora, si sera servida, entremus.

Kas.
Where does he carry her?

[Exeunt Sur. and Plyant.
Face.
Into the garden, Sir;
Take you no thought; I must interpret for her.

Sub.
Give Dol the word. [Exit Face.]
Come, my fierce child, advance.
We'll to our quarrelling lesson again.

Kas.
Agreed.
I love a Spanish boy with all my heart.

Sub.
Nay, by this means, Sir, you shall be brother
To a great count.

Kas.
Ay, I knew that at first.
This match will advance the house of the Kastrils.

Sub.
Pray God your sister prove but pliant.

Kas.
Why,
Her name is so, by her other husband.

Sub.
How!

Kas.
The widow Pliant. Knew you not that?

Sub.
‘No, faith, Sir.
‘Yet, by erection of her figure, I guess'd it.’
Yes, yes, I knew it by my art.
Come, let's go practise.

Kas.
Yes; but do you think, Doctor,
I e'er shall quarrel well?

Sub.
I warrant you.

Kast.
Damme, you lie.

[Exeunt.
SCENE, another Apartment.
Enter Dol and Mammon.
Dol.
For, after Alexander's death—

[In her fit of talking.
Mam.
Good Lady—

Dol.
That Perdiccas and Antigonus were slain,
The two that stood, Seleuc' and Ptolmee—

Mam.
Madam.

Dol.
Made up the two legs, and the fourth beast,
That was Gog-north, and Egypt-south; which after
Was call'd Gog-iron-leg, and South-iron-leg—

Mam.
La—

Dol.
And then Gog-horned. So was Egypt, too.
Then Egypt-clay-leg, and Gog-clay-leg.

Mam.
Sweet Madam.

Dol.
And last Gog-dust, and Egypt-dust, which fall
In the last link of the fourth chain. And these
Be stars in story, which none see or look at—

Mam.
What shall I do?

Dol.
For, as he says, except
We call the rabins, and the heathen Greeks—

Mam.
Dear Lady.

Dol.
To come from Salem, and from Athens,
And teach the people of Great-Britain—

Enter Face.
Face.
What's the matter, Sir.

Dol.
To speak the tongue of Eber and Javan—

Mam.
Oh, she's in her fit.

Dol.
We shall know nothing—

Face.
Death, Sir,
We are undone. My master will hear!

‘Dol.
A wisdom, which Pythagoras held most high—

‘Mam.
Sweet honourable Lady.

‘Dol.
To comprize
‘All sounds of voices in few marks of letters—

‘Face.
Nay, you must never hope to lay her now.

‘Dol.
And so we may arrive by Talmud skill,
‘And profane Greek, to raise the building up
‘Of Helen's house against the Ismaelite,
‘King of Thogarma, and his Habergions
‘Brimstony, blue, and fiery; and the force
‘Of King Abaddon, and the beast of Cittim,
‘Which Rabbi David Kimchi, Omkelos,
‘And Aben Ezra do interpret Rome.

‘Face.
How did you put her into't?

‘Mam.
Alas, I talk'd
‘Of a fifth monarchy I would erect,
‘[They speak together.
‘With the Philosopher's Stone (by chance) and she
‘Falls on the other four straight.

‘Face.
Out of Broughton.
‘I told you so. 'Slid, stop her mouth.

‘Mam.
Is't best?

‘Face.
She'll never leave else. If the old man hear her,
‘We are but fæces, ashes.’

Sub.
[Within.]
What's to do there?

Face.
Oh, we are lost. Now she hears him, she is quiet.

Mam.
Where shall I hide me?

[Upon Subtle's entry they disperse.
Sub.
How, what sight is here!
Close deeds of darkness, and that shun the light!
Bring him again; who is he?—What, my son!
Oh, I have liv'd too long.

Mam.
Nay, good, dear father,
There was no unchaste purpose.

Sub.
No? and flee me
When I come in?

Mam.
That was my error.

Sub.
Error?
Guilt, guilt, my son. Give it the right name. No marvel
If I found check in our great work within,
When such affairs as these were managing!

Mam.
Why, have you so?

Sub.
It has stood still this half hour;
And all the rest of our less works gone back.
Where is the instrument of wickedness,
My lewd false drudge?

Mam.
Nay, good Sir, blame not him;
Believe me, 'twas against his will, or knowledge.
I saw her by chance.

Sub.
Will you commit more sin,
T'excuse a varlet?

Mam.
By my hope, 'tis true, Sir.

Sub.
Nay, then I wonder less, if you for whom
The blessing was prepar'd, would so tempt Heaven;
And lose your fortunes.

Mam.
Why, Sir?

Sub.
This 'll retard
The work, a month at least.

Mam.
Why, if it do,
What remedy? but think it not, good father:
Our purposes were honest.

Sub.
As they were,
So the reward will prove. [A great crack and noise within.]

How now! Ay me.
God, and all saints be good to us! What's that?

Face.
Oh, Sir, we are defeated: all the works
Are flown in fumo:
Retorts, receivers, pellicanes, bolt-heads,
All struck in shivers! Help, good Sir! alas!
[Subtle falls down as in a swoon.
Coldness and death invades him. Nay, Sir Mammon,
Do the fair office of a man! You stand,
As you were readier to depart than he.
[One knocks.
Who's there? My Lord, her brother is come.

Mam.
Ha, Lungs?

Face.
His coach is at the door. Avoid his fight,
For he's as furious as his sister is mad.

[One knocks.
Mam.
Alas!

Face.
My brain is quite undone with the fume, Sir.
I ne'er must hope to be mine own man again.

Mam.
Is all lost, Lungs? Will nothing be preserv'd,
Of all our cost?

Face.
Faith, very little, Sir:
A peck of coals or so, which is cold comfort, Sir.

Mam.
Oh, my vuluptuous mind! I'm justly punish'd.

Face.
And so am I, Sir.

Mam.
Cast from all my hopes—

Face.
Nay, certainties, Sir.

Mam.
By mine own base affections.

Sub.
Oh, the curs'd fruits of vice and lust!

[Subtle seems to come to himself.
Mam.
Good father,
It was my sin. Forgive it.

Sub.
Hangs my roof
Over us still, and will not fall, Oh, justice!
Upon us, for this wicked man?

Face.
Nay, look, Sir,
You grieve him now with staying in his sight:
Good Sir, the nobleman will come too, and take you,
And that may breed a tragedy.

Mam.
I'll go.

Face.
Ay, and repent at home, Sir. It may be,
For some good penance you may have it yet;
A hundred pounds to the box at Bethlem.

Mam.
Yes.

Face.
For the restoring such as ha' lost their wits.

Mam.
I'll do't.

Face.
I'll send one to you to receive it.

Mam.
Do.
Is no projection left?

Face.
All flown, or stinks, Sir.

Mam.
Will nought be sav'd that's good for med'cine, think'st thou?

Face.
I cannot tell, Sir. There will be, perhaps,
Something, about the scraping of the shards,
Will cure the itch:
It shall be sav'd for you, and sent home. Good Sir,
This way, for fear the lord should meet you.

[Exit Mam.
Sub.
Face.

Face.
Ay.

Sub.
Is he gone?

Face.
Yes, and as heavily
As all the gold he hop'd for were in his blood.
Let us be light though.

Sub.
Ay, as balls, and bound
And hit our heads against the roof for joy:
There's so much of our care now cast away.

Face.
Now to our Don.

Sub.
Yes, your young widow, by this time,
Is made a countess. She's now in travail
Of a young heir for you.

Face.
Good, Sir.

Sub.
Off with your case,
And greet her kindly, as a bridegroom should,
After these common hazards.

Face.
Very well, Sir.
Will you go fetch Don Diego off the while?

Sub.
And fetch him over too, if you'll be pleas'd, Sir.
Would Dol were in her place, to pick his pockets now.

Face.
Why, you can dot it as well, if you would set to't.
I pray you prove your virtue.

Sub.
For your sake, Sir.

[Exeunt.
SCENE, the Alchymist's Room.
Enter Surly and Dame Pliant.
Sur.
Lady, you see into what hands you are fall'n!
'Mongst what a nest of villains! and how near
Your honour was t'have catch'd a certain ruin
(Through your credulity) ‘had I but been
‘So punctually forward as place, time,
‘And other circumstances, would ha' made a man:
‘For yo'are a handsome woman, would you were wise too.’
I am a gentleman come here disguis'd,
Only to find the knaveries of this citadel,
And where I might ha' wrong'd your honour, and ha' not,
I claim some interest in you love. Your are,
They say, a widow, rich; and I am a batchelor,
Worth nought: your fortunes may make me a man,
As mine ha' preserv'd you a woman. Think upon it,
And whether I have deserv'd you, or no.

Pli.
I will, Sir.

Sur.
And for these houshold-rogues, let me alone
To treat with them.

Enter Subtle.
Sub.
How doth my noble Diego?
And my dear Madam Countess? Hath the Count
Been courteous, Lady? liberal, and open?
Donsel, methinks you look melancholic
After your coicum, and scurvy! Truly,
I do not like the dullness of your eye,
It hath a heavy cast; 'tis Upsee-Dutch,
And says you are a lumpish whore-master.
Be lighter; I will make your pockets so.

[He falls to picking of them.
Sur.
Will you, Don bawd, and pick-purse? How now? Reel you?
Stand up, Sir; you shall find, since I am so heavy,
I'll give you equal weight.

Sub.
Help, murder!

Sur.
No, Sir, there's no such thing intended. A good cart,
And a clean whip, shall ease you of that fear.
I am the Spanish Don, that should be cozen'd,
Do you see? Cozen'd! Where's your Captain Face?

Enter Face.
Face.
How, Surly!

Sur.
Oh, make your approach, good Captain.
I have found from whence your copper rings and spoons
Come now, wherewith you cheat abroad in taverns.
And this doctor,
‘Your sooty, smoaky-bearded compeer, he’
Will close you so much gold in a bolt's head,
[Face steals off.
And on a turn, convey (i' the stead) another
With sublim'd mercury, that shall burst i' the heat,
And fly out all in fumo? What is he gone?
Nay, Sir, you must tarry,
Tho' he be 'scap'd, and answer by the ears, Sir.

Enter Face and Kastril.
Face.
Why, now's the time, if ever you will quarrel
Well, (as they say) and be a true-born child.
The Doctor and your sister both are abus'd.

Kas.
Where is he? Which is he? He is a slave,
Whate'er he is, and the son of a whore. Are you
The man, Sir, I would know?

Sur.
I should be loth, Sir,
To confess so much.

Kas.
Then you lie i' your throat.

Sur.
How!

Face.
A very arrant rogue, Sir, and a cheater,
Employ'd here by another conjurer,
That does not love the Doctor, and would cross him,
If he knew how—

Sur.
Sir, you are abus'd.

Kas.
You lie:
And 'tis no matter.

Face.
Well said, Sir. He is
The impudent'st rascal—

Sur.
You are indeed! Will you hear me, Sir?

Face.
By no means—Bid him begone.

Kas.
Begone, Sir, quickly.

Sur.
This's strange! Lady, do you inform your brother.

Face.
There is not such a foist in all the town:
The Doctor had him presently; and finds yet,
The Spanish Count will come here. Bear up, Subtle.

Sub.
Yes, Sir, he must appear within this hour.

Face.
And yet this rogue will come in a disguise,
By the temptation of another spirit,
To trouble our art, tho' he could not hurt it.

Kas.
Ay,
I know—Away; you talk like a foolish mouther.

Sur.
Sir, all is truth, she says.

Face.
Do not believe him, Sir.
He is the lying'st swabber! Come your ways, Sir.

Sur.
You are valiant out of company.

Kas.
Yes. How then, Sir?

Enter Drugger.
Face.
Nay, here's an honest fellow too, that knows him,
And all his tricks—Make good what I say, Abel;
This cheater would ha' cozen'd thee o' the widow. [To Ab

He owes this honest Drugger, here, seven pounds,
He has had on him in two-penn'orths of tobacco.

Drug.
Yes, Sir; and he has damn'd himself three
Terms to pay me.

Face.
And what does he owe for lotium?

Drug.
Thirty shillings, Sir.
And for six syringes.

Sur.
Hydra of villainy!

Face.
Nay, Sir, you must quarrel him out o' the house.

Kas.
I will. Sir, if you get not out o' doors, you lie;
And you are a pimp.

Sur.
Why, this is madness, Sir,
Not valour in you. I must laugh at this.

Kas.
It is my humour. You are a pimp, and a trig.
And an Amadis de Gaul, or a Don Quixote.

Drug.
Or a Knight o' the Curious Coxcomb, do you see?

Enter Ananias.
Ana.
Peace to the houshold.

Kas.
I'll keep peace for no man.

Ana.
Casting of dollars is concluded lawful.

Kas.
Is he the constable?

Sub.
Peace, Ananias.

Face.
No, Sir.

Kas.
Then you are an otter, and a shad, a whit,
A very Tim.

Sur.
You'll hear me, Sir?

Kas.
I will not.

Ana.
What is the motive?

Sub.
Zeal in the gentlemen,
Against his Spanish slops.

Ana.
They are prophane,
Lewd, superstitious, and idolatrous breeches.

Sur.
New rascals!

Kas.
Will you begone, Sir?

Ana.
Avoid, Satan.
Thou art not of the light. That ruff of pride
About thy neck, betrays thee, and is the same
With that which the unclean birds, in seventy-seven,
Were seen to prank it with on divers coasts.
Thou look'st like Antichrist, in the lewd hat.

Sur.
I must give way.

Kas.
Begone, Sir.

Sur.
But I'll take a course with you.

Ana.
Depart, proud, Spanish fiend.

Sur.
Captain and Doctor—

Ana.
Child of perdition!

Kas.
Hence, Sir.
[They fight. Exit Surly.
Did I not quarrel bravely?

Face.
Yes, indeed, Sir.

Kas.
Nay, an I give my mind to't, I shall do't.

Drug.
Well, and how did I?

Face.
Very well;
But you must follow, Sir, and threaten him tame;
He'll turn again else.

Kas.
I'll return him then.

Face.
Drugger, this rogue prevented us; for thee,
We had determin'd that thou shouldst ha' come
In a Spanish suit, and ha' carried her so; and he,
A brokerly slave, goes, puts it on himself.
Hast brought the damask?

Drug.
Yes, Sir.

Face.
Thou must borrow
A Spanish suit. Hast thou no credit with the players?

Drug.
Yes, Sir. Did you never see me play the fool?

Face.
Thou shalt, if I can help it.
Hieronymo's old cloak, ruff, and hat will serve:
[Subtle hath whispered him this while.
I'll tell thee more when thou bring'st them.

Drug.
Did not I behave well?
Will you begone?—He won't be here
In a hurry, I believe.

[Exit.
Ana.
Sir, I know
The Spaniard hates the brethren, and hath spies
Upon their actions:’ ‘and that this was one,
‘I make no scruple. But the holy synod
‘Have been in prayer and meditation for it.’
And 'tis reveal'd no less to them than me,
That casting of money is most lawful.

Sub.
True;
But here I cannot do it. If the house
Should chance to be suspected, all would out,
And we be lock'd up in the Tower for ever,
To make gold there for the state; never come out;
And then you are defeated.

Ana.
I will tell
This to the elders, and the weaker brethren,
That the whole company of the Separation
May join in humble prayer again.

Sub.
And fasting.

Ana.
Yea, for some fitter place. The peace of mind
Rest with these walls.

[Exit.
Sub.
Thanks, courteous Ananias.

Face.
What did he come for?

Sub.
About casting dollars,
Presently out of hand. And so I told him,
A Spanish minister came here to spy
Against the faithful.

Face.
I conceive. Come, Subtle,
Thou art so down upon the least disaster!
How wouldst thou ha' done, if I had not help'd thee out?

Sub.
I thank thee, Face, for the angry boy, i'faith.

Face.
Who would ha' look'd it should ha' been that rascal, Surly?
Well, Sir,
Here's damask come to make you a suit.

Sub.
Where's Drugger?

Face.
He's gone to borrow me a Spanish habit.
I'll be the Count now.

Sub.
But where's the widow?

Face.
Within, with my Lord's sister: Madam Dol
Is entertaining her.

Sub.
By your favour, Face;
Now she is honest, I will stand again.

Face.
You will not offer it?

Sub.
Why?

Face.
Stand to your word,
Or—here comes Dol; she knows—

Sub.
Y' are tyrannous still.

Face.
Strict for my right.
[Enter Dol.
How now, Dol? Hast told her
The Spanish Count will come?

Dol.
Yes; but another is come
You little look'd for.

Face.
Who's that?

Dol.
Your master;
The master of the house.

Sub.
How, Dol!

Face.
She lies.
This is some trick. Come, leave your quibblings, Dorothy.

Dol.
Look out and see.

Sub.
Art thou in earnest?

Dol.
'Slight!
Forty o' the neighbours are about him, talking.

Face.
'Tis he, by this good day.

Dol.
'Twill prove an ill day
For some of us.

Face.
We are undone, and taken.

Dol.
Lost, I'm afraid.

Sub.
You said he would not come
While there died one a week, within the liberties.

Face.
No; 'twas within the walls.

Sub.
What shall we do now, Face?

Face.
Be silent; not a word, if he call or knock.
I'll into mine old shape again, and meet him,
Of Jeremy the butler. I' the mean time,
Do you two pack up all the goods and purchase,
That we can carry i' the two trunks. I'll help him
Off for to-day, if I cannot longer; and then,
At night, I'll ship you both away to Ratcliff,
Where we'll meet to-morrow, and there we'll share.
Let Mammon's brass and pewter keep the cellar—
We'll have another time for that.

[Exeunt.