University of Virginia Library

ACT III.

Enter Tribulation and Ananias.
Tribulation.
These chastisements are common to the saints;
And such rebukes we of the separation
Must bear with willing shoulders, as the trials
Sent forth to tempt our frailties.

Ana.
In pure zeal,
I do not like the man. He is a heathen,
And speaks the language of Canaan, truly.

Trib.
I think him a prophane person, indeed.

‘Ana.
He bears
‘The visible mark of the beast in his forehead,
‘And for his stone, it is a work of darkness,
‘And with philosophy blinds the eyes of man.

‘Trib.
Good brother, we must bend unto all means
‘That may give furtherance to the holy cause.

‘Ana.
Which his cannot: the sanctified cause
‘Should have a sanctified course.

‘Trib.
Not always necessary:
‘The children of perdition are oft-times
‘Made instruments even of the greatest works.
‘Beside we should give somewhat to man's nature,
‘The place he lives in, still about the fire,
‘And fume of metals, that intoxicate
‘The brain of man, and make him prone to passion.
‘Where have you greater atheists than your cooks?
‘Or more profane, or choleric, than your glassmen?
‘More antichristian than your bell-founders?
‘What makes the devil so devilish, I would ask you,
‘Satan, our common enemy, but his being
‘Perpetually about the fire, and boiling
‘Brimstone and arsenick?
‘You did ill to upbraid him
‘With the brethrens' blessing of Heidelberg, weighing
‘What need we have to hasten on the work,
‘For the restoring of the silenc'd saints,
‘Which ne'er will be, but by the philosopher's stone:
‘And so a learned elder, one of Scotland,
‘Assured me.

‘Ana.
I have not edified more, truly, by man,
‘Not since the beautiful light first shone on me.
‘And I am sad my zeal hath so offended.’

Tri.
Let us call on him then.

Ana.
The motion's good,
And of the spirit; I will knock first. Peace be within.

Enter Subtle.
Sub.
Oh, are you come? 'Twas time. Your threescore minutes
Were at the last thread, you see, ‘and down had gone
‘Furnus acediæ, turris circulatorius:
‘Lembeck, bolts-head, retort, and pellicane
‘Had all been cinders.’ Wicked Ananias!
Art thou return'd? Nay, then it goes down yet.

Trib.
Sir, be appeased; he is come to humble
Himself in spirit, and to ask your patience,
If too much zeal hath carried him aside
From the due path.

Sub.
Why, this doth qualify.

Trib.
The brethren had no purpose, verily,
To give you the least grievance; but are ready
To lend their willing hands to any project
The spirit and you direct.

Sub.
This qualifies more.

Trib.
And for the orphans' goods, let them be valu'd,
Or what is needful else to the holy work,
It shall be number'd. Here, by me, the saints
Throw down their purse before you.

Sub.
This qualifies most!
Why, thus it should be; now you understand.
Have I discoursed so unto you of our Stone,
‘And of the good that it shall bring your cause?
‘Shew'd you,
‘That even the med'cinal use should make you a faction
‘And party in the realm? As put the case
‘That some great man in state, he have the gout;
‘Why, you but send three drops of your elixir,
‘You help him straight; there you have made a friend.
‘Another has the palsy, or the dropsy,
‘He takes of your incombustible stuff,
‘He's young again: there you have made a friend.
‘A lady that is past the feat of body,
‘Tho' not of mind, and hath her face decay'd
‘Beyond all cure of paintings, you restore
‘With the oil of talck; there you have made a friend,
‘And all her friends.
‘Still you increase your friends.

‘Trib.
Ay, 'tis very pregnant.

‘Sub.
And then the turning of his lawyer's pewter
‘To plate at Candlemas.

‘Ana.
Candle-tide, I pray you.

‘Sub.
Yet, Ananias?

‘Ana.
I have done.

‘Sub.’
Oh, but the Stone! all's idle to't; nothing!
Nature's miracle,
The divine secret, that doth fly in clouds
From east to west; and whose tradition
Is not from men, but spirits.

Ana.
I hate traditions:
I do not trust them—

Trib.
Peace.

Ana.
They are popish, all.
I will not peace. I will not—

Trib.
Ananias.

Ana.
Please the profane, to grieve the godly. I may not.

Sub.
Well, Ananias, thou shalt overcome.

Tri.
It is an ignorant zeal that haunts him, Sir:
But, truly, else, a very faithful brother;
A botcher, and a man, by revelation,
That hath a competent knowledge of the truth.

Sub.
Has he a competent sum there i' the bag,
To buy the goods within? I am made guardian,
And must, for charity and conscience sake,
Now see the most be made for my poor orphans:
‘Tho' I desire the brethren too, good gainers.’
There they are within. When you have view'd and bought 'em,
And ta'en the inventory of what they are,
They are ready for projection; there's no more
To do; cast on the med'cine, so much silver
As there is tin there, so much gold as brass,
I'll gi't you in by weight.

‘Trib.
But how long time,
‘Sir, must the saints expect yet?

‘Sub.
Let me see—
‘How's the moon now?—Eight, nine, ten days hence,
‘He will be silver potate; then three days
‘Before he citronise: some fifteen days
‘The magisterium will be perfected.

‘Ana.
About the second day of the third week
‘In the ninth month?

‘Sub.
Yes, my good Ananias.’

Trib.
What will the orphans' goods arise to, think you?

Sub.
Some hundred marks; as much as fill'd three cars
Unladed now; you'll make six millions of them.
But I must ha' more coals laid in.

‘Trib.
How!

‘Sub.
Another load,
‘And then we have finish'd. We must now increase
‘Our fire to ignis ardens; we are past
‘Fimus equinus, balnei cineris,
‘And all those lenter heats. If the holy purse
‘Should with this draught fall low,’ and that the saints
Do need a present sum, I have a trick
To melt the pewter you shall buy now, instantly,
And with a tincture make you as good Dutch dollars
As any are in Holland.

Trib.
Can you so?

Sub.
Ay, and shall 'bide the third examination.

Ana.
It will be joyful tidings to the brethren.

Sub.
But you must carry it secret.

Trib.
Ay; but stay:
This act of coining, is it lawful?

Ana.
Lawful!
We know no magistrate; or if we did,
This's foreign coin.

Sub.
It is no coining, Sir;
It is but casting.

Trib.
Ha! you distinguish well:
Casting of money may be lawful.

Ana.
'Tis, Sir.

Trib.
Truly, I take it so.

Sub.
There is no scruple,
Sir to be made of it: believe Ananias;
This case of conscience he is studied in.

Trib.
I'll make a question of it to the brethren.

‘Ana.
The brethren shall approve it lawful, doubt not.
‘Where shall it be done?’

Sub.
‘For that we'll talk anon.’
[Knock without.
There's some to speak with me. Go in, I pray you,
And view the parcels. That's the inventory.
I'll come to you straight. [Exeunt Trib. and Ana.]
Who is it? Face! Appear.
Enter Face.
How now? Good Prize?

Face.
Good pox! Yond' costive cheater
Never came on.

Sub.
How then?

Face.
I ha' walk'd the round
Till now, and no such thing.

Sub.
And ha' you quit him?

Face.
Quit him! an' hell would quit him too, he were happy.
'Slight! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade
All day, for one that will not yield us grains?
I know him of old.

Sub.
Oh, but to ha' gull'd him,
Had been a mastery

Face.
Let him go, black boy!
And turn thee, that some fresh news may possess thee.
A noble Count, a Don of Spain,
Furnish'd with pistolets and pieces of eight,
Will straight be here, my rogue, to have thy bath,
(That is the colour) and to make his batt'ry
Upon our Dol, our castle, our cinque-port,
Our Dover-pier, our what thou wilt.
Where is the doxy?

Sub.
I will send her to thee;
And but dispatch my brace of little John Leydens,
And come again myself.

Face.
Are they within then?

Sub.
Numb'ring the sum.

Face.
How much?

Sub.
A hundred marks, boy.

[Exit.
Face.
Why, this's a lucky day! Ten pounds of Mammon;
Three o' my clerk; a portague o' my grocer;
This o' the brethren; beside reversions,
And 'states to come i' the widow, and my Count.
My share to-day will not be bought for forty—

Enter Dol.
Dol.
What?

Face.
Pounds, dainty Dorothy—Art thou so near?

Dol.
Yes—Say, Lord General, how fares our camp?

Face.
This dear hour
A dainty Don is taken with my Dol;
And thou may'st make his ransom what thou wilt,
My Dousabel.

Dol.
What is he, General?

Face.
An Adalantado,
A Grande, girl. Was not my Dapper here yet?

Dol.
No.

Face.
Nor my Drugger?

Dol.
Neither.

Face.
A pox on them!
They are so long a furnishing!
Enter Subtle.
How now? Ha' you done?

Sub.
Done! They are gone. The sum
Is here in bank, my Face. I would we knew
Another chapman now would buy 'em out-right.

Face.
'Slid, Nab shall do't against he ha' the widow,
To furnish houshold.

Sub.
Excellent well thought on.
Pray Heaven he come.

Face.
I pray he keep away,
Till our new business be o'erpast.

Sub.
But, Face,
How cam'st thou by this secret Don?

Face.
A spirit
Brought me th'intelligence in a paper here,
As I was conjuring yonder in my circle
For Surly, ‘I ha' my flies abroad. Your bath
‘Is famous, Subtle, by my means. Sweet Dol,
‘You must go tune your virginal; no losing
‘O' the least time. And do you hear?’ His great
Verdugoship has not a jot of language:
So much the easier to be cozen'd, my Dolly;
He will come here in a hired coach, obscure,
And our own coachman, whom I have sent to guide,
No creature else. Who's that?

[One knocks.
Sub.
It is not he!

Face.
Oh, no, not yet, this hour.

Sub.
Who is't?

Dol.
Dapper,
Your clerk.

Face.
God's will! then, Queen of Fairy,
On with your tire; and, Doctor, with your robes.
Let's dispatch him, for God's sake.

Sub.
'Twill be long.

Face.
I warrant you; take but the cues I give you,
It shall be brief enough. 'Slight, here are more!
Abel, and, I think, the angry boy, the heir,
That fain would quarrel.

Sub.
And the widow?

Face.
No;
Not that I see. Away.
[Exeunt Sub. and Dol.
Oh, Sir, you are welcome!
Enter Dapper, Drugger, and Kastril.
The Doctor is within, moving for you.
‘I have had the most ado to win him to it.
‘He swears you'll be the darling of the dice.
‘He never heard her Highness doat till now, he says:
‘Your aunt has giv'n you the most gracious words
‘That can be thought on.’

Dap.
Shall I see her Grace?

Face.
See her, and kiss her too—What, honest Nab!
Hast brought the damask?

Drug.
No, Sir, here's tobacco.

Face.
'Tis well done, Nab. Thou'lt bring the damask too?

Drug.
Yes. Here's the gentleman, Captain; Master Kastril,
I have brought to see the Doctor.

Face.
Where's the widow?

[Whispers.
Drug.
Sir, as he likes, his sister (he says) shall come.

Face.
Oh, is it so?

Drug.
I'll introduce him. Master Kastril, Captain Face.

Face.
Good time. Is your name Kastril, Sir?

Kas.
Ay, and the best of the Kastrils; I'ld be sorry else,
By fifteen hundred a year. Where is the Doctor?
My mad tobacco-boy, here, tells me of one
That can do things. Has he any skill?

Face.
Wherein, Sir?

Kas.
To carry a business, manage a quarrel fairly,
Upon fit terms.

Face.
It seems, Sir, y'are but young
About the town, that can make that a question.

Kas.
Sir, not so young, but I have heard some speech
Of the angry boys, and seen them take tobacco,
And in his shop; and I can take it too:
And I would fain be one of them, and go down
And practise i' the country.

Face.
Sir, for the duello,
The Doctor, I assure you, shall inform you,
To the least shadow of a hair; and then, rules
To give and take the lie by.

Kas.
How! to take it?

Face.
Yes, in oblique he'll shew you, or in circle,
But never in diameter. ‘The whole town
‘Study his theorems, and dispute them ordinarily
‘At the eating academies.

‘Kas.
But does he teach
‘Living by the wits too?

‘Face.
Any thing whatever.
‘You cannot think that subtilty but he reads it.
‘He made me a captain. I was a stark pimp,
‘Just o' your standing, fore I met with him:
‘'Tis not two months since.’ I'll tell you his method:
First, he will enter you at some ordinary.

Kas.
No, I'll not come there. You shall pardon me.

Face.
For why, Sir?

Kas.
There's gaming there, and tricks.

Face.
Why, would you be
A gallant, and not game?

Kas.
Ay; 'twill spend a man.

Face.
Spend you! It will repair you when you are spent.
How do they live by their wits there, that have vented
Six times your fortune?

Kas.
What, three thousand a year?

Face.
Ay, forty thousand.

‘Kas.
Are there such?

‘Face.
Ay, Sir.
‘And gallants yet.’ Here's a young gentleman
Is born to nothing, forty marks a year,
Which I count nothing. He is to be initiated,
And have a fly o' the Doctor. He will win you,
By unresistible luck, within this fortnight,
Enough to buy a barony.

Kas.
Do you not gull one?

Face.
'Ods my life! do you think it?
Why, Nab here knows it.

Drug.
Yes; what is it?

Face.
And then for making matches for rich widows,
Young gentlewomen, heirs, the fortunat'st man!
He's sent to, far and near, all over England,
To have his counsel, and to know their fortunes.

Kas.
Adzooks! my suster shall see him

Face.
I'll tell you, Sir,
What he did tell me of Nab.

Drug.
Ay; what is it?

Face.
It's a strange thing;
(By the way, you must eat no cheese, Nab; it breeds melancholy,
And that same melancholy breeds worms) but pass it;
He told me, honest Nab here was ne'er at tavern
But once in's life!

Drug.
Truth, and no more I was not.

Face.
And then he was so sick—

Drug.
Could he tell you that too?

Face.
How should I know it?

Drug.
In troth, I'll tell you the whole story.
We had been a shooting,
And had a piece of fat ram-mutton to supper,
That lay so heavy o' my stomach—

Face.
And he has no head—

Drug.
No, I have no head.

Face.
To bear any wine: for what with the noise of the fidlers,
And care of his shop; for he dares keep no servant—

Drug.
My head did so ach—

Face.
As he was fain to be brought home,
The Doctor told me. And then a good old woman—

Drug.
(Yes, faith, she dwells in Sea-coal-lane) did cure me
With sodden ale, and pellitory o' the wall;
Cost me but twopence. I had another sickness,
Was worse than that—

Face.
Ay, that was the grief
Thou took'st for being 'sess'd at eighteen-pence,
For the water-work.

Drug.
In truth, and it was like
T'have cost me almost my life.

Face.
Thy hair went off.

Drug.
Yes, and it has never been very good since
'Twas done for spite.

Face.
Nay, so says the Doctor.

Kas.
Pray thee, tobacco-boy, go fetch my suster;
I'll see this learned boy before I go;
And so shall she.

Face.
Sir, he is busy now;
But if you have a sister to fetch hither,
Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner
And he by that time will be free.

Kas.
I go.

Face.
Drugger, she's thine—the damask. [Ex. Drug. and Kastril.]
Subtle and I
Must wrestle for her. [Aside.]
Come on, Master Dapper;
You see how I turn clients here away,
To give your cause dispatch. Ha' you perform'd
The ceremonies were enjoin'd you?

Dap.
Yes, o' the vinegar,
And the clean shirt.

Face.
'Tis well; that shirt may do you
More worship than you think. ‘Your aunt's a-fire,
‘But that she will not shew it, t'have a sight o' you.
Ha' you provided for her Grace's servants?

Dap.
Yes, here are six-score Edward's shillings.

Face.
Good.

Dap.
And an old Harry's sovereign.

Face.
Very good.

Dap.
And three James's shillings, and an Elizabeth groat;
Just twenty nobles.

Face.
Oh, you are too just!
I would you had the other noble in Mary's.

Dap.
I have some Philip and Mary's.

Face.
Ay, those same
Are best of all. Where are they; Hark! the Doctor.

Enter Subtle.
Sub.
Is yet her Grace's cousin come?

Face.
He is come.

Sub.
And is he fasting?

Face.
Yes.

Sub.
And hath cry'd hum?

Face.
Thrice, you must answer.

Dap.
Thrice.

Sub.
And as oft, buz?

Face.
If you have, say.

Dap.
I have.

Sub.
Then, to her cuz,
Hoping that he hath vinegar'd his senses,
As he was bid, the Fairy Queen dispenses,
By me, this robe, the petticoat of Fortune;
Which that he straight put on, she doth importune,
And though to Fortune near be her petticoat,
Yet nearer is her smock, the Queen doth note:
And therefore, even of that a piece she has sent,
Which, being a child, to wrap him in was rent;
And prays him, for a scarf he now will wear it
(With as much love as then her Grace did tear it)
About his eyes, to shew he is fortunate.
[They blind him with a rag.
And, trusting unto her to make his state,
He'll throw away all worldly pelf about him;
Which that he will perform she doth not doubt him.

Face.
She need not doubt him, Sir. Alas, he has nothing
But what he will part withal as willingly,
Upon her Grace's word (throw away your purse.)
As she would ask it. (‘Handkerchiefs and all.)’
She cannot bid that thing, but he'll obey.
If you have a ring about you, cast it off,
Or a silver seal at your wrist: her Grace will send
Her fairies here to search you; therefore deal
Directly with her highness. If they find
That you conceal a mite, your are undone,

[He throws away, as they bid him.
Dap.
Truly, there's all.

Face.
All what?

Dap.
My money, truly.

Face.
Keep nothing that is transitory about you.
Look, the elves are come
To pinch you, if you tell not truth. Advise you.

Dap.
Oh, I have a paper with a spur-ryal in't.

Face.
Ti, ti.
They knew it, they say.

Sub.
Ti, ti, ti, ti, he has more yet.

‘Face.
Ti, ti-ti-ti. I' the other pocket?

‘Dap.
Oh, Oh.

‘Face.
Nay, pray you hold. He is her Grace's nephew.
‘Ti, ti, ti? What care you? Good faith, you shall care.
‘Deal plainly, Sir, and shame the fairies. Shew
‘You are an innocent.’

Dap.
By this good light, I ha' nothing
But a half-crown
Of gold, about my wrist, that my love gave me;
And a leaden heart I wore sin' she forsook me.

Face.
I thought 'twas something. And would you incur
Your aunt's displeasure for these trifles? Come,
I had rather you had thrown away twenty half-crowns,
You may wear your leaden heart still. [Knock.]
How now

Enter Dol.
Sub.
What news, Dol?

Dol.
Yonder's your knight, Sir Mammon.

Face.
God's lid, we never thought of him till now.
Where is he?

Dol.
Here, hard by. He's at the door.

Sub.
And you are not ready now.

Dol.
He must be sent back.

Face.
Oh, by no means.
What shall we do with this same puffing here,
Now he's o' the spit?

Sub.
Why, lay him back awhile,
With some device. Ti, ti, ti, ti, ti. Would her Grace speak with me?
[Knock.
I come, Help, Dol.

Face.
Who's there? Sir Epicure.
[He speaks through the key-hole, the other knocking.
My master's i' the way. Please you to walk
Three or four turns, but till his back be turn'd,
And I am for you. Quickly, Dol.

[Exit Dol.
Sub.
Her Grace
Commends her kindly to you, master Dapper.

Dap.
I long to see her Grace.

Sub.
She now is set
At dinner in her bed, and she has sent you
From her own private trencher, a dead mouse,
And a piece of gingerbread, to be merry withal,
And stay your stomach, lest you faint with fasting:
Yet if you could hold out till she saw you (she says)
It would be better for you.

Face.
Sir, he shall
Hold out an' 'twere this two hours, for her highness;
I can assure you that. We will not lose
All we ha' done—

Sub.
He must not see, nor speak
To any body, till then.

Face.
For that we'll put, Sir,
A stay in's mouth.

Sub.
Of what?

Face.
Of gingerbread.
Make you it fit. ‘He that hath pleas'd her Grace
‘Thus far, shall not now crinkle for a little.’
Gape, Sir, and let him fit you.

Sub.
Where shall we now
Bestow him?

Dol.
I' the privy.

Sub.
Come along, Sir,
I now must shew you fortune's privy lodgings.

Face.
Are they perfum'd, and his bath ready?

Sub.
All.
Only the fumigation's somewhat strong.

‘Face.
Sir Epicure, I am yours, Sir, by and by.’

[Exeunt.