 | Humour out of breath |  |
ACTVS SECVNDVS.
Enter Octauio disguised, Hortensio Flamineo.Oct.
No more; thus suted ile attend my sonnes,
Impute it not to any ruffian vaine,
But to a fathers wakefull prouidence,
Louers like bees are priuiledgd to tast,
All buds of beauty: should they chance to light
Vpon some worthles weed ile hinder it:
Whereas they should not glance, this doubt I feare.
Fla.
And well aduisd my liege should they incline
To loue not fitting their estates and births,
You with your present counsell may preuent them.
Oct.
Thats my intent, and further in my absence
I leaue my land and daughter to thy charge,
The girle is wanton, if she gad abroad
Restraine her, bound her in hir chamber dore;
My word's thy warrant, let her know so much:
Farewell, at home I leaue my feare with thee
And follow doubt abroad.
Hor.
Ile carefull be.
Exeunt.
Oct.
Now to my busines, I haue a strange habit, and I must cut
out an humour sutable to it, and humours are pickt so neere the
bone, a man can scarce get humour ynough to giue a flea his
breakfast, but I am a stale ruffian, my habit is braue, and so shall
my humor be, and here comes one to giue me earnest of it.
Enter Aspero and his boy.
Asp.
Send him a letter that I come to kill him.
Boy.
Twere great valor but little pollicy my Lord.
Asp.
How long haue you bin a matchiauilian boy?
Boy.
Euer since I practisd to play the knaue my Lord.
Asp.
Then policy and knauery are somewhat a kin.
Boy.
As neere, as penury and gentry, a degree and half remou'de
no more.
Asp.
How came in the kindred twixt gentry and penury?
Oct.
Shall I tell you sir.
Asp.
First tell me what thou art?
Oct.
Lyme and haire: playster of Paris, kneaded together with
rye dowe and goats milke, I am of a hot constitution, wonnot
freeze.
Asp.
Thy profession.
Oct.
A foole or a knaue choose you which.
Boy.
Then thou art fit for any gentlemans company.
True boye, for your sweete foole and your fiue knaue are
like a paire of vpright shoots, that gentlemen weare so long
now of one foote, then of another, till they leaue them neuer a
good soale.
Asp.
That makes your foole & your knaue haue such bad soales;
but what dost thou seeke?
Oct.
Mine owne vndoing sir, seruice.
Asp.
Indeed seruice is like the common law, it vndoes any one
that followes it long, canst describe seruice?
Oct.
Yes, tis a vacant place, fild vp with a compleate knaue, a
miserable pandar, or an absolute beggar.
Asp.
your opinion boy.
Boy.
I say a seruingman is an Antecedent.
Oct.
Because he sits before a Cloakebag.
Boy.
He is likewise a nominatiue Case, and goes before his mistrisse.
Oct.
Thats when the verbe he goes before his mistrisse and he
can agree togither.
Boy.
If not, he turnes Accusatiue and followes his master.
Asp.
Woot follow me fellow.
Oct.
To a tauerne, and thou woot pay for my ordenary.
Asp.
My businesse is more serious, thou dost not know me.
Oct.
Nor my selfe neither so long as I haue maintenance.
Asp.
Didst neuer heare of the wars betwixt Venice and Mantua.
Oct.
I cut some few of the Mantuans throates.
Asp.
And wert not a knaue for't.
Oct.
No, J was a Venetian commander, a great man: the reason
of this question.
Asp.
Dost know the Duke of Venice?
Oct.
I am his right hand.
Asp.
Woot do me a message to him.
Oct.
VVhat is't?
Asp.
Tell him J hate him, my name's Aspero, has banisht my father,
vsurps his Duke dome, and I come to be reuengd.
Oct.
Anthonioes sonne? vesfoot hast any gold.
Thy reason.
Oct.
Shalt be reuengd, giue me money, ile be thy snaile & score
out a siluer path to his confusion.
Asp.
No, my reuenge shall be like my fathers wrongs in Aperto
lend me any honest aide.
Oct.
Pax of honesty, it goes a begging vpon crutches, and can
get reliefe out of few but schollers, I shall not kill him?
Asp.
Jde be thy death first.
Oct.
Yet you say you hate him.
Asp.
Equall with my shame.
Oct.
Make him chew a bullet then.
Asp.
No, though my state with pouerty be tainted,
Mine acts and honor shall liue still acquainted.
Oct.
True moulded honor I admire the temper
Of thy mild patience, that not all the wrongs
J layd vpon thee can enforce thy spleene
To fowle requitall, had thy comming tane
Any base leuell, it had cost thy life,
But beeing free and full of honour liue,
Thy vertues teach me honor freely goe,
A secret friends worse then an open foe:
You are too honest for my attendance, farewell sir.
Asp.
And thou too knauish for my employment.
But here comes more company.
Enter Florimell and Page.
Flo.
Boy, let your attendance waite further of,
Vnder this shade J meane to take a sleepe.
Pa.
And may you madam like a souldier sleepe.
Flo.
How boy in alarums.
Pag.
No Ladye but in armes, and you had neede of them too,
for see the enemy comes downe, shall I sound a parlee?
Flo.
Peace wag.
Pa.
Peace, O coward, offer peace and but two to two of them.
Flo.
Boy dost know what gentleman it is?
Gentle madam no, but he is a man.
Flo.
Beleeue me boy he is a proper man.
Pa.
Man is a proper name to a man, and so he may be a proper
man.
Flo.
I loue him hees a very proper man.
Pa,
She loues him for his properties, and indeede many women
loue men only to make properties of them.
Flo.
Pray gentleman if no more, tell mee where you were born.
Asp.
Faire virgine if so much, no where some where any where,
where you would haue me.
Flo.
Faith I would haue it.
Asp.
Marry and you shall haue it Ladie.
Flo.
VVhat shall J haue sir.
Asp.
VVhy a kisse.
Flo.
Nothing els: we Courtiers count them trifles, not woorth
taking.
Asp.
VVhy then bestow one of mee ile take it most thankfully.
Flo.
I wil not stand with you for a trifle, sir pray where were you
borne?
Asp.
In Italy, but neuer yet in Venice.
Elo.
You may in Venice, gentle sir adieu.
Exit.
Asp.
Gentle Lady thrice as much to you.
Pa.
Farewell sweet heart.
Exit.
Boy.
God a mercy bagpudding.
Asp.
You may in Venice gentle sir adieu? this begets wonder.
Boy.
Yare not wise then, what do you take her for?
Asp.
Some great woman.
Boy.
Some woman great with child, be ruld, shees a pynk board
her.
Asp.
But how? the meanes.
Boy.
Make but a shotte of flattery at hir broad side, and sheele
strike saile presently.
Asp.
Flattery?
Boy.
I, flattery, women are like fidlers, speake them faire theile
play of any instrument.
Asp.
I, that they can play of.
Shees a botcher cannot play a little of all.
Asp.
And to common that wil play too much of any, but come
ile vse meanes to get her.
Boy.
Nay you must first haue meanes to giue her.
Asp.
Why in the course of schollership, the genitiue Case goes
before the Datiue.
Boy.
The Grammarians are fooles that plac'de them so; for in Rerum
Natura, the Datiue goes before the genetiue, you must alwayes
giue before you can get, louers are fooles, and fooles must
be liberall.
Asp.
VVill not women respect a man for his good parts?
Boy.
yes, some few; but all for his good guiftes, a gentleman with
his good guifts sit at the vpper end of the table on a chayre and a
cushion, when a scholler with his good partes will be gladde of a
ioynd stoole in the Lobby with the Chambermaids.
Asp.
I will haue good guifts & shew my selfe liberall to, though
I beg for't.
Boy.
I thinke that will be the end, for penury has tane a lease of
your pocket to keep Court in this Christmasse.
Asp.
Well, how so ere, shee's faire and courteous,
And courteous faire, is a faire guift in Ladies:
She may bee well discended, if shee be,
Shee's fit for loue, and why not then for me.
Exeunt.
Boy.
And you be not fitted in Venice tis straunge, for tis counted
the best flesh-shambles in Italie: but heer's no notable coward,
that hauing suffered wrong by a man, seeks to right himselfe of a
woman.
Exit.
Enter Hippolito Francisco like shepheards, Octauio in disguise.
Oct.
Looke you sir, I am like an irish beggar, and an English bur,
will sticke close where I finde a good nap, I must and will dwell
with you.
Fr.
What canst do:
Oct.
Still Aquanitæ, stampe Crabs, and make mustard, I can do as
much as all the men you keepe,
Prithee what?
Oct.
Why vndo you, and twenty could do no more, but busines,
come my wits grow rusty for imployment.
Fr.
Canst keepe counsell?
Oct.
My mother was a midwife.
Hip.
Hast any skill in Loue?
Oct.
I am one of Cupids agents, haue Ouids ars amandi ad vngues,
know causam, and can apply remedium, and minister effectum
to a haire, but why do you aske? haue you trauerst an action
in loues spirituall court?
Fra.
Not to dissemble, we haue.
Oct.
And without dissembling youle neuer come out of it, but
tell me true, are you in loue already? or haue you but desire to bee
in loue
Fra.
Indeed I am in loue to be in loue.
Hip.
And I desire to liue in fond desire,
And yet I doubt to much blind fancies fier.
Oct.
Tis good to doubt, but tis not good to feare,
Yet still to doubt, will at the last proue feare;
Doubt loue, tis good, but tis not good to feare it,
Loue hurts them most, that least of all come neere it.
Fr.
Then to doubt loue is the near way to loue.
Oct.
Doubtles it is if you misdoubt not loue.
Hip.
Doubt and misdoubt? what difference is there here?
Oct.
Yes, much: when men misdoubt, tis sayd they feare.
Fra.
But is it good in loue to be in doubts
Oct.
No not in loue, doubt then is iealousie:
Tis good to doubt before you be in loue,
Doubt counsells, how to shun loues misery.
Fra.
Your doubtfull counsell counsells vs to loue.
Oct.
To equall loue, I like experience speake.
Hip.
Experiencd louer, you haue spoken well.
Oct.
Experience wanting louers, truth I tell,
Yong wits be wise, in loue liue constant still,
You need nor doubt good hap nor misdoubt ill.
Enter Lucida and Hermonia with Angles.
And see your discourse has coniurd vp beauty in the likenesse of
two countrimaides, but you shall not come in the circles of their
armes if J can keepe you out.
Fra.
These are too meane for loue, brother lets leaue them.
Oct.
What? speechles? will you make dumbe virgins of them?
Hip.
Oh we are sonnes of a great father.
Oct.
So is the sun of heauen, yet hee smiles on the bramble aswell
as the Lilly, kisses the cheeke of a beggar as louingly as a
gentlewoman, and tis good to imitate, him tis good.
Her.
Say sister, had we not fine sport to day?
Luc.
VVe had, if death may be accounted play.
Her.
VVhy tis accounted pleasure to kill fish.
Luc.
A pleasure nothing pleasant to the fish.
Her.
Yet fishes were created to be kild.
Luc.
Cruell creation then to haue liues spild.
Her.
Their bodies being food, maintaine our breath.
Luc.
What bodies then haue we to liue by death?
Her.
Come, come, you vainely argue, it is good.
Luc.
What is it good to kill? oh god oh god?
Her.
If it be sin, then you yourself's a sinner.
Luc.
I thank proud fortune fort, my woes beginner.
Oct.
Foot are yee not ashamd to stand by like idle ciphers, &
such places of account voyde? and they had bin rich offices and
you poore Courtiers, you would haue bin in them in halfe the
time.
Fra.
Though against stomack.—
Oct.
Nothing against stomack and you loue me.
Hip.
Faire maids if so, you be you are well met.
Her.
Shepheards or be what els you are well met.
Fra.
Tis well, if that well met we be to you.
Luc.
If not to vs you are vnto your selues.
Hip.
We did not meet, you saw vs come togither.
Her.
VVhat ere we saw, you met ere you came hither.
Fr.
VVe did, we met in kindred, we are brothers.
Luc.
So shepheards we did meet for we are sisters.
Hip.
Then sisters, let vs brothers husbands be.
So brothers without our leaues you well may be.
Fr.
Say we desire to husband it with you.
Luc.
Know we desire no husbands such as you.
Hip.
A shepheard is an honest trade of life.
Her.
Yet honest shepheard has with honest trade some strife.
Hip.
He seldome sweares but by his honesty.
Her.
So honest men do too aswell as he.
Fr.
But will you trust a shepheard when he vowes.
Luc.
No neuer, if his oath be that he loues.
Hip.
Yet if I sweare, that needs must be mine oath.
Her.
Sweare not, for we are misbeleeuers both.
Fr.
Let vs perswade you to beleeue we loue you.
Luc.
First we intreat you giue vs time to proue you.
Hip.
Take time, meane time weele praise yee to our powers.
Her.
Oh time, sometime shepheards haue idle howers.
Fra.
Ile say thy cheek no naturall beauty lacks.
Luc.
Good, if it had bin spoke behind our backs.
Hip.
Ile say this is the heauen of heauenly graces.
Her.
O heauen, how they can flatters to our faces.
Exeunt.
Fr.
Brother the last is fayrest in my eie.
Hip.
I but the first brother is first in beauty.
Fr.
First in your choice, but not in beauty sir.
Oct.
Come yee so neere as choice: then tis time for mee to stop
for feare the musick run too far out of tune, how now gallants?
in dumps.
Fr.
No, but in loue.
Oct.
Thats a dumpe, loues nothing but an Jtalian dumpe or a
French brawle.
Hip.
Me thinkes tis sweeter musicke.
Oct.
And twere in tune I confesse it, but you take your parts
too low, you are trebble Courtiers, and will neuer agree with
these Country Mynnikins, the musickes too base, neuer meddle
in't.
Fra.
Peace doatard, peace, thy sight of loue is done,
Thou canst not see the glory of loues sunne.
Spent age with frosty clowds thy sight doth dim,
Oct.
Is it accounted sin to speake the truth.
Hip.
And worse, when age spits poyson against youth.
Oct.
They do not fit your callings, let them go.
Fr.
Yet they are faire: we loue, thou art loues foe.
Oct.
J am your friend, and wish you from this loue.
Hip.
Canst thou heaue hills? then thou my thoughts maist moue,
but neuer els.
Oct.
Neuer!
Fr.
No neuer.
Oct.
Stay.
Hip.
We are bound for loue.
Oct.
Hate.
Fra.
Hinder not our way.
Exeunt brothers.
Oct.
J boyes? will Eagles Eglets turne to bastards.
Then must J change my vaine, and once more proue,
To teach you how to hate aswell as loue.
Exit.
| Humour out of breath | |