 | Humour out of breath |  |
ACTVS QVARTVS.
Enter Anthonio, Francisco, Hippolito, Hermin, Lucida and Octauio disguisd,Anth.
Sons of Octauio if your princely thoughts
Can stoope to such meane beauty, from this hand
Receiue your wiues, but should the Duke your father—
Fr.
Feare not old man, he was the meanes that breath'd
this spirit into vs.
Hip.
Wood vs to this course.
But should he proue Apostata, denie
Loue which he first enforcd vs to profes,
So firme are our inseparate affections,
To winne our loues weed loose the names of sonnes.
Oct.
Your father thanks you, but hot-sprighted youthes,
Take counsell from experience, ere yee tie
The gordian knot which none but heauen can loose,
Shakes a weake shed, the building cannot stand?
Fr.
Not stand? it shall: not Ioue himselfe can ruine
the ground-worke of our loue.
Oct.
Not Ioue!
Hip.
Not Ioue,
Should a speak thunder than go boldly on,
Our loue admits no separation.
Oct.
Then to mine office: in the sight of heaven
your loue is chast.
Fra., Hip.
As innocence white-soule.
Oct.
And yours.
Herm., Lucid.
And ours.
Oct.
Then lend me all your hands,
Whilst thus a fathers tongue forbids the bands.
discouers himselfe
Forgetfull boyes, but most audacious traytor,
That durst in thought consent to wrong thy Prince,
Out of my sight; no Land that calls me Lord,
Shall beare a waight so hatefull as thy selfe:
Liue euer banishd, if (three daies expirde)
Thou or these lustfull strumpets.
Hip.
Father.
Oct.
Boyes;
If you be mine show't in obedience:
If (three daies past) you liue within my dukedome,
Thee as a slaue ile doome vnto the gallies,
And these thy brats as common prostitutes
Shall drie their lustfull veynes in the Burdello.
Come boyes, to Court; he that first gaue you liues,
VVill to your births prouide you equall wiues.
Fr.
They haue our loues.
Hip.
Our oathes.
Fr.
Our hearts and hands.
Oct.
Tut, louers othes, like toyes writ down in sands
T'intangle fooles, Ioue himselfe sits and smiles
At louers periuries, bawd, strumpets hence,
My bosome's chargde, giue way to violence:
Come doe not mind them.
Exeunt Anth. and his daughters.
Fran.
How? not minde them father?
When in your Court you courted vs to loue,
You red another lecture, women then
Were angells.
Oct.
True, but that was before Angells
Had power to make them diuells; they were then
Fiends to themselues, and Angells vnto men.
VVhen vpon Po thou find'st a cole-black swan,
Th'ast found a woman constant to a man.
Fr.
And not afore?
Oct.
Neuer afore.
Hip.
Your tongue
Vnspeaks your former speech.
Oct.
It doth; new theames
Must haue new change of Rhetorique; all streames
Flow not alike one way; when I spake like a louer,
Jt was to breake you from your souldiers humour;
Hauing made you louers, I, like Enuy, speak
To make you hate loue; Art still striues to breake
Bad to make better:
Brothers.
You haue your wish.
Oct.
Then onward to the Court,
Make vs of loue, as schoole-boyes do of sport.
Exeunt.
Enter Florimell and her Page.
Flo.
Call out the iaylor boy, yet doe not; hast got a beard like
Hortensio?
Page.
Yes, madam, J haue got his hayre, if I coulde come as easily
by his wit.
Elo.
VVouldst rob him of his wit?
If J shold, he could not hang me for't tis not worth thirteen
pence halfe penny but what shall I do with it?
Flo.
Put it on boy.
Pa.
That shall J madam, O forward age, I am a man already:
how do you like me Lady?
Flo.
Very ill, and my plot worse.
Pa.
Then leaue't of, if you be grounded in the plot,
You will but marre the Comedy.
Flo.
I purposde, thou in the habit of Hortensio, shouldst vnder
pretence of remouing Aspero to a new prison, haue freed him out
of the old one.
Pa
Tut, J can tell you a trick, worth two of that: madam, your
care, take some care in the managing, and let me alone to prepare
it.
Exeunt.
Enter Aspero and his Boy.
Boy.
Vdsfoot breake prison my Lorde, tis but swimming the
Riuer.
Asp.
Breake prison? twere both dishonour to my name, and
treason to my loue, what benefit wer't for me to free my body, &
leaue my heart in bondage? ile die, ere ile harbour a disloyall
thought.
Pa.
Jt beares no rellish of disloyaltie: being in prison you liue
as far from loue as liberty: being abroad, you may by letters, or
a thousand meanes purchase hir company, and compasse your
content.
Asp.
Shalt be my Lawyer boy and counsell me.
Boy.
Ile looke for my Fee then.
Asp.
If thy Counsell prospers.
Boy.
Thats an exception Lawyers neuer respect, but come my
lord, leape, as we haue risen togither, weele fall togither.
Enter Hort. Florimell and Page.
Asp.
Blame me not loue.
Boy.
Vdsfoot your iaylor my lord.
Asp.
Am I preuented?
Yes faith, there had bin a Counsellors fee cast away now.
Hort.
You haue heard his vsage Lady, seene his lodging, and if
it please you, you both may and shall confer with him.
Flo.
Prithee call him.
Boy.
My Lord, your keeper hath brought a Lady or two to see
you.
Asp.
To see me? why am I turnd monster? doth he take money
to shew me? what doth a take a peece troe?
Flo.
VVhy how now gallant, not gone yet?
Asp.
Not, I thanke you Lady, and yet I was neer't.
Hort.
How do you man?
Asp.
Musty for want of ayring.
Flo.
VVeele haue you hangd out i'the fresh ayre, one of these
mornings.
Asp.
Youd be glad to take me in then.
Flo.
Yes, when you had hangd abroad a little: but my Lorde
Hortensio (for I think I must be your Lady when all's done) what
sport? I would be merry a purpose to make him mad; the room's
priuate and fit for any exercise.
Pa.
Vdsfoot to her, can a woman offer fairer for't?
Hort.
VVhy shall we go to span-counter madam?
Pa.
To span-counter, best ask her and sheele go to Coits.
Flo.
No, I loue some stirring exercise, my body's condiciond like
the sun; it would neuer be out of motion.
Hor.
I hau't yfaith, when J was student in Padua,
VVe vsde a most ingenious pastime.
Flo.
The name my Lord.
Hort.
I cannot giue it a name equall to the merit.
Tis vulgarly calld Blindmans buffe.
Pa.
Blind mans buffe? ha, ha, ha,
Hort.
Do you laugh at it?
Flo.
At the happines of your wit my Lord, that you shoulde hit
vpon that sport, which of all other I delight in.
Hor.
VVill you heare an Apology I made in the commendation
of it?
Flo.
Weele haue the thing it selfe first; and as we like that, weel
Pa.
Who but the Author?
Hort.
I, J, none shall be blind but J; helpe of with my gown boy.
Pa.
What shall we haue to blind him?
Flo.
My scarfe, take my scarfe my Lord.
Pa.
There's a simple fauour for you.
Hort.
And most fit, for indeed nothing blinds louers sooner then
Ladies fauors, but who shall blind me.
Flo.
Mary that will I my Lord, let me alone to blind you.
Hort.
Good againe; for who should blind men, but beautious
women? come sweet madam.
Flo.
But how if you take me? as I know that will be your ayme,
Hort.
Jf J take you prisoner madam, you must either bee hudwinckt
your selfe, or giue your conqueror a kisse for your ransome.
Flo.
An easie ransome: ile not be prisoner long, if a kisse will enlarge
me.
Pa.
Lord what scambling shift has he made for a kisse and cannot
get it neither; a little higher, so, so, so, are you blind my Lord?
Hort.
As a purblind Poet: haue amongst you blind Harpers.
Flo.
Me thinks he looks for all the world like God Cupid.
Pa.
Take heed of his dart madam, he comes vpon you.
Flo.
He cannot come to fast, O I am taken prisoner.
Hort.
Your ransome's but a kisse.
Flo.
Is that your law of armes?
Hort.
Yes madam, but ile take it on your lips.
Flo.
My lips like faithfull Treasurers shall see it dischargde.
Hort.
And here are my honest receiuers to take it.
The Page puts his Pantoflle to his lips, he kisses it.
Flo.
Am I freed now?
Hort.
As if you had seru'd seauen yeare for't: sweete kisse, rare
lippe.
Pa.
Has she not a sweet breath my Lord?
Hort.
As perfume.
Pa.
And a soft lip?
Hort.
And smooth as veluet: I could scarce discerne it from
Pa.
Here.
Flo.
Here Aspero, on with this beard and gowne: I thinke hee
followes me by the sent, his hat, so: a narrowe misse yfaith my
Lord?
Hort.
Gone madam?
Flo.
Euen vpon going, one of you counterfet my voice, there I
deceiud you my Lord.
Hort.
Haue you deceiu'd me madam?
Flo.
Not yet, but I will, and you look not the better too't, busie
him till you thinke we are out of the Court, and then followe vs:
you shall find vs at the south port, now or neuer my Lord.
Hort.
Why then twill neuer be Lady.
Boy.
Here.
Hor.
Where?
Boy.
Here.
Hort.
Scapt againe?
Pa.
Shee's scapt indeed my Lord, you may cast your cap after
her, for I see you can do no other good vpon hir.
Hort.
What haue I catchd you?
Pa.
Kisse her and let her goe.
Hort.
Kings truce till I breath a little.
Pa.
And you had neede so, for I thinke you are almost out of
breath, if you be not, you shall be, and thats as good, but breathe
and spare not.
Enter Aspero like Hortensio, Florimell, and Assistance on the vpper stage.
Asp.
Did you euer conuerse with a more straunger dissolute,
madam?
Flo.
Peremptory iacke, iaylor, as you respect your office, lay speciall
watch that none of what degree soeuer haue accesse to him.
Asp.
Without me.
Ass.
Or your signet.
Asp.
Signet mee no signets, your goldsmiths shop is like your
Swans neast, has a vvhole brood of signets, and all of a feather, &
amongst many, one may be like another, let none enter vpon the
Ass.
Is he mad my Lord?
Asp.
As the Lord that gaue all to his followers, and beg'd more
for himselfe.
Flo.
If he call for me, tell him I scorne him.
Asp.
If he counterfet my voice (as mad fellowes will counterfet
great mens hands, and their tongues too) rate him sor't, threaten
him with the whip.
Flo.
But come not at him.
Asp.
Jf he call for meat promise him faire;
Flo.
But giue him none.
Ass.
If for light.
Flo.
He may fire the house, let him haue none.
Asp.
Jf he chafe, laugh.
Flo.
If he rayle, sing.
Asp.
Jf he speake fayre, flowt him.
Flo.
Do any thing to vexe him.
Asp.
But nothing to content him, you heare my charge, as you
respect your office regard it.
Ass.
I warne you my Lord, let mee alone, and we knew not
how to abuse a prisoner, we were not worthy to be a Iaylor.
Exeunt.
They renew Blindmans Buffe on the Lower stage.
Pa.
Are you in breath my Lord?
Hort.
As a bruers horse, and as long-winded; look to your selfe
madam, I come vpon you.
Boy.
J am ready for you sir, O for a bul-rush to run a tilt at's
nose.
Pa.
A fayre misse yfaith.
Hort.
Ile mend it next course you shall see.
Pa.
In the corner of the left hand; vdsfoot ware shins my Lord,
Hort.
Madam.
Boy
Here.
Hort.
Where?
The boy throwes him downe,
Helpe me vp Madam.
O strange, cannot you get vp without helpe? there's my
gloue, but come no neerer, as you loue me.
Hort.
I do loue you madam.
Boy.
Oh blind loue.
Hort.
True madam; your beauty has made me blind.
Pa.
Indeed loues sonnes like spaniells are all borne blind.
Hort.
But they will see.
Boy.
Not till they be nyne daies old my Lord.
Hort.
But will you giue mee the fingers that hold this gloue
madam?
Boy.
And the whole body to pleasure you my Lord, but let me
go a little.
Hort.
I will not loose you yet Lady.
Boy.
But you shall my Lord; hist, then keepe me still.
He fastens the gloue to a post.
Pa.
Faith let go my Lord, for she growes sullen, and you had as
good talke to a post, and as good answer twould make you.
Exeunt.
Hort.
Nay but deere madam, doe but answer me, may I presume,
vppon my knees I beg it; but to take a fauour from your
sweet lips? shall I? I as I am not the first man, that loue has blinded.
may I presume? J would be loth to offend your milde patience
so much, as with an vnreuerend touch: speake; if I shall reape the
haruest of my honest desires, make me blest in proposing the
time when; what? not a word? are you displeased? or shall I take
your silence for a consent? shall I? speake; or if modesty locke in
your syllables, seale my assurance with a kisse: not? neither? shall I
haue neither your word nor your bond? nay then I must make
bold with modesty; by this kisse madam, O my hard fortune?
haue I made suit to a poast all this while? what block but I, would
haue bin so sencelesse? my excuse is, 'twas but to make my Lady
sport: and: Madam? how? Lady? madam? boy; madam, Aspero: but
whist, I haue the conceit, 'twas excellent in my Lady, and I applaudit,
suppose my Lady and hir prisoner had an intent of priuate
busines in the next roome; was it not better in her to blinde
me, then I should as gentlemen vshers (cases so standing) haue
made me rather a blind then a seeing dore-keeper: shall I interrupt
them? no: madam? they haue not done yet, sure they haue
not: what haue we here? a base violl! though J cannot tickle the
mynnikyn within, ile (though it be somewhat base) giue them a
song without, and the name of the Ditty shall be;
The Gentleman Vshers Voluntarie.
He sings.
Pleasure and feare lie sleeping?
End, end, end your idle toyes,
Iealous eies will be peeping.
Kisse, kisse and part, though not for hate for pittie,
Ha done, ha done, ha done, for I ha done my dittie.
And if you haue not done now too, let me be as base as my fiddle,
if I rowze you not: madam for shame, what doe you meane
to make of me, how? sfoote what haue you made of me already?
all gone? Iaylor?
Enter Assistance aboue.
Ass.
How now? who calls?
Hort.
VVhy saucie knaue tis J.
Ass.
You, what you?
Hort.
A single V, I came in double, but I thanke them, they are
gone out, and left me here a single.—
Ass.
Foole, and so I leaue you.
Hort.
Knaue, I am Hortensio, I charge thee let me out.
Ass.
Foole, you lye, you are Aspero, and I haue charge to keepe
you in.
Hort.
From whom?
Ass.
From my Lord Hortensio.
Hort.
Sfoot knaue J tell thee I am hee, and thou wilt not beleeue
me, trust thine eies, come in and see.
Ass.
'Twill not serue your turne, J like a whole skinne better
then a pinkt one: content your selfe to night, and in the morning
ile tell you more.
Hort.
Where's my Lady, send hir hither.
Shee's busie with my Lord Hortensio, but if you haue any
vse for a woman, ile send you one of the Laundresses: fare you
well sir, bee content, you shall want nothing of any thing you
haue.
Hort.
Hortensio gone outland my Ladie busie with Hortensio?
I am gulld, palpably guld: whilst I like a blocke stood courting
the post, Aspero is m my apparrell escapde: villains, traytors, open
the doore, the Duke's abusd, his daughter's fled: I proclaime yee
all traytors that hinder me in the pursuit.
Ass.
O for a reasonable audience to applaud this sceane of merryment:
ile goe call my Lady and my Lord Hortensio.
Exit
Hort.
Blindmans buffe? I haue bufft it fairely, and mine owne
gullery grieues me not halfe so much as the Dukes displeasure,
iaylor, not a word? iaylor, there's no way to please a knaue but
fayre words, and gold: honest kinde iaylor, here's gold for thee:
doe but take pittie vpon me, a miserable cony-catchd Courtier:
not? neither fayre nor soule? thou art a degree worse then a woman;
what shall I doe? I can compare my fortune and my vnfortunate
selfe to nothing so fitlie as my Base here, wee suffer euerie
foole to play vpon vs for their pleasure: and indeede 'twas the intent
of our Creator that made fiddles and seruitors to nothing
but to be playd vpon, and playd vpon wee shall be, till our heart
strings crack, and then they either cast vs aside or hang vs vp, as
worthy no other imployment; well, if I can worke my meanes,
of escape, so: if not, I must lie by it.
Exit.
| Humour out of breath | |